


Takes Violent Things, Angry Things, and Makes Them Kind

by ashintuku



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe, Colonist (Mass Effect), Destroy Ending, Earthborn (Mass Effect), F/M, Families of Choice, Infiltrator (Mass Effect), M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Paragon Commander Shepard, Sentinel (Mass Effect), Sole Survivor (Mass Effect), Suicide mention, War Hero (Mass Effect)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-04-17 15:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 62
Words: 91,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4671965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashintuku/pseuds/ashintuku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A tale through the end of the world as we know it and beyond. </p><p>A series of interconnected drabbles following Holly Shepard and her family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly worries, and Garrus helps out as best as he can.

He found her in her cabin, sitting at her desk with a notepad in one hand and the other rubbing the length of her nose methodically. 

Garrus had once asked Jimmy if the Commander was considered attractive amongst humans. The lieutenant had given him a funny look, brow raised, before shrugging massive shoulders and taking a bite of the sandwich he had just made. 

"I find Lola hot as hell - no worries, Vakarian, I'm not interested - but to most other people? She's decent enough, but the nose ruins her for 'em." 

"The nose?" 

"Alenko called it a 'Roman' nose once? Most people, they like girls with these little noses that are kinda upturned. Reminds 'em of somethin' cute, or kids or whatever. Why _anyone_ would want to be reminded of _kids_ in an attractive woman, I don't even wanna know. But Lola - she's got a strong nose. It's practically one with her forehead. And it's straight, and long, and a bit larger than you'd realize when you're lookin' at her face-on. Personally, I think it suits her - and honestly? I'm surprised it hasn't been broken. You'd think, with her background and all, it would've been a good target. Who knows?" Here, Jimmy had laughed, tossing his head back as a thought came to him. "Maybe she took down anyone she fought before they even got the chance! Oh, that's so like Lola - good through and through but still likely to knock you out before you blink, eh, _amigo_?"

Garrus hadn't known how to reply to any of that, his mind stuck on the fact that people found Holly Shepard's nose too... big. 

It was a weird thing to be concerned with, he thought. But maybe human males (and human females - Garrus knew that Holly liked both) worried that it would get in the way of their own noses when they tried to kiss her? 

It was probably best he didn't really have much of a nose, then. No need to worry about bumping noses _that_ way. 

The turian was shaken out of his thoughts when he noticed dark blue eyes watching him from a pale, freckled face, the fluorescent lights glaring off of her cruelly. Her dark hair, which was usually kept so pristine in its little bob, was a mess from hands tangling within it, and her clothes were rumpled - she had probably fallen asleep in them again. 

"If I so much as look at these reports for a single second longer, Garrus, I am going to toss _myself_ out the airlock," she said after a moment, voice dragged and ragged by exhaustion and too many losses. He wondered if she still had nightmares about Thessia; if she ever dreamed about Palaven burning, like he did, and somehow managed to blame herself for that, too. 

He didn't like how she was able to take all the galaxy's problems and make them her problems; didn't like that no one seemed to try and stop her when they saw her doing it. 

"Well, we can't have that," he said lightly, moving fully into the cabin and up to her desk. He leaned his hip against it, reaching down and grabbing the datapad from her grip without so much as a 'by your leave'; scanning it quickly before putting it down. "We are as prepared as we can be, Shepard - if we prepared any more, I think we'd all go a touch crazy." 

Holly sighed, nodding tiredly before leaning heavily against his side. After a moment, Garrus reached down to run his claws gently through her hair, straightening out as best as he could and wondering when she last showered. 

"I just... I need to make sure everything's good. We can't fail, Garrus - I can't afford to fail." 

"We're not going to fail, Shepard," 

"But what if we do?" Her voice had gone quiet; as small as she could have possibly made it. Garrus knew a lot of things about Holly Shepard in the three years he'd known her - she could run for long distances and never get winded, her biotics were damn-near the same level as an asari matron's at this point, she had named her shotgun 'Betty Lu' because it 'suited her', and while she always had the best intentions at heart, she was not quiet about said intentions. 

He had never known her as 'quiet'. Holly didn't allow herself to become small, not for anything, not even for grief when Ashley had been left to die on Virmire. Yet here she was now, on the evening before they took down the Reapers once and for all - small and unsure and _scared_. 

He didn't like it. 

"We're not," he insisted, reaching down to wrap his fingers around the back of her neck. He squeezed gently, and she pressed her head in the dip of his hip and waist; one arm wrapped around his leg as if anchoring herself to him. He always forgot that she was only human when she was out on the battlefield or dealing with headstrong politicians; always forgot that at the end of the day, she was fragile and strained and tired, so fucking _tired_. 

She hid it so well, really. 

"We're going to win, Holly," he said, and she looked up at him at that; he never used her first name, not unless they were in bed or tucked away somewhere where no one could hear him show how much he actually cared about this woman. "We're going to win, and kick the Reaper's asses back into dark space and beyond, and then afterwards we're going to hit the bar and I'm gonna drink you under the table." 

She snorted, hiding a grin against his leg, and his mandibles flared out a little in a turian grin. After a moment, the Commander pushed back and stood up, stretching up on her toes to kiss him on his scarred cheek. 

"Okay - I'm holding you to that, Vakarian," she warned, smiling at him wanly. "But just so you know, I'll be drinking you under the table. Now - why'd you come up here?" 

"What, I can't come up to see my beautiful girlfriend on the eve of battle?" Garrus tilted his head, brow plates shifting in the very human expression of raising his eyebrows. Holly grinned, shaking her head and taking his hand, leading him towards her bed. 

"Oh, alright - if you _insist_." She dropped herself onto the mattress, tugging him on top of her, and he followed without a complaint; nuzzling her neck and humming in a trill of contentment. 

He knew that she was still worried; her shoulders were still tense and she clung to him a bit too tightly as they tugged off each other's clothes - but he hoped that maybe, for tonight, he could make her forget about her worries for just a little while. 

~+~ 

When he woke up a few hours later, curved around her with his arm draped over her waist and his face pressed to the top of her head, he noticed she was up again, rubbing the bridge of her nose. He watched her for a few minutes, listening to the rhythm of her breathing and enjoying the peace before he lightly pinched her side. 

"You know, you rub your nose when you're worried." 

She shifted, moving closer to him, and he reached down to drag the blankets up to her shoulders. He knew she hated being cold, and even the slight chill of the A/C made her uncomfortable these days. 

"Do I?" she asked, voice sleepy, and he hummed out an affirmative; adding a little more to his subharmonics in the hopes that it would lull her into a few hours' rest. "I don't think I ever noticed before." 

"You do," he told her, trailing his claws over her skin lightly. She sighed, tucking her head under his chin, and he hummed again. "What're you thinking about?" 

"...Nothing too important," she said after a moment. She turned fully onto her side, wrapping her arm over his waist and tangling their legs together; her ankles finding the perfect niche between his calf and spur. "Just thinking about some last regrets." 

"Oh?" 

"Yeah." She yawned against his neck and he shivered a little, very aware of teeth near his sensitive flesh. But he wasn't worried; he was aware for a totally different reason. "Goodbyes and such." 

"...You'll get last words with everyone before the final push. I think we'd tell you off if you didn't see us once more before then." 

She was quiet for a long moment; long enough that Garrus thought she had finally fallen asleep. But then she shifted, and he felt her nose touch his keel bone, and he wondered at the silence. 

"...Yeah," she agreed, her voice a whisper as she slowly, finally, fell asleep. "You're right." 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly thinks about her life, and wishes for once that things weren't up to her.

"Anderson?" 

It hurt too much to move, but Holly knew she had to. She had to, just to confirm what she already knew; and so with a whine caught in her throat (she was too proud to make a sound; too _goddamn proud_ to show she was hurting) she looked over to see Anderson slumped over; his stomach bleeding sluggishly, his hands over the wound in a half-hearted attempt to stop the bleeding. 

She glanced over at the Illusive Man's corpse and wished, only a little, that she had the energy to spit on his corpse just then. Fuck him, really; fuck him and his warped good intentions. 

_The road to Hell is paved with good intentions_ she'd read once. Or maybe she'd heard it, back when she'd been running around the streets with the Reds, selling red sand and knifing kids who were just as unlucky as her but not fast enough. She couldn't remember rightly. She was too tired, and she cared so little just then. 

Body heavy, she leaned over until Anderson's body held her up, and she pretended for a moment that the man she considered a father and she were just watching the stars outside. 

"You deserved better, Anderson," she muttered quietly. Her shoulder throbbed, and her hair stuck to her cheek, tacky with blood, but she ignored it. She could feel her eyelids drooping and she was pretty sure she wasn't going to last that much longer. "We both deserved so much fucking better - at least we should've died on Earth." 

But no - they were going to die on the Citadel. The one place that had never taken either of them seriously for the past three years. The one place where Councillors could comfortably 'dismiss these claims' about Reaper invasions and harbingers of destruction because they didn't want to believe their peace was so fragile and on breaking point. 

She wondered what Evin would think, then winced as she thought of him. Wished she had seen him one more time before she'd run to her death to save a galaxy that had never believed her until it was too late.

"Commander? Shepard - are you there? The Crucible's not activating." 

Holly closed her eyes, Admiral Hackett's voice so clear in her ear. She wondered how much he had heard; if he had heard the gunshot, heard her shoot Anderson. But she didn't ask, and she only stumbled as she tried to get to her feet; slipped in her own blood, fell on her face and cried out. God but it _hurt_. 

"I'm here - Admiral, I'm here, what do you need me to do?" 

"It must be something on your end. Can you see anything that would turn it on?" 

"No, I can't - I can't see anything, I--" 

Her vision turned grey, and she knew she shouldn't have pushed herself. But she was Commander Shepard; she always did what was needed to be done. Her commanding officers told her 'jump' and she asked 'how goddamn high'? But she was too broken to do more than lie on her face, now, even as Admiral Hackett said her name over and over in her ear. 

She barely even noticed when the platform she had fallen on lifted into the air, and the connection between her and the rest of the world was well and truly cut off. 

~+~

When the child that had haunted her nightmares for months looked up at her with the wisdom of an asari matriach, and the cold detachment of a dictator, Holly almost wanted to sit her ass down on the floor and tell him no. 

_No_ , she was done making the hard decisions. 

_No_ , she was _done_ deciding who got to live and who got to die and how they got to do it. 

_No_ , she was done asking _how goddamn high_. 

But she was Commander Shepard. 

Savior of the Citadel. 

Hero of the Skyllian Blitz. 

Last _fucking_ hope of the entire galaxy. 

_But I'm just a no-good orphaned brat from Earth_ , she wanted to scream. _I'm just a delinquent who found a good person and decided to be just like them_. 

She wanted to - by God she wanted to - but she knew she couldn't; so with shaking legs and ragged breathing, she dragged herself towards the path that the child calling himself the Catalyst said would destroy the Reapers. 

She dragged her foot, and she stumbled and stopped for a moment to catch what breath she could; her lungs felt punctured, and she had never felt so much like death than she did right now. She wondered if Liara and Feron had found her like this, broken and bleeding and less-than-human, with just enough face left to her so they could identify her mangled corpse amongst the wreckage of the Normandy. 

The thought almost made her laugh, in a deranged way. Made her think about how she had never expected to live as long as she had. 

She always thought she'd die on Earth, in the streets, a little too slow with a knife in her throat or a bullet between the eyes. Always thought that the only person who would ever have to identify her was a kid who barely knew her, but leant her his books and told her that reading was important and maybe she should get out of the Reds while she still feasibly could. 

She closed her eyes and regretted not saying goodbye to Evin again before shuffling forward. 

When she was close enough, Holly lifted her pistol, teeth clenched together and eyebrows furrowed. She almost wanted to rub her nose, she was so worried this wasn't going to work, and it made her think of the last peaceful moment between her and Garrus. 

_We're going to win, Holly_ , he'd told her, and she had wanted to believe him so bad. Had wanted to believe that they were going to win and she was going to get out of it with a few scratches but her _life_ , and they were going to move in somewhere together and adopt a bunch of krogan brats because Wrex would probably foist half his kids on her if she asked. And they were going to be _happy, goddamnit_. 

"I deserved, so much fucking better," she growled, and as she squeezed the trigger, she pictured EDI and Garrus and Evin, and finally the child's face - because it was _his fault_ it was always going to be _his fault_ because she couldn't take the blame for this one, not this time-- 

\--and the pipe exploded, shrapnel hitting her in the face, and Holly Shepard finally blacked out. 

~+~

She woke up to every nerve in her body screaming, air caught in her throat on its way to her lungs, and what felt like half of the Citadel crushing her body. 

She gasped and stared blindly up at the grey sky above and wondered how there was atmosphere left in the wreckage; wondered how the fuck she kept on living despite the fact that she really, really should have died this time. 

Holly Shepard gasped for breath half-there and nearly cried when light flashed in her eyes before she passed out again; the shouts of _holy hell, she's alive!_ the final thing she heard.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly meets Evin.

Her earliest memory was in a police station when she was seven years old, a shock blanket wrapped around her shoulders and a nice-looking police man kneeling in front of her, rubbing her arm and trying to get her to tell him what happened. 

It was a car accident that killed her parents; her dad was a bit drunk and her mom was too preoccupied to be paying attention and they rammed into another skycar and fell to the ground in a whirl. Somehow she, in the back, had survived the crash; crawling out of the burning wreckage and marking the beginning of her unlikely survival of life in general. 

The other people in the crash had survived, too, able to get control of their vehicle before they slammed into the ground. They stood down the hallway, giving their own statements, and she remembered the way they kept looking over at her. 

She decided then and there that she really didn't like the attention, and so she pulled her shock blanket over her head and pretended that the rest of the world didn't exist for a little while. 

After that, it was a whirl of paperwork and adults talking at her but not really to her, before she was hauled off to a building with other kids like her; kids without parents and no known relatives that they could live with while the Proper Authorities took care of whatever it was they had to take care of. Most of the kids were quiet, sticking to the groups of friends they had made. Holly kept to herself, though, not really bothering talking to anyone. 

She didn't exactly plan to stay for long, after all. 

The first time someone tried to foster her, she broke out of their house on the second night and fled into the streets. It was the last time someone tried to foster her, too, as she had managed to escape. She tucked herself into alleyway corners and behind restaurants so she could scrounge for food, and even though it was cold and her bed was more often than not behind a dumpster, she liked living this way better than not. 

No one looked at her like she was a sad little ragdoll abandoned on the street, anyway. 

When she was twelve, she met the Tenth Street Reds. She had managed to sneak into their base, steal food and a blanket, and sneak back out before they had even realized she was there; when they found her, she blasted them back with enough biotic force to throw them into the wall - but too weak to kill them. 

They recruited her on the spot, and for the first time since she had lost her parents, she slept in a bed in a building with people who called her their family. 

They taught her how to survive smartly on the streets; how to be faster than the other guy, how to use a knife and how to get in close to take someone down. They taught her blocks and hits and throws and punches; taught her how to toss a guy over her shoulder if he got too handsy. The first time someone tried to touch her against her will, she threw them into a wall and held a knife to their throat until they pissed themselves and apologized. 

She liked it. _God_ , she liked it; liked having control and power and agency just once in her life. 

The Reds sold red sand illegally, and most of them took it, too. But Holly never touched the stuff; didn't want control taken from her again so easily. She could move it around and sell it and acquire it from dealers, but she refused to take it, and the Reds mostly accepted it. Thought she thought she was better than them, but accepted it all the same - mostly because if they said anything, she'd punch them and tell them _fuck off_. 

When she was fifteen, she was walking down a busy street with busier people, picking pockets for extra change because the Reds paid well but she liked working for her own allowance. And it was when she had just managed to swipe about forty credits from someone's pocket that she realized someone was watching her from across the street. 

She looked up, dark blue eyes meeting pale blue-violet ones, and she froze. 

He was around her age, but tall - so much taller than her, how did someone get that tall? He had brown skin and a large, hooked nose and fuller lips than hers. His eyes were slanted (he told her later that it was called _epicanthic eye folds_ and she called him a smartass) and his hair was dark and shorn short and he was reading a book. 

They watched each other for a long moment, and then he raised his eyebrow and she bolted. She wondered if he was going to call the cops; wondered if he was going to tell them about the slight girl with the too-pale skin and the freckles like blood spatter; the long, straight, Roman nose that she was mocked for over and over in the Reds and the brown hair that hadn't seen a comb in days. 

Holly wondered and wondered and wondered - but nothing happened, and she finally stopped wondering, and figured that the kid had forgotten all about her or just didn't give a shit at the end of the day. 

At least, she did until she saw him again. 

~+~

"You look about three lunches short of a good weight." 

Holly froze, looking over her shoulder to see the boy leaning against the wall behind her. He had a book in his hands again and a paper bag that smelled like food from that nice restaurant two blocks over. She wondered how a kid like him could have the money to even afford nice food like that, then took in his clothes and appearance and stopped wondering. 

Rich kid, then. Nice life. 

How happy for him. 

"You look about two neighbourhoods over and a rich house too good to be talkin' to me," she said back, turning around and crossing her arms over her chest. It was a small chest; the only thing stopping the Reds from suggesting she try seducing men and women for her money. That, and the fact that she couldn't dance worth a shit. 

The kid watched her for a moment before he smiled, holding up his bag of food. 

"Why don't you sit down and eat with me, and _then_ decide if I'm too good to be talking to you or not." 

"What's the catch?" Holly asked, eyes narrowing. He shrugged, and she shook her head. "No - there's always a catch, always. Someone always wants something - so what do you want? Am I your good deed for the day? Are you hoping to sedate me long enough for cops to come get me? What is it? Don't lie to me, either - I'll know, and you won't like what I do to liars." 

He watched her again, before sitting down on the ground with a thump and taking food out of the bag without answering her. She kept her distance, getting ready to run the other way if anything she didn't like happened. 

"My name's Evin Shepard," he said after a moment, looking up at her, "and honestly? I'd just like your name." 

"...Why?" Evin smiled; a little, crooked thing that only lifted one corner of his mouth. She noticed, then, the scar across his nose, and wondered how he got it - if it had been an accident or if someone had attacked him, and why? Why attack someone so... _nice_? 

"You look like you could use a friend - and I'd like one myself." 

She stared at him in bewilderment, taking a step back. But he made no further comments; didn't move in a way that told her that he was going to snatch her up and toss her into a cell if she just sat down and took the goddamn free food. 

Calling herself ten kinds of idiot, she shuffled forward and sat a good distance from him, but close enough to reach the bag, and he nudged it towards her while eating his noodles and beef and broccoli. She sniffed at the contents and hummed a little. It had been so _long_ since she'd had _nice_ food. 

"...My name's Holly," she said after a moment, reaching into the bag and pulling out a container of what looked like chicken dumplings. She rifled around for the fork in the bag, snatched it, and stabbed one of the dumplings with a vicious movement. "Holly Huberts. And I still don't trust you." 

"That's okay, Holly Huberts," Evin Shepard said, smiling at her, "I'm pretty patient."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evin Shepard thinks he's selfish.

She was barely a scrap of a girl when he first saw her, the only remarkable thing about her being her nose and her freckles. 

Her freckles stood out like targets against skin so pale she glowed in daylight. When she got more comfortable around him and actually started to sit next to him, he had jokingly held his hand over his eyes and asked if she knew she was a tiny sun. She punched his shoulder - _hard_ \- but grinned all the same. 

Her nose stood out because it was a bird beak and his foster mother would tell him that it ruined her for relationships of any sort. 

Evin Shepard found his foster mother to be a bit of a shallow twit, though, so he didn't even care what she would have told him. 

He'd only been on Earth for a couple of months after the attack on Mindoir. Nightmares kept him from sleeping too deeply these days; remembering how his sister's face had been smashed in by the butt of a rifle, how his brother had been cuffed with a slave collar before being dragged off into one of the pens. His parents hadn't made it - they died defending their children, his mother with a shot to the face and his father by broken neck. 

Evin had pretended to be dead the entire time, hidden under piles of debris so thick that the batarians' scanners couldn't detect that there was life underneath the scraps of pre-fabs. 

The Alliance patrol that swooped in too late and found him called him _lucky_. 

He called himself a survivor, and hated himself a little bit for it. 

The Alliance took him to Earth to put him in the foster care system, because he had no known family out in the colonies and his mother's side of the family had disowned his mother after she had married his father. He was quickly taken in by a wealthy couple unable to have children, dressed in the finest clothes and given whatever he asked for. He had more books than he knew what to do with, and an allowance that was probably the same amount his father had made working the farms in a month. He was privately tutored because of his 'delicate situation' and mostly left to his own devices. 

Evin took to going outside a lot after his lessons, dragging a book and a pocketful of cash to get lunch whenever he got hungry. He needed to get out of his too-nice house that was nothing like the pre-fab he and his family had lived in; had to get away from the too-nice couple that thought he was going to break in half every time they mentioned hearing about batarian raids in the colonies on the news. 

He just had to get away and pretend, even for an hour or two, that nothing had changed and it was just another day on Mindoir, even though Earth only had one sun and one moon and buildings that reached for the sky. 

It was on one of his escape runs when he saw Holly Huberts. He was sitting on the steps of an apartment complex, the doorman giving him a look before leaving him alone because he was dressed too nicely to be a vagrant and looked too clean to be a criminal delinquent. He had been reading another book he had just gotten - and this one had _paper_ , it was a classic and worth more than his father's wages in a whole _year_ , how the hell had his foster parents even gotten it? - when he noticed something weird about the crowds. 

And there she was: a scrap of a girl with stark freckles, a bird-like nose, and dark blue eyes that caught his blue-violets as soon as he spotted her. She looked ragged and worn and hungry, all elbows and knees and ribcage, with brown hair that had seen better days and dark bags under her eyes that made it look like she'd broken her nose. 

She had a fistful of credits and a deer-in-headlights look when she saw him looking at her. He raised an eyebrow and she ran off; disappearing so thoroughly he thought for a second he'd only imagined her. 

And then he heard a cry of outrage as someone exclaimed their credits were missing, and a police officer standing along the side of the road walked over to the man to get a statement and maybe a description. 

Without a word, Evin stood up and left his reading spot, heading back home and thinking on the girl. 

~+~

He kept an eye out for her after that day, usually never seeing her but sometimes spotting too-pale skin and too-thin arms. 

Usually he noticed her on busy streets, picking pockets. Once he saw her routing through a restaurant's trash can, looking for perfectly good food that diners had never finished and cooks had thrown out because it was useless, now. He watched her sneak into shelters and grab as many blankets as she could pile into her arms, scurrying out to wherever she went to bed at night. 

He never followed her - he wasn't stupid enough to do that. But he could watch her, hidden in plain sight and never gathering notice. 

His brother told him once that he was too good at hiding; that he must've cheated at hide and seek. But it was the only thing that kept him alive; kept him from the brain chip and the slave collar that the others back home had been forced into. Evin was thankful that he could hide so thoroughly even though it meant his family was dead and gone and he was alone. 

But after a while, he decided he should really stop hiding, bought some take-out from the Chinese place down the road, and went to go find the nameless girl. 

~+~

"How'd you even know where I was?" 

She spoke with her mouth full, the carton of dumplings nearly half-gone, but Evin couldn't find it within him to ask her to share. He had his noodles and broccoli and beef; he didn't need the dumplings. And she obviously really liked them. 

Either that or she was too afraid to let them go in case they disappeared. 

"I didn't," he said, poking around his own cartoon with his chop sticks. His mother had taught him how to use them on Mindoir, a way to remember her heritage back on Earth. His father tended to just stab his food with them when given a pair, and it made his mother laugh. He missed them, but it didn't hurt too bad when he was talking to Holly. 

"You didn't." She sounded like she didn't believe him, and he was pretty sure she didn't. She was really untrusting; not that he could blame her. She lived on the streets - how trusting could a fifteen-year-old be on the _streets_? 

"No clue. I just kinda wandered around until I found you." 

"Wait - you were looking for me?" 

Evin looked at Holly, smiled, nodded. "I mean - I could've lied and said I had gotten lunch for myself and saw you and decided 'hey why not' - but you told me I wouldn't like what you do with liars. Didn't want to risk it." 

"...You are so weird, Evin Shepard." Evin nodded his head in acknowledgement, and she sighed heavily, shifting around until she could sit down more comfortably. "I don't know whether to call you nice or an idiot or both." 

"Neither," Evin said, shaking his head. "I'm not an idiot, and I'm not nice, either." 

"How do you figure? You're feeding me, and you barely know me." 

Evin paused, looking down at his food with a frown, before looking over at Holly Huberts. 

"I think I'm selfish." 

Holly stared back at him, brows furrowed as she reached up to rub the bridge of her nose. He doubted she even realized she was doing it. She then shook her head, hand dropping as she went back to gorging herself on dumplings. 

"You and I have very different definitions of the word 'selfish'." 

"Yeah," Evin agreed, leaning back and enjoying for a moment that someone was just _talking_ to him and not treating him like glass. "Guess we do."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few things change, but only for the better.

It was common enough after that for Evin and Holly to meet. 

The adults that milled around their meeting grounds thought it was a little odd; a well-dressed, nice boy spending time with a ruffian no-good degenerate. He'd bring food and she'd bring commentary, and everyone agreed it was a strange friendship and that, most likely, the girl was going to rob the boy blind and leave him one day soon. 

Yet that day never came. 

Evin started bringing all kinds of books with him; history books and mathematics and language and everything else. Holly had told him once that she took what education she could get, sneaking into classrooms before the teacher noticed one extra head; snatching homework from kids' backpacks and making copies before stuffing it back in. She was absolutely _horrid_ at math but was pretty decent at writing and reading comprehension. 

Evin started bringing his homework with him, too, and they worked over problems together and solved them while eating whatever it was Evin bought for lunch that day. 

When he offered her once to take her back home with him so she could learn under his tutor, too, she shook her head and disappeared for a week. He never brought it up again. 

As weeks turned to months turned to a year, Evin turning fifteen and Holly turning sixteen, they started to actually talk about themselves. 

"My parents died when I was really little," Holly told him on late afternoon. The sun was setting and they were in the park; she had about five blankets piled on top of her even though it was only somewhat cold. Evin thought she was just too skinny to ever be warm, and gave her his sweater when she shivered. She took it and buried her nose in it and stared at the stars. "Car crash. Their own fault. I made it out somehow, though. They tried to set me up in the fostering system but I didn't want it - didn't want their goddamn pity. So I ran off. Been living by myself ever since. Well - that's a lie. I was found by the Tenth Street Reds a few years later. They gave me a roof over my head and something like a job, so I've stayed with 'em. Most of them are piles of shit, though - a lot of them are racist, but they don't do nothin' about it. Just like to hear themselves talk. Me? I just wanna live - don't care about the aliens or any of that." 

"I lived on one of the colonies, out in the Traverse," he told her later, in the early hours of the morning on a weekend. He had no tutoring lessons and she had spent the night away from the Reds because they were getting on her case about her new _friend_. "Colony called Mindoir. Just a small farming community, y'know? Dad was a farmer, mom worked in one of the convenience stores. Had a big brother and a little sister - my sister was a lot like you, actually, except, y'know, _tame_." He grinned when she shoved at him, looking up at the sky to watch the sun rise. "There were two suns and two moons and the day lasted about four hours longer than it does on Earth, but it was home. Then one night batarian raiders came. Killed a lot of people, enslaved the rest of 'em. I'm told it was _especially_ gruesome compared to some of their raids. ...Parents were killed, same with my sister. Brother was taken as a slave." 

"How'd you survive?" 

"Hid under rubble and pretended to be dead."

She had reached up and traced the scar along his nose, then, just under his eye, and he nodded. He'd reached out and touched the scar on her eyebrow, and she grinned and shrugged and leaned against him just a little more. 

He found out about the Tenth Street Reds by listening to people on the street, and knew they were bad news. They were petty criminals right now, but leadership was shifting - nothing that Holly concerned herself with, she only cared about living till the next day - but the leadership was shifting and changing and soon they'd be more trouble than they were worth. Soon the cops would actually do something about them. 

After all, selling red sand was one thing - starting to sell weapons, drugs, and start raids on alien diplomat ships was a completely other monster. 

He poked and prodded at her, telling her that she was too good for the Reds - too good to be caught up in that. She asked him what the fuck she was supposed to do, huh? What was she supposed to do? 

When they arrived at the clerk's desk and asked for Holly Huberts to take an exam to get her GED, they were let in with confusion and bewildered looks. It took the girl two hours to write the test, and another hour to edit it all, but she handed it in and about two weeks later was given her high school diploma at seventeen years old. Evin bought her a sweater a lot like his to celebrate, and she called him spoiled and hugged him for the first time ever. 

It was nice, and the adults stopped looking at them so weirdly afterwards. 

~+~

"I think I'll join the Alliance." 

Evin looked over at Holly, eyebrows raised, and she shrugged and rubbed at her nose. He waited until she was ready to explain herself. 

"It's just - well, think about it! It's the best option for me, isn't it? They only need high school education, and they'll teach me anything I don't know. I'll get room and board, and food, and clothes, and an actual paycheque, and it'll be all official and legal and all that shit. And I know how to fight already, so it's not like I'm going in some namby-pamby flower child. Stop looking at me like that, Evin, it's fucking freaking me out." 

"Sorry," he shook his head, rubbing his neck. "I'm just trying to figure this out - how'd you even get the idea of the Alliance into your head? I mean, I've never mentioned them." Though he had been thinking of joining, too - maybe the Alliance was too late in saving his family, but they had _tried_ , they had really tried, and he had to respect them for that much. 

"Eh, saw the recruiting centre when we were walking around the other day." She tugged on the sleeve of her sweater, the cuff already beginning to wear down from her constant fidgeting. She'd finally given back his sweater, and he noticed that the cuffs of his sleeves had suffered the same fate; she was probably a nervous person. "Thought 'well, Evin's right, the Reds are shit, best get out while they're still not making blood oaths and whatever culty-shit they're probably thinking about'. So. Alliance. What, you think it's a bad idea?" 

"Actually, I think it's a great idea," Evin said, smiling at her. "You can join soon, too, right? You're turning eighteen soon." 

"Yeah." Holly nodded, smiling a little at him. "I went into the recruiting centre the other day, got a bunch of booklets and shit. There's a lot of paperwork, but my writing's gotten a hell of a lot better and I think this'd be a good thing. Be nice, not having to hide from cops and shit, y'know?" 

"Well, not really, but I get it," Evin said, shrugging. "You gonna miss me when you go off to training?" 

"I'll just get an omnitool or something, get your address. You'll get sick of me soon enough." 

Evin snorted, shaking his head and tossing her a databook. "That's _really_ unlikely, but I'm holding you to that, Huberts." 

"Oh, don't call me that," Holly grumbled, taking the book and fiddling with it. "I hate that name." 

~+~

Holly joined the Alliance, and true to her word she bought an omnitool after her first paycheque and pinged him shoftly afterwards. 

_How the hell do you use these things the keyboard is round and the screen is fucked up._

He'd laughed for a good hour straight, worrying his foster parents and frustrating his tutor, but he couldn't even find it in himself to care. 

She told him everything, from the L3 implants she got (which had apparently hurt) to the class she picked (sentinel, because she liked tech and she was a biotic and she was good at both) to her training and her instructors. She didn't get on well with a lot of her instructors, but she said she 'channeled her inner Evin' and found the most peaceful road out of conflict. 

When he asked her why, she said she was tired of dealing with things violently. She spent a childhood of stealing and killing and running for her life. She was trying to be _better_ \- and she was going to be. 

When he turned eighteen, Evin Shepard joined the Alliance military. He was sent to the same training base as Holly, and kept an eye out for a 'Huberts' wherever he went. But he never found her. 

Instead, she found him. 

She had filled out, definitely, both in fat and muscle. Still too pale for the lighting in the station to be kind, she had cropped her hair as short as women could have it without fully shaving it off, her blue eyes watching him mischievously. She scooped him up in a hug and it was warm and comfortable and familiar, and Evin was happy to see her. 

When he pulled back, though, her hand immediately went to rub the bridge of her nose, and he looked at her suspiciously. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Eh." She shrugged, and that was when he noticed her nametag. 

_Shepard_. Not Huberts. 

"Changed it last week - could finally fucking afford to, that shit's crazy expensive. And, like, I found out you can't really adopt siblings? So I thought 'well fuck this' and kinda. Unofficially adopted you. It's taking the officers a while to get used to it, but they're tryin', and you're looking at me funny, stop it." 

"...You changed your name to Shepard?" 

"What? Yeah? So? You got a problem with it?" 

Holly's arms were crossed over her chest and she was scowling at him, but she was worried; he knew she was worried, because she couldn't stop herself from touching her nose before forcing her hand under her arm. He grinned instead, reaching out and ruffling up her hair. 

"Just didn't know you liked me that much." 

"Oh, shove off, Evin - you're my brother, get over it." 

He found he was perfectly okay with that.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus finds Holly, and meets Evin.

When he heard they found her, Garrus had been the first out of the Normandy once she had docked, making his way to the emergency hospital that had been set up in one of the few still-standing buildings London had to offer. 

People of every race were running about back and forth; groans of pain and the screams of nightmares filling the hallways as much as the smell of medicine, anaesthetic, and sterile needles did. Quarians and turians were at nearly every terminal, rewiring VIs and the electronic medical aids that people had come to rely on for hundreds of years. He saw, out of the corner of his eye, a few quarians with the bodies of what looked like shut-down geth, trying to turn them back on. 

It had been _weeks_ since the Crucible had activated, destroying the Reapers but also taking down the Relays and every synthetic in the galaxy. Weeks since the crew of the Normandy had landed on an uncolonized world, EDI's body slumped over lifelessly and Joker staring at the sky like it held the answers on how to wake up his dead girlfriend. 

Garrus stared up at the sky, too, wondering the same thing and wishing he'd at least _been there_. 

Tali and Liara had managed to get the Normandy back up and running with Adams, Gabby and Ken's help, and though take-off was shaky (Tali told them that the inertia dampeners were probably damaged, they'd have to get them fixed when they got back to civilization), they made it and made their slow, puttering way back to Earth. 

They'd met up with the rest of the fleet Holly had assembled together, making their way back to the ruins of the Citadel. 

The sight of the station crumbling just outside of Earth's atmosphere was a grim reminder of the war; the arms destroyed, millions of lives lost because of a madman and some sentient machines that thought they were following their purpose. 

And Holly Shepard, lost somewhere in the ruin, dead. 

At least, he thought she was - until Joker caught comm chatter and learned otherwise. 

"Holy shit, the Commander's alive!" he'd exclaimed over the intercom, and the entire crew had gone into a frenzy, those usually on the ground team suiting up so that they could immediately jump out as soon as they landed. 

When the cargo bar door dropped down to reveal the surviving members of the Normandy, the crowd around the docking area let out a cheer that was more like a wave of sound than anything distinctive. These were Commander Shepard's teammates; her friends and family and her lover, all of them alive and well and returned, triumphant, to Earth. 

But Garrus didn't care; left the crowds for people like Liara and Jimmy and Kaidan because he had to find her. He had to find Holly. 

When he found a doctor who didn't look too harried, he asked her where Holly Shepard's room was, and she gave him a wide-eyed look that told him she knew exactly who he was before leading him down the hallways to a little room that was as secluded as they could get it. 

"She hasn't woken up yet," the doctor warned him, touching his arm to keep him from barrelling in there. "She's under heavy sedative while we fix up what we can. We're trying to contact Miranda Lawson - we're told she rebuilt her, so she would know best how to help her." 

"Who told you that?" 

"Her emergency contact. I'm surprised we even got a hold of _him_." 

She left before he could ask her who her emergency contact was, leaving him staring at the door with trepidation. What would he find on the other side of that door? His lover, or someone so broken and beaten he would barely recognize her. 

He reached out and touched the glowing panel of the door, blinking as it flashed and disappeared before the door opened. 

She was lying out on the bed on her back, her dark hair stark against the pillows and her pale skin. Her freckles looked washed-out, and she had some sort of tubing up her nose to help her breathe. An IV was injected into her wrist and he recognized some less advanced practices in medicine going on; probably their best bet while everything was down for the count. He hoped the quarians could help out with that. 

He stepped inside and finally noticed that someone else was in the room with her. He should've realized as soon as the door opened, but he was just too distracted; too worried and relieved to see her, her chest rising and falling as she breathed deeply.

The man was sitting beside her bed, dressed in military blues but with a black band under his rank. His hair was dark and shorn short, and he had a large, hooked nose and full lips. His skin was brown and his eyes were tilted and a pale blue-violet when he glanced over at Garrus. He had a scar along his nose and under his eye, and one on his chin, and a small patch of facial hair just under his bottom lip, though more stubble was growing along his cheeks and neck, as if he hadn't shaved in a while. 

He looked tired, and he was not someone Garrus recognized at all. But recognition lit up the man's eyes, and he smiled and stood up, walking over to Garrus. 

"You must be Garrus Vakarian - Holly's told me a lot about you." 

"Then I'm afraid I'm at a disadvantage; she's never mentioned anyone like you." 

The man blinked, pursed his lips, and then snorted, shaking his head and glancing over his shoulder at the resting Saviour of the Galaxy. "Yeah, that sounds like her. Look, why don't you sit down, you look dead on your feet, and I'll explain everything? You can even have my seat - I've been with her since they found her, but you just got back." 

Eyeing him warily, Garrus took the seat the man had just occupied, watching as he dragged over another chair and sat on Holly's other side. The turian turned away from the strange human for a moment to properly look at Holly, noting that she had a lot of cuts and bruises on her face, and one of her arms looked dislocated or broken or both - but somehow, someway, the only abuse her poor nose had gotten was a cut right across it. 

He wondered if she knocked out the other guy before they could even think of using it as a target. 

"So, what would you like to know first?" 

"How about a name?" 

Garrus heard the man laugh softly, and he glanced over at him to see him rubbing the back of his neck and grinning. It was a familiar expression; Holly would grin and rub her neck when he pointed out when she said something stupid. It was... strange, to see it coming from a complete stranger. 

"Well, that makes sense, of course. My name's Evin Shepard." 

" _Shepard_?"

Evin Shepard nodded, looking over at Garrus. "Yeah - no worries, I'm not married to Holly. Goodness, that's a disgusting thought. For all intents and purposes outside of legally, we're brother and sister." 

"I'm afraid I don't follow." 

"Holly and I found each other when we were both pretty young. Neither of us had a family - we basically adopted each other. When Holly joined the Alliance, she saved up her pay until she could legally change her last name - she used to be called Holly Huberts, but she hated that name a lot. Decided she wanted to be Shepard, instead." Evin scratched his cheek, looking down at the woman he called his sister with familiar fondness. "She always told me she wanted to be Shepard, 'cause Shepard meant she'd do the right thing... Ah, Holly, I think you went beyond doing the right thing." 

"She's never mentioned you." 

"She wouldn't - actually, technically, she _couldn't_. We were both offered positions in the N7 program - her after the Skyllian Blitz, me after surviving that mess on Akuze - but while she took it, I decided to go into the black ops program. We're not really well-known outside of Alliance higher officials." Here, he smiled, rolling one of his shoulders in a stretch. "Holly knew about us, but only 'cause I joined up. Told me I was a dumbass and that I was going to get my ass killed and she'd never know it." 

Garrus laughed, mandibles flaring and subharmonics humming out weakly in amusement. At some point he'd reached out to take Holly's hand, tracing the veins in her wrist and the lines on her palm as if trying to comfort himself. Evin noticed, but thankfully didn't say anything. 

"Sounds like Holly," Garrus admitted, tilting his head. "She's always had a crass way of talking - told me about how she grew up with the Reds and stuff. I always thought that, considering her background, her moral choices were so... against that." Evin nodded, looking at Holly's face with a little sigh. 

"She says that's thanks to me, but really it's all her. I just nudged her in the right direction." 

"Why do you say it's not you?" 

"Eh," Evin shrugged, smiling bitterly. "I'm selfish - always have been. I was a lonely kid who saw another lonely kid and decided I was gonna be friends with her. She says I'm nice and I'm good but usually I do things because they benefit me somehow. Don't say that to her, though, she'll argue that she knows better - she has to suffer through the 'righteous man' act, after all." 

He spoke in a self-deprecating manner, Garrus noted, still tracing a claw over Holly's wrist and feeling her fluttering pulse. He was so much like Holly, of course they were siblings. It didn't even matter that they weren't blood. 

There was no arguing the similarities between them.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miranda revived Shepard once because the world needed her. Now she'll do it because her family needs her more.

Miranda prided herself on her thoroughness when it came to her projects. Whenever the Illusive Man had given her a job, she made sure she knew everything she, personally, needed to know, just so she would be the perfect fit for the job. 

So when the Illusive Man told her that she was going to bring Commander Holly Shepard back to life, Miranda threw herself into knowing everything and anything there was to know about the woman who had saved the Citadel and earned the trust of the galactic community. 

She knew she was an orphan from Earth, who ran with a gang for a large number of her formative years. She knew she never went to school, but got her GED anyway; knew that she joined the Alliance as soon as she turned eighteen and turned away from her life with the gang. She knew she rose through the ranks rather quickly; knew that she was an important part of the victory in the Skyllian Blitz. 

She knew she had rough edges and a rather harsh personality to anyone who did not know her, but when it came to the hard decisions, she always took the moral high road - always looked for the way to keep everyone alive; to catch the bad guy, but not become him in the process. 

In a way, Miranda almost admired her. She worked from the bottom and clawed her way to the top, and she earned all of her achievements through sheer will and strength alone. Nothing like herself - Miranga Lawson was genetically enhanced, against her will, to be the perfect human being. 

In a way, Miranda was almost jealous, too. 

It was quite possibly her greatest achievement when she managed to rebuild Shepard, adding in the necessary cybernetics and recreating the woman who had earned the trust and love of so many people. If she was ever asked, she didn't think she'd ever be able to fully explain the process. There were so many times she thought she would fail; that she would create a working body, but that the brain would never stabilize and bring her truly, really back to life. 

The fact that she _had_ was beyond a medical miracle - it was, purely, a _miracle_ , and she wondered if there really was a God in the universe and if he had wanted Shepard alive just as much as everyone else did. 

But when it came to actually _working_ with the woman, Miranda was at a loss; because Commander Shepard was a whirlwind, and she ripped through people just as easily as she ripped through an enemy's shield, and no one and nothing could stand in her way. 

Miranda was almost afraid that Shepard would tear her world down and leave her in a rubble of something she'd once known. 

(Holly _had_ torn her world down - torn it down and showed the better world just outside of the old one's walls, held out her hand and said 'c'mon cheerleader, let's fucking _go_ '; and she had grabbed her hand with a grin and terror and said 'what are you waiting for? Lead the way'.) 

~+~

When she was brought into the hospital room holding the Commander, she was not surprised to see Garrus Vakarian curled up in a chair near the bed, sound asleep. 

Really, anyone who was surprised to see the devoted turian beside his beloved Shepard would've been ten kinds of fool and probably shouldn't have been allowed that close to the hospital room in the first place. 

What _did_ surprise her was the sight of an unknown male reading a datapad on the other side of the bed, looking as though he had long-ago settled into the hospital room. 

"And you might be?" 

The man looked up, pale blue-violet eyes a shock against his dark skin, and smiled at her easily. "Evin Shepard - don't worry, I'm mostly here to keep an eye on Holly so Garrus feels comfortable enough to sleep." 

Miranda blinked, dark brows raising high on her forehead. She looked over her shoulder to see one of the doctor's assistants with a tray of the supplies she had asked for; thankfully, everything that required a VI seemed to be in working order, finally; the former Cerberus agent had asked Tali to fix things up herself before the quarian had gone off to try and figure out if they could turn EDI back on. 

Miranda thought it was a lost cause, really; whatever Shepard had done in the Crucible, it had killed off anything synthetic that the Relays could reach. It was honestly surprising that the turians, quarians, salarians and humans working on the Charon Relay were having any luck whatsoever rebuilding it. 

"I'm afraid I've never heard of Evin Shepard." 

"I'd be doing my job wrong if you had - look, Ms Lawson, I'm Holly's emergency contact. If you want to learn anything more than that, I'll be happy to tell you. But right now, I'd be much, much happier if you could just help her." 

"And how much help do you think I can be that the doctors have not been?" 

"You rebuilt her - you tell me." 

Miranda drew herself up to her full height, narrowing her eyes at this man who knew too much, and he just sighed and leaned back, rubbing his neck. 

"You think Garrus would let me near her if I was dangerous to her, Miranda Lawson?" 

Here, she faltered; she knew how protective Garrus could be. Hell, he had been discussing ways to weaponize Holly's _house_ the last time the entire team had gotten together. She sighed through her nose, dragging the little table with everything she would need and stepping fully into the room, tugging on her gloves. 

"Don't get in my way, then - and afterwards? I want to have a conversation with you. I don't like not knowing things." 

"Of course," Evin nodded easily, leaning back in his seat and looking back at his datapad. Miranda stared at him for a moment longer before sighing, resigning herself to the audience as she went about scanning Holly Shepard's broken body and seeing what needed fixing and where. 

~+~

Long hours later, Miranda accepted a cup of coffee from Evin as they sat on the floor in the hallway outside of Holly's room. Garrus was awake inside, murmuring quietly to his love, and the two had decided that turian and commander needed a moment's privacy, even if only one was conscious to appreciate the thought. 

Miranda stared down at her boots, brows furrowed as she held the steaming cup close to her chest, before glancing sidelong at Evin and taking in his profile. He seemed oddly relaxed for someone who was sitting next to a person well-known for having been associated with Cerberus. And everyone who hadn't lived under a rock these past few months _knew_ that Cerberus had been just as much the enemy as the Reapers. It made her wonder what kind of man this Shepard was - if he was anything like the woman he shared a name with. 

"So--" 

"I think with you, I'll let Holly explain the how's and why's, but I will tell you that the girl you just helped in there is my sister and the most important person in my life." He held his cup in both hands, slowly turning it clockwise as he spoke. "She's the _only_ person who matters to me in this whole goddamn galaxy, and I'll forever be thankful to you for helping her how you have - both when you brought her back to life and just now. But I will not forgive you for using her for your own gains - for playing with her morals and her trust as you and that Illusive Man did." 

He looked over at her, pale gaze strong, and Miranda shrank back a little. 

"You turned out alright - you turned away from Cerberus, and I respect that. I do. I'm not mad at you, Ms Lawson - how could I be? You helped Holly save humanity from the Collectors when no one else would. But you still used her for your greater purpose, just like everyone else in this damned galaxy did. The Council, the Alliance brass, Cerberus. Anyone who looked at her and saw what she was - a leader, a compassionate woman, someone the world is willing to follow - used her and broke her down until she had panic attacks about the fact that an entire planet fell to the control of the Reapers - because, apparently, she was supposed to stop that." 

He took a sip of his coffee, leaning back comfortably against the wall, still staring at her with that intense gaze and a little smile on his face that was not kind. 

"But I want you to know that if anything ever happens with her like that again - if you or anyone else ever thinks of using her for anything more, I won't let it happen. And you won't be able to stop me, no matter how genetically perfect you were crafted to be." 

With that, Evin Shepard stood up and stretched out his back, cracking it. He glanced down at the still quiet Miranda, nodded to her politely, and turned back to the room, walking in once Garrus hummed that he could. The door closed, leaving Miranda staring after the man who claimed Shepard as family, before breathing out a shaky laugh. 

Oh, yes - she saw the resemblance now.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karin wishes for some good news.

When Karin Chakwas met Holly Shepard, it had been on the Normandy SR-1 and she had just been assigned the XO to the ship. 

It was a requirement for all new crew to go see the doctor once they were assigned their posting, and this assignment was no different - even if Holly had been personally asked for by Captain Anderson himself. 

Doctor and commander had greeted each other pleasantly before Holly had gotten down to the business of stripping down and donning a medical gown and Karin had gotten down to the business of looking her over inch by inch. 

She had more scars than a girl her age should have had, in the doctor's good opinion, and though she was a perfectly acceptable weight for her size, she was nearly all muscle and very little fat. She was built lean, but strong, and if one had the chance to look at her out of her fatigues, they would know that she was able to take anyone on in a fight, it seemed. Her pale complexion made Doctor Chakwas wonder if the girl had ever even seen the light of day, and she fidgeted when Karin kept quiet for too long. 

Holly chattered throughout that entire first meeting, as if trying to convince herself or Karin that everything was fine. 

And outside of a few nitpicks by Karin, everything _was_ fine - and she sent the commander off to her own duties, seeing to the next person - the dear boy Jenkins, who had lasted only so long before becoming the first victim of the war with the Reapers. 

Karin thought back on that first meeting fondly most days, going through her files and supplies and watching the crew members run about outside of her glass windows. The SR-2 had the luxury of Karin being able to see when people were coming. It helped in emergency situations, like when Garrus came in wheezing in pain, his face bleeding dark blue and his eyes looking around blindly, trying to see where he was and perfectly unable to do so. 

She watched him, now, sitting on the medical bed and staring blankly at his hands. Kaidan had dragged him in, and once again he was bleeding - but unlike last time, he was conscious and aware and just looked _dejected_. 

When she looked to Kaidan for answers, he shook his head, mouth pressed into a tight line. 

"Shepard ran off towards the Conduit. She went alone, Chakwas." 

Karin looked back to Garrus, seeing him still staring at his hands. She moved from her desk and walked over to him. After a moment, the turian shuffled to the side and Karin hopped onto the medical bed with him, looking at him carefully. 

"Perhaps she wanted to make sure that you and Kaidan came back safely? We do not know what the Conduit will do, after all. I don't think she'd risk either of you - especially you, Garrus." 

"But she went _alone_." 

There was a tone to the subharmonics of the turian that made Karin think he was in pain. Hopping off the medical bed again, she moved towards her desk and rifled through her personal things, pulling out two bottles - one her serrice ice brandy, which Holly had helped her drink half of not too long ago, and the other a bottle of turian brandy that Tali had put in Karin's office to ensure she never drank from it again. 

She offered the turian brandy to Garrus, who took it after a moment, opened it, and downed half the contents without another word. Karin calmly poured herself a glass, hopping back onto her seat next to Garrus and looking across the room to the window. 

"She'll come back to us, Garrus." 

~+~

Karin entered the room when it was quiet, looking around to see that the only other occupant other than a sleeping Holly Shepard was Garrus; his head on the mattress, his hand curled gently but protectively around hers. 

Karin had a feeling that the only reason Garrus left the room these days was to use the bathroom and maybe bathe; from what she heard from a helpful Evin Shepard, the turian rarely moved from his spot unless ordered to. 

"Garrus," she said softly, touching his shoulder. He twitched, turning his head; blue eyes blinking open as he looked up at her. The doctor smiled kindly. "Shepard will be here if you go somewhere and shower, my dear. If you'd like, I'll even sit with her until you get back. Unless you wish to wake her with the sheer power of body odor?" 

She noted with amusement that the tough skin of his neck turned a faint shade of blue before Garrus pulled himself to his feet and stumbled out of the room. She heard Liara, who had been waiting outside, helpfully guide the turian towards the nearest washroom with a shower built for turians (a necessary addition, as the races were all stuck on and floating around Earth until they could fix the Relays). Once sure that he was gone, she took Garrus' seat, sat herself down, and looked at Holly properly. 

"Oh, you're a sight for sore eyes, Commander," she said softly, reaching out to brush back a strand of hair from her forehead. It was a bit shorter than she remembered it, but she had been told by the doctors that they had had to cut it because some of the blood was too thick and too dried in. They had limited water as it was - they could only do so much. 

Though some ships were going around some of the Sol system's colonies now that the threat of the Reapers was gone, looking for food and water and anything else they might need. She was only glad they didn't need to travel any faster than FTL speeds - she imagined they would be stuck in the Sol system for a long time. 

"You had Garrus worried sick, I hope you know," she spoke up again after a short lapse of silence. She fiddled with the datapad that told her Holly's condition, reading over multiple doctors' notes and wondering why so many were looking her over. She also noted that Miranda Lawson had written on it, and she carefully read what she had had to repair with a grimace but a sigh - nothing vital, then. Just minor things, like bones and punctured lungs and a kidney had gotten a little bit beaten up. 

Her stomach was fine, though. Her stomach and her heart and her brain were all fine. 

"You had the rest of us worried, too, of course - but Garrus doesn't do worried very well. He's very graceless about it. Spent a good amount of time in the Main Battery, calibrating a gun that wasn't even properly working at that point." 

She sighed a little, reaching out to trace the line of Holly's face. She respected her Commander - would follow her to Hell and back, and _had_. But Holly Shepard was more than her commanding officer - she was her child, too. Her daughter as much as anyone else in the Alliance was. Yet more so, almost. Holly Shepard had a way of wriggling her way into your heart and settling there; gripping onto you with tight fingers and refusing to let go, even if you begged her to.

Rarely anyone ever begged her to. 

"Liara tells me that they're working on reconnecting the comm buoys, so that we can make contact with the other systems - with Palaven and Thessia and the like. Already there are reports coming in on how the Reapers collapsed in the fields of battle. It was a great victory all around, I hear. And I'm glad for it - though, we did lose some more crew." 

She paused again, pursing her lips, before sighing a little. 

"EDI. We lost EDI, Commander. As the Reapers fell, EDI's eyes went blank and she shut off. Joker almost lost control of the Normandy as her systems all cut off at once. It was only thanks to Adams and Tali and the other engineers that we managed to keep going at all." 

Karin leaned forward, resting her cheek against the mattress of the hospital bed, watching as her Commader breathed deeply in and out, in and out. It was a comfort to know she was still alive, of course, but... 

"...I wish you would wake up, Commander," she said softly, rubbing at her eyes a little and letting out a long puff of air; exhausted beyond thought at this point. "We could all do with a little good news, I think." 

Karin closed her eyes, falling asleep to the beeping of medical equipment. 

The hand next to the doctor's face twitched, before curling into a fist.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evin meets Steve.

It had been gently suggested that Evin leave Holly's rooms for a few days, just so her old crew could come and see her without him having to explain who he was over and over and over again. 

The suggestion was given to him by Miranda, who had stood to the side with him as Liara fidgeted with Holly's bed sheets and murmured words too quiet for either of them to hear. Miranda would be leaving herself, going where she was most useful - and Evin? 

Well, it probably wouldn't hurt to go looking around for something to do. Garrus had taken over as permanent watcher of Holly since they'd landed on Earth, and while he and the turian got on well enough, Evin didn't want to push himself just yet. 

He left the hospital, knowing he would be no good there, and instead went about the rebuilding efforts that could be found everywhere. Efforts were all over the world, of course, but the strongest force right then was London as people waited to be shipped off to places like DC, Rio de Janeiro, and Vancouver. It reminded him of Mindoir, after everything had been broken down; every once in a while they would lift up a broken wall or a flipped over tank and find one of the missing, marking another tally amongst the dead or, if they were very lucky, the living.

It was rare that they were very lucky. 

He was working in one of the suburban areas with a few other Alliance soldiers and a few turian soldiers and asari commandos. Quarians were littered all around the city, reprogramming VIs and electricity and power so that people could start bunkering down in places outside of the broken down headquarters for the final assault and apartment complexes that had no running electricity or water. 

A particularly difficult piece of debris was giving him a tough time, just then, and he was about to call it quits and move to a different one when dark, tanned hands reached out beside him and helped him lift the debris. Thankfully, nothing and no one was under it, and the two of them shoved it off to the side for collectors to come get it, to be used to rebuild things later. Evin looked over to see who had helped him and blinked. 

The man was dressed in Alliance blue, with close-cropped hair and a trim beard around his mouth and chin. He had tanned brown skin, like he was already dark but spent a lot of time in the sun, and dark blue eyes that watched him with open curiousity. Evin smiled a little, awkwardly, and the man smiled back. 

"Steve Cortez," he introduced, holding out a hand for Evin to shake. Evin took it, squeezing it a little, and Cortez's smile widened a bit. "I'd heard from some of my teammates that you were out here." 

"Oh?" Evin asked, letting go of his hand and crossing his arms behind his back. He recognized the name from one of Holly's emails; he was a shuttle pilot, and procured things for the Normandy when they weren't docked somewhere. She had told him he had a sad look to his eyes, but he was overall good; thought that he would like him. 

"Yeah - it's the Normandy team, if you're wondering." Evin relaxed a little, nodding and smiling. "Your name's Evin?" 

"Evin Shepard," he clarified, reaching up to scratch the side of his nose. "Holly's adopted brother. I would've thought the entire Normandy crew would be in the hospital. Weren't they saying that Holly was going to wake up soon?" 

"Wouldn't you be there, too, then?" Evin inclined his head in acknowledgement, and Cortez smiled again. "I wanted to see what I could do out here while waiting - I see you had the same idea." 

"I was never one to sit around; guess Holly and I are alike that way." 

"Actually, I've been hearing from a few reliable sources that the two of you are a lot alike." Together, the two of them moved towards another difficult looking bit of debris, moving as one to their positions and working on moving it slowly and carefully. "Garrus says the two of you both downplay yourself; Miranda says the two of you are both a bit terrifying in an inspiring kind of way." 

"...I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted," Evin mused, raising his eyebrows. Cortez laughed, walking over to Evin once the debris was moved so that they could move towards the next piece. 

Evin turned to look around, pausing when he felt a hand brush his cheek, and he looked at Cortez from the corner of his eye, raising a brow in question. Cortez blinked, flushing a little and looking away. 

"...You had dirt on your cheek." 

"Ah." Evin nodded, smiling a little bit slyly. "Thank you, then, Cortez." 

"Call me Steve." 

Evin smiled, reaching out and clapping Steve on the shoulder; squeezing lightly. 

"Then call me Evin." 

~+~

It had been during training when Holly came up to Evin and asked him why he never asked any of the girls out in his year. 

"Like half of them have a crush on you," she pointed out, playing around with one of his books as she sprawled out on his bed. He sat beside her, running diagnostics on his omnitool as he worked on upgrading it, his assault rifle beside his bed, waiting to be cleaned. 

"Well, first of all, we're not allowed to fraternize," he pointed out. She snorted, and he rolled his eyes, reaching out and ruffling her hair. She had been in training for three years, he for two, and it was strange to see her growing her hair back out after she had kept it short for so long. "Second of all, a good few of those girls are in my infiltrator courses, so, it'd be awkward - and lastly, I'm not really interested in girls like that." 

"What?" Holly sat up, brows raised as she dropped the book. He adjusted as she sprawled over his lap, on her back as she stared up at him like a pup looking for attention. "Explain this, Evin Shepard - you used to tell me about girls you had crushes on _all the time_." 

"Sure - I liked their personalities. I liked talking with them; I liked hearing their thoughts. I thought maybe I liked them more than that, but if anything my 'crushes' were just... crushes of interest? I'unno - I just don't want to _date_ girls." 

"Who do you want to date, then? Asari? I won't judge, they're pretty hot, even though they're blue and-or purple and sometimes kinda metallic looking." 

" _No_ , you dork." 

"I mean, they're not really women, they're just shaped like women - okay, okay, stop tickling me, God!" She laughed, squirming away from him, before settling back down and watching him work on his omnitool. "So you like... boys?" 

"...Yeah, guess I do." He paused, looking down at her and biting the inside of his cheek. "...Bad?" 

"You kiddin'?" Holly sat up, poking his cheeks with a grin. "This is _great_. Also, I know a few guys who have giant crushes on you." She rolled off of his lap and his bed, landing on the floor like a cat and stretching out her back. "Also, just fyi - I like both, so. Don't feel weird, okay? I literally don't care." 

"What a relief," Evin rolled his eyes, but he smiled, putting aside his omnitool and setting his book back on his shelf. "Now go back to your own quarters, you have to get up at the same time I do for our morning run." 

"Don't remind me - why did I want to join the Alliance again?" 

"Something about food, room and board?" 

"Curse my sensibility. See you later!" She waved, a little jaunty and a little mocking, before jogging out of the room and back towards the women's barracks. Evin settled down for the night as the rest of his bunkmates came ambling in, talking about whatever it was young officers talked about after a long day of training and an hour of relaxing. 

He fell asleep, content with the knowledge that Holly was okay with who he was and always would be. 

~+~

Steve and Evin were taking a break, trading a bottle of water back and forth when Steve looked over and waved at someone. Evin looked over his shoulder to see a large man with scars and tattoos running over at them, panting a little. 

"God, Esteban, you're impossible to find when you're not in the armory, you know that?" 

"Thought I'd help out a little - met Evin here." 

"Shepard?" 

"That's the one." 

"Huh." The man - marine, he knew the look - turned to him and nodded. "Lieutenant James Vega." 

"Lieutenant Commander Evin Shepard - I'm pleased to meet you." James hesitated before standing at attention and giving Evin a salute; Evin shook his head, though, frowning until James dropped his hand again. "None of that - I'm off duty at the moment." 

"Hah?" James blinked, before shaking his head. "No, never mind, I'll ask later - I was looking for you, Esteban - it's Shepard. Uh. Commander Shepard - the famous one, not this one. She's waking up." 

Evin and Steve shared a look before the three of them started their way back to the hospital.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly wakes up.

When she had heard the news about Akuze, Holly had felt something tight in her chest, and she could barely breathe. 

She demanded to know where they had taken the only survivor - her brother, her goddamn _lifeline_ , and then had left her posting with permission from her commanding officer and made her way to the station and hospital that they had taken him to. She had gone through enough protocol and red tape and nurses saying 'family only' that she finally broke down and screamed she _was_ family, she was his _sister_ , the only person they had was _each other_ , and Captain Anderson - a kind man, a good man, she liked him from the start - recognized her and let her through to see him. 

He was on a bed, lying out and staring up at the ceiling with blank eyes. His arm was wrapped in bandages and so was his chest and she was told that he had extensive burning from the creature that had attacked - they learned later they were called thresher maws, and they were terrible, and the originated from the krogan home planet. Holly wondered if everything from the krogan home planet was terrible and mean and likely to rip you to shreds before saying a proper 'hello'. 

When she had come in, the door closing behind her (Anderson giving them some privacy, she could kiss that man in that moment), Evin looked over at her, and his eyes cleared a little. He smiled weakly at her, then; breathed out her name, and she rushed over. 

"Fuck, God, Evin, when I heard - I just - I couldn't - and all those _men_ \--" she cut herself off, pressing her hand to her mouth and reaching out to touch his arm. "I'm gonna ask the most dumbass question of all dumbass questions, but... but are you okay?" 

"Nah," Evin shook his head, winced a little, and Holly climbed into the bed and curled against his good side so she could hug him and so he couldn't move too much. "But... I'll be okay, Holly - s'not the first time I've seen people die." 

"...No," she whispered, pressing her nose to his shoulder and closing her eyes tightly; holding back tears because she may have seen her parents die but she had never seen someone live through a tragedy and have to start healing. "No, I guess you're right." 

~+~

As she woke up the third time, it was to sterile white walls and the insistent sound of mechanical beeping, and she wondered for a brief, blinding second if she was back in the Cerberus complex and waited a whole minute to see if Miranda would tell her to get up and grab her pistol and _go_. 

But Miranda never said anything, and instead she turned her head to see a familiar, needed face. 

"...Garrus," she sighed, and the turian jolted and lurched towards her; aborting the movement before he actually reached her. After a second, he reached out and took her hand in both of his, and she smiled at him weakly. "God, I feel like fucking _death_ \- do I look like it, too?" 

Garrus wheezed out a laugh, pressing her hand to his mouth plates, and she smiled and sagged against her pillows as she slowly took in the rest of the room. 

Kaidan stood by the door, arms crossed as he watched the two of them; but she noticed the wet quality of his eyes, and the little smile on his lips, and she couldn't help but smile back. Liara was next to him, and she had tears running down her cheeks that she hadn't even bothered to hide or ignore. Tali was just behind Garrus, her hand pressed to his shoulder, and her shoulders were shaking as she kept her head bowed. 

She saw Joker and Wrex, Grunt and a few others from the Collector mission; even Karin. There was no Javik, but she got the feeling that he had gone off to do what he had told her he would do, as soon as the war was over and the Reapers defeated. 

She wondered if he would make it to that planet; she hoped he would change his mind. 

She turned her attention back to Garrus and attempted to squeeze his hand. It took more effort than she would have liked, but she supposed that was only to be expected. Half the Citadel had fallen on top of her, after all. 

"How long?" 

"About two months," Karin said when Garrus didn't speak for a beat or two. "Give or take. We have most necessary electronics and power operational again. Comm buoys are back online and we're getting news from the other systems - they're telling us that repairs on the Relays are going well." 

"The Relays...?" 

"They were destroyed, after you activated the Crucible," Kaidan said, his voice the same, soothing tone it always was to her. She suddenly missed Ashley - how she would have said something smartass-like just to balance the 'zen' that Kaidan always infused into his words. Kaidan would've rolled his eyes, she was sure of it, but taken the playful abuse. Ashley had always been rough to her friends - probably afraid that if she was gentle, they'd die on her, too. 

Her chest ached at the thought, but she pushed it aside. 

"And the Reapers...?" 

"Dead," Garrus finally spoke, looking up at her with pride and relief strong in his eyes. "They are dead and _gone_ , Holly. We've been breaking down the bodies of those who crashed on Earth's surface, picking them clean of any useful tech but mostly destroying them." 

"The synthetics died with them, though," Kaidan added, frowning a bit. "...Including EDI." 

Holly winced, but she'd known that was going to happen. Knew it when she had decided to destroy the Reapers. She wondered, now, if that was the best course of action - wondered if controlling them, or even synthesizing with the synthetics wouldn't have been a better idea. 

"The geth shut down, as well," Tali added, and her voice was wobbly but strong; she'd grown so much since their mission with Saren. "My people are trying to figure out how to turn them back on - we have grown... attached to them, in our own way. I'm also working on bringing EDI back online. We think we can do it." 

"Well," Holly shifted, winced, and sighed as Garrus helped her adjust on her back, hating that she needed help but knowing she needed it, "if anyone can figure out how to bring them back from the grave, it's you nerds." Tali laughed, and it was not her usual laugh, but it was close enough. 

Holly was just about to ask another question when the door opened, then, and she looked over to see James, Steve, and... 

"...Evin?" 

Evin smiled, his pale blue-violet eyes warm, as he walked in behind Steve and over to stand beside Garrus. The turian glanced up at him and, instead of glaring at him like Holly expected out of her boyfriend, shifting over so that Evin could kneel beside him and look at her properly. She blinked, raised her brows, and Evin shook his head a little. 

"I got to know some of your crewmates while you were getting your beauty rest." 

"I've been unconscious for two months, I must've really needed the beauty rest." 

"I'll tell it to you straight, Holly - you were a mess when they dragged you in. Your ability to survive the impossible is a little bit legendary at this point - are you god-touched?" 

"If I am, I'd like to have a few words with 'im, if you don't mind." She grinned, her lips cracking, and she coughed shortly after. When she settled again, Evin had a glass of water and Garrus held her up as she took a few, slow drinks. "God, I fucking _hate_ being helpless." 

"Yeah, well, it lets us take care of you for a bit," Evin said, putting down the glass and brushing back her hair. "So deal with it for a while, okay?" 

She blinked at her brother, to her crewmates, to Garrus, before sighing a little and nodding. 

"Oh, _fine_."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joker doesn't like many people, really. He's not a people person.

"You know, any ship you're assigned to fly, the commanding officer is going to think you're a liability." 

Jeff Moreau, "Joker" to those who thought they were funny, hunched his shoulders before glaring over at the person who spoke to him. It was some girl, two inches taller than him with strong, whole, healthy bone-structure and a stuck-up attitude because of it. Sure, with everyone else she was Miss-Sweetie-Pie, Never Did Anything Wrong Cooper, but to him? She was just a stuck-up bitch because he was handicapped and she wasn't. 

Fuck able-bodied people, seriously. 

"You think?" he asked after a moment, because Jeff was a masochist and he liked to goad people into saying more hurtful things towards him. Maybe if they just got it all out of their systems, they could work like normal functioning robots and leave him alone. 

Well, a guy could dream, at least. 

"I know," Cooper said, flopping down carelessly into her seat. He'd seen her sit like a normal person before; she threw herself into things around him as if saying 'I can do this and if you tried your legs would shatter'. "Seriously, you're only good _flying_ the ship - but what if someone came aboard that was hostile? Would you even be able to fire a gun? Wouldn't that shatter your arms or whatever?" 

"The Vrolik's affects my legs, mostly," Jeff said with a shrug, turning back to his datapad; he had to read over the notes from his class if he wanted to ace his test. And he was going to ace his test - all of his tests. He'd be the best damned pilot the Alliance had ever seen. "You do know we have to pass a test on the range, right? I _can_ shoot a pistol just fine." 

"Okay, but what about if you couldn't get to your pistol - how are you going to disable any attackers?" 

"Honestly, if attackers came onto the ship and I couldn't get to the pistol that is literally placed under the seat for these emergencies, we're probably all screwed anyway. Where are you going with this, Cooper? Do you just like kicking cripples down because you can't kick down the marines?" 

Cooper narrowed her eyes, lips pulling back to bare her teeth, and Jeff mockingly shivered. Ohh, so scary. He was pissing himself. 

"You're such a joke, _Joker_ , and I can't believe the Alliance would even let you qualify to be a pilot. Our military used to have standards." 

"You're right they did," Jeff nodded, looking up at her and smiling viciously. "But then they let the likes of _you_ in - look how far we've fallen." 

Cooper got up and stomped away at that, leaving Jeff to his studies. 

Finally, some _peace_. 

~+~

He sat beside Holly's bed as she slept, going through a datapad and feeling absolutely useless. 

The others had left a while ago, to give Holly some rest - but Joker had volunteered to stay behind; mostly because he didn't want to try and wade through the crowds of adoring survivor-fans that were likely going to mob the crew as soon as they stepped outside. They were famous now, after all: the spearhead of the war campaign, the crew and friends of Commander Shepard, saviour of anything important ever. 

Evin had gone with them, drifting over to Cortez like some sort of burr; Joker would have to tell Shepard that her apparent brother was totally attracted to her shuttle pilot. 

He looked over at the sleeping woman, then, taking in her pale skin and freckles and long, beak-like nose. Her mouth, which had been twisted in a stressed grimace for months, now, was finally relaxed in sleep. She looked about ten years younger, honestly; he was even going avoid telling her about the strands of grey he could totally see in her hair. 

Shifting, he winced a little as a fracture in one of his legs ached, but he pushed through it. He couldn't pay attention to that, not right now. Fractures and breaks were common enough for him - and the hospital was already at breaking point, despite all the surviving military ships bringing down their medical supplies to help stock them up. A few salvage ships had even gone into the Citadel just to grab medical supplies from the hospitals. 

He didn't want to think about what else they had found up there; the dead and the broken and the remains. The keepers crawling over everything as they went about fixing the station that was literally a wormhole of despair at this point. 

Why had they kept the Citadel after learning it was actually Reaper tech? That seemed like a bad idea. Well, maybe not, the Crucible had needed the Citadel because it was the Catalyst - jeez that was a lot of C words. 

He shook his head again, turned to look at Holly, and sighed a little before reaching out and grabbing her wrist carefully. 

"I know you're gonna make it, Commander, but... well. You're never allowed to scare me like that again, okay? I think twice is enough for one man." 

He squeezed her wrist as tightly as he dared, before turning back to his datapad and grumbling to himself. 

Blue eyes flickered open and glanced at him, before Holly fell back asleep; a smile on her face. 

~+~

The Commander stood behind him as he guided them through the Relay and jumped to their destination, floating just outside of the orbit of Eden Prime. That Spectre, Nihilus, had already left, and he'd already said his piece about Spectres and conspiracy theories. 

Now was the time for him to really get a look at the woman who was XO of the ship; right hand lady to Captain Anderson and personally requested aboard the staff of the Normandy. 

She was a skinny thing, but he could tell she had muscles underneath all that pale skin. The orange from the holos reflected off of her in a pretty creepy way, and her freckles stood out like crumbs against milk or whatever. She kept her hair practical and short, with bangs swooped to the side, and she had a nose that stuck out of her face like an arrow. Surprisingly not broken; she must've been really good at protecting her face. 

She wasn't all that tall, probably a couple inches shorter than him if he could comfortably stand up straight, and she had the look of someone who had never eaten properly. There was a scar on her eyebrow and one along her jaw and a lot on her hands and arms. He wondered if she got them all during the Skyllian Blitz. 

Of course he knew who she was - everyone _knew_ Commander Shepard. She saved Elysium almost single-handedly, if you believed the stories. She was an N7 - one of the rarest of their ranks. The only other N7 Jeff knew was Captain Anderson himself. 

He was drawn out of his thoughts when he noticed the commander rubbing her nose as she looked out the screens, staring at the planet below them. He wondered if she was taking what he had said with a grain of salt, or to heart. He hoped it was to heart - he really, honestly had a bad feeling about all of this, and he got the impression that so did Commander Shepard. 

"Joker," she said, and he looked over at her properly. The name had stuck since school, but Captain Anderson never said it with any malice. Neither did any of the other crew members. It was nice. "I'm gonna ask this once - you listenin'?" He nodded, and she looked at him; dark blue eyes intense and she grinned weakly. "Get ready for a fuckin' shitstorm, yeah? 'Cause I can tell you feel it, too - just settles along your spine like a thunder storm, 'cept it's worse, 'cause you're gonna go out in it anyway. So just. Get ready for it. Get ready for anythin'. Only thing that'll kill ya is surprise." 

She turned and walked out, then, probably to the comm room where Captain Anderson and that Spectre were waiting. Joker blinked after her, before looking over at the 1st Lieutenant Alenko; Alenko shrugged, eyebrows raised in confusion as well. 

He turned back to his screens, taking them slowly towards Eden Prime and the landing zone they were supposed to check in at. 

She had spoken to him like a perfectly capable marine, not a crippled pilot. Maybe she didn't know? 

Either way - he decided he liked her.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To Wrex, the name 'Shepard' meant a lot of things.

"From this day on, the name 'Shepard' will mean 'hero' to the krogan!" 

It was a big statement, a bold one, and it suited the big, bold krogan who proclaimed it. Urdnot Wrex watched as Commander Holly Shepard grinned and shook her head, her cheeks flushed a somewhat ugly red that that blotched her freckles and crept down her neck. He had always thought she was tiny, ever since the first time he'd met her; looking down at her in C-SEC headquarters, demanding to know if he knew her. 

Back then, she'd lifted her chin in challenge and told him she was going after Fist. Now, she ducked her head and laughed and called Wrex 'a fucking nutjob'. Still the same Shepard - but different, too. More comfortable around him, maybe; looking at him not as a vicious savage, but as a dear friend who had been through a hell of a lot with her. 

Blowing up one cure for the genophage and distributing another within three years _was_ a hell of a lot, if he bothered to think about it. But to him, it was just part of who Holly Shepard was - she blew shit up, turned around, and fixed something else, all with her grin that was just shy of vicious and Betty Lu the shotgun in hand. 

(Well, she hadn't gotten Betty Lu until later - told him that she hadn't bothered with shotguns before, because she liked pistols better. That quarian must've gotten her to change her mind. Shotguns were better. Made you get up close and personal.)

They shuffled Shepard and her team back into the ground vehicles that had managed to survive the attack by Kalros, who was probably too busy crushing the Reaper into a pulp to try and eat it. 

Wrex wondered for a moment if thresher maws could digest Reapers before being jostled by Bakara, who was glaring at him. Again. _Women_. 

Without needing to ask what he did wrong, the krogan chief turned back to Shepard whose face was completely neutral but whose eyes were laughing at him, and he grinned at her in response. 

He'd get his revenge at the party tonight. 

~+~

Urdnot Wrex did not like the hospital room at all. 

Mostly, it was too small for the sheer bulk of him. He had to duck to walk into the room, shuffle around chairs and a table and other things that seemed unnecessary, and had to hunch to even stand properly. 

Right then, though, he didn't like it because it was quiet and empty save for Shepard, who was trying her best to get her ass out of her bed and failing spectacularly. 

He'd stood back during the many arguments Shepard had had with everyone in the hospital, from crewmates to apparent siblings to doctors and nurses. She had died once, she liked to remind them, and the last time she woke up from that she had been able to get out of bed and take down dozens of rogue mechs with barely a flinch. 

But that was then; this time, she hadn't died - she had just nearly died, and whereas last time she didn't need to so much _heal_ as she did need to be put back together, she had to actually heal this time around. 

"I don't have the _time_ to sit around and heal," she'd argued, but no one replied to that. Evin Shepard had pushed her down back into her bed, and Kaidan had called for a nurse, and after a few moments of struggling and arguing and calling everyone in the room various creative expletives, a nurse came in and injected her with a sedative so she could sleep. 

She'd only had to be put to sleep once, at least. 

"Shepard," he said, his voice a deep rumble, and Shepard froze in her escape attempts. She'd frozen awkwardly, though, and Wrex reached out quickly when she started to actually slip from the bed. Catching her, he hauled her back up and onto the bed, forcing her back into her pillows. "Don't make me change the meaning of 'Shepard' from 'hero' to 'idiot'." 

"Rude," she said, narrowing blue eyes at him. He merely grunted, dragging over the stool and sitting down on it heavily. It creaked under his weight, but held, and he couldn't help but almost admire human craftsmanship. Not much could stand the weight of a full-grown krogan a few centuries old. 

"Yeah, but true," he said with a shrug. He leaned back, looking at her with speculation, and heaved out a giant sigh. "You're as tough as a krogan Shepard - and anyone who says different's never fuckin' fought ya - but you don't regenerate like one. Give yourself time. You'll be up and killing things and butting heads again." 

"I'm going nuts here, Wrex," Shepard growled, running her fingers through her hair roughly. She scrunched up that giant nose of hers, and he still couldn't quite understand how it was as straight as it was. "Absolutely fuckin' nuts. It's like - I've spent months, hell, nearly the whole goddamn _year_ on the move, from one system to another. And now I'm stuck in one place, unable to stand on my fuckin' own, on one planet, and I can't _stand it_." 

"I don't think anyone is gonna hold it against you if you sit down for a while." 

"I'm gonna hold it against me - I should be out there! Helping! Cleaning up this _mess_ I made." 

"Mess _you_ made?" Here Wrex raised his brow ridge, snorting and shaking his head as he leaned forward. "I think the Citadel hit you harder on the head than anyone realizes - you didn't create this mess, Shepard. You stopped it from becomin' a _ruin_." He caught her blue eyes with his red ones, making sure she didn't look away as he spoke. "Look - I'm no good at this sort of thing. This... comfortin' thing. But I'm gonna tell it to you straight: the Crucible put us in a fucked position. Our Relays are broken, most of our tech has been down for weeks, and communication is spotty at best. But y'know what? You're not gonna see a single person, from grown-ass adult to whimpering child, complain about any of that. And that's because while all that is true - we're _alive to fix the problems_." 

He leaned back again, cracking his neck with a sigh. "The Reapers are dead, Shepard - not just floatin' somewhere in dark space, lickin' their wounds like varren. They're dead. And that's thanks to you. So you might not be out there fixing the little things - who the fuck cares? You fixed the _big_ problem. People'll go easy on you." 

Shepard stared at him for a moment longer, before dropping her gaze to her lap; plucking uselessly at the hospital-issued pajama bottoms a nurse had found for her when she properly woke up and started moving as best as she could. Wrex waited her out, looking out the window and noting a few Normandy crew members out with the other soldiers, moving about debris and things. He thought he'd probably go find his krogan soldiers, get them to start helping with the heavy lifting. 

Couldn't leave that to the turians - they'd probably break a claw or whatever. 

"...I don't feel much like a hero like this, Wrex," Holly finally whispered, and Wrex turned back to her with a hum. He then shifted forward, standing up again and moving to her side so that he loomed over her. He grabbed her shoulders, carefully, because he wasn't a rough-headed idiot and could recognize that Commander Shepard was frail just then, and lightly thumped his forehead against hers. She blinked, brows raised, and he grinned; flat teeth bared. 

"Then from this day forth, the name 'Shepard' will be known as 'sister' - so now I can tell you: stop tryin' to get up and _rest_ , for fuck's sake." 

Holly's mouth dropped open, before she grinned widely and laughed, shoulders shaking under his hands. 

Good. He only hoped she'd actually listen.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tali meets Evin.

"What are you doing to your omnitool?" 

Evin Shepard looked up from his fiddling, taking in the slim, tall figure of his sister's quarian friend. Holly had called her Tali - the quarian had introduced herself as 'Tali'zorah vas Normandy' and had then proceeded to keep her distance. He hadn't asked; he got the feeling that not everyone on the Normandy crew appreciated what they considered an 'interloper' spending so much time with their beloved Commander. 

He'd certainly gotten enough glares from the two krogan alone to make him _feel_ like an interloper. 

"...I'm adjusting some of the settings - I think the scanning tool and the omniblade attachments got damaged during the war." 

Tali stared at him for a moment, and he really didn't like how he couldn't tell what her expressions were. Holly told him once, in an email a few months after she had been brought back to life, that it was easy to tell a quarian's mood once you learned how to read eyes. It was the only part of their faces that a person could see, after all. 

Evin had never been great at reading eyes, though; that had always been Holly's thing. Holly could tell when someone was lying, and Evin could tell when someone was about to go for the knife at their side. They'd made a pretty good team on the few exercises they were allowed to work together on during training. 

The quarian sat down next to him, suddenly, bringing up her own omnitool and looking at the configuration of both. 

"...You've changed the configuration of yours? Usually humans just leave their omnitools on the default." 

Evin shrugged, going through a few tabs before showing her the changes he introduced. She compared them, accepting the notes he sent her after a moment so she could examine them more closely. "I've always had a good head for tech. Holly's decent, too - she's great at cracking open things and busting shields and strengthening her shields and stuff. But I've always liked the more delicate work." 

"Shepard couldn't build an omnitool configuration like this even if you gave her a step-by-step manual. She says she still gets confused by the setup of the 'tool and the only reason she keeps it now is to bypass door locks and safes and use her omniblade." Tali sighed heavily, the filters of her helmet making her sound somewhat metallic, but Evin grinned all the same; he recognized the world-weary attitude from himself, trying to describe to his sister how, really, the stuff he was doing was actually super interesting. 

She never believed it from him. He doubted she ever believed it from Tali, either. 

"What is this program? I've never seen it before." 

"It's a translation program that takes into account slang and short-term and pidgin," Evin shrugged, rolling his neck and smiling a little. "I noticed, when I first started touring other planets, that a lot of times my omnitool wouldn't be able to pick up all the words, because the locals would use a word that was locally only theirs, and most standard translations are formal ones that use the overarching translations. So I went about trying to fix that. It's helped a lot." 

"Wait - you created this program?" 

"With a lot of help, yeah - I'd get Holly to help me out, actually. I usually learned swears and insults that way." 

"...So all those times Shepard went up to random people in crowds and just started talking to them, getting them progressively more and more flustered, was _not_ because she literally had no clue how to talk to people?" 

"Oh, no, Holly has absolutely no idea how to talk to people. I just used that to my advantage." 

Evin saw Tali blink from behind her mask, before her shoulders started to shake and a snort escaped her. Evin grinned slowly, looking away and fiddling with his omnitool while waiting to see if she'd talk to him again. 

"You're _terrible_ , Evin Shepard - I think I'm going to like you!" 

~+~

He received his first email from Holly in weeks shortly after he found the vid of her becoming the first human Spectre. 

_Evin,_

_Okay, you've probably seen the vids, and I know I should have emailed you before now but you know what it's really hard to sneak onto your less-than-legal secret channel to email your adopted-foster-brother about super secret top clearance bullshit, so cut me some slack?_

_Anyway, bullshit's going down in all of space is the short version. The long version deals with psycho turians and Prothean tech and visions and the Council being jackasses and rogue Spectres and Udina being a political thorn in my left asscheek and Anderson being forcefully retired because of bullshit. And I will write you a proper letter, I swear to God I will, but first I just need to tell you about some of my crewmates because holy crap, Evin, I'm working with a quarian??_

_Yeah - the vagabond race that everyone calls suitrats that you idolize the shit out of. Those ones. I knew that'd get your attention._

_Her name's Tali and she's on something called a Pilgrimage, which is apparently what quarians do when they come of age. They leave the flotilla and they go off into space to try and find something useful and interesting and different back to their people to show they aren't lazy asses eating their food and breathing their air for no good reason. Wish we had something like that for Earth. 'Please prove you hold some semblance of purpose before we allow you to become a tax-paying citizen who likes to shit on orphan kids on the street'._

_I'm babbling. Sorry._

_So she's on Pilgrimage but she's super tech-savvy and she keeps going on about the logistics of the drive core and Engineer Adams looks about ten seconds away from adopting her and naming her Adams Jr in order to secure his lineage or some shit. I don't understand a single thing coming out of her filtered-out mouth but y'know what she seems happy, so I won't bring her down by my ignorance._

_If you could just explain some things for me, though, so I sound like I know what I'm talking about? Despite the fact that I can't see her face, she's really fucking cute. I wanna see what'll happen if I flirt with her._

_It's totally appropriate, she's not really part of my crew - she's a tagalong. It's not fraternization. Stop looking at me like that you jackass._

_Anyway, I need to go - we're heading to this planet Therum in the desperate hopes of finding some asari called Liara T'Soni. I'll send you a proper email later after we get her and can relax for a goddamn second._

_Love ya!  
Holly_

He'd read through the entire thing with a smile, glad that she seemed alright and secure in the knowledge that she really would email him later - Holly Shepard kept her promises if nothing else. 

He'd then turned back to his own mission, and turned his thoughts away from his sister and her quarian friend. 

~+~

When Evin went back to Holly's hospital room, he passed by Joker who looked red-eyed and tired but somehow at peace. It was a good look, really; Evin had noticed that the pilot had been stressed and uncomfortable ever since the Normandy had landed, and he hoped that whatever he and Holly had talked about had helped him out. 

Evin was selfish, not cruel. 

He entered the room, the door shutting behind him, and Holly looked over at him with a tired smile. 

"Hey, Evin - still not over the fact that you're here." 

"I've always been close, Holly," Evin assured, sitting down and scooting his chair closer. "'Course I'd be here." 

They watched each other for a moment, Holly shifting around and Evin sitting stock-still, before the famous Shepard blew out a breath of air and the unknown Shepard grinned. 

"So - met Tali, did you?" 

"That girl is a genius." 

"You're so in love." 

"If only she were a man." 

Holly snorted, shaking her head before glancing at him slyly. "Joker tells me that you've been hanging around Steve." 

Evin blinked, before burying his face in his hands and groaned; Holly's laughter mocking him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly remembers the dead.

Whenever Holly got off the elevator at the crew's quarters, she always took a moment to stop and stare at the wall opposite of her. 

Back when the SR-2 still smelt of fresh paint and new metal; back when it was white, black, and orange, and a dying drell lived in Life Support, an asari stared at the stars, and a Japanese girl with a penchant for kleptomania hoarded herself in memories, the wall had been blank. Just a steel wall, with nothing all that impressive about it. 

She hadn't minded it, then. If she had put the names of the crew members who had died up on that wall when the Illusive man still had a tobacco-smelling hand gripped to her leash, she would have hated herself. So she left it blank, and never brought up wanting to do something with it, and moved on first to visit Samara, then Kasumi, and then Thane. 

She had always had a soft spot for Thane, back in that mission. For all that he had been killing since he was young, he was good; deep, yet simple enough. He'd given her peace when all Miranda had given her were questions and all Jacob had given her was responsibility. A place to breathe where Tali saw the Commander who had saved her; where Garrus had seen a miracle worker and a hell of a fighter. Thane gave her hot chocolate and held her hand and allowed her to _breathe_ \- and she wished beyond everything that she had never broken up with him. 

She wished she could have been his _siha_. 

She had thought that when hiding in Garrus' arms the night before they went through the Omega 4 Relay; thought it when she watched the comet crash into the Alpha Relay, obliterating batarian lives and only feeling a little sorry for it. 

Holly had thought this when the Alliance took her in, quick and quiet-like, for a small trial and a sentence of confinement and home-arrest as she read reports and helped them try and build a defense against the incoming Reapers. 

And she thought of it after the Cerberus coup attempt, after she had put his name up on that wall along with Mordin and Pressly and the 19 other men and women who had died serving under her command. 

Whenever Holly got off the elevator to face that wall as the galaxy around her crumbled, she pressed her fingers to her lips and pressed them to Thane's name, before going on her rounds to visit Kaidan, Liara, and Garrus. 

It always left her feeling a little calmer. 

~+~

It was after the funeral; after her speech, where she couldn't tell Kolyat and Garrus and the crew of the Normandy that she had been in love with Thane Krios even when she was no longer with him. How could she? That would be cruel - it would be so cruel, to his son, to her lover, to Thane's memory. 

Holly had left being cruel behind when she was eighteen years old. 

Instead she spoke of the kind of man Thane had been; had spoken about the good he had done. Had stood by his son and clapped him on the shoulder and ignored his tears. 

And when they had all gone, she had gone up to her room to play the video messages that Thane had tried to play, and had sobbed her eyes out as he spoke to her. She missed it when he called her _siha_ \- she missed it and it was her own damn fault. 

_But I couldn't have loved a dying man_ , she thought to herself. _I couldn't have. I couldn't._

She hadn't even noticed when someone came into her room and touched her shoulder, shocking her from her mourning and tears, and she turned to see Garrus kneeling beside her; his blue eyes understanding. She threw herself at him, buried her face in his chest, and wept all the harder. 

He'd let her, and when she was done, he carried her to her bed and curled up beside her. 

"Tell me about Thane," he asked her, and Holly looked at him with wide eyes, surprised. "Tell me about the man you loved, even though you didn't want to. Because I knew you loved him, Shepard - I always knew you loved him. I just know you love me more." 

"I do - I do love you, Garrus," Holly whispered, mouth trembling even as she tried to hide it. "God, I never thought I'd love _anybody_ at all and here I am in love with a turian and crying over a drell. The Reds are cussing me out." 

"Xenophobic?" 

"Racist about it." 

Garrus hummed, and Holly curled closer to him; pressing her forehead to his throat so that the subharmonics could calm her down as they always did. After a moment of quiet where she listened to their breathing and Garrus ran his claws through her hair and down her neck and shoulders calmly, she sucked in a breath and closed her eyes. 

"There was just... there was just _something_ about Thane that made me think he was really very sad, and I just wanted to make him happy." 

She let out a shuddering breath, curling her legs closer to her stomach; shins bumping into Garrus' knees. 

"I just wanted to make him fuckin' happy." 

~+~

Holly Shepard could sit up unassisted when she turned to Liara T'Soni and cut her off mid-sentence. 

"Do you know what happened to Kolyat Krios?" 

Liara blinked, blue eyes wide and brow ridges with her painted-on brows raised, before she pursed her lips and lifted up her omnitool. With a few taps and a couple of minutes of searching, she started to sift through what seemed to be a still-unbelievably-large amount of information, despite the fact that the galaxy had been down technologically for nearing four months now. 

Holly supposed that the Shadow Broker never had an opportunity to rest and the first thing Liara did was restart her old contacts and get her agents back out in the field, helping and learning and spying. 

After another few minutes, Liara looked up with a victorious little smile. It reminded Holly of when the asari maiden would see new Prothean ruins and realize she was the first to discover it. 

"Kolyat Krios was taken with Commander Armando-Owen Bailey off the Citadel shortly before it was taken over by Cerberus and moved by the Reapers. It seems that someone got a warning out to the Citadel beforehand, and sent out a station-wide warning. Not everyone made it, of course - the asari Councillor is a notable death - but a few hundred people got out and they all went towards Sur'Kesh to see if they could sit out the rest of the war." She paused, biting the corner of her lip before sighing through her nose. "They're the closest to full repairing their Relay - probably because of the salarians - so a few ships are going to be heading towards the Local Cluster soon to help with rebuilding." 

Closing her 'tool once more, the Shadow Broker looked over to the Saviour of the Galaxy and smiled at her in that sweet, helpful way of hers she had managed to keep all these years. Holly found she was glad that Liara hadn't changed too completely since she had met her back on Therum. 

"Why are you asking?" 

"I need to talk to him - can we set up a vidcom or something? There's... there's a few things I need to talk to him about." 

Understanding seemed to fill Liara's eyes, then, and the asari nodded before opening up her 'tool again, punching in a few things. 

"Of course, Shepard - I'm on it."


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Traynor knew how to decipher the most difficult of coded communications to help the war effort - but when it comes to either Shepard, she's at a loss.

As soon as she was physically able, Holly hauled herself into the nearest wheelchair and demanded that someone take her out on a walk before she took herself out on one. 

Everyone knew that if she tried to wheel herself out, she'd eventually get frustrated and try to just throw herself into walking, so Samantha Traynor stepped forward quickly and started to push her Commander out of her hospital room and to the mostly-cleared streets of London. 

The effect was almost instantaneous. As soon as one person recognized Shepard, he shoved his friend and _she_ recognized her and then it went down a line until the entire street was crowding around the young communications specialist and the Commander, trying to shake her hand or touch her shoulder and just _thank her_. 

A few people stood back and sneered, muttering as loudly as they dared that it was the Commander's fault they were in this position in the first place, but you couldn't make everyone happy, and Holly didn't get a chance to try and reply anyway. 

(Traynor knew that the moment she allowed Shepard to talk to someone who said something nasty, the woman would be standing up and falling over the person, punching them as they both went down. It would be a disaster - a classical, Commander disaster.)

They stopped by every camp that was in London, from the humans to the turians, the salarians and the quarians and the krogan. Wrex shouted his greeting as soon as he saw Shepard, lifting her from the chair and setting her on his shoulder as if she weighed nothing at all. He paraded the woman through the ranks, all who gave a battle cry in her honor and scared the absolute piss out of anyone in a fifty-metre radius of the camp. Whens he was returned to Traynor and her wheelchair, she noted that Evin was standing next to the specialist, talking to her in a quiet voice. 

"Ah - Specialist Traynor, have you met my pest of a brother?"

"Is this how you talk about me behind my back?" 

"No, this is how I talk about you to your face." Holly grinned up at Evin, laughing as he rolled his eyes. "What're you even doing here?" 

"Making sure you and Ms Traynor don't get mobbed." 

"We were just going to pop into the asari commando camp, see how they are doing," Traynor said, smiling easily and turning Holly's wheelchair to the appropriate direction. "Honestly, I'm glad she's getting out and seeing everyone - people have only heard that Commander Shepard survived the destruction of the Citadel. It's nice to actually see her, to prove that it's true and not just morale propaganda." 

"And to think, Holly, you thought you were just getting into the Alliance to get free food." 

"The rations I lived on for months were crap and I want to retire." 

~+~

She had first seen her, paralyzed and at a distance, on Horizon when the Collectors had attacked. 

She never told Shepard that she had been the girl fallen over that she had stepped over; never told her that she saw her take down the husks that the Protheans had become with a steely expression and two aliens at her back that were familiar-unfamiliar. Familiar, because one was Garrus Vakarian, and he had helped her save the Citadel two years before; unfamiliar because she didn't know the krogan, it wasn't the scarred one who had followed after her everywhere while hunting down for Saren. 

No, when Samantha Traynor properly met Commander Holly Shepard, she had merely said that she had been visiting her family on Horizon when the Collectors attacked, and it was thanks to her efforts that she was alive to be standing on her ship. The woman she had seen back then, frozen and terrified, compared to the woman who stood in front of her, was completely different - and she didn't think that knowing she had walked over her paralyzed body would have helped matter much. 

Holly Shepard looked tired the moment she got onto the Normandy and ordered the ship to the Mars Archives. She looked tired when Samantha showed her the retrofits; when she talked to her about her ridiculously expensive toothbrush and when she shared news about interpreted communication code-cracking that saved students and scientists and found the Cerberus base of operations in Horizon a year later. 

She had bags under her eyes and lines around her mouth that hadn't existed when she'd fought Collectors. She seemed to have aged about ten years within that one year or house-arrest, and Samantha couldn't help but wonder what had _happened_ to the woman who had saved humanity up until then. 

She knew, of course, the basics; that Commander Shepard had directed a comet into the Alpha Relay, completely destroying the system and ultimately causing the genocide of millions of batarian lives. She knew that she was with the brass of the Alliance just before their base of operations in Vancouver had been obliterated by the Reapers; knew that when she returned from the Archives with an asari, a metal body, and Major Kaidan Alenko unconscious over her shoulders, something had settled onto her shoulders. 

A few of the crew said that the war settled onto her shoulders. 

Joker and the rest of the ground crew all agreed that the war had settled there when she had hunted down Saren; now the weight of the entire galaxy settled down with it. 

Samantha only hoped, in her own, small way, that she helped relieve that weight even a little. 

~+~

They ended their tour of survivors in the hospital, where Holly had demanded they go down to the children's ward immediately. Traynor led her without a word, Evin following behind, and they entered into the ward to an explosion of excited squealing and shrieks. 

Immediately Holly was assaulted by little bodies; a little boy crawling onto her lap and a little girl crawling up after him, the two of them chattering so quickly that the translators couldn't quite catch their words as they spilled them. Holly only laughed though and listened, holding onto them as Traynor left her chair in the middle of the room and watched, astounded, as Holly Shepard's face relaxed. 

She looked damn-near her age just then. Traynor had never realized she was so beautiful. 

"Would you believe me if I were to tell you that Holly's always liked kids?" 

"Oh?" Traynor looked over at Evin Shepard, taking in his profile and the smile on his mouth. She wondered at their relationship; wondered how they met, and why they called each other family, and why Commander Shepard had changed her name to be the same as his. Her commander was vicious words and laughter and easy teases; this commander seemed quiet and stern and intense in a way that was almost frightening. 

"Yeah - when we were training in the Alliance together, she'd always take her days off to go visit kids in orphanages and stuff. She'd just spend the day with them, reading and playing and telling them stories. She liked that they were treated well and that they seemed happy, even though they didn't have a family. Insisted they call her 'sis' while she was there so that they could claim they had at least one sister in their life." Evin sighed, shaking his head a little. "She was always upset that she wasn't able to have kids."

"Pardon me?" 

"Oh, yeah - Holly lost that ability when she was really young. Never told me the specifics - and even if she had, I wouldn't tell you. But she can't have 'em. Kinda hit her hard. She told me, after she got out of Cerberus and went back to the Alliance, she went to the doctor to see if Cerberus had changed that." 

He smiled bitterly, here, and she wondered at what had made such a nice-seeming man so angry that he couldn't smile kindly anymore. 

"Miranda was too good at her job, apparently." 

Traynor had no idea how to respond to that, and when she kept quiet for too long, Evin left her to go stand with Holly, hoisting the little girl into his arms and asking her something that made her laugh and bury her face into his shoulder. She watched the Shepards, leaning back against the wall, and watched them; trying to figure them out. 

Deciphering this code would, perhaps, be too impossible a task for her, unfortunately.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liara hasn't always been there; but she has been when it's important.

EDI pinged her in her cabin, quietly warning her that there was something happening in the Loft and perhaps she should check it out. 

Liara hadn't known what to say to that; EDI very rarely told anyone when something was happening in Shepard's cabin. The Commander liked her peace and her quiet, playing her music at top volume and tapping her fingernails against the glass of the fish tank. She said that the music and the blue glow helped to relax her in ways that not even the calmest of crewmates could. 

(Liara knew about Shepard hiding in Life Support when things got too loud; she knew who she was talking about. Garrus did, too, but neither of them ever mentioned it. It never seemed fair to bring it up, especially after the Cerberus Coup. She hadn't spoken to anyone in days after she got back from the hospital; just walked through the CIC to the elevator, Kaidan Alenko following after her in a subdued manner and a few new systems plotted onto the map for scanning.) 

But EDI very rarely said anything. Every once in a while she would ping Garrus, because Garrus was Holly's lover and her rock and constant; the one who watched her six from the moment he met her until now. Liara never got pinged, not unless it was Shepard herself and she had something she wanted to talk about. 

So the Shadow Broker left her cabin, making sure the door was locked behind her, and went to the elevator to go up to the Loft, intent on finding out what was wrong. 

When she got to the door, opening it with the touch of a hand, she jumped back when a shriek of noise met her, followed by the sound of something breaking. 

Hurrying inside, Liara's eyes widened at the sight of the cabin. 

Datapads, books, papers, files, clothes, pieces of armor, and old, broken weapons mods were lying strewn over the floor. The bed was a shambles and flipped; there was a cup of coffee on the floor, spilt and puddling where it sat. The radio was on a station of static and in the middle of it all sat Holly Shepard, sitting in her underwear, her hair wet and her hands red. 

"Shepard!" 

"Fuck," Holly hissed, looking up through her bangs as Liara rushed over to her side, kneeling beside her and picking up her hands gingerly. "Liara. What're you doing here?" 

"EDI pinged me - said I should come up. What _happened_?" 

"Me, mostly," Shepard shrugged, hissing when Liara prodded at a bit of fibreglass in her palm. The asari frowned, looking around the mess before rifling through her own pockets and producing a pair of tweezers. "Why do you even have those? You don't have real eyebrows." 

"In case I have to handle delicate things," Liara said, narrowing her eyes at the damage to the Commander's hands. "Why did you do this to yourself?" 

"Felt like a good idea." 

" _Shepard_." 

Holly sighed, closing her eyes and leaning backwards until she rested against the flipped bed, wincing as Liara got to work. "I just... I got out of my shower and I looked at myself in the mirror and I got so _mad_." 

"Why?" 

"Because I should have done more for Thessia. _God_ I should have somehow prevented it. I should've gotten the information for the Catalyst. I should've gotten to the temple faster. I should've shot Kai Leng in the fucking _head_ when I had the chance." 

"There was a gunship." 

"Yeah, and I was spaced and died - I could've fuckin' handled it." She shook her head, damp hair sticking to her cheek. "I just - there had to be _something_ I could do. There _had to be_. But I didn't do it. And now fucking _Cerberus_ has the Catalyst information and Thessia is burning and Lieutenant Kurin died because I fucking _convinced her_ to stay and I just. I shouldn't have done that. I should've let her go. I should've let the gunships stay in safety. We could've handled the Reaper forces, we'd handled more than that before without help." 

"Shepard--" 

"I shouldn't have gotten to fucking decide who got to die and who got to live and how they fucking got to _do it_ , okay!" Holly ripped her hands out of Liara's, dragging them through her hair and hissing as bits of fibreglass still in her skin dug in deeper. She ignored it, though; ignored the blood smeared at her temples as she pressed her hands to her forehead. "I should have just downloaded the fucking Prothean VI and left the temple and gotten onto the Normandy but fucking _no_ , we had to _argue_ with it, we had to go about how we could fucking save the galaxy this time, no really, we can! We can save the fucking galaxy!" 

"Holly--" 

" _WE CANNOT SAVE THE FUCKING GALAXY!_ " Holly finally screamed, and just as suddenly, she curled into a ball, clinging to the back of her neck; shoulder shaking. "We can't even save one _fucking_ planet - how the fuck are we gonna save the galaxy? How am I gonna do it, Liara? How can I do anything when I can't even save one. Fucking. _Planet_." 

Laughter escaped her, but sounded strangled, and Liara knelt beside Holly Shepard and had no idea how to help her. "I can't even-- I can't even save a _monastery_ , I had to fucking blow that up and kill Samara's daughter and-- and _Menae_ , I couldn't help Menae, I had to take one of their best fucking chances away for fucking _politics_ and - and - and _Cerberus_ is just _everywhere_ like some sort of STD waiting to infect something else. Fuck. _Fuck_." 

Her fingers tightened at the back of her neck, and Liara reached out to pry them off before she could hurt herself further; let her cling onto her hands, instead, to the point that Liara could feel her own joints creaking. She let her hold on and she shifted enough that Shepard could lean forward onto her shoulder, hiding her face and shaking. 

"I never fucking signed up for this shit, Liara," Holly whispered; and her voice was small and hoarse and the asari maiden wondered how long Shepard had been crying and screaming her frustration and terror before EDI decided enough was enough. "I just wanted to join the military. Just... just wanted clothes on my back and food in my belly and a home, a good _home_ , not some squatter's hell with ten blankets barely keepin' me warm and three nights away from dying in my sleep." 

"It's true, you never signed up for this," Liara said softly. She kept her voice calm, even; wondered how Holly had kept her cool while she had yelled at her not so long ago, grieving and lashing out at anything that spoke to her and feeling sorry for herself. Her homeworld had fallen; it was burning, as surely as Palaven was burning and Earth was burning. 

Shepard had lost Earth long before her, and had forced herself to keep calm and press on. Forced herself to bottle it all up because they all needed their strong, fearless Commander. 

They should have let her grieve, too. 

"You never signed up for this, and you stumbled upon it by an unhappy accident. You were made to chase after Saren because you were the only one who could; you were made to fight the Collectors because you were the only one who could." She ran her fingers through Holly's hair as she spoke, and she gradually felt Holly's shaking start to cease; the human woman's breathing slowing to match her own. "And now you're made the figurehead of this war - the one bright spot in a dark night - because you are the only one who can do this." 

"But I _can't_ \--" 

"You _can_ ," Liara insisted, wrapping her arms around the woman's shoulders and shaking her a little. "You can - and you're the only one I trust enough to do it _well_. Holly, you cured the genophage. You made an alliance between the krogan and the turians. You stopped the war between the quarians and the geth. If _anyone_ can stop the Reapers, and save our world, it's you. And you won't be alone." 

She paused, pushing her back, and smiled when Holly looked at her, red-eyed and skin blotchy from crying. "For one, Garrus will throw a fit if you leave him behind. It will be terrible. And, for another... you'll have me. I know I haven't always been there for you, not like Tali and Garrus--" 

"Liara--" 

"-- _but_ , I'm with you now. And I won't be leaving. ...I don't blame you for what happened at Thessia, Holly." She pressed her hands to Holly's cheeks, keeping her in place. "I _do not blame you_. ...I blame Cerberus. I blame the Reapers. ...in a way, I even blame the matriarchs for not evacuating earlier. But I don't blame you, Shepard." 

They sat in silence for a moment before Liara stood up, dragging Holly with her and dragging her to her private bathroom. 

"Now then - we're going to pick out the rest of this fibreglass and then you're going to shower again. I'm going to grab Garrus and James." 

"Oh, Liara, don't--" 

"It'll help James get over the last remains of his hero worship to see you react in a completely human way to a ridiculous amount of stress." Liara interrupted primly, sitting Holly down on the toil and holding her hands firmly. She shot a smile at the Commander, and after a moment, Holly smiled back. It was weak and frail and just this side of dying, but it was there. 

"Now for goddess' sake - stop fidgeting!" 

~+~

"Liara?" 

The asari looked over to the human woman sitting on her wheelchair, staring out the window at the reconstruction outside. They were waiting for the doctor to come in with test results; for Miranda to come in and check on all of her implants and see if any of them needed to be replaced. Holly had been fidgeting for the whole hour of waiting. Liara had managed to mostly ignore it in favour of catching up on her agents' reports. 

"Yes, Shepard?" 

The Saviour of the Galaxy turned to the Shadow Broker, bags under her eyes and lines around her mouth that had never been there before, and smiled in a way Liara T'Soni had not seen Holly Shepard smile in nearly a year. 

"...Thanks for sticking with me."


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly meets up with the Council.

"You want to what now?" 

Holly Shepard stared at the man across her bed with wide eyes and raised brows. It had been over half a year since the destruction of the Reapers, and life was slowly starting to look just this side of normal again. The Mass Relay from the Annos Basin had been fixed, and support from the salarians who had stayed back in their home systems were flooding into the Sol system faster than soldiers could said _sir!_ They mostly helped with the reconstruction of buoys, towers, and important medical tech; many of the patients who had been barely surviving were now stable and doing well, and the doctors all looked slightly less stressed than when they had in weeks. 

The remaining Councillors had also come to Earth, to view the reconstruction efforts of the Citadel and to discuss what would become of the station that had been the cause and cure of so much disaster. The only one missing was Councillor Tevos, who had died on the attack of the Citadel in her attempts to help her fellow Council members run away. 

When Liara had given Holly that bit of news, the Commander had sat there stunned for all of five seconds before saying 'never knew she had those kind of balls' and shrugged it off. It was sad, to be certain - Tevos had tried to help out in the end. But Holly had never been her friend, and while she had been a good figurehead for her people, it was perhaps time for a new perspective from the asari. 

She wondered who they would vote as the new asari Councillor. She hoped it was someone who would realize they needed to cooperate with the rest of the galaxy in order to rebuild anything. 

Councillor Valern had come by to visit Shepard as soon as his ship landed in London, to see for himself that she was as alive as the rumours suggested she was. They spoke for a time in length, having grown surprisingly comfortable with each other after the Cerberus Coup attempt and resulting assassination attempt. He mentioned a few ideas for salarian-human relations, mentioning trade and agreements and other such things that Holly really didn't want to think about at all. 

She had done her time with politicking, she informed him; she was quite ready to be done with it. 

The salarian had only smiled in that way of his and left with a pat to her hand. She wasn't sure if she felt insulted or condescended to, and wondered if the two feelings were one and the same when it came to salarians. 

Councillor Sparatus had only arrived in London proper that day, having delayed his visit to the hospital and Admiral Hackett, who had made his office in the hospital for the time being, in order to visit with his people and their Primarch. 

He stood in front of her now, arms crossed and expression exhausted, but determined. 

"You heard me, Commander," he said, mandibles flaring in a vindictive grin as she grimaced away from him in her bed. "We need a new human Councillor - you showed what you were capable of during the war effort. Not only did you have many military successes, but you had many _notable_ political successes, as well. Valern and I both agreed that you are a good fit for the position." 

"Not to sound too crass or rude or unthankful, Councillor, but how the fuck do you figure that?" 

Sparatus blinked, before he sighed, moving over to the stool beside Holly's bed and sitting on it. Holly noted movement at the door, but ignored it for now; it was Evin, always keeping close and listening in on her supposedly private conversations. She was pretty sure Hackett had ordered him to keep an eye on her visitors who were not Alliance or Normandy crew. 

"Shepard," he said, his voice heavy, and Holly shifted uncomfortably at the use of her surname. The Council had never just called her _Shepard_ \- it was always 'Commander' or 'Commander Shepard', because while they may not have always seen eye to eye, they all gave each other the respect they all deserved. "You brought the galaxy together to fight a war that seemed impossible to win against and enemy impossible to beat, then proceeded to win the war and utterly annihilate the enemy. Humanity - _everyone_ \- will look to you now, whether you like it or not. They will watch your reactions to things; they will watch to see what you do once you can walk on your own again. Even if we chose another human for Councillor, even _they_ would wait to see how you would react before deciding anything." 

"Do you know how fucking terrifying that is, Councillor? Like, do you have even the smallest idea?" 

Sparatus laughed, and Shepard felt a little bit disturbed for having witnessed it. Who knew he knew how? 

"I obtained my position as Councillor for the turians after a rather large win in a battle behind enemy lines, and how I reacted to it. Valern earned his position after he stopped the attempted assassination of the last salarian councillor, using his STG skills to do so quickly and quietly. And Tevos--" Sparatus cut himself off, turning quiet, and Holly wondered if the asari and turian councillors had been close friends, or even more, "...Tevos was the disciple of an influential asari matriarch. One of her commandos, and terribly good at her job. Though none of us saved the Galaxy, it is true, we have some idea of what it's like to earn our place through fire. We have _some_ idea of what it's like to have everyone watching us because we were, at some point, exceptional." 

"...You never struck me as the military type, Sparatus, which is hilarious, as you're a turian." 

Sparatus shrugged, both the fact that Holly had called him by name and her comment. "I've been a politician for a very long time. It's grown on me." 

"Like a mold." 

He laughed again, and it was a little less disturbing this time around. He gave her a turian smile, stood, and made his way towards the door; turning back to her before he left. 

"Just think about it, okay?" 

Holly stared at him for a long moment; stared at him and thought of Valern's little smile, and the fuck-up that was Udina, and Anderson's voice in her head, guiding her even after his body was buried in rubble and lost. She then nodded, scratching her cheek idly. 

"...Yeah. Okay." 

~+~

"You know," Garrus said, popping out from underneath the Mako as Shepard made her rounds. She needed to check on all her crew before she disappeared into her quarters to write Evin a letter and maybe even set up a vid call. It would be hard - he had gone dark a few weeks ago, and only the notification that he'd read her messages let her know he was alive - but she thought maybe it'd be worth a shot. "You don't _really_ have to report in to the Council every time you finish a mission report. I doubt most other Spectres do." 

"Yeah, but I'm the human Spectre," Holly pointed out, rubbing the back of her neck and wincing when it cracked. "Gotta walk on a floor of eggshells and all that shit." 

"Eggshells?" 

"S'a human sayin', don't worry about it." She shook her head, smiling a little and leaning against the Mako. "But no - I gotta report. They're all about keeping an eye on me. Why make it harder for 'em? It'll make them trust me less, and I really, _really_ don't need that, Garrus." 

"You're ten times better than any of them," Garrus assured her, shaking his head. "You actually go out and _do_ things while they sit around and talk about it." 

"I'm a soldier. They're politicians. Our spheres are just a little bit different. Besides - could you really see Councillor Tevos putting on commando leathers and running head-first into a horde of husks or whatever?" 

"Hah!" Garrus' mandibles flared, and Holly noted that he had a nice laugh; that it rung with subharmonics and he looked less tense when he did it. She wondered why he didn't laugh more. "No, _that_ is definitely hard to imagine. Maybe I'm just frustrated at how Sparatus acts - he was a soldier, he should know things sometimes go wrong." 

"Sure," Shepard shrugged, looking away from him. "Things go FUBAR, soldiers get it. Councillor Sparatus doesn't have the leeway to react like a soldier. It's more than just a few soldiers and a bad mission, Garrus - it's a galactic concern. A Prothean ruin went up in magma because of me - who causes a seismic event on a rescue mission? Me, that's who. And Noveria was a fuckin' _mess_ , don't even get me started on that." 

"And Feros? Nobody died." 

"Suspicion of humans, every alien has 'em. Yes, Garrus - even you. I've seen how you shield your calibrating from Ashley. Play nice with my Gunnery Chief, okay, she's surrounded by fuckin' firearms all day." Garrus laughed again, and she grinned. "Now then - the Council's being the Council, even when they're being pricks. We good?" 

"Yeah, Shepard, we're good." 

"Good. Then close up for the night, night cycle's approaching and I've a strict policy of no one fuckin' workin' when they should be sleepin'. Same goes for you, Williams!" A groan was her answer, and she grinned. "And Wrex? ...You do you." 

"Shepard." 

"Oh, how come he doesn't get ordered around?" 

"Because he's like 1000lbs of muscle and plate and I really don't wanna experience that gettin' impatient with me." 

She left the lower deck to the sound of laughter, grinning to herself.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evin's always preferred not to be noticed.

When he was deemed fit for duty by the hospital doctors, Evin went back to Earth to decompress and wander the streets of Vancouver for a while. 

It wasn't the city he grew up in - that was somewhere in the States, D.C. if he remembered right - but it was a city and it was human and it was full of civilians. He needed to be surrounded by people who wouldn't have guns on their person at all times; had to be around people dressed in civvies and who didn't watch their surroundings as if waiting for an attack. 

He needed concrete under his feet instead of packed dirt, because every time he stepped foot onto dirt these days he felt tremors and half-expected a monster to burst out of the ground. 

Admiral Hackett found him there. Literally found him sitting in a park, watching people walking by and ignoring the pings from his omnitool. It was Holly - she had been sent back to her posting after ensuring he was alright, but she still worried. He got the feeling she would always worry. 

It made him feel a little better. 

"Lieutenant Shepard?" 

Evin looked up, staring into tired blue eyes and a scarred face. It took him a moment to recognize the man, and he moved to stand up when Hackett held out his hand, shaking his head. 

"We're not on the clock right now, Shepard, don't bother with formalities." Evin sat back down, watching the admiral carefully as he sat down next to him. For a few minutes, the two said nothing; Hackett watching the pedestrians and Evin watching Hackett. Finally, Hackett heaved a sigh and leaned back, looking over at him with a contemplative look. 

"I'm sure you can figure out why I have approached you, Shepard. You're like your sister - you're bright." 

It was the first time someone in the Alliance had acknowledged the unofficial familiar bond between him and Holly, and Evin's respect raised a little bit for the man before him. He nodded, looking away and back to the people. 

"You're here to offer a spot in the N7 program." 

"Yes." 

"I'm afraid I'll have to decline, Admiral." 

Hackett hummed, but didn't sound surprised, and Evin waited to see if he would say anything. Evin was good at waiting; always had been. Toombs always told him that his patience was actually a little creepy when it was quiet and everyone else was getting fidgety. Evin would always still be in one place, sitting as still as he possibly could, waiting for the other side to blink. 

Finally, Hackett scratched at his jaw and sighed. "I was afraid you'd say that." He then looked at Evin from the corner of his eye, frowning a little. "I'd ask why, but I'm sure you'd talk around it. You have a habit of doing that, I've heard. So. Instead, I'll offer you something else." 

"Oh?" 

"Yes." Hackett sat up and rubbed at his shoulder, rotating his arm slowly as he stared at the people in front of them. No one paid them any attention, and Evin found he liked that best. It meant less people would remember them if anyone ever asked. "There's a program the Alliance is creating - something like black ops, but smaller. You'd answer only to the brass; your commands would come directly from them, as well. It's top-secret information; dark, dirty work. You'd have to black out on communications a lot." 

He turned to face Evin, then, folding his hands in front of him; arms resting on his knees. "You'd do a lot of good for humanity... but you'd do a lot of it from a less moral path. Thoughts?" 

Evin bit his lip, thinking it over for a moment, before he sighed through his nose and looked away again; hiding a smile. 

"When do I get my orders?" 

"Tomorrow. Be ready, Lieutenant." 

The Admiral left as quietly as he arrived, leaving Evin to watch the people of Vancouver and wonder what he had just agreed to. He then brought up his omnitool and opened his emails, finally getting to reading Holly's messages. 

~+~

"You should have sent me on that mission, sir." 

Evin stood in a nondescript room in a base on a station that no one thought was all that important. It was a smaller fuel station than most, and only humans regularly used it. It bordered the Terminus Systems, so Evin often went there dressed in nondescript armor. 

He rarely wore a uniform these days, which was probably for the best. 

"Are you questioning my decision, Lieutenant Commander?" 

"Yes, sir," Evin said, tilting his head at the holoscreen. Admiral Steven Hackett stood in front of him, most likely on his dreadnought at his CIC. He heard people in the background, and saw a few people, too; all people who knew better than to bother or listen to the Admiral just then. Whenever they saw Evin's face, everyone turned away. 

This was, also, probably for the best. 

"Why's that?" 

"Commander Shepard, while a qualified soldier and a remarkable N7, was not the best choice to retrieve Doctor Kenson from her batarian captors. While she managed to go undetected in the prison and got the doctor out, she was overwhelmed by the troops in the base Kenson brought her to. This was because she fully trusted your word that Kenson was a trusted and non-indoctrinated member of the Alliance." 

"We had no reason to think otherwise." 

"Sir, you stated clearly that she had found Reaper tech. It is commonly known that those without the willpower my sister has will fall under its influence. It has been seen time and again. It will continue to be seen until people learn from the past instead of ignoring it. It was said you knew she had this artefact for weeks, at most. It can also be assumed that, seeing as for all intents and purposes the galaxy is ignoring the upcoming Reaper threat as well as it can, that we do not have the proper technology to protect ourselves from this sort of artefact." 

"Get to the point, Shepard." 

"It could be assumed, sir, that Doctor Amanda Kenson had been indoctrinated while studying into the artefact. It could also, therefore, have been assumed that she would have attempted to stop Commander Shepard from doing her job." 

"What would you have done differently?" 

"Learned where her centre of operations was located, covertly go directly to it and learn what I could, and then go find the doctor. Learn for myself whether or not she was indoctrinated, and once I was sure of her alliances, deal with her accordingly." Evin shook his head. "Holly trusted your faith enough to just go to the doctor. It's how she operates; she wants to believe in the best of people, and she's always disappointed. And now a Mass Relay was destroyed, a system was annihilated, and it was because my _sister_ was forced into the worst circumstances due to _faith_." 

"And you have no faith in me, Lieutenant Commander?" 

"I respect you and I will obey my orders, Admiral. But you are human, and flawed, and I cannot have complete faith in you or your decisions. This was a bad call." 

Hackett sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before looking at Evin again. "I know," he said quietly. He then straightened his shoulders and shook his head. "Find Lieutenant James Vega, Lieutenant Commander - once you learn his location, forward the coordinates to Admiral Anderson. And then return to your shadow mission - you are to continue to watch the Normandy until Shepard is done whatever it is she is doing and turns herself into the Alliance." 

"After that, sir?" 

"There will be a few scouting missions, most likely. A few messes we need cleaned up. You'll get them as you're needed, Shepard." He shook his head again, sighing. "Hackett out." 

Evin stood for a moment longer in front of the screen, watching the static, before shutting it off and turning away. 

~+~

"Lieutenant Commander?" 

Evin looked up from his datapad. He had been taking a break from the rebuilding efforts, eating a sandwich from the hospital and reading one of the datapads that Holly had had in her cabin on the Normandy. Joker and Kaidan had taken him on a tour of the ship the other day, showing him around and telling him stories about what life on the ship was like. 

He hadn't told them that he knew; that Holly would message him every week, and that they had vid called every two weeks if he hadn't gone dark. He liked that they were trying. He didn't want them to stop. 

James Vega stood in front of him, looking vaguely uncomfortable. After a moment, Evin nodded his head to the free spot beside him, and the big marine sat heavily. 

They sat in another moment of awkward silence on Vega's part before the tattooed man heaved a sigh and turned to Evin. 

"They don't know you shadowed us during a lot of our missions, do they." 

"No one should have known, Vega, but I'm not surprised you do." 

"You're not?" 

"You're not an idiot - idiots aren't made N7s." Evin sighed, cracking his neck and putting down his datapad. "I only have a small ship, but it's made with the same stealth drive as the Normandy. More effective, because it's so much smaller than the frigate. I wasn't able to tail all your missions, but I was ordered to keep an eye, anyway." 

"In case of what?" 

"In case Commander Shepard ever came under fire and was overwhelmed. I was to deal with the situation accordingly." He thought back on the Ardat-Yakshi monastery; thought back on the numerous Cerberus labs, and the theatres of war that Cerberus had tried to infiltrate and contaminate as it would. "I was last resort only; meant to follow and observe." 

"Under whose orders?" 

"Steven Hackett's." 

Vega twitched, but didn't say anything. Evin waited him out, staring up at the blue-grey sky. It looked like it would possibly rain. That would be nice, actually; it had been dry for a while, now. 

"You've always watched over her, haven't you?" 

"Of course, Vega," Evin looked over at him, smiling a thin smile. "She's the most important person in the world to me. And someone had to watch out for her." 

"Her crew wasn't good enough?" 

"You all were excellent. It's why you never saw me. But that's not what I'm saying." He turned back to the sky, sighing out through his nose. 

"I'm saying that someone has to watch her back. Someone has to be there to take down the stragglers while she barrelled through enemy lines like a tank. She needed a sniper - a shot in the dark." 

His thin smile widened, showing teeth, and he felt Vega shift a little uncomfortably. 

"I was and always will be that bullet."


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Holly talk.

James had noticed him the first time as they went through the Mars Archives. 

He kept out of range and out of sight, mostly - sometimes a flash of armor would be seen, but James would look over, shotgun in hand and scope to his eye, and he wouldn't see anyone, so he'd turn back to the mission at hand. He had to watch Shepard's back, after all. 

When she had sent him back to the shuttle, he'd gone; and he'd notice a flicker of movement behind crates, but bitterly decided not to say anything. It was stupid - he felt bad about it later. But when he mentioned it to Shepard, the woman only grinned and shrugged and didn't comment further. 

He never mentioned it again, but he kept an eye out, anyway - and noticed that whenever they landed on a planet to deal with Cerberus, that shadow was there. 

It was there at Grissom Academy, tailing after them in different hallways and keeping to darkened corners; it was there at the Cerberus lab, keeping to higher levels and taking out Cerberus operatives quietly and efficiently. James noticed; so did Shepard, and still she said nothing. 

Cerberus lab after Cerberus set-up after Cerberus scheme, from Eden Prime to Gellix and beyond, James noticed the shadow and Shepard said nothing at all. 

It made him curious; more so, it made him wary, but he never mentioned it to anyone else. 

If the Commander wasn't worried, he supposed that it wasn't anything bad. 

~+~

"You knew." 

"Of course I did," Holly shrugged, scratching her cheek and eyeing James oddly. She quirked a dark brow and he scowled at her. "Oh, come on, James - Evin and I have exchanged emails and vid calls since I joined the Alliance. The guy made up a channel only the two of us could connect to in order to talk to each other. He knew about my ops, I knew mostly about his." 

"Mostly?" 

"There were a few clean-up jobs I really didn't need to know about. I found out, of course, through the news - but I never mentioned that I connected the dots." 

"...Your brother is terrifying." 

"Evin is the kindest, sweetest man I've ever known and just because he can shoot someone from four hundred metres away doesn't mean he's scary." Holly sniffed, before shaking her head. "Anyway - he told me about how the Alliance had put him on a tailing detail when I was resurrected. They wanted to keep an eye on me - I'm not surprised, I was an unknown then. But they didn't want to be official about it or anything, so they sent the most official-unofficial person they could." 

James sat down heavily on the chair next to the bed, scooting closer and resting his arms on the bed. Holly was sitting up over the covers, stretching as best as she could. While she still couldn't walk - the doctors and Miranda had both said that something in her musculature and the cybernetics in her legs had been severely damaged in the collapse of the Citadel - her physical therapist suggested she kept to her stretches in the hopes that it would help in her recovery in the long run. Holly just liked moving, mostly. She got James to help her with positioning because every time she asked Garrus, he panicked that he'd somehow hurt her. 

Sweet of him, really, she appreciated it. But she needed help, not a worrywart. 

"What division is he even part of?" 

"They don't have an official name - makes it harder for people to ask the Alliance about, then. When people ask 'what division is this soldier a part of', the Alliance brass can officially and truthfully state 'none'. It leaves the operatives in a pretty shitty position, but you know. Them's the breaks. They're a group of about five to ten people at a time - never a large group, too noticeable then. They try to switch them out." 

"Try?" 

"Evin's been part of it since it began - he's had a few rounds out, but for the most part, they keep him in it all the time. He's their most valuable player, I think. He knows the most and he's the best at his job. He's never been compromised." She sighed, leaning back and looking over at him. "Help me move the other leg, would ya?" 

"'Course, Lola," James got up, moving to the other side of the bed to help her adjust her legs as she needed them. He thought as he worked, holding her steady unconsciously when she wobbled and stepping back when she was set up and gave him a nod. "You didn't feel... uncomfortable or nothin' when he was set to tail you?" 

"Honestly, I was glad it was him - and he emailed me a long lecture about dying and blah blah blah before telling me that he was gonna keep an eye on me. Anyone else would've probably put me down when I released Jack, or took in Thane," she paused her, pressing her lips together, before shaking her head and pressing forward, "or even when I got _Legion_. Especially when I got Legion. Evin had a fit. It was hilarious." 

"You saw him?" 

"Vid call. Private line. And I had taken out all the bugs in my room by then with Tali and Garrus' help, so. He ranted for an hour about the safety issues and then another hour about the danger of the geth before he finally got down to the nitty-gritty and asked about the model and how it thought and all that. Despite his caution about Legion, Evin would've liked him, I think - Evin's a bigger nerd than _Tali_." She sat up, stretched her back, and winced when it cracked loudly; James winced with her, rubbing at his mouth. "I thought once I handed myself over to the Alliance, they would've sent him on a different mission. Then Reapers happened and they put him on my tail again." 

"Last line of defence." 

"He only ever followed me when it came to Cerberus operations, you had to have realized that." She glanced at him, grinning a little. "It was a last line of defence, sure - I'm pretty sure his sniping saved our asses a couple of times taking down stragglers. But largely? He was there to see how I would react around Cerberus." 

"What, the Alliance didn't trust you completely cut off ties? You said a huge 'screw you' to the Illusive Man, Lola! You literally had done nothing to make them suspicious!" 

"Could've been a ruse. Look, not sayin' I like the reasoning. Definitely didn't like feeling like they couldn't trust me to do what was right. But I understand it. Besides, then I knew where Evin was. If he was tailin' me, he wasn't off gettin' killed or indoctrinated or turned into a husk." 

James had nothing to say to that, instead helping Holly settle back into her bed at a more comfortable position. They sat and talked for a while of benign things after that, just generally catching up and catching their breath from rebuilding and relief efforts and meetings and the like. 

He left her when Garrus came by with his Primarch, leaving that conversation for people who would understand or care about it. He was almost certain that Holly was going to take the Councillor position, and honestly, he was glad for it. While the Commander was a hell of a soldier, and a woman he would follow into hell and back again, he thought that she deserved a break from the fighting and death that came with her infamous position, now. 

That, and maybe the Alliance would stop sending her on missions after they fucked up. He'd read previous reports. He knew about the mission requests that could have been handled by anyone else, but were passed on to Shepard instead. 

He passed by Evin Shepard in the hallway. He was leaning against the wall, going through a datapad with earbuds in his ears; probably listening to a verbal report or maybe even music, who knew with that guy. He looked calm and relaxed and perfectly normal. 

But James gave him a bit of a wider berth anyway. Evin Shepard reeked with danger in a way that Holly Shepard did. But unlike Holly, who owned up to her lethality, Evin hid it away under unassuming smiles and a polite attitude that hid a ruthless renegade personality. 

He wondered, really, how Lola got the impression that Evin was nice at all.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus fell for her in increments.

She walked into the Main Battery with a weak innuendo and red-rimmed eyes, and instead of asking her about it he played along. 

Garrus had pretty much accepted that he was in love with his best friend when she set the course to the Mu Relay and Ilos to stop an indoctrinated madman. He had already grown to respect and admire her: the way she handled things with a deft touch and a brash attitude made him think that he could still rage against the restrictions that stopped him from obtaining justice - and that he could calmly and efficiently _change_ them. 

But the way she had been as they set their course and chased after Saren, she had not been calm. She had been livid, her eyes tight and her teeth clenched, and the only reasons he didn't shout was because she was on duty and had a responsibility to see her crew through. They had committed mutiny; had stolen the Alliance's most advanced warship and stolen away into space, towards an unknown planet and an unknowable enemy. 

And he had looked at her and had realized he was completely in love with her. 

Infatuation would probably be a better term, but he ignored it either way; saved the Citadel and left her service to go back to C-SEC and reapply for Spectre duty. He vid called his father, and they had a long conversation and a short fight about his decision, before he had tried to go back to his old life and ultimately failed. His frustrations kept growing, and when he learned that the Normandy SR-1 had been struck down and its Commander had been killed, he finally quit and decided to do things his own way. 

Everything ultimately fucked up. Garrus was beginning to suspect a pattern to his life. 

The idea that maybe he'd been a little more than infatuated with her had settled into the back of his mind as he shot at mercs and spoke of apologies and target practice with his father; when he spotted the N7 emblem on her chest and felt his pace quicken and his exhaustion get wiped out by adrenaline and disbelief. 

But she was dead. 

But she _wasn't_. 

And he'd follow her fucking _anywhere_. 

So when she came into his Main Battery with an awkward innuendo and red-rimmed eyes, he blinked and stuttered but didn't turn her away; and it was awkward, and they both very nearly screwed it up a few times. 

But it was real, and it was good, and it worked out in the end. 

That was all he cared about. 

~+~

"Tali says that they've gotten a few of the geth back online - they're even at the same settings as before they shut down. No personality reboot for any of 'em." 

Holly heaved out a sigh, leaning over until she collapsed against his side, and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders with a squeeze. He'd gotten out of the armor for the day, intent on just spending time with the woman he loved the most in the world. No one complained; he'd been helping out at the turian camps for months, now, and everyone agreed he'd probably worked himself a little too hard. 

Mostly he just wanted a lazy day, because he didn't think he'd ever experienced one before. 

"That's... that's good," she murmured, turning her face so that she could tuck her chin into his cowl. She had told him, once, that she adored the little dips and edges of a turian's body; said this while trailing her fingers over rigid plates and soft, leathery flesh as it merged and switched up according to where it was. She liked to feel the difference in texture as her hand went from harsh upper arm to malleable elbow joint to roughening forearm. "That's really, really good." 

"Who knew we'd ever see the day we were happy to have the geth back?" Garrus joked, mandibles flaring out a little in a smile. Holly grinned, shaking her head and poking his side, and he _oof_ 'd and pinched her arm lightly in retaliation. "Tali also said that Evin and Traynor are helping out with getting EDI back online. Suffice to say, Joker's been hanging out with the techies more than he used to." 

"I hope Joker doesn't verbally eviscerate Evin." 

Garrus thought back to when he had last seen them, making his way to the hospital from the camp that the Normandy crew had decided to call their temporary quarters. The Normandy herself was going through a major retrofit and clean-up, seeing as the Alliance brass wanted her in the sky again and flying as soon as the Relays were fixed. Probably more morale propaganda, as Traynor called it. 

He wondered if Shepard would even be up for it. 

But last he remembered, Evin and Joker had been talking quietly, Joker looking at Evin as if he had never seen him before and Evin grinning that little grin that unnerved the crap out of Jimmy but made Liara think he was a good big brother for Holly. 

Garrus still didn't know what to think of Evin Shepard; he was good but he was the very definition of morally grey until it came to his sister. Then he would protect her, no matter his orders, or the consequences, because Evin Shepard could watch the galaxy burn but would make sure Holly Shepard lived to stand in the ashes. 

Garrus was pretty sure that Evin would shoot him point-blank if it meant Holly's safety. Garrus was also pretty sure he was okay with that. 

"Nah, I think they're good - I think Joker's finally found someone who appreciates his sense of humour." 

"Well, now I'm just scared." 

Garrus snorted, and Holly grinned and leaned against him a little more. He rested a hand on her thigh but she didn't react, and the turian wondered and worried about that. 

It had been a year since the Crucible went off. A year of rebuilding, of reprogramming, of fighting technology to come back to life. They'd gotten all the medical equipment online that they could, and their assistant VIs to work them, and while science and medicine had gone far, he wasn't sure they would be able to fix Holly Shepard's legs. 

Miranda had told him in a quiet meeting that she didn't think they could, either, solely for the reason that Holly's legs were pretty much destroyed after the collapse of the Citadel; that something had happened in the Crucible, that the damage was too severe. She wanted to see if she could do anything first before telling Holly the news, though. 

Garrus hoped, but knew better than to put his faith on hope. 

It probably wouldn't end well. 

"Did you want to go on a walk to go see 'em? Tali and the geth, I mean." 

He looked down at Holly to see what she would say. He'd noticed lately that some days she was just as awkwardly social as she had ever been. She wanted to go out, see everyone, be seen, and help in any way she could. It usually involved talking and visiting people and shaking hands, but she was alright with that for the most part. She even liked talking to some of the people elected as heads of refugee camps. She liked hearing what they were concerned about, because she could bring it up to important people and actually _help_. 

Other days she was quiet and wanted to be alone, with only a couple of people for company. These days she stretched or slept or read, trying to keep her mind busy from the fact that she couldn't feel anything from the waist down. 

And then there were some days where she wanted to be completely isolated, and lashed out at anyone who visited. These days she had nightmares, saw things out of the corner of her eyes, and flinched when anything loud occurred. These days worried Garrus the most. He wondered if he could get her to talk to someone. 

Maybe Kelly Chambers, if they could find her again. 

She stared at his hand for a moment, and Garrus could feel his heart sinking until she reached out and grabbed it; grinning up at him. 

"Bring me to the nerds." 

He laughed.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly had always had trouble sleeping in new places.

They were in field training and they were supposed to be on opposite sides of the camp. 

The military tried to separate the men and women in their sleeping tents, so that no one got any ideas. It was archaic and idiotic and the set-up completely forgot about the other sexual orientations, but it was a classic and they mostly kept it because they needed something familiar while they had field training on a planet that no one had colonized yet. 

Evin had never had problems sleeping somewhere that was not Earth. He'd spent a good portion of his life on Mindoir, after all, and before that his parents had moved them around on Earth from London back to Shanghai and then somewhere completely different. His father had been a drifter, his mother a tidal wave, and sleeping under a different sky but with the same stars had always been easy. 

Holly had lived her entire life in D.C. She had been born there; her parents had raised her there until they got themselves killed but not her, and then she had lived in the streets and huddled in its familiar alleyways and sidewalks and restaurant trash pens because it had been all she had known. When she had joined the Alliance and had been flown up to her first space station, she hadn't slept for a month. 

She never told Evin. He knew, but she never told him. It was a point of pride for her to pretend everything was fine. 

But they were on a totally alien planet, where the codex had spoken of lush jungles and plentiful wildlife and how it was hitting the evolutionary hotspot; that it would be good for colonization in a few more years, and humans were staking a claim now and using the Alliance recruits' training exercise as a way to plant the flag and proclaim the land for Earth. 

They hadn't actually brought a flag, which frustrated Holly to no end. How come they never put flags on things anymore? 

The patrol had landed three days ago, making camp on the first stretch of land that was flat and defensible. They had set up tents until the pre-fabs were shipped down to them, and they went out every day and catalogued the different plants, soil, and animals that they saw so that they knew what they were dealing with and whether or not to bring in the team of scientists. 

They would more likely than not bring in the scientists. 

For the most part, though, Holly had been sleeping, if not fine, then decently. But that night they went through their first storm, and it was nothing like rain back on Earth. 

She stared at the roof of her tent for an entire hour before she bolted out of it and dashed across the field over to where the men were sleeping. Evin had his own tent, because he was in charge of this side of the camp, so she didn't worry about stepping on anyone as she slipped inside and curled up next to her brother. 

Evin didn't even twitch; he just lifted his arm and let her settle against him. Once she was comfortable, he let out a breath, and she curled tighter against him. He felt her shift, and knew that she was rubbing the bridge of her nose as she waited for him to say something.

Instead he squeezed her gently, closing his eyes again and yawning. "Just make sure to get back to your tent before the rest wake up, okay?" 

"...Yeah, okay." 

~+~

When she was assigned to the Normandy, she slept with the rest of the crew for the first week or so. 

It wasn't too bad. She could pretend that the breathing she heard was the breathing of other orphan kids, or the Reds back when they were assholes but okay, or even Evin when she curled up beside him and slept as soundly as she could. 

It was never a good sleep; never a deep sleep. The last time Holly Shepard slept deeply, it had been before her parents had died and she'd lived in a house with a room and a bed of her own.

But after the Normandy was assigned as hers and she was given the Captain's quarters, her sleeping suffered, and she started to wander the halls at night to try and exhaust herself. 

She noticed that Kaidan was up a lot on these walks, too, tending to whatever it was that he always tended to just outside her cabin. She started to sit down on the floor just beside him, a mug of coffee in her hands and a cracker in her mouth, and watched him work. The first few times, he looked at her oddly; tried to make conversation. 

After about the sixth or seventh time, he accepted that his Commander was a strange one and just ignored her when she sat down and stared. 

Kaidan was nearly as soothing as Evin was, to Holly. He was quiet and methodical and he never judged her; never looked at her and seemed to say 'you don't belong here; you should've died with a knife in your back on an alley on Earth'. He just looked at her with respect and a little crush that she did her best to squash, and sometimes told her about BAaT and the girl he had liked and what he thought of her choices during the missions. 

He spoke softly and sincerely and she appreciated the fact that she could hear the truth in his voice, always; that he never seemed to lie to her, and wanted her to like him as a person and not just a soldier. 

When she died, she was always sorry that she hadn't contacted Kaidan immediately after waking up again, scars glowing under her skin and the scars she had earned through a hard life gone like Miranda had taken her history and erased it. Out of everything Miranda had done, the good, bad, beautiful and ugly, that was the one thing Holly had never forgiven her for. 

And just like Holly had one thing she had never forgiven Miranda for, she had never forgiven Kaidan for looking her in the eye and lying to her, expecting her to believe it was the truth. 

"I trust you," he'd told her in the Archives. 

But he hadn't. 

And she thought it would probably hurt forever. 

~+~

The hospital was impossible to sleep in. 

She stared at the ceiling, counting tiles and counting mechanical beeps and hating the fact that she couldn't get up and _move_. 

It had been over a year since she had woken up. The doctors were talking about releasing her so that they could free up rooms for other patients, but the Alliance asked to keep her under surveillance for just a little while longer. Just a little longer, until she could walk again. 

She wondered if anyone realized she had come to the same conclusion they all had - that she would probably never walk again, or not for many, many years. She knew they weren't telling her because they thought she would rage and scream and break. 

But she had raged, and she had screamed, and she _was_ broken - there was nothing left to break in her. 

She turned to her door when it opened, expecting one of the night nurses to come in and check on things. 

When she saw Kaidan Alenko instead, she sat up and stared at him. 

He stared back, before smiling a little and moving over to the chair beside her bed. The chair was for the humans and the asari; the stool for everyone else. The chair didn't agree with a lot of the other aliens' physiology. 

"Kaidan... what're you doing here? It's so beyond visiting hours we're bordering breaking and entering a hospital." 

"It's fine, I talked to a few of the nurses," he shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck. "I just wanted to check in on you. ... I remember how much trouble you had sleeping back on the Normandy." 

Holly blinked, raising her brows. "Y'know, I thought you just thought I was fucking nuts." 

"Maybe at first," Kaidan agreed, leaning back. "But after a while, I figured you just didn't sleep well. ...Evin told me about how much trouble you have sleeping in new places." 

"That traitor." 

"He's your brother - he cares about you. Even if he is kinda suspicious." 

Holly rolled her eyes; a lot of her crewmates thought Evin was strange and terrifying and suspicious. They only saw what he wanted others to see; they didn't see the kid who went looking for the homeless girl with more ribs than fat and offered her food for no other reason than loneliness. She returned her attention to Kaidan as he shifted, looking to the side uncomfortably. 

"Plus I've just... wanted to talk to you." 

"Oh?" 

"Yeah," he turned to her, looking at her with that same honest look he had once upon a time given her but then had stopped. "...I think there's some things we need to talk about, now that we can." 

Holly stared at him for a moment and thought on trust broken and hastily mended because there was a war to fight, and Reapers and politics were more important than broken friendships and broken hearts, before she settled back on her pillows and nodded. 

"Yeah... yeah, that sounds good to me."


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before she woke up, Shepard saw a beach.

When she had slipped into unconsciousness, the echoes of surprise in her ears, she had opened her eyes to a beach. 

There was water all around her, lapping at her ankles and stretching out as far as they eye could see. The sun was warm, and the sand was warm, and the water was pleasantly cool. It looked like no beach she had ever been to; looked nothing like the beaches of Vancouver, or like the beaches of Virmire. It was a beach new and all its own, and she wondered at it as she stood there. 

She had no idea how long she stood there before she heard footsteps, and turning around she froze at who was behind her. 

Ashley Williams stood there, standing in civvies with her hair loose and in the wind. She stared out at the ocean as well, before glancing over at Holly Shepard; she grinned, jerking a thumb behind her. 

"There's a party back here if you want to join, Skipper," she said, sounding just as she always had but without the stress of her unit's death or chasing Saren and having no backing from the Council. "I mean, we've been waiting for ya for a while now, so, it only makes sense that you come and say hi, right?" 

"Ash...?" Holly turned around completely, noting for the first time she stood in a shirt and shorts and no shoes. She glanced down at herself; her white clothes and her unblemished skin. She should have been covered in blood. Fuck, she shouldn't have been able to _move_. 

"C'mon, Commander," Ashley hooked her arm into Holly's and started dragging her in a random direction away from the water. "Before the salarian talks off anyone else's ear." 

Holly followed, stumbling in her steps, as Ashley guided her. She started to hear noise, then; people talking and laughing as they got closer to what appeared to be an entire beach party. There were coolers and blankets all over the place, and a huge bonfire in the middle that was roaring to life; orange fingers of flame grasping towards the sky. 

For a moment, she saw the little boy and herself burning, before she was shaken out of her thoughts be another familiar, dead face. 

"Shepard! Good to see you. Knew there was a high chance of it; hoped differently. Met some of your previous companions." Mordin Solus inhaled, and she was reminded of all of their conversations where he would talk a mile a minute, fidgeting and pacing and staring at her with those wide, dark eyes. "Very interesting. Good company - though perhaps not great conversation." 

"Oi," Ashely grumbled, leaning down to grab a can of beer and twisting it open. "No need to be rude, salarian." 

"His name's Mordin, Ash," Holly corrected nearly automatically, her heart lodged somewhere near her throat. "It's Mordin Solus, not... not salarian." 

The two fell quiet, looking at each other, before Ashley nodded and Mordin smiled. Holly had to look away before he spoke again, and she noticed Navigator Pressly talking to Jenkins; Nyreen Kandros was a little ways away, happily chatting with Tarquin Victus, who seemed happier than he had ever been when Holly knew him. 

She swallowed, glancing around some more and recognizing more and more faces. There was Anderson with a few Alliance navy officers he seemed to know; there was Udina, rubbing his face and avoiding looking at her as if ashamed of his actions, himself. A man who looked an awful lot like Joker stood close to Anderson, and looked over when Ashley tapped his shoulder and offered him a beer. 

Holly swallowed, stiffening when she heard someone behind her yet again. She noted, out of the corner of her eye, that Mordin had moved away, and slowly Holly turned. 

Thane Krios stood there, looking as he had the first day she had met him. He stood in white, just as everyone around them did; his shirt open and loose as it always had been, his necklace gleaming a dull silver against the green of his skin. His feet were bare like hers, and he smiled at her as soon as she looked at him. 

" _Siha_ ," he breathed, and it felt like a slap and redemption all at once, "I am glad, but saddened to see you so soon after my arrival." 

"...What can I say," Holly said after swallowing, smiling weakly at the drell who held a part of her no matter how hard she had fought it, "I've never been fuckin' patient." 

Thane laughed, shaking his head, and he reached out and touched her cheek before taking her hand. She followed him back to the water, staring at his back as he stared forward. When they stopped, he didn't look at her for a long time, and after a while she turned to the water as well. 

She finally broke the silence, rubbing the back of her neck. 

"Find Irikah?" 

"She moved on ahead, a long time ago," Thane said, smiling a little as if in fond memory. "When I first came here, she was standing at the end of the beach, in the water, and when I went to follow, she told me to wait. She knew of you - knew that though our romance never blossomed, it still was important to me. That you were important to me, _siha_." 

"I broke it off. Me. Because I couldn't deal with the fact that you were dying." Holly scrubbed at her eyes, scowling. "That was really fuckin' cowardly of me. I'd hate me. I _do_ hate me." 

"I do not." He turned to her, then, taking her hands and making her turn to face him. When she did, he took her face in his hands and pressed his thumbs to her lips, shaking his head when she had opened them to argue. "I do not hate you. I do not _blame_ you. You found love with Garrus Vakarian, and I am glad for it, _siha_. He is good to you, and for you." He paused, running his thumb along her bottom lip as he thought. "We spoke often, after you two came together, he and I." 

"...You did?" 

"Yes," Thane nodded; his gaze turned far away and unfocused, and she waited for the inevitable memory. 

"Night cycle. Life Support is quiet, save for the hum of the engines. The door opens. I turn, expecting her, but instead it is him. 'Can we talk?' he asks, his voice soft; shaky, hesitant. As if afraid. I nod. 'Of course,' I say, and he sits across from me in her spot. He sits awkwardly, aware of the tension; of the knowledge that I had held her first, had kissed her first, but she turned me away for him." 

He paused and Holly closed her eyes, hunching her shoulders a little. He continued. 

"Turns to me. 'Do you hate me?' he asks, and I shake my head. The question surprises me. Why would I hate him? He has done nothing to deserve my hate. 'I mean, 'cause she left you and went to me.' Clarification; I understand his worries, and rush to assure him. 'She knows what is best for her,' I say. It hurts to know it was not me, but that is alright, too. 'You make her happy. That is all I want.' He nods. We sit there for a moment longer. The tension slowly disappears, and he stands once the air is clear. 'Glad to know where we stand, Thane' he says, and I nod. 'As am I, Garrus' I tell him. He nods again. Pauses, as if wishing to say something else. Leaves after a moment." 

He blinks again, shaking his head, and the memory is gone. He looks back to her and pressed the tips of his fingers to her cheek gently. 

"We were friends. He cared for you, and he knew I still cared for you. He knew but did not try to dissuade me. Knew I would never do anything to put you in an uncomfortable position." His hands dropped, but he stepped closer, and placed a hand on the side of her neck. Their foreheads brushed together and Holly breathed in deeply and tried to remember the scent of him. 

"It is time you returned to him, _siha_. It is not yet time for you to cross the sea with me. I will wait here for you until it is." 

"...But why?" Holly asked, opening her eyes and staring at him. "Why wait? You have Irikah waiting for you." 

"Irikah will always be there. Will always be important to me. Just as you will always be important to me. I have loved you from the moment you saved me, _siha_." 

She felt something cold slide down her cheek and knew it for a tear; holding back a flinch when Thane swiped it away. He then leaned forward, his lips pressed to hers, and she surged up to him and kissed him like it would be the last time, because she knew it would be; knew that she would wake up again to a world destroyed and that he wouldn't be there with her. 

"Return to your love, _siha_. I will be here, always." 

He pulled away, and for a moment all Holly heard was the water. When she finally opened her eyes, it was with a little gasp; the sound of mechanical beeping in her ears and nurses shouting _she's awake, dear God she's awake!_ down the hall. 

Holly breathed out heavily, her body lanced with pain, and closed her eyes to fall into one last shallow sleep.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evin talks about himself, and Holly despises dancing.

"Holly doesn't talk much about you." 

Evin looked over to see Steve Cortez standing beside him. He smiled a little, patting the spot next to him, and after a moment Steve sat, rolling his shoulders and looking ahead of them. 

The street they stood one, which had been a ruined mess last year, was nearly complete in its reconstruction. People were moving back into the apartments and stores were beginning to open again, selling whatever they could sell and giving the profits over to the rebuilding efforts. 

Evin had left the hospital that day, knowing that Miranda Lawson and a handful of doctors were going to go into Holly's room and tell her that, until they perfected a procedure that would give her the use of her legs again (and Miranda was on the brink of a breakthrough, it could happen, but it would be years at the rate they were going), so was going to be confined to either a wheelchair or a metal skeleton that would walk for her.

He knew she'd take the wheelchair. Holly Shepard refused to stand under anyone's power but her own. 

"I don't imagine she does, no," Evin agreed after a moment. Steve hummed, and the infiltrator glanced out of the corner of his eye to the shuttle pilot, smiling when he noticed Steve was still watching him. "What did you want to know?" 

"Anything, really." 

"Alright." He straightened, indicating to the streets in front of him. "For about five years of my life, I grew up here. My dad's from London, you see. We moved to Shanghai when I was still young, and lived there for a couple of years, before my parents signed on for colony life and packed us up to Mindoir. It's out in the Traverse. Little planet, pretty warm all the time. It was good farming land, and comfortable." He paused, looking at Steve again. "I'm sure you know what happened to Mindoir." 

"I heard about it," Steve agreed, looking out at the streets as if to avoid Evin's gaze. Evin wondered why. "Only a couple of people survived the ordeal. One of them was a teenager. You, then?" 

"Me. I was fourteen years old. They shipped me back down to Earth and put me into the foster system because they didn't know what else to do with me." Evin sighed, shaking his head and rubbing at the growing hair with a frown. "I met Holly shortly after that. She was fifteen and about as thin as my wrist around the waist and didn't treat me like glass." 

"You wanted a friend." 

"Pretty much. Got a sister, instead." Evin smiled, looking at Steve again; Steve looking back at him with an equally fond smile. "She has this really bad habit of crawling under all your walls and settling in your chest like a worm, doesn't she?" 

"It's a good thing," Steve insisted, looking to the side. "...She helped me through a lot while we were fighting the war. Which is, honestly, amazing in itself. We were _fighting a war_... and she still took the time to come down and talk with me. Make sure I was alright. Checking up on me." 

"Yeah, she does that. Especially when she's stressed. She'll find something she can actually handle, and she'll work at that while everything else stews in the background." Evin paused, shaking his head. "Not to make it sound like she didn't think whatever you were going through wasn't important. It was, to her - it always is. It was just..." 

"Easier to take than 'Reapers are destroying my home planet', right?" Steve smiled. "I get it, no worries." 

"That's good. She'd beat me up if she thought I made you think she thought you were a project." 

"Would she?" 

"She so would. Into the ground. Nobody would be able to put me back together." 

Steve laughed, and Evin felt something warm settle in his chest. He was jolted out of his musings when Steve bumped his shoulder against Evin's, grinning over at him. 

"The others are going to a club tonight. There's a few that are open, and they want to go out with the Commander, since she's being released." 

"So, dancing?" 

"She'll think it's funny. She could never dance, anyway." Steve paused, pursing his lips before smiling. "Can you?" 

"Thankfully, yes," Evin said, smiling as Steve stood up and offered him his hand. He paused only for a moment before taking it, allowing himself to be dragged up and standing close to Steve. He could see the beginnings of a five o'clock shadow along his jaw and cheeks, and he swallowed before stepping back a pace. "Should I meet you guys there?" 

"I'll pick you up," Steve said, smiling at him again; his eyes warm and inviting and Evin wondered if it would be okay to accept the invitation. "See you in a couple of hours, Evin." 

"...See ya, Steve." 

He watched him walk away, wondering just what he was getting himself into. 

~+~

"C'mon, Holly - we're on shore leave, and that means we're going dancing!" 

"No, it does not! I means a bar and probably getting smashed and making regrettable life choices-- why are you dragging me stop fucking dragging me, Evin nO--" 

He laughed, tugging her into the club with the rest of their unit, waving to a few who knew them and knew what was going on. They laughed at Holly's frustrated expression and Evin's devious one, leaving the adopted siblings to it. 

"You will never improve if you don't try!" 

"I think the car accident completely destroyed my sense of jam, Evin, the only time I am graceful is when I am fighting things." 

Evin shook his head, tugging her out onto the dance floor and setting her in front of him. "Just... _listen_ to the music, okay? Everyone has a sense of rhythm, even painfully awkward white girls." 

"I continue to hate you." 

"You love me, don't even try to deny it. I have a vid proving it and everything." 

" _Hate you_." 

Evin grinned, and Holly sighed, before she closed her eyes and started to sway. After a few minutes, Evin started laughing, and she reached out and punched him. 

"Shut up!" 

"I just - it's so _bad_!" 

" _HATE YOU!_ " 

~+~

The club was spacious enough, and there were some lights and good music that was probably coming off of someone's personal omnitool. There were a few tables and chairs and Evin and Steve spotted the Normandy crew over in a corner and went over to them. Holly was in the middle of laughingly punching Garrus in the arm, the turian giving her what Evin thought was probably his version of a shit-eating grin. 

"...and you're terrible, you are _terrible_!" she was saying. Garrus only laughed, looking up in time to see Evin and Steve walking up to them. "And another thing-- what're you looking at?" 

"Cortez and your brother." 

Holly twisted around in her seat, eyes lighting up on them, before she glared playfully at Evin and pointed at him accusingly. 

"You knew they were gonna drag me here and you didn't suggest otherwise?" 

"What can I say, Holly?" Evin said with a smile, and Holly rolled her eyes, already knowing what he was going to say. "I know how much you _love_ clubs." 

" _Hate you_."


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Admiral Hackett pays a visit.

She had just set herself up in the camp the crew had claimed as theirs when James stuck his head into her room, looking a little urgent and a lot haphazard. 

"Uh - Lola? Someone's here t'see ya." 

Blinking, Commander Holly Shepard sat up in her chair and turned it a little awkwardly, grumbling at the clunkiness of it and mentally dubbing it the Mako 2.0. Once facing the door, she immediately snapped to as much of an attention as she could, saluting Admiral Steven Hackett as he stepped into her room. 

He was in his blues, looking tired and drained and a little bit grey, but better than he had the last time she had seen him. He had come to see her not hours after she had finally woken up, talking to her in a soft voice about some plans that he needed to implement and generally avoiding asking all the questions everyone else already had. 

Now he held a hand up and shook his head at her salute, walking over to the chair set up in her room and settling down in it once she nodded. She turned to face him, folding her hands in her lap, and the two soldiers stared at one another for a long moment before Hackett let out a long sigh and smiled tiredly. 

"Shepard, there's no need to stand on ceremony." He paused; grimaced at his wording, and Holly smiled a little in black humour. "I just wanted to see how you were settling in." 

"Please, sir, just ask what you actually want to ask." 

Hackett blinked, smiling a little. "Surprisingly, that is what I want to ask. The news you received would have been... difficult, I imagine." 

"Which?" Holly asked, head tilted to the side. "The casualty numbers? Food shortages? The amount of orphaned kids all around the galaxy at the moment? The destroyed Relays, or the destroyed Citadel?" 

"Your physical condition." 

"Sir, I can't walk. Or stand up. I feel the faintest tingles in my lower body because Miranda Lawson is so good at figuring out how to beat the laws of the galaxy and repaired the extensive nerve damage I was suffering. It's nice to know I won't bleed out because I didn't realize my leg was cut open." Holly sighed, rubbing a hand over her face and shaking her head. "Compared to everything else, my problems are, legitimately, insignificant and _tiny_. I'd rather focus on other things." 

"...Good to hear, Commander." Hackett rubbed the back of his neck, lips pressed together. "Do you remember what we discussed before?" 

"I really don't want a promotion. 'Commander' has basically become my name at this point." 

"You're going to get the promotion whether you want it or not, Shepard," Hackett said flatly, chuckling at Holly's groan and rolled eyes, "I was referring to what the turian councillor suggested. Are you going to take the position?" 

Holly was quiet for a moment, looking at her hands and ignoring the look Hackett was giving her. Of course Hackett knew about the offer; he'd sent off an email right after Sparatus had given her the offer, asking her what she thought and whether she would take it. When she had asked him his opinion, he had told her that it wasn't his place to say - but that she would do humanity proud should she decide to accept it. 

It made her head ache to think about it, but Holly realized that she wanted the position. She loved being a soldier; loved being Alliance. She loved serving her planet the best way she knew how, and she was damned good at her job. One of the best, if she were to be honest, and she was trying to be more honest with herself these days. 

But she was tired. She was tired and she couldn't fucking walk and she found that she was good at trying to help people not only by shooting bad guys, but by going to talk to higher-ups on their behalf and arguing for their causes. 

(Garrus had pointed out to her, when she told him this, that she had always done this. That she had defended the little people from the very first; tried her best to fix the little problems so that the big problem wasn't so big anymore. She had never really noticed before, but she supposed it was true enough. Helping made her feel like she had a purpose other than breathing.) 

"...I think I might, sir," she said after a moment, rubbing the bridge of her nose. Ever since Garrus had mentioned the habit, she had tried to stop; but she found that she did it unconsciously. "It's either that or sit behind a desk at the Alliance for the rest of my career, right? ...I'm like Anderson in that I don't want my twilight years to go down like that." 

Hackett sighed, but nodded, the corner of his mouth lifted into a wry smile. "No, that's what I thought you'd say. It's a good decision, Commander - people will have to listen to you, now." 

"Not that I have much for them to listen to - the Reapers already came, and now they're destroyed." She sighed, stretching out her back. Wincing as it cracked in a few places, she looked over at admiral again and quirked a brow. "...Was there anything else, sir?" 

"Just that with your new position, you'll need a guard detail." Hackett tilted his head, before turning to the door. Holly looked over as well, grinning when she saw Evin standing there, leaning against the doorframe and looking like he'd been there for a while. "I see you're already here, Lieutenant Commander." 

"I'm never far, sir," Evin Shepard said, walking inside. "This will be my new assignment, then? I've been waiting to see where you'd send me, next." 

"We're taking you off the unit - you've been in it for too long, and you need your turn being cycled out. Take the time to guard the new human councillor while they make a victory tour around the galaxy." 

"Are enough Relays repaired for that?" Holly asked, brows raised. Evin nodded in answer for Hackett, and she whistled lowly. "Wow - that was surprisingly fast." 

"Not all the Relays were utterly obliterated like the Charon Relay," Hackett explained, rubbing the back of his neck. "Some of them were just damaged. Severely, but they could be repaired within the year or a little over. We have communications detailing the number of Relays already repaired - Palaven's, Thessia's, Sur'Kesh's, to name a few." 

"The Council worlds would be fixed up, first." 

"The Krogan DMZ Relay is nearly completely repaired, as well. The krogan have been... surprisingly adept at fixing them." 

Holly rolled her eyes, keeping her opinions on that to herself. She could go on for hours how sick she was of people judging the krogan by their brutish natures when they were so much more than that. She had been sick of it when Wrex did it, and she would be sick of it until they generally stopped. She'd probably die being sick of it. 

"And the Charon Relay?" 

"It'll be finished up probably sometime next year. The Normandy and her crew will go on a tour of the galaxy, then, visiting everyone. It'll bring a sense of hope and victory to the survivors." Holly grimaced and Hackett smiled knowingly. "You were the head of the war campaign - you have been for three years, Commander. The people of the galaxy have looked to you while fighting Reapers, and they will look to you now. Plus, it's a good way to introduce yourself as the new human councillor - and you'll be showing the people that you won't be some distant politician who only talks about doing things, but that you'll actually do things." 

"Morale propaganda," Evin and Holly chorused together, and Hackett blinked, somewhat startled by the truly sibling-like nature of that before nodding. Holly grinned. "Specialist Traynor has been explaining the art and finesse of morale propaganda since I woke up and started touring the camps." 

"Smart woman, Specialist Traynor. I'm glad she's on our side." 

"So'm I." Holly sighed, rubbing the back of her head before looking to the two men in her room. "Well, this has been a long and informative conversation. Is there anything else you'd like to tell me, Admiral, or may I retire for the night?" 

"Your promotion ceremony is in three days and you best show up or else I will bring the ceremony to you." 

"...You're true evil, sir."


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joker takes Shepard home.

"Where are you taking me, Joker?" 

The pilot of the SSV Normandy SR-2 looked down at its captain as he pushed her chair forward, quirking a lopsided smile and shrugging. Holly Shepard glared up at Jeff Moreau in response, crossing her arms over her chest with a scowl. 

"That's not an answer, Flight Lieutenant." 

"Ohh, we're pulling rank now, eh, _Captain_?" Joker grinned, turning around a corner as they continue to walk. "Oh Captain my Captain~" 

"Oh shut up, Joker." 

"Yes, ma'am!" 

They fell silent again, Holly leaning her head back so that it could lean on one of Joker's arms. She was careful about it, because she knew that if they jostled in just the wrong way, her head could snap back and crack the arm or something. He'd already told her about the plethora of fractures and breaks he'd already healed from after the Crucible; she didn't want to be the cause of any more damage to her favourite pilot in the galaxy. 

"Not gonna tell me, then?" 

"Well, I believe the purpose of a surprise, Holly, is that the one receiving the surprise _doesn't know about it_." 

"You're such a smartass." 

"Yes, ma'am." 

~+~

They sat staring at each other from across the room; Holly on the bed and Joker on the really uncomfortable chair. Seriously, once they weren't on Code Everyone's Dying, the hospital should really look into getting more comfortable seats. 

"Tell me again what happened, Commander." 

"Joker--" 

" _Please_." 

Holly sighed, looking away and rubbing the bridge of her nose. Garrus had told him it meant she was worried; she'd been constantly poking and prodding at the beak during the war, and he could only imagine that she'd been tracing its straight edge ever since she woke up and had to report what happened in the Crucible with the Catalyst. Every time she talked about it, she looked a little more worn; a little more drained. 

Evin said once that she resembled herself in her youth, with too-pale skin and a smattering of freckles like blood spatter; dark circles under her eyes like bruises and shaking fingers. Joker always forgot that Holly had grown up in the streets by herself, with only a gang to ensure she ate and slept somewhere that wasn't a dumpster. 

But he needed to hear it again. Needed to make sure he hadn't heard her incorrectly. 

"I passed out after what happened with the Illusive Man, leaving behind Anderson and the Illusive Man's corpse. I don't know where I went or how it happened, but I woke up in a place I had never seen on the Citadel before; it was a large room with three pathways. And before me stood this... this fuckin' kid who'd been haunting my nightmares for months. This kid I saw die back on Earth, where I could do nothing but watch and think 'I'll stop this, I'm sorry'." 

He nodded, still looking hard at her, and she stared down at her hands with a scowl; fingers curled into the blankets and into the thighs that couldn't feel her nails biting into them. 

"He told me I had three choices on what to do with the Reapers. I could control them, like the Illusive Man wanted to do, but I would die doing it. I'd become a computer program conscious or something. We could synthesize, becoming like Saren right before we killed him - organic and synthetic hybrids. Or I could destroy them completely. I almost went synthesize, you know - I almost did, but I thought it wasn't fair to change the entire galaxy without their permission. I'd be changing everyone's chemical make-up - I'd be making them all into something that they didn't agree to. And god, Joker, I was _sick_ of making those kinds of choices." 

She rubbed her eyes. "But if I chose to destroy them, the fucking child-Catalyst told me that all synthetic life would be affected. The geth would die. ...EDI would die." Holly swallowed, staring at her lap with wide eyes, and Joker saw her shoulders tighten and her mouth screw up in the corners and he wondered if she had nightmares about her choices. "...I nearly sat down and did nothing. _None_ of the choices were _good_ , Joker. None of them. But I couldn't just let everyone down. Couldn't let everyone die." 

"...Ruthless calculus." 

Holly nodded; refused to look at him. It was silent in the hospital room, and Joker wondered for a moment if Commander Shepard was too afraid to look him in the eye. 

He felt something burning in the back of his throat and the back of his eyes, and he knew what it was but he refused to acknowledge it because that would make everything too real. He watched his commander instead; watched as she squeezed her hands tighter and tighter into numb legs and wondered if she was trying to rip feeling back into damaged nerves. 

"...I'm sorry, Joker." 

He inhaled sharply and a tear fell down his cheek and he couldn't ignore it anymore. EDI was dead and Holly Shepard killed her and he couldn't figure out if he was angry or hurt or nothing at all. 

"...So am I." 

~+~

"Joker these are the docks." 

"I'm glad your eyesight's still good." 

"Hahaha." Holly rolled her eyes, rolling her head so she could look up at Joker. "Did you know they're giving me a hearing aid? It's like 'not only can you not walk, but you need a hearing aid as well because of damage in there we can't fix right now, here you go'. My life is a tragedy." 

"Nah - if it was a tragedy, you would've died and there would've been some kind of moral epilogue with a survivor saying 'see this don't do this'. You just have shit luck." Holly laughed, a hoarse, quiet thing. They suddenly stopped and she blinked, looking over to see what they had stopped in front of; a smile crossing her lips. 

"It's the Normandy! Oh, she looks fantastic." 

"She got the celebrity treatment. The inside finally doesn't have loose wires all over the place or boxes, she's cleaned and spick-and-span. Everything was finished yesterday. I wanted to be the one to show you her." 

"Are we allowed inside?" 

"I don't think anyone's gonna stop her captain from going on a tour." 

Holly grinned, looking up at Joker again as the ramp lowered and they made their way towards the hangar. He didn't look back down at her, but there was a smile on his lips, and she was glad to see that he looked so much more... relaxed, than he had in a very long time. 

The guilt eased a little around her heart. 

As they stepped into the hangar and the armory, Holly looked around; seeing the Kodiak where it always was, a Hammerhead tucked away on the other side (she imagined Steve would be pleased). There was James' station, and the supplies console where she could buy new weapons and armor; her armor locker, the weapons bench, Steve's section... 

No one else was around, and she found she was thankful for that as her eyes filled up with tears, though she held them back as she only knew how. As they made their way to the elevator door, it pinged, opening up, and she wondered who else was on the ship when Joker said they were the first ones there. 

Something like a gasp got caught in her throat as the occupant stepped out of the lift. 

"Hello, Shepard." 

"... _EDI_?


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lazarus rose again.

"I think I have an idea on how to get EDI back up." 

The group of engineers, techs, and a pilot, all turned to look at the black ops Alliance officer sitting off to the side, fiddling with his omnitool and seemingly not paying attention to them. But he had spoken up, so they waited to hear what he had to say. 

"...Care to elaborate, Shepard?" Tali asked, voice sounding just a bit impatient. Evin smiled, glancing up at her with pale blue-violet eyes, before he lowered his 'tool and leaned back. 

"You've said that EDI was very careful about her upgrades - that she saved everything. Not just in her blue box, but in back-ups and the like, yes?" 

"Of course she did - EDI wouldn't risk anything as important as her own personality." 

Evin nodded to Joker's emphatic response, deciding against commenting on it. Holly had told him of the burgeoning relationship between the pilot and the ship's AI, and while he found it a little bit... odd, he wasn't going to comment on it. It would ruin whatever camaraderie he had managed to build with Jeff Moreau, and Holly would kill him, anyway. 

Not even worth it.

"Of course not - so she probably ran scenarios in which she'd be put into a forced, seemingly permanent shut-down, right? It makes sense. EDI was starting to understand her own humanity by the end, from what Holly's told me." 

"I still cannot get over the fact that Holly was emailing you the _entire time_ I've known her," Tali said, hands on her hips and one hip stuck out. "How did I never know?" 

"I'll tell you later. So EDI was starting to understand her own humanity - so, her own mortality. She would've made plans in case things went wrong. Last words, probably." Joker nodded here, and Evin pressed his lips together and pushed on. "But also a 'break glass in case of emergency' type of scenario. So. What if she backed up her personality - the information she had stored, her programming, virtually her life and her memories - somewhere outside of the Normandy? The back-up drive to the back-up drive?" 

Silence answered him, and Evin tilted his head as everyone took this idea into their heads and swirled it around; a tasting of the wine before deciding to buy the bottle. 

Joker sat up, then. 

"What if she stored something with Shepard?" 

"Would Holly have been wearing anything large enough to hold so much information?" Engineer Greg Adams asked, frowning and scratching at his cheek. "It doesn't seem likely - and she would've known about it." 

"Unless EDI saved a file that had location information stored on it. Something small - small enough to fit on something, say, a weapons mod," Tali pointed out, tilting her head. "Maybe her pistol, which survived everything. Steve said that EDI had come down the night before the battle and made a few adjustments to some of the weapons. He'd checked them, himself, but found nothing wrong." 

"Because the information EDI would have stored wouldn't have registered," Kenneth Donnelly said, brogue thickening as his excitement grew. "It would have registered as a slightly higher percentage of power being used. Where's her pistol now?" 

"With her belongings in the hospital," Joker said, standing up and hobbling to his feet. "I bet I could get to it--" 

"Or we could ask Kaidan," Tali chirped, bringing up her omnitool. "He's on his way to visit her right now, and Garrus said he was going to come back here to try and help out. Kaidan can give him the pistol and we can look it over to see where EDI could have planted the information." 

The Normandy crew buzzed as they planned, and Evin sat back and smiled to himself, content to stay out of it. He'd done what he'd wanted to do. 

Now Holly's friends could do the rest and bring her crew back together. 

~+~

Adams found the information. 

Tali decrypted it and Ken and Gabby brought up a galaxy map and located it, and they found the information within the Sol system; as if EDI had known what would happen. 

It was actually on Earth, and Kaidan and Garrus went back to the base headquarters where the final push had happened, combing through the derelict building and finding a metal box that did not belong. They brought it back, quiet and secretive, and the Normandy team locked themselves into the camp and started to piece together the puzzle their AI crewmate and friend had left for them. 

It took weeks. Months, even, if they had bothered to really keep track of the time. They worked at it in shifts; decoding a string of numbers here and rewiring a few things there before going to help with the rebuilding, or with the geth (who were uploading at a faster rate, now, which really helped in the rebuilding as a whole). They went to visit Holly so she wouldn't get suspicious, and they moved the centre of their operations into the Normandy and the AI core as they slowly got closer to cracking it open. 

When Holly Shepard accepted the position of human councillor, Tali shrieked out an epiphany; and as Commander Shepard became Captain Shepard, a miracle occurred and an AI opened her eyes. 

~+~

"Oh my fucking God, _EDI_?" 

Joker pressed a hand to Holly's shoulder as the AI walked over to them slowly, gears shifting with a soft _whirr_ as she progressed forward. The Saviour of the Galaxy stared up at the heart of the Normandy, and EDI smiled warmly and humanly and it was _her_ , it was really fucking _her_. 

" _How_?" 

"I knew that the likelihood of my destruction was high. I kept myself connected to your comms in order to fully understand what choices you were going to make - your conversation with the entity calling itself the 'Catalyst' was very interesting." She stopped in front of them, crouching down so that she and Holly were looking at each other more evenly than they would be had she stayed standing. 

"I kept copies of my programming in devices I could leave in easily-found locations should something occur. When you made the decision to destroy the Reapers, despite knowing the cost, I shut down all functions in the Normandy and sent myself into these devices. They put me into a 'sleep' mode, rendering me as already shut-down, and thus the destruction that the Catalyst suggested would happen did not affect me." 

"...you're serious, aren't you," Holly said weakly, reaching out to touch EDI's cool, metal cheek. "Fucking _hell_ EDI, why didn't you ever say anything?" 

"I did not wish to alarm you." 

Holly huffed out a laugh, leaning forward until she could thump her head against the AI's hard, metal shoulder. After a moment, EDI lifted her hands and rested them on Holly's shoulders; not patting or squeezing, merely resting. 

Holly didn't need her to do anything to comfort her, though, and she was pretty sure EDI knew that. 

She just needed to breathe in and smell crisp metal; listen closely and hear the mechanics of a body working, to know that EDI was alive. 

"...God I've missed you, EDI." 

EDI shifted, and Holly imagined she was smiling. 

"I have missed you, too, Shepard."


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly has always been stubborn - it's her best feature.

"So, wait, you're not completely 'you' yet?" 

Holly stared at EDI across from her, hanging from the chin-up bar limply. EDI sat in front of her personal terminal, information flickering over the orange screen in front of her eyes as she downloaded and searched and learned. The synthetic shook her head, eyes glancing to Holly before looking back at the information. 

Holly pulled herself up with a grunt and lowered herself down carefully. She was determined to keep in shape, even if she had to leave her legs hanging uselessly below her to do it. 

"The amount of information that constitutes as 'me' is much too large for one small hard drive. And the hard drive that the others found to 'wake me up' was small, Shep-- Holly." She blinked, frowned a little, and shook her head. "That... will take some getting used to." 

(EDI's reaction to Evin Shepard had been about the same as anyone from the Normandy so far - surprised, suspicious, and then terribly, terribly curious. Holly wasn't sure whether she was glad for this or not; the amount of stories James and Kaidan have managed to drag out of Evin so far was worrying. The amount of stories Tali and Garrus have managed? _Terrifying_.) 

"Okay, so it'll take a while. You didn't just leave your programming all over the place, did you?" 

"Of course not," EDI shook her head, leaning back and tilting her head to the side. "It can all be found within London and the Normandy itself. We do not physically have to go to these hard drives now that I am online again; I need only put in the password to each and access them. The problem is that I have to access one at a time, and that I put the password for the next one at the end of each hard drive's 'information dump', as it were. It will take some time before I am fully 'myself'." 

Holly frowned, pulling herself up again with a grunt and then letting herself carefully drop, legs swinging. She had asked James to install notches into the walls of her cabin to allow herself to climb up onto the bar; she hadn't wanted to lower it, and it gave her some semblance of control on her life. Most days she needed help getting pants on, if only because she wasn't used to not having full-functioning control of her legs. 

It was... a learning experience. She wondered if she should speak to the other Council members about maybe funding programs to help war vets who had become disabled during the fighting. 

"You think you'll be ready when the Normandy goes on its tour? That'll be at the beginning of next year - they're saying that the Charon Relay will be ready by then." 

Honestly, it was a small miracle that the Charon Relay was as ready as it already was. While still non-functioning, the other Relays were still able to pinpoint where it was roughly located due to the echoes of mass effect energy that still clung to the debris. Scientists from the systems with working Relays had been able to roughly plot a course to the Sol system, using their galaxy maps and the rough estimates to the Relay to fly FTL from the closest system to aid in its reconstruction. 

It wasn't perfect, but it worked, and by the new year the Charon would be rebuilt and people would be able to start plotting courses back to their own home systems. 

Holly was sure most of them were looking forward to going home.

"I should be, yes," EDI agreed, and Holly nodded, pulling herself up and holding it for a few seconds. She then let herself down, hanging there for a moment, and sighed. "Do you wish for me to move your chair closer to you, Holly?" 

"No thanks, EDI." Holly grunted, letting go of the bar with one hand and grabbing onto the hand notch on the wall. She looked over her shoulder to see that her chair was exactly where she left it, and carefully lowering herself, she toppled back into the chair with an _oomph_ and a brief loss of breath. Her chair wheeled back, but stopped before it could hit anything, and she grinned in victory. "HAH! Knew I could do it." 

"From my look into Ms Lawson's research, her method of repairing the damage in her spinal cord is going along well. She is studying with the surviving top minds from the Crucible of all races. They are hoping that with this research and future procedure, they will be able to change the lives of many who are paralyzed from the waist down due to spinal damage." 

"Well, at least she's actually helping humanity now, instead of pretending to with a proto-human xenophobic black ops wash-out cult," Holly said lightly. EDI blinked, before smiling blandly. 

"Indeed." 

Holly looked at EDI for a moment, still awed that she was alive and awake and _there_ , before she made her way to her door and the elevator. 

"I'm gonna go check on how the others are settling in. I think some of them got used to living planet-side." 

"I will remain here for the time being," EDI said, turning away from Holly. "Tell Jeff he can find me here, should he require my presence." 

"Will do."

Shepard was almost to the elevator when EDI's voice called out to her again. 

"Holly?" 

"Yeah, EDI?" 

"I am glad you are unchanged." 

Raising her brows, Holly smiled and shook her head, punching the button for the elevator and wheeling herself in carefully. 

"Same to you, EDI." 

~+~

"Shepard," EDI looked up from the glowing orange of her screens, smiling to see the Commander standing behind her chair. "Did you require me for anything?" 

"Nah, it's okay EDI, I'm just making the rounds," Holly assured, smiling down at the synthetic. She leaned over her chair, looking at the numbers and figures that ran over the screens; the orange light reflecting off of her pale skin in a sickly sort of shade. It made the AI think on the Commander's beauty.

EDI had once taken a picture of Holly Shepard and then run it through a program to see if the Commander was physically attractive according to organic beauty standards. The results showed that she had eyes that could be described as 'stunning', 'entrancing', or 'lovely'; that the opinions on her freckles were split in two, from those who thought freckles were beautiful to those who thought they were a blemish. Her hair was plain, and she was too muscular for many men who had 'standards' - though the standards EDI read seemed strange at best, absolutely obsolete in this time and age at worst. Her mouth was too wide and too thin, but nice. 

Her pale skin and the rather stand-out nose she possessed, however, made most everyone turn away from her. Even many salarians and turians, who found very little about humans attractive, commented on the paleness of her skin and the unequal size proportions of her facial features. 

The only species that did not seem to care about any of this were the krogan, who thought that all other aliens were ugly and only when they were scarred did they appear even marginally attractive. 

Yet when she had brought up these results to Jeff, the pilot had snorted and shook his head and had told EDI not to mind what those people said. 

"First off, I think Garrus would kill anyone who didn't think his girlfriend was perfect," he said in his usual joking-but-serious manner, "and secondly, Shepard's so beyond 'standard beauty' it's kinda hilarious. Like. It wouldn't matter if she had warts or half of her face was actually missing. She'd still be way beyond anyone else out there." 

"Why is that?" EDI asked, watching her co-pilot and recent paramour with interest. Here, Jeff had become uncomfortable, his body shifting away from her and the topic and his face twisting into a grimace, before he shrugged awkwardly. 

"You ever seen someone go at something like Shepard? She's like a goddamn dog - guess her name fits. She grabs onto something and she doesn't let go, and she's so _earnest_ and... and _real_ about it that you can't help but feel drawn to her? You wanna go with her and see what she sees and help her do what she does, even just a little bit."

He paused, scratching his nose and shaking his head. "And it's not just that she's this great leader that inspires loyalty, either, 'cause she totally does. Her clone was kinda onto something - we could totally start a cult of Shepard and I think half the galaxy would join up. But it's just... she legitimately cares. About everything. She cares about the refugees and the soldiers, and she cares about the civilians on the Citadel and the C-SEC officers and even the Council, though I still think they're a bunch of hardasses who need to get their heads out of _each others'_ asses. Like - has Shepard ever failed to visit you after a mission? Even when you weren't _on it_? Just to like, listen to your opinion and whatever?" 

"She always comes to see us, right after Specialist Traynor." 

"Yeah, exactly - she's always been like that. After every mission chasing after Saren, she'd check on Pressly and then she'd come down and check on me. And when we were going after the Collectors, it would be Kelly and then she'd ask you a couple of questions and then she'd talk to me. It's like... it's like that huge cliché, where she doesn't _have_ to be physically beautiful 'cause she kinda already is, on the inside? God that sounds so cheesy, forget I said that." 

"I think I understand," EDI said instead, purposely not erasing the sound file that saved itself as soon as Jeff had finished speaking. She moved the file into her knowledge about Shepard, then, smiling a little as she learned a little more about her Commander by the day. "Thank you, Jeff." 

"Yeah, well, don't tell Shepard I said that. She'd tease me to hell and back and we don't have the time, okay." 

"Of course, Jeff."


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly counts her blessings among panics; they're always mixed together.

When she realized she was attracted to a turian, Holly had panicked. 

Saren was defeated and the Citadel was saved, and the Council was sending her out to the Terminus Systems to check on geth activity so that she and her crew could dispatch of any pockets of geth in the area. They were sent because of the Normandy's stealth systems, and because they had Tali on board (and she was an expert) - but also just to shut her _up_. 

She had hounded the Council and hounded the Alliance and _hounded them_ and they sent her on clean-up so that she could be out of their earshot for a while. 

She knew it, the crew knew it, the galaxy knew it - but she still went like a good soldier. 

They dropped Garrus Vakarian off first, though. 

"I want to go back to C-SEC and talk to the Spectre recruiter who had his eye on me back in basic," he had told her, and she had felt something tight and unpleasant twist in her gut when he stared down at her and gave her the turian version of an awkward smile. "I'd love to stay and help you hunt down the geth, but... I think it's best if I do this right away, while I'm still thought of positively by the Executor." 

"Of course," she had agreed, because it was for the best and Garrus was still young and full of potential and had a future that wasn't 'be a hero until you aren't worth the trouble anymore', so she couldn't in good conscious cling on to him. So she watched him pack up his belongings and watched him say goodbye; clapping him on the shoulder when he came up to her. She grinned, and he smiled and saluted her in an ironic way, and he was gone. 

She had felt a little _less_ when he left, and that was when she realized, quite abruptly, that Garrus was more than a comrade and a conversation and an alien she wanted to learn about.

He was a friend. Maybe her _best_ friend - and she was attached to him more than she probably should have been. 

The thought struck her hard and fast and she kept it together long enough to plot their course on the galaxy map, give out her orders, and disappear to the captain's quarters. 

As soon as the door closed, she dropped to the ground in a ball and started breathing fast. 

"Holyfuckholyfuckholyfuck," she whispered, clenching her teeth and rocking back and forth and back again, hoping to maybe rock herself into calmness like parents rocked their brats. But it didn't work and her breathing only picked up. So she did the only thing she knew what to do. 

She called up Evin. 

Her hands shook as she connected to their private channel, the one that not even the Alliance knew about; punching in the code to bring up the password box and then punching that in. The line rang five times before he picked up, and she gasped when he did. 

He stared at her, wide-eyed, before lowering his screen and she watched him move quickly through his ship, wherever and whatever that was, and walk into a room that had a door with a lock. She heard it, loud and clear, right over the thrumming of her heart. 

"Holly, you okay?" 

"Holy shit Evin I think I'm falling in love with a turian and that's just not fucking _right_ I'm a fucking _human_ and he's a _fucking turian_ and I know we aren't at war anymore God knows we're not at war anymore but _holy shit Evin what do I do_?" 

Holly watched Evin as he blinked rapidly, leaned back to take in her rushed-out words, and then sighed and nodded to himself. 

"Accept it and get on with your life." 

"... _What_." 

Evin sighed, shaking his head. "Holly, you can't help who you grow attracted to. I mean, you knew that when you realized you liked men and women, right?" 

"I like any and all genders, there's really no limit for me, and I'm learning to be more concise with my labelling." 

" _Holly_." 

"It's very important to me, Evin, do not fucking judge me." She breathed in through her nose, a sigh whooshing out of her as if she were punched in the gut. "But this is an _alien_ this isn't a gender issue and it's a _turian_ and we have a really ugly history with them?" 

"Yeah, we do - and maybe we should try and get over that." Evin tilted his head. "White and black people have an ugly history on Earth, I don't see you hesitating on calling me your brother." 

"You're the best fucking thing to happen to me and I will fight anyone who says otherwise, even your smartass face." Evin smiled, and she grinned weakly back, before dropping her head on her desk and heaving out a sigh. " _God_ I don't do 'emotional attachment' well." 

"I never realized." 

"You are such. An ass." She glared at him weakly, before shaking her head and sitting back on her chair; she couldn't even remember when she sat on it, just that she was. "Okay. Okay, this is fine. He's not even on the ship anymore, it's not gonna be an issue. It's such a non-issue I now feel stupid." 

"Stop feeling stupid, you're bad with sudden realizations." She nodded; it was true, she was, and he smiled again. "You okay?" 

"Not even a little, but I'll be fine. My heart's slowing down, at least." 

"I honestly never took you for the panicky sort." 

"I panicked my way through survival, it was just way more violent and had knives." She shook her head and pushed back her hair, cracking her neck. "Okay. Okay, I'm gonna log off now and go be a functioning Alliance soldier. You do your super secret sketchy shit - I'll call you in a few days. We can talk like normal people." 

"We never talk like normal people, we use an illegal private channel and break Alliace regulations with each conversation."

"Fuck off, that's totally normal." He laughed and she grinned and cut off the call, pushing back from her desk and standing up again. 

She threw back her shoulders and shook her head, marching back out of the captain's quarters to go see how Kaidan was doing. 

So she was attracted to Garrus. Whatever. 

Nothing would come of it. 

~+~

"Holy shit thank you." 

Holly panted as she laid out on the bed, arms above her head as Garrus flopped onto his side beside her. She was sweaty and sticky and a little bit tingly, but overall she was happy and relaxed. When she reached out to touch Garrus' face, he reached up and pressed her hand to his mandible and she smiled at him. 

They were doing a slow rotation around the Sol system in the Normandy, visiting the surviving ships from the mass army she had pulled together out of politicking and her ass respectively. It was good to see people and talk to them, even if she was stuck to a chair and half of them looked at her like she was sent from their versions of Heaven. That bit was awkward. But she got tired easily, and hearing all the issues (food shortages for the dextro races was a huge concern, and Victus and Admiral Raan had spoken her ear off about how they were concerned) just made her tense. 

It was nice to relax with her boyfriend, then. 

Holly blinked sleepily as claws gently drifted down her neck and collarbones, between her breasts and down to her navel before trailing back up again. He avoided spots that would make her sigh, but also avoided her ticklish ribs; content to just draw patterns and do nothing. 

Garrus was always a little lazy after a slow fuck. He made lethargy an art form. 

Turning her head, she watched him quietly; his bright blue eyes and familiar colony markings, his ever-present visor missing from his face for once. He watched her back, and she smiled weakly, thumb tracing the curve under his eye; feeling the soft folds of skin there, one of the few soft spots on him. 

"Y'know what, Garrus?" 

"Hmm?" He blinked, tilting his head, and her smile widened. 

"I thank God for you every fucking day of my life."


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob had a habit of pushing things to the side.

When he had first heard the name Shepard, he'd been in the middle of training and it was the Skyllian Blitz. 

The instructors halted all exercises, turning on huge vidscreens so that everyone could watch the footage of the attack on Elysium. Alliance soldiers without uniforms fought off raiders and pirates, and Jacob Taylor watched as one woman protected a huge amount of civilians; holding off the attackers until help could arrive in droves. 

When it was all over, and news reporters had swarmed the scene like a plague of locusts, every name on every person's list was 'Staff Lieutenant Holly Shepard'. Staff Lieutenant Shepard had kept her head under fire, taking control of the situation and making sure each and every civilian lived through the assault. Staff Lieutenant Shepard stepped into the leadership when no one else would, barking out orders and building a defense to keep everyone safe. 

Staff Lieutenant Shepard was the Hero of the Skyllian Blitz; she received the Star of Terra, and was considered one of the best damn examples of human the Alliance had to offer. Her face was on every vidscreen, every holo-board. You couldn't go damn-near _anywhere_ without hearing about Shepard. 

Jacob respected her. He had never heard of her before, but he respected the strength and will he saw in dark blue eyes and thin lips and a straight, Roman nose that made her profile a little too bold for beauty. He respected a woman who could take a group of civilians and soldiers off duty and build a full-functioning, efficient defensive wall; respected a woman who fought off pirates and raiders near single-handedly, biotically throwing them into each other and shooting them without mercy. 

He respected her, and put her name to the side as he completed his training and joined the corsairs and did the work no one else in the Alliance could. 

~+~

When farmers found the beacon, Jacob should have known that life as they knew it would completely change. 

He hadn't, though; hadn't known and had stood around, guarding the Prothean tech because those were his orders and somebody had to do it. Somebody had to do the things that no one else wanted to do, because they were the shit jobs, and others were too important, apparently. 

At least, he thought that until he saw the flagship come down towards Eden Prime, a thumping, vibrating rhythm of pain driving into his skull; then he just thought that the Alliance didn't know _jack shit_. 

He ran with the others, scrambling towards the tram to try and get to the scientists. Unit 212's Dog Squad was heading towards the site on foot, which was good - they were a good group, led by a tough and bold Gunnery Chief. The others would meet up with them after they staked out a spot, and everything would be fine. 

And that was when the geth attacked, and everything went to shit. 

Jacob could barely remember what happened; hearing comrades die in his ear piece and watching as others died around him. When he tried to contact anyone else from the Unit - Dog Squad or otherwise, all he got was static or screaming. He hid behind rocks, watched his friends and fellow soldiers get ripped apart, and knew that half of them would probably be forgotten at the end of the day because of bullshit reasons like _politics_. 

And then he saw her. 

Dark N7 armor, pistol held at the ready, she led a small group of three - that Gunnery Chief from Dog Squad (and God, _God_ , what did that mean for the rest?) and a 1st Lieutenant who was probably part of her original squad. 

Lieutenant Commander Holly Shepard. 

(He'd always found it strange that she had only ever gotten one promotion after the Skyllian Blitz. She saved Elysium; she saved countless human lives, and they gave her the Star of Terra and one promotion, and that had never, _ever_ sat right with him.) 

Jacob had wanted to run over to them, join up with their group and help them take down the geth, but just as he was about to get out of cover, more geth appeared. He hid behind his rocks, taking down what geth he could without giving away his position, and when it was all said and done and he could get out of cover, Shepard was already gone on ahead with her squad, leaving him alone. 

He decided against following her, even though he really wanted to, and instead turned to head back to their centre of operations in the hopes of getting out an SOS call. 

(Afterwards, as he handed over his resignation papers and made his way towards the Arcturian Jade passenger liner, for a well-earned vacation and some time to clear his head, he wondered if perhaps he should have followed; if he could have helped Shepard in any way.) 

(Even later, when he was working with Miranda and saving the Council from a batarian plot, he wondered if he could have prevented the Prothean beacon from taking hold of Shepard and setting her on a course no one could see the end of - but he knew that it wouldn't lead anywhere good.) 

~+~

He had joined Brynn on a research ship to the Mars Archives when they heard that the Normandy was docking for a visit. 

He stood up as soon as he heard, picking up little John Shepard Taylor. He was glad he had convinced Brynn not to name him 'Shepard', but she had sneaked it in there anyway. He couldn't fault her; Holly Shepard was a hell of a woman, and had she shown him even the smallest bit of interest while they worked together to stop the Reapers, Jacob wasn't sure he wouldn't have fallen in love with her himself. 

He was dragged out of his musings by a small hand smacking him in the mouth, and he grinned down at John, kissing the top of his head. "Don't tell your mom I thought that." John gurgled, flopping his head abruptly on Jacob's shoulder. 

He walked through the ship's hallway, stopping with the others who had gone to Mars as they waited for those from the Normandy to enter the Archives. The research labs were mostly built back to functioning standard, after the damage by the Reapers and Cerberus was cleaned up and repaired. Thankfully, most of the information filed in the Archives had been saved; Brynn told Jacob that within the next few years, they would be able to start translating information out of the Archives again, learning more from the Protheans in order to bring the galaxy back to a state of prosperity. 

For now, though, they mostly used it to learn how the Relays worked and how to repair them, in order to finish up the last touches on the Charon Relay. 

Shifting the infant in his arms, he grinned as soon as he saw a familiar crest, making his way to the front of the crowd as people around him muttered. Garrus saw him, brow plate shifting, before his mandibles spread in a turian grin and he lifted a hand in greeting. 

"Jacob! Good to see you're still in one piece." 

"You, too, Garrus," Jacob nodded, grinning at him. "Not counting your face, of course." 

"I'll have you know that I am considered quite handsome." 

"Only by Shepard." 

"Awh, Jacob, that's just mean. A few krogan quite like his ugly mug, too." 

Jacob grinned, turning to look at Shepard - and holding back surprise when he didn't see her immediately. He looked down, then, seeing her in front of him in a wheelchair, a grin on her face and her cheek resting on her fist. Her legs were positioned in a way that made Jacob realize that Holly Shepard could not walk. 

He then pushed through that realization, his grin returning to his face. "Shepard - lookin' good." 

"Flatterer," she drawled, before glancing over at John. "And who's this handsome young man?" 

"Ah - this is John." Jacob grinned, turning John so that he could blink wide, dark eyes at Shepard. "My son." 

"Oh, he's sweet," Holly cooed, holding her arms up. Jacob easily handed John over to her, and Holly immediately adjusted her grip and held John as carefully and expertly as if he were her own. Jacob was a little surprised by that, too - who knew Shepard was good with kids? - before turning to see who else had come aboard. 

He recognized the asari, Liara, who he had met on Gellix, as well as Kaidan Alenko - that 1st Lieutenant he had seen so many years ago. There was also a dark-skinned man right at the back, keeping somewhat separate; pale blue-violet eyes taking in everything around him and full mouth pressed into a thin line. 

He furrowed his brow, wondering who that was; but when he turned to ask Holly, she was already being pushed through to meet the scientists and others in the Archives, John on her lap and dozing peacefully on her shoulder. 

Jacob shrugged and pushed his questions back for another time, following after Holly Shepard as easily as he ever did.

He could ask her later.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly looks to the near-future.

"We have a few more months before the Relay's repaired and the tour officially starts - have any idea where you'd like to start?" 

Holly blinked, looking up at Evin as he sat across from her. She had her legs stretched out on the couch, a datapad in hand and a glass of water on her table. Petrovsky's chessboard glowed from its place on the desk, her framed dog tags next to it and her cracked N7 helmet being used as a paper weight. Evin sat on the back of the couch, balanced on the edge with his socked feet on the arm, flipping through a screen of information; one ear bud in his ear, reading out another report that she had no business listening to anyway. 

"Probably the Annos Basin - we'll go to Sur'Kesh first." 

"Why's that?" 

Shepard frowned, looking to the side and shrugging a little. She felt Evin's stare on the side of her head, and she held out for a little longer before heaving out a sigh and pushing back her dark hair. It had gotten to her shoulders, at this point. It curled in loose ringlets, and Garrus found it fascinating and soft and liked to wrap his fingers around locks of it. 

It was the only reason she was letting it grow. Had she had her way, she would have cut it all off in a practical style by now. 

"I've got a couple people I want to meet there," she finally admitted. Evin stared at her for a moment longer before he nodded and looked away; her shoulders relaxed, and she let her head lean back against the couch. 

"Sur'Kesh it is, then - I'm sure Valern will be pleased to show off his home planet." 

"It's also the only Council planet that didn't get touched by Reapers at the end." 

"Guess the Reapers didn't see them as advanced enough." Holly snorted; what a thought. 

~+~

Liara set up the vidscreen, adjusting a few things before patting Holly's knee. 

Holly didn't react. She couldn't feel it, anyway, and she was too busy staring at the screen in trepidation. 

"It'll be fine, Holly," Liara promised, smiling and smoothing a hand down her growing hair. "He wanted to talk to you, too. I'll just be outside during the call, alright? To make sure no one else comes in." And to give her some much-needed privacy. She nodded, and Liara left her side; the door swishing shut silently behind her. 

After a few minutes, Holly reached out and punched in the code Liara had given her, watching as the screen flickered to life; a line wriggling in front of her as the call rang. At the second ring, the other person answered, and Kolyat Krios was in front of her. 

"Commander Shepard." 

"Kolyat," Shepard smiled, feeling awkward and unsure. She had no idea what to say to him; no idea how to explain what Thane was to her and what she wanted from calling him. Kolyat beat her to the punch, though, speaking first. 

"I'm glad you called, Commander - I've wanted to talk to you, myself." He shifted, looking to the side, and she waited to see what he wanted to say. "I was going through some more of my father's things, and I found a journal. It was dated during the time he was with you on the Normandy, and also while he was in the hospital. It was a bit strange." 

"Because drell have perfect memories?" 

Kolyat nodded. "Exactly. But my father wanted to write these things down, anyway, as if he knew he would be gone before he could tell the one the notes were meant for anything. ...The journal was for you, I think." 

"...What makes you think that?" 

"He refers to you, often - and not always in the third person." Kolyat shifted again, before sighing and looking at the screen. "You and he were in a relationship?" 

"...Yes," Holly breathed out, shoulders sagging. "We were." She paused, looking down at her hands fisted on her lap. "...Not for long, but we were." 

"He mentioned that. I won't tell you everything in the journal, but he forgave you for that. I think he was in love with you." He paused, tilting his head, and then looked at her again; dark eyes unfathomable and staring right at her. "Were you in love with him?" 

"...Yeah," she said, smiling crookedly. "Terribly enough, I was." 

Kolyat stared at her for a moment longer, before smiling a little; his blue skin highlighted in just the right light to look green. 

"Terribly enough, I'm glad." 

~+~

"So, Sur'Kesh?" 

"Yeah," Holly looked over to see Kaidan sitting down next to her, offering her a bottle of beer wordlessly. Evin had left a little over a half hour ago, probably to report to Hackett or something. She accepted it, the two of them cracking their drinks open at the same time, and she took a long draw from the drink before sighing. "Look, Kaidan, whatever you want to say, just say it." 

"What are you hoping to get from this kid? Redemption? Forgiveness? A second chance?" 

"Wow, low blow on that third one." She whacked his arm gently, and he shifted but didn't move away; the two of them staying quiet as the fish tank bubbled, throwing the room in a soft, blue light. "I don't know what I'm hoping to get. Maybe some peace of mind. Kolyat's grown-up enough that he doesn't need a place to stay, and I don't exactly have a home anymore to offer." 

"Wait, they didn't tell you?" 

"Didn't tell me what?" 

"That your apartment survived the attack?" 

"... _What_." 

Kaidan laughed, nudging her with his shoulder. "Yeah. A few people running from the Citadel used it as a place to meet up before Cerberus completely took over. It had some pretty solid defenses set up, too. When they went searching through the ruins, the Silversun Strip was pretty much in one piece, including the apartments. No idea how." 

"That is some weird-ass luck," Holly mused, and Kaidan held his bottle up as if to say 'I'll drink to that'. She did, before shaking her head and looking over at him. "Okay, so maybe I have a place to offer him, but I doubt he'd take it. And anyway, he barely knows me." 

"Yeah, but you knew his dad - were like, in love with his dad." Kaidan paused, frowning and looking at her. "Why is it that you fell for the aliens and not me?" 

"Because your hair just killed it for me." 

"...Are you serious." 

" _No_ ," Holly laughed, shaking her head. "Kaidan, you were my 1st Lieutenant. I was your superior officer, it would've felt like taking advantage. Besides, we're way better as friends, and I thought you had gotten over your crush on me. Please tell me you got over your crush on me?" 

"I'm over my crush on you, Holly, don't worry." Holly sighed out, relaxing, and he shook his head. "I just don't understand the appeal." 

"It helped that the relationships grew in circumstances when they weren't so much my subordinates as my equal teammates, but that's just me." He nodded again, and she sighed. "But yeah, I think I get what you mean - with Kolyat and all of that. I guess... I'unno. I want to not screw up on something with a Krios for once?" 

"...That makes a twisted sort of sense." 

"Thank you," Holly inclined her head, smiling blandly. "I'm glad my fucked-up thought process is comprehensible to the unwashed masses. Now are we gonna talk more about my awkward attempts to befriend a previous paramour's son, or are we gonna drink beer?" 

"Okay, okay - pushy. Guess it's a good thing you turned me down flat." 

" _Rude_."


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was always his child, ever since the first.

She met him first in the recruiting centre. 

She had snuck in, slipping through the doors when someone was leaving, because she didn't want anyone to notice she had entered. She just wanted to look around - see what this 'Alliance' was all about; Evin's words about getting out of the Reds ringing in her head and Finch's offhand comment about 'showing those fucking animals what for' digging into her spine. 

Holly had no problem with aliens - none at all. Some of the aliens she had run into on the streets of D.C. were fucking nicer than most humans - a few had even given her credits, and once an asari had asked if she was alright and if she needed help. 

She'd turned her down, disappearing into the crowd soon after - but the sentiment was nice. 

So she snuck into the recruitment centre, a promo-vid showing on a screen in the corner and a few other, less downtrodden, degenerate hopefuls looking through booklets and asking the woman at the desk questions. Holly sidled over to the wall with the booklets, reaching out and plucking up the first one she could when he spoke up behind her. 

"You keep acting like you're going to rob the place, child, and soon I'll think that's your actual intent." 

Holly froze, turning around slowly and looking up at the man who stood behind her. 

He was tall, with dark skin and a few lines around his mouth and eyes. His eyes were brown and he had short-cropped hair and a goatee that was black, peppered with a bit of grey. He was dressed casually, but the set of his shoulders and his build all told Holly Huberts right away that this was an Alliance soldier. 

"...It would be pretty dumb, even for a street rat, to rob from the Alliance," she said after a moment, shifting back from the man and towards the door. His eyes flickered over to the door, noting the people who were in her way from a clean escape, before looking back at her and quirking an eyebrow. She wished he wasn't so tall; she felt a little loomed over. "I'm just lookin', I swear." 

"I know," he inclined his head, before shoving his hands into his pockets and nodding to her booklet. "Probably not the booklet you want, child - that's medical." 

She blinked, looked down at the booklet, and swore when she saw the white and red uniforms on the front before tossing it on the table nearby. The man grinned and she glared up at him. 

"The name's David Anderson," he said after a moment, holding out his hand. She eyed him warily, shifting a little, before reaching out and accepting his hand. He gave hers a warm squeeze; not a test of strength, not threatening, just... nice. He was nice. He was like Evin. 

"Holly," she said after a moment, letting go and tucking her hands under her arms; hands shoved into the baggy, frayed sleeves of her sweater. He waited for a moment, and when she didn't elaborate further, he nodded and indicated to a pair of chairs tucked into a corner; it would give them a good view of the room, keep their backs to the wall... 

She knew it was a tactic - get the jumpy orphan kid comfortable. But she didn't think it was because he wanted to call the cops on her or whatever. He looked like he actually wanted to talk. 

Maybe she was fucking nuts; maybe Evin had made her soft - but she believed that David Anderson actually wanted to talk, so she followed him to those corner chairs, sat down with her legs tucked against her chest, and watched him carefully as he sat down with a groan and leaned back into his chair, sighing. 

"Everything starts hurting when you reach 25, Holly - all those crazy stunts you pulled as a youngster come back to haunt you." 

"Or maybe you're just old. ...Sir." 

David laughed, shaking his head. He looked at her again for a long time, folding his hands over his stomach and just assessing her, before he nodded. 

"You should join the marines, child - I think you'd do well there." 

Holly blinked, raising her brows. She nodded after a moment, leaning forward a little bit closer to him. 

"...Tell me about 'em?" 

"Gladly." 

~+~

"So they tell me your name is Huberts, child." 

Holly grinned, turning around to see David Anderson coming over to her. He was clean-shaven and in uniform, but she recognized him anyway - they had spent a lot of time talking before she joined up with the Alliance. Once he stopped in front of her, she saluted him - he was a 1st Lieutenant, and she was just a new recruit - and he nodded for her to stand easy. Once she relaxed, he quirked a brow; she quirked hers back, and he grinned. 

"Sir, I've been asking them to call me 'Shepard', because I decided that the name 'Holly Huberts' was a cruel and unusual punishment for a child, sir." 

"Are you snarking me, recruit?" 

"Yes, sir," she nodded, and he laughed, throwing his head back and grinning down at her. She smiled up at him, wide and proud of herself - it was always a good day when she made Anderson laugh - and he shook his head. "Did you come by just to visit me, sir?" 

"I was actually coming over to talk to you about your classification choices. You and the other recruits - where are they?"

"Still in the barracks, sir, setting up their belongings. Apparently people with homes have a lot of sh-- stuff. Sir." 

Anderson hummed, looking over her head for a moment, before nodding and looking back down at her. She was five foot seven - she was _not_ that short! 

"Alright, then, Shepard," she grinned, and he smiled down at her, "go get your fellow recruits and meet me in classroom B14 - we'll talk classes and things when you all get there." 

Holly blinked, eyes widening at the implication of his request. He was giving her an order, of course - and she would follow, she was going to be a damn good soldier - but he was also treating her like someone he could trust. Someone who he knew would actually follow those orders. 

He was the first superior since she arrived on the station who treated her as such. 

"Sir, yes, sir!" She gave him a quick salute, and he nodded a dismissal; she turned, jogging back towards the barracks, feeling like this was the best choice she had made in her entire life. 

After befriending Evin, of course. 

~+~

Holly sat in front of the memorial wall, looking up at the names of those she had lost over the course of the Reaper War. 

She took note of Pressly, of course, and Ashley; Mordin and Legion. She stared for a long time at Thane, and wondered about the journal that Kolyat had for her; wondered about it as they set a course for the newly-completed Charon Relay and the Annos Basin. She would get to see those secrets in maybe a week, maybe a bit longer. It was a bit terrifying, really. 

She then looked at Admiral David Anderson's name. 

Something thick formed in her throat, and she stared at that name for so long that one of her crew actually stopped beside her to ask if her chair was stuck. She waved them off with a quick reassurance everything was fine; her chair was fine, she was fine. 

But really, she was not fine. 

She sighed as someone stood behind her chair, familiar hands on her shoulders as she leaned back. 

"He said to me, 'you did good, child' - did they tell you that? 'You did good, child'. He always called me that, ever since the first time I met him. He knew my name and in front of people he would call me it - one of the few people who called me Shepard 'cause I _asked_ \- but when it was just us... just Anderson and I sitting around, shooting the shit and knocking back glasses of some fancy asari crap, he would call me 'child'." 

"If you were a boy," Evin murmured, squeezing her shoulders as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back, "I think he would have called you 'son'." 

Holly swallowed that thick thing in her throat, tears burning the back of her eyes and leaking down freckled cheeks, and she nodded.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Normandy arrives at Sur'Kesh.

She waited until Thane was settled into his place in Life Support before going to visit him, feeling a little bit apprehensive about it all. 

From the moment she had seen him drop down from the ceiling and take down three guards without a sound, she had been intrigued. This was a man who knew what he was doing; a man who was lethal and precise and professional, because he never stopped to gloat (like so many krogan mercenaries, the amount of times she took down krogan mercenaries because they _gloated_ ) and he did not linger over the bodies of the dead. 

He moved with grace and precision and purpose, who knew his biotics and knew his weapons like they were merely an extension of his arms and not tools. 

In a lot of ways, he almost reminded her of Evin. 

She had wanted to ask him a million questions there, over the cooling body of Nassana Dantius, but he had held her off and they returned to the Normandy with little fanfare. Thane was quiet and cool and distant, with a face nearly impossible to read and a motive for joining her team all his own. 

Over everything else, she wanted to know his motive. Yet at the same time, she was afraid to know it. 

"You have been standing there for a very long time, Commander - are you lost in your thoughts so thoroughly?" 

Holly jumped, blinking widely at the now-opened door and the drell standing on the other side. Out of all the alien species Holly had ever encountered, the drell were a surprisingly short and sturdy race. Thane was maybe a half-inch taller than her, and compared to everyone else in her life (including Joker, and he slouched because of his condition), he was damn-close to being a runt. 

"Uh," she said, oh-so-intelligently, and then winced at the stupidity of it. "...I just wanted to come by and check on you but I didn't want to bother you." 

Thane blinked, head tilted to the side, before he smiled slightly and stepped aside to grant her access into Life Support. 

"It has been a long time since anyone has visited with the sole purpose of conversing with me. Please, come in." 

Holly smiled a little, stepping in and feeling vaguely like a vampire, being invited into a room on her own ship; the thought almost made her laugh, but she managed to hold it back, mouth screwing up a little to keep it in. Thane watched her with polite curiousity, and she shook her head before looking around the room. 

"...That is a shitton of guns." 

Silence, and then startled laughter. She looked over at him, still a bit wide-eyed, and was suddenly struck that he was beautiful; all green skin and coral ridges and white teeth. He was lethal and distant and dying and beautiful, and the laughter chased away a sadness that lingered at the corners of his mouth and shrouded dark, dark eyes. 

She wanted to chase the sadness away. 

~+~

Sur'Kesh was as beautiful as she remembered it, with thriving jungle landscapes and waterfalls and outcroppings of rocks that framed a beautiful horizon. 

Holly was pushed by Councillor Valern, who insisted on leading her onto his home planet. Evin was a couple of steps behind them, a silent shadow with watchful eyes and about five hidden weapons. Sure, he was dressed in civvies, but she believed he was unarmed about as much as she believed she was a saint. 

She really, _really_ fucking wasn't, by the way. 

"Oh, hey," Holly blinked, looking over her shoulder to Valern as he led them down a path towards an official-looking building. Probably a meeting place, or a research centre. Maybe they were one and the same - you could never be sure with the salarians. "Is that dalatrass I dealt with still around?" 

Valern blinked, tilting his head in thought, before grimacing a little. "We... have dealt with her." 

"What, like, killed her?" 

"What?" Valern blinked rapidly, before shaking his head. "No, no, no! Of course not, Shepard-- Holly, my apologies. No, we've asked her to step down from her responsibilities. She became too emotional about the decision to cure the genophage. It was a necessity during the time, and it has not backfired on us, yet she keeps insisting that it will and yelling her objections. She was becoming an embarrassment. She has returned to her clan to live out the rest of her retirement and we have brought in a new dalatrass. It's for the best, really - especially given how close the Krogan DMZ really is." 

"Oh - yeah, of course." She blinked, a little dazed by the amount of speaking Valern had just done. He had never spoken that much to her before, even when he visited her in the hospital. It was a little bit amazing. "Guess I never thought of it like that." 

"That's alright - salarians think of everything." 

Holly snorted, but decided not to comment, turning back to see that there was a greeting party waiting for them ahead. She sat up a little, adjusting in her seat, and when she looked up again she froze. 

In the light he looked nearly green, and he stood off to the side, more in the shadows than in the centre of things. He wore clothes so much like _his_ and his face was longer but it was _his nose_ and she had to remind herself to breathe because that was Kolyat. That was Kolyat, and he was looking right at her. 

She stared at him for long enough that Kolyat inclined his head in acknowledgement, and she smiled a vague, weak smile back at him, before she was being led over to a tall salarian woman who was smiling at her and Valern, holding her arms out and stepping towards them. 

Holly promised herself that she would meet up with Kolyat as soon as she could. For now, she had to play politics. 

~+~

"Commander Shepard." 

Holly looked up from her desk, rolling her chair back and turning it to face the door. Kolyat stood there, looking a little out of place and holding a datapad in his hand. The journal, she guessed. She smiled, rolling the wheelchair back so that she was next to the chair in the room, and then knocked her knuckles on it in invitation. 

"Y'know, Kolyat," she said, feeling something nervous in her throat even as she spoke casually, "you can call me Holly. Or even Shepard, if you'd rather that - 'Commander' isn't even technically my rank anymore." 

"Yes - congratulations on your promotion," Holly shrugged, making a face, and Kolyat smiled a little. "Not a fan?" 

"I _liked_ being 'Commander' - it had a ring to it. 'Captain Shepard' just sounds dumb." He chuckled faintly, before sitting down and holding out the journal. "You know nothing of preambles or leading up to big reveals, do you Kolyat." 

"My father always insisted that, if something is important enough, to do it as soon as you can instead of waiting. For while you wait for the right moment, it will pass you by, and you will lose it forever after." 

"...That sounds like Thane, yeah." Holly sighed, looking down at the journal and tracing her fingers over it. It flickered to life, then, and she stared down at the words of the entry Kolyat had left it on; a certain phrase sticking out at her. 

"'The Commander is not a woman I was expecting when I thought of Cerberus; she is competent in battle, a vision with biotics and firearms, but you take her out of her armor and suddenly she is an awkward teenager, all limbs and nervous gestures.'" 

"Wow - thanks, Thane, that means so much." 

Kolyat snorted, but shook his head, closing his eyes and going back to the entry. 

"'Yet there is something inspiring about her, something that draws me out of battle sleep. Something beyond the fact that I had to reach her first - a realness that is beyond the legend of Commander Shepard. A frailty, a humanity, that very few I have ever met have possessed. A blunt honesty that does not suit the secrecy of Cerberus.'

"'That is a shitton of guns' she says as soon as she sees my collection of firearms. It is such an honest, open response that I cannot help but laugh - something I have not done in such a long time, it is almost difficult to even remember, even with my memory. Her face as she looks at me is forever etched into my mind; wide-eyed, mouth slightly open, hair flyaway and expression just as shocked as myself, for far different reasons.' 

"'Yes', I agree, and she smiles and walks to them as if I have already given her permission. Perhaps I have; perhaps something in my expression lets her know that it is alright for her to look. She looks but she does not touch, and I stand back and watch her; curious about this woman who leads others into impossible situations and rises victorious. The Hero of the Citadel. The Hero of the Skyllian Blitz. A woman of presence.' 

"'It is this woman who has woke me up, and I look forward to seeing where she leads me.'"


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly shows she cares in a different kind of way.

_She has been watching me._

_I have noticed it, yet have not done anything to make her stop. She takes me out on her missions seldom, and when I inquired to one of her older companions - the quarian, Tali'zorah, who is young and naive but knows more than many well-trained assassins that life is cruel and does not always go according to plan - as to why that was, she told me it is because she likes to bring people who will have a vested interest in the mission._

_'The best team' Tali'zorah says, seeming to quote the Commander, 'is a team that actually gives a shit, or so Shepard tells me. It's why she always brings me when there's geth, or why she always used to bring Wrex when there were rachni, or Kaidan when there were biotic extremists. If we cared about what we were doing - if we cared about making sure we did the job right and in the way she wanted it done, then it was a job well done. She doesn't know you very well yet, Thane - she's trying to figure out what kind of missions you would be inclined to go on.'_

_It is an interesting theory, and one that seems to have some basis to it. If there is mention of scientific experiments, the Commander is sure to bring the salarian, Solus. If there are mercenary thugs beating on the innocent, the turian Garrus is brought along. Miranda is taken when Cerberus operations go rogue, and Jacob is with her when civilians are involved._

_She brings Zaeed Massani along whenever he starts twitching and there's to be plenty of explosions; and when she needs to be subtle, the thief, Kasumi Goto, is following after her, cloaked and sharing a witty, inappropriate comment._

_The convict, Jack, tells me that she, too, is rarely brought along - but I am of the opinion that is more because the Commander's personality and Jack's personality are so alike that there is likely to be a minor incident if they are in the same shuttle for too long._

_But I feel as though I should tell her that I will go on any mission she requires of me, and that she need not take my interests or inclinations into account. I am an assassin, and this is a job I have taken._

_It is the asari justicar, Samara, who convinces me to keep my silence._

_'She means well,' she tells me, voice calm and nearly hypnotic. I have met very few justicars in my life - one, in total, and she sits cross-legged on the floor before me, sharing in a moment of meditation with me when the Life Support became too closed-in. 'She wishes to make us feel that we are important, and so she learns what we are most interested in and attempts to bring us on missions dealing with this. It is not just a way to form the right team for the right job - it is her way of telling us we matter, and she is thinking of us. I believe, Thane Krios, she wishes for us to be friends.'_

Holly blinked, staring down at the journal before putting it aside, rubbing at her eyes. She glanced at the clock on the wall and winced at the hour, knowing that she would have to go out and be diplomatic in about five hours, and if she didn't get sleep anytime soon, she would be a cranky diplomat. 

Yet instead of rolling herself over to her bed and hoisting herself onto the mattress, as she should have, she made her way to the door, heading towards the kitchen. 

Maybe salarians had the equivalent of warm milk or something. 

~+~

"I think Krios knows you're staring at him, Shepard." 

Holly winced, glaring over at Garrus as he sat next to her innocently. He raised his brow plates, blue eyes glancing over to the shuttle's other occupant before lowering his voice. 

"Kaidan used to look at you like that, you know." 

"Oh, shut it, Vakarian," Holly grumbled, shifting a little bit away from the turian and feeling warm. She sometimes marvelled at the maturation that Garrus went through the two years she was out - it felt like only a couple of months ago that he was stepping out of her ship to rejoin C-SEC, hoping to do some good for the galaxy like he wanted to while she freaked out about liking him. Now he was some sort of vigilante sharpshooter, and she stilled like him, but it was an understated thing and she could pretend it didn't exist for a while. 

He didn't seem all that interested, anyway, and he was her best friend. No need to screw that up. 

"Look, I'm just saying - if you like him, I would suggest taking him on more missions. He's in Life Support maintaining his guns everyday but they're running too smoothly because he _never uses them_. You told me he's a good shot with his sniper, and pretty decent with that Locust you stole from that crook - why aren't you using him?" 

"Because I don't know what kind of mission he'd be good to go on, okay, I don't want to drag someone on a mission where they'll be bored shitless." 

Garrus rolled his eyes, settling back in his seat and throwing his arm over the back of hers. She leaned a little into him, and he didn't seem to mind, so she didn't move. She cut a glance over to Jacob who was busy pretending to be totally engrossed in his mission report, and thanked God that he knew better than to say anything. At least, yet. 

She was kinda dreading her meet-up with him later that day once back on the Normandy. 

"Shepard, we get it - you like us. You want us invested. You listen to us when we ramble at you. _We understand_. Now stop thinking about mission teams like that and start thinking about who would be the most useful to you." 

"You're all useful." 

"I'm absolute piss against biotics and you know it, yet here I am. Fighting off biotics." 

"They were mercenaries! You love shooting mercenaries!" 

"They're Eclipse mercenaries, they're the literal bane of my existence." 

"Well excuse me for breathing." 

Garrus laughed, before shaking his head. "Seriously, Shepard - on this mission? I think Krios would've been a better decision. You'd have your sniper, but you'd also have someone who can throw biotics at the biotics and actually affect them." 

"You're wonderful against the engineers, though." 

"Now you're just flattering me." 

Holly sighed, leaning completely against Garrus and closing her eyes. After a moment, the turian shifted so that his armor didn't quite poke at her, and she was glad he wasn't saying anything about her sudden display of affection. She was tired, and Garrus was familiar, and he was comforting and warm and his subharmonics were nice. 

"Why do I get the feeling you're trying to set me up with the dying drell assassin?" 

"Because I'm trying to set you up with the dying drell assassin. I'm not subtle, Shepard, turians don't do subtle. We're too big and spiky." 

Holly wrinkled her nose and glared up at him. 

"You're a shitty friend." 

"I am your _best friend_. Now listen to me and take the moody assassin on the next mission so he doesn't think you hate him." 

"Ugh, _fine_."

~+~

She had finally managed to find something that was like milk when someone plucked the container from her hands. She turned, ready to tear into them, and blinked up at Garrus as he stared down at her. 

"...Hey, Garrus." 

"Hey, Holly," he nodded, looking at the milk before shaking his head. "You won't like this, trust me." 

"How can I, it's levo." 

"It's also absolute piss." He put the container back into the cooling unit, before taking Holly's wheelchair and leading her back into her room. She groaned, rubbing at her eyes, and flopped over, boneless, into Garrus' arms when he picked her up. He shook his head and snickered, settling her on the bed before curling up next to her. "Reading that journal again?" 

"Yeah," Holly nodded, before frowning a little. "...Does it bother you?" 

"That you're reading the journal of the drell you fell in love with, even though I'm your boyfriend and currently not-dead?" Holly nodded, and Garrus nuzzled into her neck, curling his fingers into her hair and being careful with his claws. "You'd think I would be - I'm probably the jealous type - but y'know what? I'm not bothered. I'm worried that you're going to pull a drell and lose yourself in memories, though." 

"How can I? You're too big and spiky to forget about." Garrus chuckled again, and she smiled weakly. "...why did you push me to get with him, anyway, Garrus? I mean. You've obviously liked me for a while." 

Garrus didn't say anything for a long moment, and Holly shifted and threw her arm over his waist once she was comfortable, wondering if he was ever going to answer, when he finally did. 

"I thought he could make you happy - that's all I wanted. Just... for you to forget about looking out for everyone else and, for once, doing something for yourself." 

"...But why not try yourself?" 

"I'unno. I probably didn't think I was good enough. Either that or I was terribly drunk after you recruited me to numb the pain in my face. That's really, really likely." 

"God, Garrus," Holly laughed, burrowing her face into his shoulder and grinning against it, "you're ridiculous." 

"Yeah, but I'm yours to be ridiculous about. Now try to get some sleep, would you?"


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things never worked out the way Holly wanted.

He kissed her like it was as difficult as breathing. 

Soft, hesitating, never sure if he was allowed - if he had the _strength_ \- he pulled her close and touched his lips to hers and sighed against her. She was soft skin and bumped lines of scars that she refused to have taken away; fine hairs and jagged fingernails and bony elbows. She traced the sides of his face, touching emerald to coral to emerald again, and he drank her in because he was a dying man and she was a respite from the inevitable. 

But she shook when he gasped, and she fumbled when his breath rattled, and she had to look away when he stepped back because he could not _breathe_. 

Of course she would terminate this thing between them before it had a chance to grow. He could see it in her eyes: she was scared, so scared of loving a dying man. And he wanted to cling on to her tighter and assure her that _it would be alright_. It would be good; it would be a memory he could slip into when the nights were hard and his lungs were tight and she was far, far away from him. 

But instead he let her go, a kiss to her cheek and a whisper of forgiveness in her hair, and he watched her as she fled from him; could smell the salt from her tears and knew that she regretted her words but would not take them back. 

Holly Shepard was too proud to take back anything she had ever said. 

It was probably one of the reasons he so thoroughly loved her. 

~+~

"Her breath hitches, as if she wants to say something else - something personal, something private. But then her expression closes and she shakes her head, and tells the room how Father was a good man, how he was doing all he could to make his life right. The words are true, and kind, and good, but they are not the right words. The way her hands shake and the way her eyes gleam say that they are not the _right words_." 

"Kolyat." 

"She stands off to the side, alone and lonely and separate, because she is Commander Shepard and she is strong and solitary. Her shoulders are rigid and she stares defiantly out the observation windows, watching the cars as they fly by, soundless and colourful. Others mingle around the room, speaking in quiet voices, but none go to her; not the pilot, not the justicar, not even the turian whose body language shows that she is his bondmate in everything but name. She is like Father." 

" _Kolyat_." 

"Quick steps; few words. An offer to hold the councillor's feet to the fire. Her smile cracks and she looks tired somehow. 'It's still a bit raw'. A sudden remembrance, and without hesitation they are sent. The letters Father had recorded for her, while she was incarcerated and alone. Let them be a comfort to her." 

Holly breathed in, shuddering and shaky and she squeezed her eyes shut as Kolyat blinked and shook himself out of memory. The journal was on her lap and she had just brought up that her apartment was still miraculously in one piece; that if he ever needed a place to crash for the night, and he was ever on the Citadel again, there was a room waiting for him. 

She wished she hadn't mentioned anything if it had to bring up _that memory_. 

"...Forgive me, Commander," Kolyat said, bowing his head and shifting uncomfortably, "that was unkind of me." 

"What, that you couldn't stop a memory? God, I feel like I took over that memory, you should've remembered someone else. Maybe Tali. I think she was getting drunk again." 

Kolyat smiled but stayed quiet, and Holly let out another shaky sigh. She turned to him, then, fingers drumming on the journal and watching Kolyat Krios with careful eyes. 

"...My offer stands, though." 

He bowed his head, looking away and the uncomfortable moment was broken. 

"I'll keep that in mind." 

~+~

She sat down across from him, and he pushed the mug of hot chocolate into her waiting hands, smiling as she inhaled it deeply before swallowing back half of it in one go. He folded his hands under his chin as she stuck her tongue out, then, shoulders shaking in silent laughter as she waved a hand in front of her face. 

"Oh, Thane, stop laughing!" she scolded, glaring at him and pouting. "I wasn't expecting it to be that _hot_." 

"It is called _hot_ chocolate, Shepard - not mildly warm chocolate." She made another face at him, and his eyes softened before he held his hands out to her. After a moment, she slipped her fingers between his, and he traced the ridge of her knuckles with his thumbs. "Are you well, _siha_?" 

"I've been better," she admitted, looking down at their hands. Her expression was faraway, and he left her to her musings for the moment; content to memorize the shape of her cheekbones and the line of her nose. When she looked up at him, dark blue eyes a bit darker than before, he could feel that time was running short. 

He stood up, then, tugging her out of her seat, and she followed him with raised brows and a stumble. He pulled her close, hands framing her face, and he leaned down and brushed a kiss to her lips. She froze before leaning into him, arms wrapped around his waist and clinging onto the back of his jacket. Her lips parted under his and he took the invitation; memorizing the taste of her and the sounds she made when she was particularly content; the feel of her in his arms. 

When she pulled back, her eyes glazed with something more than desire, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and closed his eyes, keeping a firm grip on her arms. 

"Everything will work out the way it is meant to, _siha_ ," he whispered, and she hesitated before nodding, pressing her face against his neck and breathing shallowly. 

~+~

"I can't _do this_!" 

She kept to the door of Life Support, staring at him with wide, bright eyes, and he watched her and waited to see what she had to say. How she was going to go through with it. 

He had watched her pull further and further away from him, touching him only to retract just as quickly and hide her hands under her arms. Now she looked haggard, as if she had not slept; eyes red-rimmed and hair tangled, as if she had dragged her fingers through it over and over. The bridge of her nose was red, and he wondered if she had been rubbing it. 

" _Siha_ \--" 

"No!" She shook her head, burying her face into her hands. They stayed silent again as she regained control of herself, before she looked up at him; mouth set in a determined line even as everything else about her expression spoke of her heart breaking. "No, Thane, I can't-- no." 

He watched her, and wanted to go to her; to wrap his arms around her and assure her that he _understood_. He understood; it hurt him, deeply, but he understood, because he was dying and Holly Shepard had lost enough in her life. 

But he stayed where he was, fingers tight on the back of his chair, and she heaved out another breath and scrubbed at her eyes. He got to his feet, then, moving towards her and tilting her face up so that he could look at her; could see the tears tracked down freckled cheeks and the way her mouth trembled. He paused, then leaned down and pressed his lips to her cheek; chaste and soft and letting go. Something like a whine caught in her throat, and he pulled away just as gently. 

"...I'm _sorry_." 

She turned and fled, then, the door shutting behind her, and Thane Krios was left staring at the green button; the memory of Holly's face as she ran away ingrained into his memory. 

"As am I, _siha_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never broken up with Thane in the game, and so this is my Alternate Universe take on the break-up. There will be no canon lines found here.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old friends and new faces.

"Alright, Kolyat, where are you taking me?" 

Holly turned around as best as she could in her chair, glaring up at the drell youth who pushed her forward with a calm serenity that she did not trust. It reminded her too much of the moments before Thane said something so dry she felt like he'd brought her straight to Rakhana or somewhere else equally hot and arid. 

"You leave in two days' time - I wanted you to meet some people before you did so." 

"You have just _settled_ in Sur'Kesh, haven't you?" Kolyat smiled, ducking his head, and Holly grinned up at him. "I'm glad, you know. ...I think your dad would be, too." 

"...I hope so," he said softly, before stopping before a door. Holly turned to stare at it, raising her brows as it opened to reveal a salarian standing on the other side. 

"Kolyat! Glad you came - have some questions about Kepral's. Come, come, come." 

He turned and left without even saying hello to Holly, and she couldn't help but grin as Kolyat pushed her inside and followed after the salarian. 

"He reminds me of Mordin so much, holy shit." 

"I'm sure he'd be honoured by that - his name is Eshem Solus." 

"...Mordin's _nephew_?" 

Kolyat said nothing, however, merely leading her further into the building and entering into a lab. Multiple salarians were walking around, talking quickly to one another and comparing notes; correcting calculations and debunking theories faster than Holly could blink. A few hanar floated around, as well, their deep, rumbling, echoing voices filling the room as a strange but nice counter to the high, fast-paced salarian voices. 

She also saw a couple of drell, including a female, and she turned to look at Kolyat again. 

"...Are these those scientists you were hoping Valern would help fund?" 

"Yes," Kolyat nodded, smiling a little wider before turning to see Eshem Solus come back to him, a pair of goggles over his dark eyes and gloves on his long hands. 

"Took too long - decided to start looking at samples under radiation, see how they act under potential treatment. Who's this?" He lifted the goggles off his eyes, hanging them about his neck, and stared down at Holly. 

He looked a remarkable amount like Mordin, actually, now that she had a moment to really look at him. He had both of his horns, which was an obvious difference, and his colouring was slightly darker and markings slightly different, but it was the way his dark eyes moved rapidly over her face, taking in information, and the way his hands plucked at each other; the way he shifted on his feet and the twitchiness of his shoulders that reminded her so much of her salarian doctor. 

"... _Commander Shepard_?" 

She smiled up at him, laughing when he jerked forward a bit before grabbing her hand and shaking it vigorously. 

"So honoured! So honoured! Uncle spoke much of you - very highly, very highly indeed! 'Quick for a human', Uncle said. Heard you were on Sur'Kesh - did not know you would come here! Know Kolyat? How? Wait - Collector mission. Drell assassin part of team - same drell who saved Councillor. Kolyat's father! Ahhh, I see." He nodded, still shaking her hand, and she looked over at Kolyat; he watched them, bemused and pleased with himself. "Have come to see progress on Kepral's cure?" 

Holly turned back to Eshem, feeling a little wound left behind by Mordin's death scab over, before she nodded. "You bet." 

~+~

"Mordin, how come you never sing more? You've got a nice voice." 

The salarian doctor blinked rapidly, looking over at Holly Shepard as she sat across from him at his desk, sprawled over the only free bit of table available. Where she had gotten the chair would remain a mystery at the moment (it was more likely than not the chair he stuck in the corner of the room. Mordin did not like sitting as he worked; standing left him room to pace, should he need to). 

"Did not hear you come in, Shepard." 

"I can be sneaky." 

Mordin snorted and flahsed her a quick smile, before looking back down at his screen, typing in a new series of code to simulate the effects his newest concoction of medicine would have on someone like Kelly, who had a mild pet allergy to hamsters. 

If Shepard was going to insist on buying a hamster, it was truly best they make sure all their crewmates were comfortable. 

"So - why don't you sing more?" 

"Did not know you were a fan of music, Shepard. Perhaps the radio in cabin would be a better source of entertainment?" 

"I'm not looking to be entertained, Mordin - I'm just trying to learn about you." 

Mordin blinked again, fingers paused over his keyboard, before he tapped in a few numbers and turned away from the screen to let it crunch numbers and give him a result in an hour's time. That would give him time to test out some of the new upgrades Shepard had recently acquired. Always a good idea to test out the new upgrades before going into the field. 

"Anything specific you would like to know? Already spoke of time spent in STG, creating new strand of genophage, helped stop my assistant from his unethical experiments. What else is there to know?" 

"I'unno. Tell me about where you grew up." 

Mordin blinked again, walking over to the other side of the table slowly. Holly turned with him, grinning up at him, and he tilted his head before smiling. He then grabbed the other chair he had hidden away in his lab, sitting down on it and drumming his fingers along the edge of the seat. 

"Grew up in the capital of Sur'Kesh - beautiful, waterfalls and plenty of flora. Many, many species samples for a young mind to study. Had ten brothers and one sister - very close to sister. Mother to my favourite nephew, Eshem - took the name 'Solus' instead of father's name, very interesting. Very proud."

"What's your sister's name?" 

"Valeria. Very bright! Studied engineering - quite good with turrets and mechs. Gave me hints on how to build and disarm them." 

"She didn't just tell you?" 

"No fun in that - must learn." 

Holly smiled, nodding and leaning forward. "Of course." 

"Now, oldest brother, Maedro - not so bright. More jarhead than anything else! Never got along with him..." 

~+~

"...hoping that introducing new element to drell immune system in early stages of Kepral's will affect its growth. A temporary arrangement until more permanent cure is found. Hanar doctors very helpful in understanding affects of environment to common drell's bodily functions." 

"So are you hoping to introduce something that creates a resistance to the moisture found on Kahje? Can something like that even be done?" 

"Yes! Very long process, much longer than expected. Will not be able to save many drell in further stages of Kepral's. Hoping to help those entering stages, give them longer to live. Hope to find cure within my lifetime." 

"You're... eighteen now, right?" 

"Yes!" Eshem turned to Holly, smiling widely again. "Uncle spoke of me, too?" 

"Oh yeah - you were his absolute favourite." 

Eshem blinked, before ducking his head, faint colouring appearing on the paler parts of his face, before he nodded and turned back to his notes. She grinned, looking back over at Kolyat. 

"And why are you here, Kolyat?" 

"Kolyat very helpful in understanding later stages of Kepral's. Eidetic memory very handy - can remember father's condition, and doctor's notes, and things doctors said to him." 

"You have heard everything of use, though, I'm afraid, Eshem," Kolyat said, shifting in his seat and turning towards the two. "...I think when Shepard leaves, I will go with her." 

Holly blinked, raising her brows. "You sure, Kolyat? We're going to be flying throughout the galaxy for probably a year or two. You've never spent so long on a ship before." 

"I am sure, Shepard," Kolyat nodded, folding his hands over his lap. "I think perhaps it would be for the best." 

Holly blinked, before smiling a little. "Well then. Welcome aboard."


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evin remembers missions gone sour.

"Holly, are we _actually_ going to Tuchunka?" 

Holly looked up from the model ship she and Garrus were building, raising an eyebrow at Evin as he walked over to them. The model was a turian dreadnought, and Garrus had bought it as soon as he had seen it in the requisitions terminal. She didn't mind - she adored putting together the little ships. 

"I'm sorry, Evin, could you repeat your question? I think I forgot to turn my hearing aid on." 

"I'm at your right ear, Holly, and it's your left one that's gone to shit." Holly made a face and put down the delicate pieces she was trying to glue together, turning around in her chair so she could face him properly. 

They had left Sur'Kesh a few days ago, taking quick stops around the other planets to check on the damage and the rebuilding efforts before moving along to the Relay. She had set the course for the Krogan DMZ not too long ago - and honestly? She was not surprised Evin came to see her. 

"What's the problem, Evin?" she asked anyway, because Holly didn't like to assume jack shit on her brother's thoughts. He might have been an open book to her, but sometimes she thought that half of his pages were in Mandarin and the other half in Old English just to confuse her. 

"Holly, I'm not exactly allowed back in the Krogan DMZ after that one incident--" 

"--they never connected you to it--"

"-- _Admiral Hackett forbade me_." 

Holly raised her brows, before shaking her head and ignoring the curious look Garrus was giving the two of them. 

"Hackett assigned you to be my bodyguard, because apparently I need one. I'm taking us to Tuchunka - I want to see Bakara and the kids that have already spawned, and I want to see Grunt and Wrex." 

The two krogan of her crew had left for the Krogan DMZ as soon as the Charon Relay had been repaired, going through the Annos Basin and then to their own system much faster than Holly had been able to. She had had to stay on Sur'Kesh for two months just to cement future plans between salarians and humans, and at least one of those months she spent most of it in a study with Valern and Sparatus, discussing who they were going to bring in as the asari councillor as well as what to do with the Citadel, which was being rebuilt above Earth. 

(Holly thought moving it back to the Serpent Nebula was a bad idea - they were too separated from any real source of defense. Valern argued that they needed a neutral zone, and the Nebula was the perfect place. Sparatus stayed strangely quiet, voting to wait until they had the asari councillor before making a real decision.) 

"Besides," Holly said, waving her hand as if to wave off Evin's concerns, "it's bridge under the water. Wreav's dead." 

"...Wait, what?" 

"Yeah," Holly nodded, smiling a little. "So you don't have to worry about him recognizing you somehow. I'm gonna tell you now, though, even had he survived, I doubt he would have been smart enough to remember you even existed." 

"Okay, I think I've been very good about staying quiet, but now I've gotta ask - what happened in the Krogan DMZ?" 

Holly and Evin turned to Garrus, both their eyebrows raised, and he quirked his brow plates in return. It was a little bit eerie how alike the two seemed just then, but he shook the thought away and tilted his head, trilling a curious note. 

"Evin here had to go deal with a mess that the Alliance accidentally planted on the krogan home planet. He may have disturbed a thresher maw nest while he was there, and while he was fleeing the scene, a bunch of krogans came across the mess. They made it out alright, nobody died - but Evin's pretty sure that the leader of the group, who I recognized as Wrex's brother Wreav, saw him as he booked it out of there." 

"Why didn't you stay to help?" 

"I'm supposed to be unseen, Garrus," Evin said flatly, and Holly snickered. "I also... don't do well with thresher maws." 

Holly sobered completely, then, and Garrus hummed again, this time more concerned than curious. Holly shook her head, but Evin pressed his hand to her shoulder and squeezed, looking Garrus right in the eye. 

"You've heard about Akuze, right?" 

"... _Oh_." 

Evin smiled grimly. 

"Yeah." 

~+~

"Toombs!" 

The corporal looked across from him in the shuttle, raising his eyebrows at Evin who stared back at him. 

Toombs had always liked Evin Shepard, even if he did unnerve him a bit. He had good jokes, and made a mean rice dish that he said his mother taught him. He was also the best sniper he'd ever worked with, and if he had to have any guy hidden three hundred metres in the bushes watching his back, he wanted it to be Shepard. 

"What's up, Shepard?" 

"You look stiff as a turian's ass, Toombs, you gotta relax a little." The others sitting around them laughed, muttering to themselves as they slowly made the descent to the LZ. They were above the planet Akuze, going to investigate the sudden silence of the colonial team sent a few months ago to set up a human colony. It was strange that they had gone so completely radio silent, so the Alliance sent in a unit of fifty marines - plus their commanding officer - to see what the problem was. 

They hoped that their communications were just down, and that it was a simple fix. But Toombs was still nervous, and Evin's hands were too itchy for comfort. 

"I'm tryin', here, Shep," Toombs said finally, rubbing the back of his neck and smiling bitterly. "Might help a bit if you told me what your sister's like." 

"Offlimits," Evin said with a pleasant smile, and more laughter filled the room. "She's not your type, anyway, Toombs - you like girls who don't know how to kill you fifteen different ways." 

"You teach her all those ways?" 

"You kidding?" Evin shook his head, leaning back and closing his eyes. "She taught _me_." 

"Alright, children!" Their commanding officer called out, stepping out from the pilot's room to look at the soldiers. She was a short woman named Heard, hard around the eyes but easy in personality, and Evin was pretty sure if Holly ever met her they would become best friends. "Landing's in ten minutes, get your gear and put the helmets on - we don't know what we're facing down there and I don't want any surprises!" 

"'Cause surprise is the only thing that'll kill ya!" the unit cried out, and she grinned at them. She then looked over at Toombs and Evin, pointing at Evin and crooking her finger at him to come over. He got up, helmet under one arm and sniper rifle slung across his back, and made his way over to Heard. 

"Yes, ma'am?" 

"You're second in command - shit hits the fan, you get these guys outta here, okay?" 

"You expecting trouble, ma'am?" 

"Oh, you know me, Lieutenant - I'm always expecting trouble." He smiled tightly and nodded, putting on his helmet just as the shuttle landed. The rest of the unit got to their feet, doing last minute checks before the doors opened. "Alright - move out!" 

They moved out behind her, the rest of their unit in the other shuttle following behind them, and they made their way towards the location of the temporary colony. Akuze was quiet, with short, springy grass and hard, compact dirt in patches both. There was a little river that ran perpendicular to them, which probably led to a larger water supply. The colonial team would've went to find the source. 

For the first couple of hours, nothing happened, and slowly the soldiers started to relax, tossing the occasional joke as they moved up a little bit, paused to take in their surroundings, and then continued. 

Evin stuck to the back of the unit, assault rifle in his hands and eye to the scope as he watched their backs. It was when Heard called out that they had spotted the camp when Evin felt something trembling under his feet. 

"What the fuck--" Toombs got out before something burst out of the ground. It was huge, and scaled, with bright colours along its hide, and it shrieked when it spotted them and spat poison right on Heard. She went down with a scream of agony and the entire unit froze. 

Evin shook himself out of his stupor the fastest, aiming his rifle at the thing and firing off a few shots. "Everybody _move_!" 

They did - they moved as fast as they could, scrambling back the way they came, but more of those things popped out of the ground - smaller than the first, had they stumbled on a nest? - and all around them Evin heard screaming. 

"GET BACK TO THE LZ! _GET BACK TO THE LZ_!" 

He turned to see Toombs get dragged under a hole in the ground, and that acidic spit hit him on the arm and the stomach. 

And Evin Shepard forced himself to run and leave his unit to die.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is remembering life, and then there is living in memory.

"You know, you could actually talk about what happened, or we could spend the next forty-five minutes staring at each other, therefore wasting another day." 

Evin blinked, tilting his head as he considered the man before him. He was a little old man with grey hair and an attempt at a mustache. His eyes were wide, taking up half of his face, and Evin had heard good things about him, really. 

He pressed his hands to his mouth, and the psychiatrist sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair. 

"If you think staying silent will make me believe you are well and truly over what happened on Akuze--" Evin flinched, barely, and those too-wide eyes narrowed on him. "Ah - so you do react." 

"Where's Holly?" 

He'd asked the question once every session, and the doctor would give him the same answer: 'not allowed in the room'. The brass wanted him to talk out his issues with this man, so that they could judge whether he was mentally fit for duty, still. He understood the concept; knew that, really, he should be talking to someone. He woke up in a cold sweat every night and he couldn't standing walking on dirt for longer than two minutes, afraid something was going to burst out of the ground and swallow him whole. 

But he didn't _want_ to talk to this man. 

He wanted Holly. 

The psychiatrist sighed again, before standing up and walking to the door. Evin closed his eyes, wondering what was going to happen to him now as he listened to the door open. The psychiatrist spoke for a moment in a hushed voice, before footsteps entered back into the room. 

They had a heavier gait than the psychiatrist. Evin opened his eyes and looked up into dark blue eyes. 

"I hear you're giving your head-shrinker issues, Evin." 

Holly Shepard plopped herself promptly on the ground by Evin's feet, and after a moment Evin slid down to sit with her. She took his hand and laced their fingers together, staring at the stark contrast of brown skin against pale white skin, and then she looked up at him. 

"Talk to me, Evin." 

Evin blinked, before nodding and leaning towards her. She leaned towards him, and they rested their foreheads together; Evin taking in a deep, shuddering breath as he pushed the screaming in his head back to replace it with Holly's off-key humming. 

"It was supposed to be standard, Hols. _Standard_. Drop in, check on the colonial team, fix the issue, leave. We were telling jokes and making plans and Heard said we were near the camp grounds when the ground suddenly burst open and there were these... these _things_ popping out of the ground. And they were _huge_ , Holly, they were so big, it was like all those cheesy Earth vids back from the 21st century about sandworms and stuff. But it was actually _real_ , and they spat acid, and Heard went down first." 

"Sounds fucking terrifying. How'd you get away?" 

"I don't even know. I shook out of whatever surprise I was in and tried to get everyone moving back to the LZ. We needed to get away, to get off the planet. It was pretty easy to guess what happened to the colonial team, and we couldn't fix this issue, Hols. We couldn't even begin to dream of fixing it. But nobody was moving fast enough - or there were just too many of 'em, I think it was a nest or something - and people were being dragged under and getting caught by the acid. I watched Toombs get dragged under. He was _right behind me_ , and I could have reached out to help him but I watched him die." 

Evin paused again, breathing deeply, and Holly's humming grew a little louder. It was familiar in its terribleness, and he had to smile even though it felt like his face was cracking. 

"We got cut off by some of the smaller ones - had to turn around. We were pushed back towards the camp ground and there were bodies everywhere. It was... it was like Mindoir, y'know? Just. Pre-fabs all over the place and bodies and blood. It was so much like Mindoir that I did the first thing my instincts told me to do." 

"What was that?" 

"I hid. I jumped into a pile of bodies and squirmed underneath them, and I pretended to be dead. I had no idea how these things saw or sensed us or whatever, but I stayed very still and barely breathed and I could feel it rumbling underneath me. I could hear the others screaming. ....it was only when the tremors stopped, and it got quiet, that I moved. I kept to the soft patches of grass - I was hoping that it would hide me or something - and I made my way back to the LZ. I had hoped..." 

"...that others would've made it?" 

"...It was my job to protect them," Evin said quietly, and he finally opened his eyes and stared at Holly's open, honest face, and didn't see a hint of the blame he halfway wanted to see. "I was supposed to protect them, and I left them to die." 

A quiet shift at the door told him the psychiatrist was still there, but Evin watched Holly's face as she looked at him and understood that he was talking more than Akuze and more than his unit and more than the colonial team. 

She took his hand in both of hers, squeezing so tightly he thought he heard his knuckles crack, and thumped her forehead against his. 

"Then _remember them_." 

~+~

"Shepard!" 

"Wrex!" 

Holly wheeled herself down the cargo ramp full-tilt, leaving her chosen groundteam in the dust. Garrus and Liara both sighed heavily, as if used to these shenanigans; Evin followed after her at a relaxed pace, completely used to these shenanigans. 

He stepped down onto the packed earth of Tuchunka's soil, looking down at it and frowning; was that his imagination, or did he feel tremors in the ground? 

A solid wall of krogan appeared behind him, and he turned to look over at the female krogan called Bakara, two children on her hips and about three more around her legs. 

"So you are the one Commander Shepard calls brother." 

Evin blinked, tilting his head, before he smiled vaguely. 

"It's 'Captain' now - be sure to call her that, she despises it." 

Urdnot Bakara blinked dark eyes before she threw her head back and laughed. Evin smiled a little, looking down to see one of the more adventurous krogan children inching closer to him. When he glanced at her, she nodded, and he knelt down, opening his arms; after a moment, the child walked right up to him and he hoisted them up, settling them on his hip. They were heavier than human kids - but that made sense. They had to be sturdy to live on a planet with thresher maws. 

"Holly told me that you used Kalros to take down a Reaper - did she die?" 

Bakara blinked, shaking her head; headwrap decorations jangling with the movement. "No - Kalros is the mother of all thresher maws, as old as Tuchunka itself. She is its protector and guardian, and I would not wish for her to die, for all that she is a maw." 

"How can a maw be a protector and guardian? They're carnivorous worms that are just... _hungry_ all the time." 

"That sounds like quite a few aliens I have met, including humans," Bakara retorted, watching him sharply. Behind them, Wrex had lifted Holly onto his shoulders and was getting her acquainted with the brood he had had to leave behind for the war. Liara and Garrus watched, nonplussed, as the two slowly got swallowed up by krogan brats. "You fear thresher maws?" 

"You don't?" 

"I am cautious. Wary - I understand the dangers. But everything on Tuchunka - in fact, in life, is dangerous. To be afraid of something so terribly that you cease to live fully, well - that's not living, Evin Shepard. That's being a shell, pretending to be whole. Existing on only the memory of life." 

Evin blinked, shifting the krogan on his hip; ignoring the way they chewed on his shirt, before he looked away and nodded slowly. 

"...I'll keep that in mind."


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn't have much hope left for a broken man.

"Joker I need you to call that one number you pretend you don't know exists." 

Holly stood facing the man with the gun pointing at the doctor's head, his eyes wild and manic as he stared back at her. She held her own pistol in front of her, ready to take him down - hoping she wouldn't have to, but _ready_ all the same because 'the only thing that will kill you is surprise, Holly, remember that, _remember that_ '. 

She remembered it as she stared at Corporal Toombs, who should have been dead yet wasn't. 

(When she had introduced herself, Toombs had choked, staring at her as if he was staring at a ghost, and then said ' _you're_ Shep's--?' before cutting himself off and she knew at once something was very, very wrong.) 

"Right away, Commander," Joker's voice sounded in her ear, and she was damn glad she got a pilot who knew when to listen to orders. He may have had his own way of going about them, and of following chain of command, but he knew how to follow orders. Anderson had told her that when he handed the Normandy over to her; that the frigate's pilot knew what he was doing, and would go about it his own way. 

Who else _stole_ an Alliance warship because they wanted to _pilot_ it? 

There was a crackle on the earpiece, and Holly watched as Toombs twitched; she had switched over her communications as soon as she realized who she was talking to and what she would have to do. She was lucky that Ashley and Wrex had left the room when she had asked. Ashley's suspicious glances told her that she would be asking many, _many_ questions, and Wrex just grunted and pretended not to care. 

Holly liked Wrex. He only got involved when he needed to, and when it was some 'human bullshit', he kept his snout out of it. She had to respect that in a man - even a krogan. 

After a moment, there was the sound of static, and then the familiar voice of her brother. 

"Holly? Why are you calling me? And why on _this_ line?" 

"I need you to talk to someone," she said, watching Toombs carefully; watching as his eyes widened even further and his breathing became more rapid. "You may know him - Corporal Henric Toombs." 

"... _Toombs_?" 

"Shepard, is that - is that actually you?" Toombs asked, voice weak, and his grip on his pistol tightened before loosening slowly. Holly looked down at the scientist, who was keeping very silent and meek, and narrowed her eyes at him. He looked scared for his life, but not because he was innocent. 

Something about the way his eyes flickered away and then back to Toombs told her all she really needed to know. 

"Holy-- yeah, Toombs, it's me, it's Evin." Toombs took another shaking breath, and Holly shifted in her stance a little stiffly. "What're you-- how did you--?" 

"I survived, Evin - when I fell through the hole in the ground, I got buried under some rock, and then these... these people came and they collected me and took me to their labs. And they - they _tested_ on me, Evin, they fucking _tested_ on me, seeing how I was _effected_ and _affected_ and - and they put _acid_ in my _veins_ , Evin, they fucking--" 

"Toombs-- Henric, you gotta calm down, you gotta--" 

" _They fucking tortured me, Evin!_ " 

Holly winced, and Evin breathed in sharply, and she flicked her gaze back at the doctor to see he had gone a little paler. But he never shook, and his eyes kept glancing at her, and he looked uncomfortable and scared but _guilty he looked fucking guilty_ \--

"You're the one who's been killing those scientists?" 

"They have to _pay_ Evin, they have to-- for what they _did_ , they set us up! They set us on those maws! The unit died because of _them_!" 

"Henric, you can't just kill people! They need to go on trial - do it right or don't do it." 

"Who's _them_?" Holly asked tightly, and Toombs twitched, as if he had forgotten she was even there. He turned to her, dark eyes wild, and breathed out raggedly. 

" _Cerberus_." 

~+~

"You're working with fucking _Cerberus_?" 

He watched as Holly flinched away from him, the screen quality shot and the bags under her eyes defined as they had never been. Not even when she was chasing down Saren had Holly Shepard looked so tired. 

"What the hell, Holly, don't you remember what Henric told us?" 

"I remember what Corporal Toombs said, Evin," Holly said sharply, eyes narrowed. "But, see, I'm alive to remember that because _Cerberus brought me back_." 

Evin breathed out sharply through his nose, narrowing his eyes; teeth pulled back in a snarl, before he forced himself to relax. He knew his sister; knew her better than he knew himself, these days. She was, blessedly, predictable. Thus, he knew she would never work for Cerberus unless she absolutely had to - not on her life. 

It made him wonder why she had to work with them, though. 

"...Hackett assigned me to tail you," he said, then, and Holly shifted on her side of the call before nodding. "You're not gonna make that difficult for me, are you?" 

"Just make sure none of my team notices you. I can't have them knowing we're being spied on by anyone other than Cerberus." Evin snorted, but nodded all the same. He scratched at his wrist, and Holly cleared her throat. "Heard from Henric?" 

"...His doctors say he's doing better, but he's probably acting for them," Evin said truthfully. "I don't think he'll ever be okay again, Holly." 

"I find that I'm not particularly surprised, Evin," Holly said softly, scratching her cheek. "I never asked, but... were you guys close?" 

"...Not like you're thinking, no. Toombs liked women too much - or 'women-shaped aliens'." 

"Okay, do you know how bad I feel about saying that these days? I feel so friggin' bad. I've apologized to like. Ten million people who have no idea what I'm apologizing for, don't bring my problematic shit up - I'm _trying_ to _improve_." 

"It's fun to watch you squirm." 

"You're the worst." 

~+~

"What are you looking at?" 

Evin looked over to see Steve standing behind him, looking curiously over his shoulder. Most times, Evin would close the information and smile benignly up at whoever was trying to get into his business; it was what he did, and how he survived, and the only person who was allowed to pry was Holly. 

But instead, he held up the datapad so that Steve could read the list of names of known Alliance survivors. 

"...Anyone you're looking for in particular?" 

"A Corporal Toombs," Evin said, looking back through the datapad and slowly scrolling through the names. "He was part of my unit on Akuze, and somehow survived - Cerberus did experiments on him and damaged him pretty badly." Steve made a noise, and Evin smiled. "He never really knew how much I liked him." 

"Straight?" 

" _Yes_ ," Evin rolled his eyes, sighing and shaking his head. Steve laughed, and Evin looked at him. "What?" 

"It's just - you and Holly are both really dramatic sometimes." Evin blinked, before smiling a little. "So... have you found his name?" 

"..." Evin turned back to the list, shoulders hunching a bit, and he felt Steve shift beside him; a hand placed on his shoulder in concern. "I've looked through this list about thirty times, now - I check periodically, have since the war ended." 

"And...?" 

"...No." 

Silence, and then the hand on his shoulder turned to an arm wrapped around both, and he was tugged against a warm chest. He sighed, closing his eyes and allowing the shuttle pilot to hold him for a moment. 

"I'm sorry, Evin." 

"So'm I."


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly and Evin have different experiences with new parents.

"You actually named the firstborn Mordin?" 

"I wasn't here, Shepard, I couldn't stop the woman." 

Holly snorted, holding the krogan child as she stared up at her. She had softer plating than her brothers, and was a different, paler colour as well. She looked terribly like Bakara, really. Holly found that she was sweet. 

"She's bright, though," Wrex went on, sitting next to her and staring at his daughter. "Bright as Aralakh. Bakara says that she was the first of any of her clutch to learn to walk, and she can make sounds and points to things to show what she wants." 

"That's fast?" 

"It used to be that krogan children were runnin' and yellin' and fightin' when they were two years old. We've coddled them a lot since the genophage, so they develop a little bit slower than they used to. The fact that Mordin here is walkin' and is able to communicate pretty well says a lot." 

Holly nodded, adjusting her grip as the little girl squirmed and clambered onto her feet. She could barely feel the sharpened toes digging into her legs; just the faintest of pressure, to let her know that she was there. 

Miranda had done all she could to repair the nerve damage, but she had been limited by the tools she could use. The amount she gave her back, honestly, was astounding. 

Mordin suddenly flopped onto Holly's chest, curling her legs right up and forcing Holly to hold her up in case she fell. In a few short minutes, she was sleeping; a three-fingered hand gripping onto Holly's shirt and her breathing short and quick and slightly snotty. 

"She likes ya," Wrex noted, grinning in a way that was, for once, not savage. He looked damn-near paternal. It was _fucking weird_. 

"Well I rather like her," Holly said, smiling faintly and pressing a kiss to the top of her plated head. "She's sweet, for your brat." 

"I'm as sweet as sunshine." 

"Sure. Haestrom's." 

~+~

"So, wait, you were on Tuchunka? What was it like?" 

"Dry, cracked dirt and a lot of rubble and ruins, Holly. Everything looked kinda brownish orange, like there was always a sandstorm. There was no plant-life." 

"...How do they breathe?" 

"Thing called the Shrine. Saw it from a distance - imagine like, the New CN Tower but salarian." 

" _Jeezus_ , that's tall." 

Evin snorted, rubbing the back of his neck. He was in a T-shirt and sweatpants - he had probably been doing his late-night workout when she had called. But it was one of the rare moments that she had the crew quarters to herself, and she had wanted to see him. It had been _weeks_ , and honestly, she had freaked out when he said 'went to Tuchunka, met a maw, just my luck'. 

She eyed the scarring on his arm; extensive scarring that went from his elbow down to his wrist. He had been offered state-of-the-art skin grafting; the doctors said they could make the scars completely disappear, and he would never have to remember the attack had ever happened. His right arm and his right side and the entire front of his stomach, as well as part of his back, were all a mess of scars, and most people wouldn't want to live with that. 

Most people weren't Evin Shepard. 

"So did you finish up your mission?"

"Stray, defunct bomb from the First Contact War. Somehow it landed on Tuchunka, close enough to one of the bigger settlements to be uncomfortable. A group of salarians noticed it and got into contact with their government, and the dalatrasses decided to bring the matter to the Alliance. Hackett thinks it's because the salarians want new trade agreements with the human government. Saw it as a gesture of good will. He brought the matter to me, I went down and took care of it." 

"So where does the thresher factor in?" 

"The bomb happened to land beside a nest." 

Holly winced, and Evin smiled grimly. 

"New maw, though - hadn't even laid any of its fucked-up eggs yet, so it was just the one. Easy enough to run from when you know the feel of a maw under the ground." 

The words were casual enough, and his face was neutral enough, but his voice had gone flat and Holly knew he was remembering Akuze - remembering it vividly enough that it made him want to claw his scarred skin off if only to take the memory away. 

He wouldn't, but he _wanted_ to - Holly knew Evin well enough for that. 

"Worst part, though, is I'm pretty sure I was seen." 

"Wait, _what_? You're literally never seen! Like seriously, half the people we trained with don't remember you exist." Evin snorted, and Holly smiled. "You laugh, but it's _true_." 

"You just stand out like a krogan in a china shop, Holly - nobody had time to look at me because you were wreaking havoc." 

"Rude and uncalled for." He raised an eyebrow and she sniffed in an affronted manner before shaking her head. "Not the point - who saw you?" 

"Krogan scouting team went out to see what had disturbed the maw - they know better than to bother a thresher maw setting up its new nest. I was getting out of there, and when I checked back to see if the krogan had found any evidence of my being there, I saw one of them turn towards me. I hid, but - I think he saw me." 

"What did he look like?" 

"Big and armored." Holly snorted and Evin shrugged, reaching up to trace the scar along his nose, just under his eye. The jagged edge of a pre-fab from Mindoir, he'd told her after a year or two of knowing each other. He only touched it when he was nervous. "His head-plating was red. I think usually it's the Urdnot Clan with that plate colour. I told Hackett." 

"Bet he wasn't impressed." 

"He said that until the krogan confront us, we're to pretend it never happened. My entire mission never happened officially - the salarians know that we took their peace offering, though, since we sent a couple of ambassadors down to the salarian space station to negotiate some terms. That's about all the acknowledgement I'll be getting." 

"I do not know how you can stand it, Evin. It's like you don't even exist, and you're the _good_ Shepard." 

"I keep telling you, Holly," Evin said, smiling a little more kindly than he usually did. They were the Holly Smiles, and she felt special every time she saw one because Evin didn't smile nicely much more these days. "I've never been the good Shepard - that's always been you. Now where are you off to?" 

"I just got a new posting - Captain Anderson asked for me, specifically. Joining him on the new frigate, the Normandy." Evin whistled, and she grinned. "Right? I'm excited. Bet I'll see some good missions on that ship." 

"Gotta tell you, I'm very jealous." 

"I knew you would be." 

~+~

Holly was still holding a sleeping Mordin when Evin found her. He took in the sight of the snuffling krogan child, to the relaxed expression on Holly's face, before he sat down next to her and offered her a bottle of water. 

"So - this trip to Tuchunka treating you any more kindly than the last one?" 

"A thresher hasn't tried to kill me and the krogan aren't probably going to kill me, either. I think." 

"I'd be upset. And then Wrex would smash heads, I'm pretty sure. He's taking this 'big brother' thing to a level which is both awe-inspiring and terrifying." Evin opened his mouth and Holly shook her head. "You don't _count_ , Evin, you're my little brother." 

"I'm a year younger than you, but mentally I'm like. Fifty years older." 

"Yeah, and both mentally and physically Wrex is clocking towards one thousand, he wins."


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrex knew that, with her, the krogan would get what they deserved.

"Okay, Wrex, it's _really_ not because we don't want to give the krogan more planets to colonize--" 

"I'd hope not, Shepard, I've never know ya to go back on your _word_ \--" 

"--it's just that we need to finish _searching for our dead_. And then we need to get an asari councillor. And _then_ we're gonna sit down like this is some Treaty of Versailles and divvy up the galaxy accordingly. We'll make sure all the ambassadors who want a say get to say something. We'll _make sure_ that the krogan get more room for expansion." Holly looked at Wrex, who was looming over her in his very threatening manner, and tilted her chin up. "For God's sake, Wrex, you're giving my neck an ache, here." 

Wrex narrowed his eyes, upper lip curling, before he nodded and pushed back roughly. Holly tossed back some of her shoulder-length hair - and lord knew that was bothering her - over her shoulder and sighed. 

"What the hell's a Versailles?" 

"Human history, don't even worry about it." 

~+~

"Do I _know you_ , human?" 

Commander Holly Shepard narrowed her eyes, lifting her chin in challenge to the krogan in front of her. Kaidan shifted uncomfortably, and Garrus muttered something about 'typical krogans' under his breath, but she ignored the both of them to stare at the scarred mercenary before her. 

He was large, like all krogan were, but not particularly tall; his head settled lower than the gigantic hump on his back. In terms of meeting eye-to-eye, he was maybe an inch or two taller than her, and that really didn't mean much in Holly's world. Everyone except for children and volus were taller than her, after all. 

He had three jagged lines down the side of his face, along his throat, and battered armor that had seen better days. The weathered, leathery look of his skin told her more than anything else that this was a krogan a few centuries into his life; old and heavy and familiar in his bones. Someone who had seen shit - who had possibly been born _before_ the genophage. 

She wondered if the genophage bothered him, or if he seemed as indifferent to it as so many other krogan she had met in her travels. She had only ever come across krogan who wanted cash and who wanted to kill, therefore wanting to kill for cash. 

"No," she said after a moment, lifting her hands and cracking her knuckles. The corner of the krogan's mouth twitched, as if he wanted to smile, and she grinned viciously up at him. "But I hear you've got an interest in the same enemy." 

"...You're talkin' about Fist." 

"Yeah - I'd like to introduce my fist to him, see which one comes out on top. Whaddya say?" 

The krogan stared at her for a long moment before baring flat teeth; a grin that was far more threatening than any she had seen the sharp-toothed turians give. She held out her hand, and his engulfed hers with a painful squeeze; she held back a wince and smiled through it. 

"Commander Shepard." 

"Urdnot Wrex," he took his hand away, cracking his neck and jerking his head in the way to the door out of C-SEC, "lead the way, Shepard." 

~+~

"I'm surprised you let the Queen go, Shepard." 

Holly looked over from cleaning her pistol, tilting her head. Wrex lumbered over to her and sat down, armor clunking loudly in the silence of the mess hall. Kaidan had gone down to sit in the cockpit with Joker, probably to talk to someone who hadn't just turned him down flat in terms of romance. She grimaced at the thought, and was glad that Wrex ignored it. 

"Why's that?" she said after a moment, turning back to her gun and taking apart the chamber. It was a newer model, but still similar enough in make that she didn't have to worry about accidentally breaking it. Thankfully, weapons makers didn't think beyond 'it works, thank fuck' when it came to design these days. According to her observations, at least. 

She was _sure_ Evin could tell her the exact difference, but she didn't want to try and listen to that. 

"You seem the type to hate loose ends, and the Queen being released seemed like a huge fucking loose end." 

Holly snorted, wrinkling her nose and reaching up to rub it quietly. "Yeah, you're right - it'll probably come back to bite me in the ass. But y'know what? I don't think I have the right to decide whether an entire species gets to die out or not." 

"No?" 

"No." She shook her head, put her pistol's chamber back together, and held it up to inspect the cleaning job. Good enough for her. She slid the ammo back in, set the pistol aside, picking up her assault rifle and beginning the process of slowly looking it over. Next to her, Wrex had pulled out his beloved shotgun; his hands moved over it with a familiarity that was comforting to her. Any person who knew how to take care of their gun was more than a thickheaded, gun-toting maniac, in her books. 

That really didn't mean much, but it comforted her all the same. 

"Why's that? I'd think anyone else in your position would've killed her. Gotten rid of the rachni forever." 

"Yeah? Why? Because thousands of years ago the rachni attacked the galaxy? Therefore we should judge all fucking rachni on that one event? Sure, it's a huge event - but it's also fucking _history_. History we've learned from. Maybe this time, the Queen will remember that an alien was kind to her, and she won't send her spawn after us." 

"I get the feelin' you're talkin' about more than the rachni, there." 

"Humans don't hate all turians just because some of them attacked us not too long ago - I'm not waiting for a chance to slit Garrus' throat or anything. And the salarians used to _spy on everyone_ , but they're part of the Council!" She shook her head, gritting her teeth and scrunching her nose. "Yet people always say 'don't trust the krogans, they'll just kill you because they're _savages_ '. Or they'll say 'don't trust the quarians, they're just vagabonds and _thieves_ '. And I'm gettin' real fuckin' sick and tired of the bullshit." 

She breathed in deeply, hands still on the parts of her assault rifle, and then she turned to look at Wrex. 

"I'm one person who was given a fuckton of power, but I'm not gonna use it to play God, or decide who gets to be trusted and who gets to die. Not if I can help it. Alright?" 

Wrex blinked, staring at her quietly for a moment, before he smiled and laughed a little. It was a little surprising; Wrex didn't often laugh unless he was pleased on a mission. 

"You're alright, Shepard." 

"Thanks... I think." 

~+~

"If I don't watch you, you're gonna leave with her." 

Holly smiled against Mordin's arm as the little girl hugged her around the neck, looking over to see Wrex walking over to her. He had three boys - some of Mordin's half-brothers, born of a different mother - on his shoulders and his head, and he honestly looked pleased as piss. 

She helped boost Mordin onto her shoulder, wincing a little when the girl tugged on her hair before she settled for chewing on it, her mouth thankfully gummy and toothless for the moment. 

"You seem happy, Wrex - happier than I've seen you in a long time." 

He blinked, before grinning and lifting the boy off his head, dropping him without further ado onto Holly's lap. He laid there, dazed, and Holly absentmindedly tickled his tummy. 

"I know you're gonna pull through for us, Shepard," he said after a moment, sitting down next to her. The two boys on his shoulders slid and clambered off, toddling around awkwardly as one chased the other. The third continued to lay on Holly's lap; he appeared to have fallen asleep, content to take a nap. "I'm givin' ya a hard time, but... you'll pull through." 

"How do you know?" 

"'Cause you've always thought that the krogan deserved more than what the rest of the galaxy gave 'em, and if there's one thing I know, it's that you'll fight for what y'feel is the right thing." Holly lowered her head, and he jostled her lightly. "Stop lookin' demure, it's a load of varren shit." 

"I can _so_ be demure," she retorted, but she was grinning. She winced when Mordin tugged a little too hard on her hair, and Wrex reached out and scooped her up with one hand, blowing a raspberry against her belly and causing her to shriek in giggles. 

"You really can't." 

" _Hurtful_."


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly thinks about the family way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: non-consensual body modification.

"Shepshep!" 

Holly and Evin looked over to see Urdnot Mordin rushing towards them. Evin turned Holly's chair in time for the little girl to crash into Holly's legs, gripping onto her pants and dragging herself up onto Holly's lap. She pressed her hands to Mordin's cheeks, grinning down into pale red eyes as Mordin grinned a gummy smile back up at her; one single tooth visible. 

"Get back here, ya hellion!" 

Urdnot Wrex came crashing through the crowd who had come to see the Normandy off. It had been two months since they had landed. A week previous, Primarch Adrien Victus had left for Palaven in one of the smaller ships that was part of the Normandy's travelling party. Garrus had gone with him, promising Holly that he would see her soon but that he needed to go see his family, who had contacted him and told him that they were back home. 

Holly had understood. She missed having him around every day, but she understood. Had it been the reverse, she would've wanted to see her family, too. 

"Mordy, did you run away from your da?" Holly asked, holding up the giggling krogan child. Mordin merely kicked out her legs, and Holly sighed, as if disappointed. "Jeez, kid, you're gonna give him a heart attack." 

"Shepshep." 

Wrex grumbled something, reaching out and snatching his daughter before tucking her under his arm, squirming and whining and biting at him. Holly blinked up at him, bemused, as he sighed and glared down at his daughter before looking over at the two siblings. 

"Right. You send me a message once you get that new asari councillor, Shepard. We need to talk about expansion. We've already got families takin' half of their broods to the other planets in the system to populate 'em." 

"Krogans work fast." 

"We've been waitin' a long time." Holly nodded, and Wrex grinned, before leaning down and headbutting her lightly. "Hunt well, Holly Shepard." 

"You as well, Urdnot Wrex," Holly said, smiling up at him. "Keep in touch, would ya? I want pictures of all the kids. _All of them_." 

Wrex snorted, but nodded all the same, and he turned and left the ramp as quickly as he came. Holly waved to the other krogans standing around the shuttle, before Evin led her back in to join up with Liara. Holly took control of her chair as soon as the door closed, rolling up to the cockpit with Steve and watching as he turned on the external cameras; she was pretty sure he only turned them on so she could see Bakara, Wrex, and their entire brood watching them leave, Mordin waving frantically with both arms as they flew away. 

"She was cute." 

"You keep saying that, and Wrex is gonna appear one day and just hand her over. She seems like a handful," Steve cautioned, smiling. Holly grinned. 

"Y'know, I'd totally be okay with that." 

~+~

"Y'know, I don't think I ever told you this, and I really should have." 

"What's that?" 

Holly and Garrus were sitting on the hospital bed, Holly leaning back against him as Garrus read through a report the Primarch sent him. The total losses from the turian military made his head ache, but he had signed on for this job and it didn't just end when the war ended. 

"You were talking about kids, before I went off and broke everything." 

"Holly, most people would call what you did saving the galaxy." Holly shrugged, and Garrus sighed, putting down his datapad and running his claws through her hair carefully. It was getting longer, just a bit below her chin; the same length it had been when he had first met her. "Seriously, Holly, the Relays can be fixed, and the quarians are having real luck with the geth so far. You didn't do any permanent damage." 

Neither of them brought up EDI, but that was a painful topic anyway. 

"Anyway, what about kids? You already said we wouldn't be compatible - still think it would be fun to try." 

"I'm not saying that the traditional process of making babies isn't fun, because it totally is," Holly said, smiling up at him. "I especially like going about it with you." 

"You're makin' me blush." Garrus said dryly, even though his neck was a little bit blue. "Get on with the point, Holly." 

Holly grinned, before turning away from him and taking his hand. She wiggled his fingers about, running the tips of her fingers over the harsh, leathery texture of the back of his hands and then comparing it to the softer, newer leather feeling of his palms. 

"...I can't actually _have_ kids." 

"...Oh?" 

"Mm," Holly nodded, frowning a little as she pressed her fingers against the tip of a dulled claw. "See, back in the Reds, when I first joined up, I was twelve. And it was shortly after I joined up that I had my first period - I don't have to explain that, do I?" 

"I did some research, Holly," Garrus said, subharmonic vocals sounding a little uncomfortable, "I know what a female human's menstruation cycle is." 

"You poor soul," Holly said sympathetically, before pushing on. "Anyway, I had my period, and the Reds were like 'oh, right, Huberts is a woman' - my name was Holly Huberts, it was terrible and I don't like remembering - 'and hell, maybe one day in the future Huberts decides to have sex! We could totally use that'." 

Garrus growled quietly, and Holly shifted, feeling it against her back, but didn't shush him. She only waited until he was done before she continued. 

"But then they thought, 'well, shit, what if she got pregnant? We can't have that, chaps' and so they found some seedy as fuck doctor that did seedier than shit surgeries and procedures. They took me to him when I was like, thirteen, and they knocked me out - like, knocked me over the head, I would've killed 'em if they'd tried a drug - and when I came to I had these stitches on my belly and Finch was telling me that babies would never be a problem for me again." 

She paused, feeling how stiff Garrus was behind her, and continued to play with his hands. 

"I learned later, when I asked Karin the hypothetical question 'so what's it called when a woman's basically neutered', and she told me it was a surgery called tubal ligation. S'old method of surgery - I won't go into the details, it's more biology than either of us need. And I mean, I guess it wasn't a big deal, 'cause it was probably a bad idea to have a kid with my life, right? I was always running around and getting shot at, best not even risk that shit.

"I guess what really fucking bothers me about it is that the Reds just... did it. They just decided that they were gonna make me sterile, and then they knocked me out and got some fucking shady-ass doctor to go through with the procedure. I wasn't even _asked_ , it wasn't even _talked about_ , it's like they gave me fucking control and then they took it from me again." 

Holly's breathing had gotten a little shaky at this point, and she squeezed her eyes shut before letting go of it and deflating against him. 

"When I asked Miranda what she'd done about it, she told me she assumed I'd had it done myself, off Alliance record, and so she went through with the procedure. That and she made my boobs bigger, and that's a weird detail to mess up on when she got the dimple on my left ass-cheek right. And it was like the control I worked so fucking hard for was again taken from me because somebody knocked me out and somebody shady decided what was best for me." 

She stopped, then, turning to look up at Garrus. His mandibles were tight against his face, and Holly bit her lip before reaching up, touching the side of his face gently. 

"...it's not the end of the world. Like - my sole purpose in life isn't a babymaker. It's apparently Hero of the Skyillian Blitz and Hero of the Citadel and Saviour of the Galaxy. It's being Commander Shepard and defeating Collectors and Reapers and crazy turians. It's being an honourary krogan and a friend to the asari and a captain in the eyes of the quarians. The woman who created impossible alliances and stopped wars and _cured the genophage_." 

That was the important one, to her. That she helped to cure the genophage; that she had been, in some small way, integral to the success of the cure, both in its creation and its dispersal. It was a nice little 'fuck you' to those who had decided that sterilization against peoples' will was a good idea. 

"And it's literally a little detail and I'm not even all that upset by it anymore, but-- but I did want to one day be a mom, y'know, and it kinda would've been nice if we had been biologically compatible and that I could've actually gotten pregnant, and that's why I thought about it, so. ...Yeah." 

She shifted when Garrus stayed quiet for too long, starting to pull away; but Garrus dragged her back, arm wrapped around her stomach and keeping her against his chest. 

"...We'll just adopt a bunch of kids, Holly - all kinds. You can teach them how to punch giant monsters in the face and I can teach them how to shoot guns." 

"Child services would be called on us immediately." 

"Nah - you're the Saviour of the Galaxy, I think they'll let a little recreational sport pass." 

~+~

When Holly got to her room, she noticed that her personal terminal was lit up, telling her someone was calling her. She rolled over, pressing the button to answer it, and grinned up at Garrus as his face appeared. 

"Made it to Palaven nice and safely?" 

"Smooth riding - though not as smooth as Joker's piloting skills, I will admit to that." Holly nodded, and Garrus coughed, mandibles twitching a little uncomfortably. "So, uh, I actually wanted to warn you about something when you get here." 

"What's up?" 

"Well, first of all, you'll need a protective suit - but Tali and the other quarians have you covered for that." Holly nodded again, wondering if they were going to put her in a quarian suit and then wondering if they had one shaped for a human's legs. "And secondly..." 

Garrus trailed off, trilling a little awkwardly. 

"...Garrus?" 

"...My sister and my dad want to meet you." 

Holly blinked, eyebrows raised high on her forehead. 

"Awh, fuckballs."


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus has always loved his family, even when they didn't get along.

"Gar, you keep fighting with him and one day something really regrettable is going to happen. Like him dying on the job. Or you dying on the job. Or Mom finding out." 

Garrus muttered, mandibles twitching irritably, before he turned to look at his little sister. She was shorter than him and a softer grey, with darker blue eyes and the same colony markings, though fresher - she had just gotten them not too long ago, just before she went to join her mandatory service in the military. It was weird to think of Solana as fifteen and serving, already. He always forgot she was only three years younger than him. 

"He's getting on my case again, Sol," he said, frustration thrumming loudly in his subharmonics. Solana trilled in a comforting, sympathetic way, and his shoulders drooped. "I'm trying really hard, but he only ever sees where I can improve." 

"He just wants you to be the best you can be, Gar," Solana said, giving him a smile and reaching out to give his arm a squeeze. He shrugged her off, but she wasn't hurt by it; Garrus was impossible when he was in a mood, especially if that mood was put there by Socratus Vakarian.

"How is Mom, anyway? Did you guys manage to get to the doctor?" 

Solana blinked, before shaking her head, and Garrus sighed again; this time it was a fond sigh, however. 

"You know Mom, more stubborn than you and Dad combined. 'I'm _fine_ , Solana dear, _really_ , you fret far too much. It's a simple dizzy spell. Now where did I put my keys?' I'll get her there eventually. It'll be harder now that I've started boot camp, though." 

"You're heading off for the base soon, aren't you?" 

"Yep," Solana nodded, smiling again. "I get to go to Menae - I'm excited." 

"Oh, lucky - I was forced to Nanus, just like _everyone else_." 

"I'm just special, Gar, the hierarchy knows it." Garrus reached out, locking his arm around her head and giving her a good noogie. She squawked, arms pin wheeling as she tried to free herself, and Garrus laughed. 

"Gar-- Gar! Garrus Vakarian you let go of me!" 

"I thought you were _specia_ l, Sol, get out yourself!" 

"You're the _worst_!" 

~+~

Breathing heavily, he leaned against the bookshelf beside him and cursed the day weapons manufacturers decided that going to thermal clips was a good idea. It would prevent overheating; it made soldiers think about their shots instead of firing in a free-for-all. 

It was making his life fucking _difficult_. 

Tossing aside the empty clip, he popped in a new one, took a deep, shaking breath, and turned, looking through his scope and shooting three new mercenaries trying to cross between the eyes. They dropped, and the others who had begun climbing over the wall scrambled back down, firing from cover. He moved back into his own, gripping his sniper rifle tightly. 

Oh, he was screwed. 

Fumbling for a moment with his visor, he pressed a button and heard the droning ring of a call. After a few seconds, the other person picked up. 

"Garrus - I hadn't expected to hear from you after you left C-SEC like a child." 

"Nice hearing from you, too, Dad," Garrus said softly, peeking over from his cover. He shot off another couple of rounds, wincing when a stray bullet hit him in his rapidly-depleting shielding, before ducking back under and fumbling for a new thermal clip. "How's retirement? Have you turned the house into a C-SEC branch yet?" 

"If you've only called to backtalk me, Garrus," Socratus warned, subharmonics thrumming with impatience, "then I'm going to hang up. _Spirits_ , what is that noise?" 

"...Target practice," Garrus said, hands fumbling with the clip. "Nothin' to worry about." 

" _Target practice_ \-- Garrus, call me later if you insist you need to talk with me--" 

"Uh, Dad, I... don't think I'll be able to do that. Uhm. A lot of targets, y'know how it is." 

Silence. Garrus breathed shallowly, peeking out from cover again to see if anyone else was trying to cross. He saw a small, tightly-knit group coming towards him, and he detonated an overload on their shields; it caused a chain reaction, shocking all three of them, and he took them out quickly enough. Another shot fired, hitting him on the shoulder again, but it got through his shield and made a dull impact on his shoulder. He hissed, and Socratus inhaled deeply. 

"I see," he said finally, and Garrus could tell he really _did_ see; that he had put together why his son, who was angry at him, would call him while apparently at 'target practice', sounding exhausted and in pain and a little bit desperate. "Garrus--" 

"Just wanted to hear from ya, though, honestly. Ask how things were going. Solana's finished up her doctor's degree, right?" 

"She has-- Garrus, forget about all that for a moment--" 

"And I just wanted to say, y'know, that you were right. About a lot. Spirits, pretty much everything, and I'm really sorry--" 

"I said _forget about it_ , Garrus. These targets of yours - fast?" 

"Not fast enough - but they're learning." 

"Thermal clips?" 

"Ah, y'know me - I'd always like to have a few extra. Guess I got that from you." 

The other side of the bridge went quiet, and Garrus took the risk to check on it again. He could see the mercenaries standing back, talking to each other; a few new people had appeared just behind the barrier, slowly making their way towards them. If he could've seen them a little bit closer, he could have probably taken them out. Best not to risk them realizing he was out in the open, though. 

Socratus spoke up again. 

"Well, then you should remember what I've always told you - work with what you've got. Complaining gets you nowhere, and-- and you just keep firing until you can't, okay? Keep firing until that chamber _clicks_. 'Cause even if you've only got one bullet--" 

"--you can get the job done. ...I remember, Dad." 

"Good." Garrus tried his best to ignore the worried keen in his father's subharmonics; tried his best to pretend this was another conversation, another lecture, because the thought of it as a goodbye really fucking hurt to think about. "Good - now, just... just finish up what you're doing, okay son? Finish up, and then get home to Palaven. We have a lot to talk about." 

Another round of mercenaries - and he was pretty sure they were a distraction at this point, the mercs probably got some ideas finally - started towards the bridge, and Garrus breathed in deeply before getting out of cover and popping them off, one by one; his reflexes a little slower than they usually were. He was tired, and grieving, and the bodies of his dead unit were all in the room off to the side, piled like an execution, and Sidonis' twitchy movements made him wonder, _wonder_ how this had happened at all-- 

\--and then he saw a ghost. 

Narrowing his scope on the target, he noticed the familiar, slightly bow-legged swagger first. The comfortable way they held a pistol was his next clue, as they fired shots into the backs of their 'allies' without a blink. But it was the N7 armor on their chest that made him focus on their face, wondering if the impossible was actually possible. 

Pale, freckled skin that glowed harshly under the light stood out under dark brown hair that fell just below her chin and swooped bangs. Dark eyes - and they were blue, he was too far to tell but they were blue - looked around, and that _beak of a nose_ \-- 

"...We do, Dad," Garrus finally said, smiling a little and feeling a new punch of adrenaline through his limbs. "Thanks - for everything, seriously. I gotta go now, but don't.. don't worry, okay? ...My odds just got a lot better. I'll get home soon as I can." 

~+~

"Seriously, Gar, a _human_?" 

"The Saviour of the Galaxy, Sol," Garrus said, fidgeting with his bed sheets and wondering if Holly would be able to sleep on a turian bed. He also wondered if he should just sleep on the couch while she was here, so that his dad didn't have heart failure or something. 

"But a _human_ \- aren't they weird-looking and squishy and--" 

"Say that to Holly Shepard, she may be paralyzed from the waist down but she'll still headbutt you. There's a _reason_ the krogan leader calls her _sister_ , Sol." 

"I just... _why_?" 

Garrus looked over at his sister, taking in the cane she was still using in her last stages of recovery. Apparently her leg had completely shattered, but the doctors had been able to mend it almost immediately before the Crucible had been activated. He was glad; had they gotten to it afterwards, Solana's leg would have probably been amputated. 

"...You'll see when you meet her, Sol. Now are you just gonna stand there or are you going to help me?" 

"Man, I wish Mom were here to see you looking so nervous about us meeting your _girlfriend_." 

"...Oh, shut _up_ Sol."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't said anything before, but - thank you all so much for reading and enjoying this - and to those who have left kudos and who have bookmarked it and who have commented. I'm writing this largely for fun, but it means a lot to me that people are enjoying it, and I hope you continue to enjoy it, 'cause I'm going to be writing it for a while, I think. 
> 
> But thank you, and see you soon!! <3


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evin's not the only Shepard interested in quarians.

"Okay, Tali, first of all I gotta ask - why do you guys have a suit literally fit to my measurements?" 

"The Admirals and I agreed that it would be a ceremonial thing once we returned to Rannoch - giving you your own suit would introduce you as part of the quarian people." Tali hummed, holding up the material before nodding to Shala'Raan. Raan nodded back to her, and the two women went over to Holly and started to pull her out of her chair. "C'mon, up--" 

"Just-- one second, _Lord_ ," Holly lifted herself up and over to her bed, lying down flat for a moment before she sat up and started tugging off her clothes. "I'm gonna need help with the legs, I still can't quite put tighter clothes on by myself." 

"Of course," Tali said brightly, kneeling down so she could help Holly start sliding into the suit. "Anyway, we thought giving you a suit and all it entails would be an appropriate 'thank you' for helping us reclaim our homeworld." 

"I yelled at a bunch of people and literally hoped for the best, Tali." 

"You did better than we have for the past three hundred years. Ah, good, the legs and feet fit. I was worried, we'd never made suits for human feet before." Tali helped Holly lift off the bed so that she could pull the suit over her hips, and then the two quarians left her to put together the rest of the suit. "The clasp goes-- yes, that's right, how _are_ you so good with these suits? Have you slept with a quarian before?" 

"No, but I've had to quickly redress _you_ when you got drunk enough to actually start stripping." 

"Oh." Holly grinned at the distinctly embarrassed tone of her voice, and she noted with glee that Tali was glaring at her. "Oh, shut up, Holly." 

"Now then, I have to ask something else: what's wrong with my combat armor?" 

"It was destroyed during the war and it won't actually protect you all that much on Palaven. Every human has to wear some sort of proper protective suit." 

"I'm pretty sure I could put something together from my spare armor pieces. It protected me on Menae!" 

"Yes, but Menae has an artificial atmosphere that makes it safer than Palaven's natural one. Besides, our suits are less bulky - you won't feel like an armored tank when you're talking to the Primarch or meeting Garrus' father." 

" _Shit_ don't remind me." 

~+~

"So, Tali - tell me about the first time you got a suit." 

Tali blinked, turning away from her console. Holly could see numbers running over the orange screen in a system that probably made sense to quarians, robots, and Adams, but she had never been able to understand the finer parts of tech. Evin had tried to teach her once: it had been an unmitigated _disaster_. She'd stick to blowing shields and hacking terminals, thanks.

"You want to know about my... suit?" 

"Yeah - seems like a big part of your people's culture. Call me curious - why, is it taboo to talk about it to non-quarians? Shit, if that's the case, forget I asked--" 

"No, no, no, it's fine!" Tali held her hands up, shaking her head quickly and fully turning towards Holly. "I am just-- ... no one has actually _asked_ me that before, with real curiousity." 

"What, they ask with fake curiousity?" 

"They ask so that they can make this specific face and look down their noses at me." Holly wrinkled her nose, and Tali shrugged, hands falling loosely at her sides. "It's true." 

"Oh, I believe you. People of any race can be absolute shitbags." Holly rolled her eyes. Tali giggled at the easy way the commander cursed, folding her hands in front of her stomach and tilting her head; waiting patiently for the human woman to get back to the present. "Anyway - yeah, if you want to tell me, I'd be totally happy to hear about it."

"Well, alright." She blinked, before walking away from the console. Holly followed after her, and they passed by the engineers who were standing around talking logistics. They nodded to Holly as she passed them, and Tali wondered at the casual manner of the commander's crew once again. 

It almost reminded her of the Flotilla.

They entered the cargo hold, heading towards the elevator shaft; Holly's curiousity growing by the second as Tali punched the button and they made their slow climb upwards. Finally, Tali led her straight to her own cabin, closing the door behind her. 

"... is asking you about your suit like a proposition 'cause like, I'm not gonna argue but what?" 

Tali blinked again, before snorting, shaking her head and smiling widely behind her mask. She wished Holly could see it; maybe it would make her relax. 

"No, no! It's just - I don't want anyone to start listening in? It's one thing to talk about the Admiralty Board and life on the Flotilla, but - well. This is a personal question." 

"Ahh - gotcha." Tali nodded, and the two sat down on the edge of Holly's bed, facing each other. "Storytime?" 

"Storytime," Tali nodded, fidgeting with one of her fingers. "We do not get our suits until we are a little older, ten or eleven thereabouts. This is because we shoot up very quickly before then, but we slow down in growing after that. It's already difficult enough to adjust the suits to growth spurts - you wouldn't be able to keep up with a young growing quarian!" 

"Makes sense, I guess. I shot up like a weed until I was about fourteen, and then I stopped."

"I stopped growing last year - I'm pretty young to be on my Pilgrimage, but that's a 'perk' of being an Admiral's daughter, I suppose." Tali shifted, frowning before shaking her head. "Anyway - our first suit is special. Before then, quarian children are pretty isolated. We do not often leave our home unit on the Flotilla, and there's very little contact with anyone, even parents. It is only when we get our suits that we can touch anyone. The first time I put on my suit, I ran out and hugged my mother as tightly as I could - of course, I didn't seal it properly, so I had a terrible cold for a week, but it was worth it." 

"Wait - why are the kids isolated? That seems like a terrible idea." 

"We're put into bubbles as soon as we are born, to keep our environment disinfected until we can wear the suit. It's the only way the child will survive their formative years, Shepard." 

Holly blinked, and Tali fidgeted a little more; wondering what the other woman would say. She found she liked Holly Shepard. She was easy to talk to, and never judged but never held back her opinions, either. Even when they disagreed on the geth, Holly was pretty civil about it. Garrus had made some scathing remark the other day that Tali couldn't help replaying over and over in her suit's helmet, as if she could pick it apart like a geth to try and understand why others saw her people the way they did. 

Holly then smiled, looking over at Tali again. "I'm imaging a tiny Tali just running towards her mom and tackling her around the legs, before everyone's like 'oh no, her suit's not sealed!' and then general pandemonium." 

"Apparently, it's quite common for children in their first suits to not seal it properly. After all, we've never had to seal _anything_ before then." 

"Way to ruin my fun." 

"... Sorry?" 

~+~

"I really wanted there to be more ceremony when we gave you this," Tali said with a sigh, her hand against her helmet's cheek. Holly was back in her chair, comfortably snug in her new, fancy quarian enviro-suit. Tali and Raan had had suit accessories to help her decorate, and she chose a blue very close to Garrus' colony markings before letting the experts put her together. She'd probably get the hang of it one day. 

"I wonder if this is how Miranda felt all the time. I'm pretty sure the suit is giving me a Lawson Wedgie." 

"You have a lovely rear, Holly, you might as well flaunt it." 

"Thank you, Tali, I'm glad you approve of my _ass_ ets." 

"...That was absolutely pitiful." 

"You laughed. On the inside." 

"Deep, deep down." 

Holly grinned, and Tali's eyes smiled back at her, before the three women turned to the door when it opened. Kolyat stood on the other side, blinking at the sight before smiling a little. 

"Shepard, you look nice." 

"Awh, thanks Kolyat. We ready to land?" 

"Yes - I was asked to come get you." 

Holly nodded, rolling her shoulders, and accepted the faceplate from Raan. She put it on, reaching up to seal it properly, and looked out into a world of blue, numbers and statistics scrolling along the side in pale writing. 

"Let's get this show on the road." 

"Think of it this way, Holly," Tali said, pushing her chair towards the door; Kolyat falling behind them to walk beside Raan as they entered the elevator, "if you embarrass yourself _terribly_ in front of Garrus' father, he will never see you turn that really terrible red colour." 

"Thanks, Tali, you're a pal."


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turians were a rigid people - even when they meant well.

The first turian she ever met was some tourist who had bumped into her on the street. 

She had been really, _really_ tempted to pick his pocket, but she thought better of it; turians were well-known to be really aware of their surroundings, and they were all literally military-trained and able to outrun a scrawny, underfed orphan looking for extra creds. So instead, Holly Huberts apologized hastily and side-stepped him, slipping back easily into the crowd. 

She had felt eyes on her for the rest of the day, so she kept to herself and didn't bother anyone in case the cops were looking for trouble from an 'anonymous tipper'. She didn't need the hassle, and she was pretty sure Jaques had actually gotten mac'n'cheese for dinner that night - homemade and _everything_. 

Probably from one of the girls he kept in his company. He liked to ask them favours, and he never liked how thin Holly was. Jaques was good people. 

She saw the turian again a few days later, with another turian in his company. They looked alike, but there were differences; one had dark plates and the other was more of a blonde shade, and the tattoos on their faces were completely different, from design to colour to placement. The pointy bits of their heads were a little bit different, too - one had longer side pointy-bits than the other, who had really short top pointy-bits. 

She startled when two sets of eyes turned her way, before she tried to slip into the crowds again; but then there was a three-fingered hand holding onto her arm firmly but gently, and she looked up awkwardly to see the dark-plated turian with the longer side pointy-bits looking down at her. 

"... Hi?" 

"You're the human girl from the other day," the turian said. His voice sounded funny, like it was dual-toned or something. There were mandibles like an insect on the sides of his face that moved as he talked, and Holly saw flashes of _really, really sharp teeth_. Oh shit, she was going to die. 

"Am I?" she asked, instead, hoping that the stereotype that all aliens looked the same to other aliens was true enough that the turian would get confused. Dark brown eyes narrowed, and Holly inwardly sighed a little. So much for _that_. "I haven't _done_ anythin'." 

"You're in the _same clothes_." 

So she was. Holly didn't own a lot of clothes. She had two shirts, a pair of jeans, and some sneakers that were nearly worn-out in the soles. She also had a ratty, faded, thinning sweater that she wore when it started to get colder. She tugged on her arm, but the turian didn't let go. 

"Atticus, what are you doing?" 

"Dorean," the turian 'Atticus' turned to the blonde-plated turian with the really short top pointy-bits (presumably 'Dorean') and brought her forward a little. "You know about humans more than me. Is it usual for them to wear the same outfit every day?" 

"Not really," Dorean said, and Holly continued to tug on her arm, wondering why no one was paying attention to the human child being accosted by turian adults. Maybe they thought they'd get rid of their definition of 'human waste' and felt her heart ache a little. "Usually they change clothes so often it makes me wonder where they get the cloth. Why?" 

"I saw this girl the other day. She was wearing the same clothes." He inhaled, coughing a little, and Holly felt a little insulted. Okay, she did not smell _that badly_. She scrubbed with water and brushed her teeth and everything. "She smells like mothballs." 

Holly stopped struggling for a moment, looking up at the turians as their mandibles flickered and twitched, and she wondered for a moment if they were _concerned_. 

That was different. 

"...Hey. Kid." Dorean turned to her, and she stared up into electric blue eyes and wondered how eyes got so bright, "do you need money or a place to stay...?" 

"...That sounds so skeevy," Holly said, raising her eyebrow. "Like. I'm a kid. You're an adult. I'm a female. You're, probably, male. _Skeevy_." 

Atticus' mandibles flickered rapidly, and she wondered if that was irritation. 

"We don't mean it like that," Dorean assured, lifting his hands. "We're just. Not used to seeing children alone on the street." Or looking as world-weary and woebegone and shitty as her, probably. She pressed her lips together, and the turian sighed. "Okay, okay, we'll leave you alone." 

" _Dorean_ \--" 

"It's not the _same_ on Earth as it is on Palaven, Atticus," Dorean interjected, and after a moment, Atticus gave a huff of definite disgust and dropped her arm. She crossed her arms over her chest, staring at the both of them uncertainly. After a moment, Dorean held out his hand. She eyed it, before holding hers out; jumping when he dropped a credit chit on her palm. "Buy some lunch. Maybe a new shirt." 

"I don't like charity--" 

"Consider it a gesture of good will. Humans have that, don't they?" Holly glared at the turian, but her fingers curled around the chit, and Dorean nodded before touching Atticus' shoulder. The two turians walked away, Atticus glancing back at her, and she hunched her shoulders and waited for them to disappear before heading off in a random direction. 

She decided turians were really fucking nosy - but okay, overall. 

For dinosaur birds. 

~+~

"For some reason, I got the impression that turian architecture would be really minimalist." 

Holly looked around as Tali wheeled her down a road in Cipritine, heading towards a large, grey, utilitarian building that stood amongst other large, grey, utilitarian buildings of varying levels and shapes. Everything was in shades of grey, black, white, and cobalt, with dashes of steel and iron and metal-wired fences. There was grass, cut neat and short, and tall, thin trees with strange grey leaves and pale, purple-and-white flowers. 

Everything looked very orderly and uniformed. It was _very_ turian-esque. She wasn't sure why she was as surprised as she was. 

"They're a military people, Holly," Evin said from beside her. He was walking in an enviro-suit that was more like armor than her own, quarian-styled one. It was made of thicker material, with better shielding than his usual armor, and coloured in black and dark green. She could barely see his eyes behind the tinted screen. "Of course everything looks like boot camp." 

"It's nostalgic in a horrifying way." 

Evin snorted, and Holly grinned to herself before turning to see someone opening the door to their destination and stepping out. She would recognize that bulky blue armor anywhere. "Garrus!" 

Garrus looked over to see their party, mandibles flaring out in a smile before he made his way over to them. Tali stopped, and everyone hung back a bit as the turian sharpshooter went right up to Holly and pressed his forehead against hers, trilling happily. She pressed back into him, wishing she didn't have to wear a safety suit so she could breathe him in. 

"Holly, I'm glad you made it. Safe flying?" 

"Safest." Holly smiled, and Garrus tilted his head, reaching out to trace the line of her helmet. "Do I look like a quarian?" 

"Hips aren't wide enough, and you have too many fingers," he said blandly. Holly laughed, and he smiled again, taking her hand in his and pressing her gloved fingers to his mouth plates. "But it's a good look on you, Holly - I like it." 

"You can get a full look later. I get the feeling it's an eyeful. Victus waiting for us?" 

"Primarch Victus and a few of our surviving generals are all waiting to greet you formally and set up sleeping arrangements for everyone. You'll all get a floor in the officer's barracks for your stay here." He paused, leaning down to her again, and she tilted her head at him. "After meeting up with Victus and all of them, I'll take you back to my dad's place. He and my sister are waiting to meet you there." 

"I don't know if you can tell," Holly whispered, and he leaned in to hear her better, "but I am shitting myself." 

Garrus barked out a laugh, and he pressed his forehead to hers again before shaking his head. Tali allowed him to take over chair duty, falling back to walk beside Evin. The two brought up their omnitools and immediately started talking tech. Holly was glad Evin had found someone to properly geek-out with. 

As they entered the building and headed towards the direction of many voices, Garrus leaned down once more, trilling in that near-silent way that always made Holly relax. 

"You'll be fine." 

"Promise?" 

"I promise."


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting parents is too much like surprise inspections for Holly's comfort.

Holly Shepard remembered her first inspection like it was five minutes ago and still rattling in her brain. 

It had been a Thursday, she was pretty sure, and a generally normal one. She and the other recruits (many who had finally stopped sneering when they saw her because of her background) had been in their barracks, cleaning their weapons and reading for their classes at the same time.  
The different classifications of soldiers separated into their own barracks after choosing their class: soldiers with the soldiers, infiltrators with infiltrators, sentinels with sentinels and so on. 

A few of the other sentinels (girls, as they split the barracks by sex as well; though they made exceptions for some cases) were studying and cleaning weapons, as well, though a few were studying how to do a proper overload and one or two were practicing the movements for warps. One was looking up information on a move called 'dominate', and Holly rather liked that one, as well, but she would wait until she understood her biotics better. 

Better that than biting off more than she could chew, which pretty much promised shit blowing up in her face. 

She was just finishing a paragraph on a sentinel's healing capabilities and why they were useful to have in a well-rounded squad when the door burst open and Lieutenant Anderson, along with Major Mikhailovich, a hard man with strong opinions and a critical eye for detail, walked into the room. 

Immediately, the recruits and Holly all scrambled to their feet, moving their things as fast as they could to their proper places or, if they couldn't, leaving them with a wince on their bed and standing at the end along their beds. Holly glanced back nervously at her pistol in pieces, cleaned and in the process of being put back together, as the two officers made their way down the aisle to look them over. 

"An Alliance soldier is always prepared - they can never be caught unawares, for that will lead to the death of their squad and, in some of your cases, the death of the people under your command. Unacceptable losses are not tolerated, nor encouraged; unnecessary sacrifices are unacceptable. Life in this station has one truth: you will learn how to be an Alliance soldier. You will learn how to always be prepared, and to never be surprised." Mikhailovich stopped in front of Holly, turning towards her and leaning in close. "Huberts!" 

"Sir!" 

"What is the most important tool in a sentinel's kit?" 

Holly blinked, furrowing her brow. 

"...Situation, sir?" 

"What do you mean, Huberts?" 

"A sentinel has many uses in situations, sir - they are medics on the field but also excellent biotic and tech support. They can be forward scouts but are more useful hanging back if they have heavier hitting squadmates. Therefore, sir, their most important tool in their kit would change depending on the situation, sir!" 

"Are you back talking me, Huberts?"

"No, sir! It is an Alliance soldier's duty to know as much about a situation as possible to ensure lower casualty rates, sir!" 

Mikhailovich narrowed his eyes before stepping back and nodding. 

"Good answer, Recruit Huberts - I guess Anderson was right about you." He glanced at her bed, then, looking at her and smirking a little. "However, you will want to be faster in cleaning your weapons. What would you do if you were still cleaning your pistol and an enemy barged in to attack you?" 

"Biotically throw them into the wall to stun them long enough to put my pistol back together, sir - and if I did not stun them for long enough, keep them occupied until I, or someone else, could incapacitate them." Holly paused, feeling her neck muscles tensing up as she quickly glanced at Anderson to see him hiding a smile. "...Sir." 

"...Don't waste your time with putting the weapon back together. A biotic throw hard enough into the wall could knock them out or kill them." 

"Sir!" 

Mikhailovich eyed her once more, pursing his lips before nodding. "Your replies border on impertinence, but you're competent enough, Huberts. Carry on." 

He moved on past her, turning to his next victim, and Holly reminded herself to breathe and relaxed her shoulders. Looking over to the Major, she jumped when she saw Anderson staring at her; he smiled at her, giving a slight nod, and she smiled back before looking forward as Mikhailovich turned on his heel and marched out without another word. The door shut behind the officer's with a brisk _click_.

"Wow, that guy was a hardass," one of the recruits from a spacer background said, rubbing the back of her neck as she dropped back onto the bed. A few of the other recruits agreed with her, mumbling darkly. Holly smiled a little, picking up her pistol and putting it back together quickly; lifting it up to check it over once more. 

"I'unno," she said after a moment, glancing over at the girls as they looked over at her curiously, "I think he's reasonable enough. I kinda want to be him when I grow up." 

"...Well, yeah, but you're just weird, Huberts." Holly snorted. 

"Noted, Sanders." 

~+~

Holly fidgeted on her chair as Garrus and Evin lifted it up the stairs of Garrus' father's home. Tali held her around the waist, helping her 'stand' in place as the two men got the chair up without worrying about dropping her in the process. Once they were done, Evin walked over to her and she wrapped her arms around his neck, allowing him to basically drag her back to her chair. 

"Holly, you okay?" 

"Ever feel like you're about to go into an inspection but you're naked and your bed's unmade?" 

"...Nightmare fuel." 

" _Yeah_." 

Evin dropped her carefully back into her chair, and the two siblings fussed about the positioning of her legs for a good half minute before Holly took in a deep breath. It actually helped comfort her a little to know that the helmet of her suit was absolutely hiding the blotched, ugly red she turned when she was flustered and a nervous wreck and _unable to shoot her problems_. She had never flushed prettily; it always splotched, like some kind of allergic reaction, and she was the unfortunate victim. 

Wrex had once told her that it reminded him of a krogan child getting ready to yell. Now that she had seen it firsthand, she was forced to admit it was _pretty fucking accurate_. 

"Once we get inside, you can remove the face plating," Garrus told her, hands pressed to her shoulders and rubbing them to try and relax her muscles. "Turian homes and, in fact, all of our structures, are made so that aliens can comfortably walk around without being forced in the suit all the time." 

"In case a turian brings an asari home?" 

"Way more common than you'd think. A couple of turians have brought quarians home, too. They get them used to the inside of the unit so they can walk around without their masks on all the time." Holly nodded, still feeling stiff, and Garrus sighed before he lowered down and pressed his flat nose against the side of her head. She could feel the rumbling of the purr he was giving when he wanted to soothe her; he hated it when she called it a purr, but it was such a fucking purr. Turians were basically gigantic dinosaur bird-cats. 

"You're going to be _fine_ , Holly. I swear to you, you'll be okay." 

"Uh-huh." 

The two jumped when the door opened, revealing a female turian who looked enough like Garrus to tell Holly that this was his sister, Solana. She stared at them for a moment, dark blue eyes taking in the way Garrus was curved over her, still purring even as he blinked owlishly at his sister. Holly watched in fascination as a slight hint of blue crept up her thin neck before she stepped aside to let them in. 

"Sol--" 

"I was super not aware of how serious this was and I'm really sorry I didn't take it more seriously." 

"Uh--" Holly blinked as she watched Garrus' neck begin to turn blue. 

"Solana--" 

"Like, seriously, _did not know_ \--" 

"--what--" 

"--could've told us, y'know, that she's basically your mate--" 

"-- _what_ \--" 

"-- _Sol_ \--" 

"Ahem?" 

The three turned to look at the turian at the end of the hall. 

"Well don't just stand there, son, introduce me." 

"Right." Garrus blinked, hurrying forward. "Dad, this is Captain Holly Shepard, new human councillor. You'd... probably know her better as Commander Shepard, most everyone does." 

"Garrus." 

"Yeah." Garrus cleared his throat, then turned to Holly. "Holly, uh. This is--" 

"Socratus Vakarian," the older turian finally said, stepping forward. "A pleasure to finally meet you."


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus talks about his loved ones rarely.

"Okay, Garrus, we've been together for a while." Holly started, feet on the turian's lap as they relaxed in the Loft. Music from what sounded like Afterlife was playing quietly in the background, and two glasses of wine - one dextro, one amino, both different colours to differentiate the two and not kill their imbibers - sat on her table. Below deck, the newly returned crew and her suicide squad were all having a lively and probably slightly raunchy party. 

Holly was waiting to hear if Zaeed would manage to even talk to Samara and look her in the eye or if he would stumble his way into her bosom drunk and get a singularity slap. _Waiting_ so she could video tape it. 

It was very important to her. 

"Yes...?" Garrus said, eyeing her carefully even as he rubbed her ankles. Her feet weren't bothering her or anything - Tali was of the opinion Holly couldn't feel pain anymore at this point - but it was still nice to be taken care of once in a while. "Well, wait - how do you mean 'together', because sexually that's recent--" 

"And romantically it's only been a couple of months, I know, I know." Holly waved her hand around, grinning at him. "I just mean we've known each other for a long time. Like, we've been friends for, I guess something like two years? Is that right? Can we count the years I was dead?" 

"Yes, Holly, we can count the years you were dead," Garrus said flatly. Something about his subharmonics told her that he didn't want to think about her as 'dead', so she dropped it and nudged his thigh with her heel lightly. He grunted, but relaxed, and she smiled. "What did you want to ask?" 

"Tell me about your family?" 

Holly watched as Garrus' mandibles flickered, twitching out and then pulling tightly back in to his face in surprise. She hoped they weren't still hurting him; he was still wearing the bandages. 

"You don't have to, I just wanted to know more about 'em - you've only ever talked about your dad, and not all that positively, and-- man I'm sorry, forget I said anything--" 

"Holly," Garrus squeezed her ankle a little, forcing her to stop and look up at him. "It's fine, I just. Wasn't actually expecting that." He paused again, gloved hands trailing down the arch of her foot; her leg jerked, but she held in the laugh, watching him as he thought. "So just... general information?" 

"Anything you want to share." 

"Alright," he nodded, turning to her and facing her properly. "I have a dad, as you know. Socratus Vakarian. We've... never gotten along all that well. He's disappointed in most of my choices, including my leaving C-SEC both the first and second time, and the fact that I've travelled with a Council Spectre twice, now." 

"He doesn't like Spectres." 

"He sees the use of them, don't get the wrong idea - he knows sometimes you can't follow the rules rigidly. But he doesn't like that they don't have anyone to... I guess handle them? He doesn't like that they're basically glorified mercenaries who only answer to the Council and even then, the Council more often than not looks the other way. So - he's _not_ happy his son's gone off with one twice, now. The human Spectre, at that." 

"Doesn't like humans?" 

"He fought in First Contact. He was pretty young, but - he was there. He's got nothing against humans, he just doesn't trust you lot." He swallowed, before shaking his head. "Anyway, he's not my only family." 

"Oh?" 

"Mmhm. Got a sister, too. Solana. I'm told we look a lot alike, but y'know - siblings never see that." Holly hid a smile, but kept her thoughts to herself on that. "She's just finished up her training to be a doctor, which I think she'll be great at. Palaven needs more doctors - not just field medics, but actual doctors. We don't have a lot." 

"So she's your big sister or...?" 

"Little sister. She just turned twenty-five, and she's three years younger than me..." 

"Wait, you're twenty-eight?" 

"Yeah? What, did I never tell you that?" Garrus blinked as Holly stared at him, her hand pressed to her chest. "What?" 

"Dear God, I have a young man." 

"Holly you're, what, twenty-nine--" 

"That's very sweet. I'm thirty-one." She smiled when he stared at her. "Yeah - anyway, continue with the family thing, we can marvel at my agelessness later." 

"...Right, uh, where was I-- oh, so yeah, Sol's my younger sister. So that's my dad and my sister... I've got a mom, too." He paused, his mandibles drawn in tightly to his face, and Holly frowned. She scooted closer to him so that she could sit on his lap, reaching up to touch the damaged side of his face gently. He looked down at her, and then away, sighing softly. "Galatea Aurelis."

"Not Vakarian?" 

"Turian women don't change their last names when they marry like human women." 

"...Galatea's a pretty name." 

"Mom's gorgeous," Garrus said, smiling a bit. "Dad says I got her eyes and colouring. A lot of her mannerisms, too." 

"Oh?" 

"Mom's not patient with bullshit," Garrus said flatly, and Holly snorted, grinning and leaning on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her back, and she closed her eyes and listened to the quiet, steady _thump_ of his heart; the cloth of his casual clothes soft on her cheek. "She's stubborn, too, way more stubborn than me. I think you and her would get along." 

"I'd like to meet her." 

"Might be hard," Garrus said, bowing his head to press his mouth plates to Holly's hair, "...pretty sure she's dying." 

"Oh... _God_ , Garrus, I'm--" 

He shook his head, giving off that quiet rumble like purring, and she quieted; curling against him and wrapping her arms tight around him. 

~+~

Socratus Vakarian was tall, even for turians. 

He was a darker grey than Garrus, with dark blue eyes but the same colony markings. His plates had understated, aged scars all over, and he favoured his left leg, definitely, but he looked strong and capable and able to take down a krogan even now. 

That was hard, okay. Holly had taken down so many krogan and it was always a fucking workout. 

She stayed completely still as Garrus and Socratus spoke to each other quietly, clicks and hums and sharp trills all she could really comprehend before she was distracted by someone touching her arm. 

She looked over to see Solana Vakarian looking down at her curiously, similarly-coloured to her father. After a moment, the turian woman smiled, reaching up to tap her face plate. 

"You going to keep that on? I've only ever seen you on blurry vidscreens." 

"Oh - crap, right," Holly reached up, fumbled with the seal, and then lowered it, blinking as her world was thrown abruptly into total colour. The house was more colourful than the streets of Palaven or the meeting room she had spent hours in, talking to generals and the Primarch and the councillor. She sneezed as non-filtered air met her noise, and vaguely wondered if this was what it felt like for Tali any time she took off her faceplate. "Uh - hi, I'm Holly." 

Solana smiled again, holding out her hand. Holly took it, shaking it loosely; Solana Vakarian had a tight grip. 

"I'm Solana - but call me Sol, okay?" She paused, smile widening. "Like your solar system! That'll be easy enough to remember. So, okay, before Garrus and Dad notice we're talking, just tell me real quick - did Garrus _actually_ get a rocket to the face, or did he just make that up because he got the scars in a really lame way?" 

"Oh, no - actually a rocket. Fired from a gunship." Holly smiled a little. "I was actually there, so you can take my word for it - the Normandy's doctor, Karin Chakwas, she made sure Garrus' face stayed in one piece and he didn't bleed out." 

"Wow, my brother's always been an idiot, but I never took him for suicidal." 

"...He never did tell you why he was on my ship the second time, did he?" 

"...No?" 

"Oh, Sol," Holly said, reaching up and touching her arm lightly, "I have so many stories to tell you." 

"...I'm gonna like you, Holly." 

Holly smiled, turning to see Garrus walking back over to her, Socratus just behind him. She straightened up, and Socratus looked at her for a long moment before smiling a little; holding out his hand. She took it, shaking it firmly, and he nodded as if she passed a test just then.

"Garrus has told us the bare minimum about you, Ms Shepard," Socratus said then, shooting a look at his son. "I hope we can get to know each other while you are on Palaven, seeing as your relationship with my son appears to be... rather serious." 

Holly blinked, wondering just what in the world made them think that (even though yeah, it was pretty serious, they were talking about adopting kids and everything), before nodding a little. 

"I think that's a good idea, sir." 

"Call me Socratus, please." 

"...Then call me Holly. 'Ms Shepard' makes me think you want to sell me something."


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relationships have always been a challenge.

The Shepards became known for a few things in the Alliance. 

They were two of the most lethal soldiers that the Alliance had in its ranks. Holly Shepard earned herself the reputation as a woman who would biotically pull you towards her _just_ so she could punch you in the face (or the nuts - it depended on how badly you pissed her off). Evin Shepard became known as the deadliest sniper that humanity's military had cranked out in a long time, beating every previous record in the Alliance until he was the best shot of the century. 

They were closer than _shit_. If Evin was in a room, Holly was close by; if Holly was dealing with some rowdy drunk, Evin was watching in the shadows, waiting to see if she would need his help. When Evin got a promotion, Holly was in the crowd; when Holly earned a medal, Evin was right in front. If anyone hurt one Shepard, the other Shepard would find you, and you would wish you had never been born. 

Lastly, they were known for never, in the entirety of their military careers, fraternizing with their Alliance crewmates. 

It was just something they never did. 

~+~

"Kaidan--" 

"And, look, it's just - I _really_ like you, and I was wondering, I mean. If it's not too presumptuous, but, maybe after this mission is over, maybe we could...?" 

Holly sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose and wishing, for a moment, that Evin were here to break this to Kaidan gently. Evin had always been good at explaining to people why Holly didn't want to romantically start anything with them. She _tried_ , fucking Christ she tried, but she never succeeded - usually she confused people, or she made them angry, or she left them confused, angry, and _hurt_ , and it was the hurt part that bothered her. 

"...Shepard?" 

"Kaidan, look," Holly said, looking over at him. "You're... you are the _nicest guy_ I've met in a long time. I mean that honestly. You're so fucking nice. I get cavities sometimes you're so sweet." Kaidan smiled a little, as if trying to laugh, and she appreciated it - she really did. "And that's not to say you're not wonderful and good-looking and a catch, it's just--" 

"Just...?" 

"Kaidan... I don't _date_. At all. Especially not members of my crew. I don't... fraternize." 

"...but what about all those hints--" 

" _Hints_? Kaidan, I haven't been dropping hints - I've been _nice_. Because I like to form camaraderie with my crew. It's a thing I do. You tell me about yourself, I tell you about myself, we'll awkwardly laugh over some shit coffee 'cause we don't drink on the job, and then we go off and shoot talking plants. Okay, the talking plant is _new_ , but you know what I mean." She sighed, rubbing her temples and looking up to see his face slowly shutting down, and she hated herself a little, she _really did_ , and she really, _really_ wished Evin were here to diplomatically smooth things over right about now.

"Look, seriously, just-- I don't date. Ask anyone who's ever been assigned to the same postings as me. I do not date. I'm sorry. Please, just... please." 

"Right," Kaidan nodded, stepping back when Holly reached out to touch his arm. "Of course, Commander - I apologize for my inappropriate behaviour. It won't happen again." 

"Kaidan--" 

"I need to go talk to Joker about... one of his reports, excuse me." 

He turned and walked away, leaving Holly standing there, staring after him awkwardly. She groaned, pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes before stomping over to her locker across the room. 

Maybe cleaning her gear would help clear her head. 

~+~

Holly wondered for a moment if Garrus was ever coming back, or if his sister had hogtied him and thrown him into a broom cupboard so that she and Socratus Vakarian could talk without him fidgeting. 

If Sol _did_ hogtie him, she wanted pictures. 

If she _didn't_ , she wondered what the hell was taking her sharpshooter so fucking long. 

She shifted in her seat on the couch, looking over at her chair almost longingly. She felt a bit more in control on her chair than she did on a turian couch. On most turian furniture, actually; turian furniture had contours and shapes that human furniture did not, to accommodate for crests and spurs and cowls. 

She felt a little trapped, honestly. 

(Holly wondered if the Vakarian family had done this on purpose. This was an interrogation, wasn't it. She was _so screwed_.) 

"Garrus tells me you were born on Earth, Holly." 

Holly blinked, looking over to Socratus to see him leaning forward comfortably on the armchair just across from the couch. She imagined the room was darker and that there was a single strobe light for a moment before smiling at him and nodding; tucking back her hair. The helmet had gotten a little warm, and she had been assured she would be fine if she took it off. 

How did Tali _constantly live in one of these things_? 

"Born in Washington D.C., si-- Socratus." Socratus' mandibles flicked out a bit, as if he were holding back a smile. 

"No family?" 

"No - my parents were killed in a car accident when I was around seven years old." Holly scratched her cheek, fingernail tracing one of the faint lines still left over from the surgery that brought her back to life. Karin and Miranda both had asked her why she had kept those scars. It was because it reminded her that she had been given a second chance at life when so many others hadn't. A reminder that she was capable of dying, just like any other living being in the galaxy. "I pretty much raised myself on the streets." 

"Does Earth not have a system in place that cares for orphaned children?" 

"Sure, of course - we have orphanages and the foster system. They put me into foster care after my parents were buried, but I didn't stay in it." 

"You had that choice?" 

"...Not exactly?" Holly winced, shrinking back in her seat a bit. "I ran away. They never found me - or they never bothered finding me. D.C.'s big, but it's not that hard to find a kid of a specific description. I just don't think they wanted to bother." She winced again, shaking her head. "That's not to say Earth doesn't care about the orphans or anything like that, I'm a pretty individual case." She glanced at Socratus again and wished, not for the first time since she met him, that he was as easy as his son to read. 

But Socratus Vakarian was a proper turian. _Damn_. 

"You seem a resourceful type of person." 

"Yeah," Holly nodded, frowning a little. "You're probably asking how I made it to adulthood in that kind of environment. I got recruited by a gang when I was like, twelve. I stayed with them until I joined the Alliance at eighteen." 

Socratus nodded, then, glancing out to the doorway that went to the kitchen. Tali, Evin, Garrus and Sol had disappeared into there about forty minutes ago, claiming to be getting refreshments. Holly was generally of the opinion that they flat-out abandoned her. He then looked back at her, head tilted to the side. 

"How does Evin Shepard factor in?" 

Holly blinked, eyes wide, before they narrowed. 

"If you're asking me if Evin Shepard and I have any kind of relationship outside of a purely platonic, familial one then I am going to have to tell you _right fucking now_ , sir, that Evin is _family_ , and my _brother_ , and he has been since he looked for me on the streets when I was fifteen years old. He is good and he is patient and he has made me a better person but _he is my brother_ and Garrus Vakarian is the love of my fucking life - I would never hurt him like how you seem to be implying. I changed my name to 'Shepard' when I joined the military because to be Shepard is to be a better person than to be Huberts, and that is the only reason." 

She breathed in deeply, leaned back, and then belatedly realized she had just tore into Garrus' strict, no-nonsense father, and wondered for a brief second if she had ruined everything between the two. 

Socratus then smiled at her properly, leaning back just as the others started to file into the room. Evin moved to sit a little behind everyone, keeping his back to a wall and his eyes on the room, Tali moving to sit beside him so she could pelt questions at him about something or another. Probably drone configurations. 

Garrus sat beside Holly, pressing against her side and wrapping his arm around her shoulders to drag her in close. Sol and Socratus watched them for a moment before Sol leaned forward, looking at Holly with a wide turian smile. 

"Tell me some embarrassing stories during the hunt for Saren - Garrus won't tell me _anything_ fun!" 

"Oh, Sol, _no_ , don't bother her with that." 

Holly smiled, glancing over to see Socratus nodding a little and looking approving; she relaxed against Garrus, then, and turned back to Sol. 

"Okay - let's see... how about I tell you about that time Garrus challenged Ashley Williams to a drinking competition." 

" _Traitor_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never liked how, in the first game, you used the nice conversation options for Kaidan or Ashley when they were romanceable, and immediately they think you're like. Flirting. It always bothered me. _Always_.


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evin wasn't against dating, not really. He just had more important concerns - usually.

"You know, I never actually thought I'd ever land on Palaven in my entire military career." 

Evin smiled, turning to see Steve walking over to him. They were both in enviro-suits, but Evin would recognize Steve's voice and his gait after spending so much time with him. It was sunset on the turian homeworld, the sky turning greys and blues and deep, dusky purples. It was really very beautiful on Palaven, surprisingly; Evin had always imagined that the world would be as rigid and unmoving as its inhabitants. 

Perhaps that was a bit racist. 

"Neither did I, honestly," Evin said, turning back to look at the city from Socratus Vakarian's backyard. They were getting ready to head back to their rooms in the officer's barracks, just a ten minute drive down the road from the Vakarian household. Holly would be staying with Garrus and his family, because while this was a political trip, it was also personal. Politics and personal visits always seemed to coincide when it came to Holly. 

Set up a truce between the turians and the krogan? She had to visit her friends on both sides at the same time. Cure the genophage? Meet up with old friends and make new ones. Stop the war between the quarians and the geth? Gotta visit the friends. 

It was too complicated for Evin. He liked things to be simple; straightforward. None of this wavering lines that Holly appeared to thrive off of. 

(Holly would beg to differ; she would argue that she hated complications. But really, Evin knew her better than that. She excelled in FUBAR missions and complicated strategy games. Chess was too simple for her. She got angry when strategies that were foolproof didn't work because she was stuck moving her knights in an L.) 

"It's prettier than I expected. I mean - the barricades and the defensible buildings, exactly what I was imagining. But then you have the scenery and the flowers and stuff? It's pretty. It's like paintings." 

Evin nodded as Steve spoke, turning towards him a little and looking at him through the faceplate. They were both shadowed behind their protective helmets, but Steve's eyes still stood out, and he was watching the sky with pure fascination and admiration. 

Steve turned to him, then, crossing his arms and tilting his head at him curiously. 

"So." 

"So?" Evin blinked, turning to face Steve and folding his arms behind his back. He knew that the others were loitering by the door - Tali talking to Garrus and Holly as she got ready to head to the officers' barracks with Evin and Steve - and wondered for a moment why that was. Only a moment, though. 

This appeared to be some sort of interrogation. 

"Kaidan and I were talking the other day, and he told me something." 

"Kaidan knows many things, I can only assume. What did he tell you?" 

"Some old rumours about you and your sister." 

"It's not the marriage rumour, is it? We hated that one. It made Holly gag." Steve's eyes crinkled, and Evin could only assume he was smiling, before he shook his head. "Alright, I give up - which rumour? There's, honestly, a lot." 

"The 'no fraternization' rumour." 

Evin blinked, before nodding. "Yeah - that's true, not a rumour. We don't date Alliance crewmates." Steve jerked his thumb back at Garrus and Holly. Garrus' hand was on Holly's shoulder and Holly was leaning into him, and honestly Evin was waiting for Garrus to come up to him and ask him about human marriage customs. "Ah - I can see the confusion. Garrus isn't Alliance. He isn't even really 'crew' - all technicalities aside, he doesn't have to listen to Holly's orders on the Normandy. He can ignore her. He _shouldn't_ \- Holly's damned good at her job - but he _can_." 

"And Thane Krios?" 

"Also not officially part of her Alliance crew. When they were together, they weren't even Alliance - they were Cerberus. Different rules, different structure. Different Holly, in a lot of ways. You ever want to know how much Holly can drink? She took a shot of Ryncol and walked it off." 

"Uh - wow? How is she alive?" 

"I ask myself that every day." Evin shook his head, before tilting his head, staring at Steve curiously. "Why are you asking, anyway?" 

"...I was curious." Evin narrowed his eyes, before smiling a little. 

"I've never been against dating crewmates, so long as it never interfered with missions and the posting. Usually, it did - so I never bothered. Got the same reputation as Holly as a result." 

Steve shifted, looking away for a moment and watching Tali head towards them, before he looked back at Evin; and this time Evin could tell that the shuttle pilot was smiling. 

"Duly noted." 

~+~

He noticed something was wrong when he walked by the mess hall on the station and Holly looked stressed. 

Holly never looked stressed while eating. Holly always looked like she was ready to eat out the entire kitchen and then go find a new station for seconds. Evin was pretty sure she had never gotten over what he fondly dubbed her 'food aggression'; Holly freely admitted to it. 

Walking back towards his adopted sister and what looked to be one of her crewmates on her new posting, he positioned himself behind her and to the back, close enough to hear but far enough back that he looked like he was just casually standing with a few people at another table. They glanced at him, but didn't bother saying hi or anything; they knew better than to bother Evin Shepard when he was listening in on his sister's apparent private conversations. 

"--and it's just that you seemed really interested when we were talking earlier, so." 

" _How_ did I seem--" 

Evin stepped in and wrapped his arm around Holly's shoulders, jolting her into silence as the two looked over and up at him. He took a moment to appreciate the fact he was 6'4" for a second before speaking up. 

"What she's trying to say, Service Chief, is that there was a slight misunderstanding. 2nd Lieutenant Shepard is a very friendly, if not awkward, young woman." Holly elbowed him quietly and he just smiled, completely used to Holly's casual abuses by this point. She had never been a gentle girl. "What you took for romantic interest, Shepard only saw as friendly conversation. I'm not sure if you've heard yet, but 2nd Lieutenant Shepard does not tend to fraternize within the ranks. She finds that it is a distraction to the soldiers, and can lead to fouling whatever platonic relationship she has created with her subordinates and crewmates." 

He smiled pleasantly, then, leaning forward and staring down at him; his expression warning the young man off. 

"Have we come to an understanding?" 

"...Yessir." The Service Chief scurried off after nodding to Holly, and Holly turned to Evin and punched him on the shoulder. 

"Ow." 

"I _had_ that." 

"You were going to botch it like you've botched the last three refusals. I don't know what it is, Hols, but you are shit when it comes to telling people 'no', you know that?" 

"You're such an ass, Evin." 

"Yes, ma'am." 

"Oh, don't fucking ma'am me, you're exactly one rank below me and you are ridiculous." 

"Yes, ma'am." 

Holly punched his shoulder again, before dragging him down to sit next to her and shoving her tray over at him. He raised his brows, and she produced a second fork, stabbing into her overstuffed plate as if telling him 'I'm not _giving_ it to you, we're sharing'. He shrugged and picked up the fork on the tray; Holly rarely shared food, and she only shared with Evin and when she was upset. He wouldn't question it. 

"Now I've got a question for you - why don't _you_ ever date? You have nothing against getting together with crewmates - not like you did in training. I'm pretty sure you had a thing with an engineer on your last posting." 

"It ended badly when I found out he was married and had three kids." Holly winced, and Evin smiled thinly. "We shouldn't fraternize, Holly." 

"Not an answer, Evin." Evin sighed, smiling faintly and shaking his head, and she poked him with her fork lightly. He snorted and shied away from her. 

"I just don't, Holly." 

"Not an _answer_ , Evin." 

Evin looked over at her, biting his bottom lip and pressing his thumb against the scar on his chin, contemplating her. In all honestly, Evin didn't want to find someone until Holly did. He didn't want to find someone and fall in love, leaving her behind; making her feel like she was second in his life. 

She was the only thing he cared about left in his world; the only family he had and the only family he wanted, now. If she ever felt like he was replacing her, he would honestly probably hate himself. So he would stay away from dating and relationships until she was settled. And maybe even after that, depending. 

But instead of telling her all of that, he flicked her beak of a nose, smiling cheekily as she scowled at him. 

"It's all the answer you're getting, Holly." 

" _Ass_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is interested in like, a headcanon character build on my Shepards, just say? I'll make a different side 'fic' or a chapter just to share?


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When she had nothing, Holly always had Evin.

When Holly Shepard was in the Alliance for five years, she dated a crewmate and thought maybe she would fall in love with him. 

Holly never put much stock in love. It was a foreign concept; something that made no sense to her. Dedicating your whole life to someone you didn't really know? Trusting them with something as delicate and frail as who you were and what you felt? Hoping that they would be careful when they held glass-like emotions? 

Holly had loved her parents, and they went and killed themselves. She thought she loved Finch, and he turned around and _neutered_ her. No - love was for idiots. 

(If anyone asked her if she loved Evin, she would say it was _more_ than that. It was more, because she knew Evin as well as she knew her own skin; knew her scars and where they came from and how much it had hurt when she had gotten them. She _knew_ that sometimes, he would hurt her, and then he would apologize and he would do anything he could to make it right. She knew that, and she would do the same thing, and Evin was her world, he was. Her entire world. People who called that romance could fuck off.) 

But she met Corporal Aiden Jackson when she was just a Private Second Class, newly assigned to the _SSV Vienna_ on her first tour through Alliance space. He was friendly and helpful and would often seek her out for conversation, and when, on shore leave, he asked her to go out with him to dinner and a vid, she accepted and thought that this would be fun. 

She had never dated anyone properly, after all. A few flings within the Reds, always nothing more than a few beers and sex. It was nice to be wined and dined, or however it went. Felt all proper and _official_ -like. 

Aiden was a nice guy, too. Actually listened to her opinions and asked her why she thought the way she did; called on her during inspection because she was always on top of her game and he liked to show that to her fellow crewmates. She never gloated about it, though; never took pride in that, because she was just doing her job and doing it _properly_ , nothing more. But still; it was nice. _He_ was nice. 

And then he wasn't. 

The _SSV Vienna_ had gotten into combat on a planet on the edges of Alliance space with batarians. They were a vicious people, strange-looking to Holly, and she didn't like them on principle because they fucked over Evin's life and that just wouldn't do. 

She had been picked for the ground team, because she was the best shot with a pistol and a pretty fucking good field medic to boot. The mission went fine; she got a shot on the arm that was easily fixed with medigel, and they chased off the batarian pirates. Victory for the Alliance, yadda yadda, hoo-ah. 

It was when she got back on the ship that things went sour. 

Aiden went up to her immediately, his fingers digging into her arm as he shook her and asked her, in a shaking voice, _why_ she hadn't had a barrier or whatever it was 'you fucking weird biotics' did. He continued to berate her, as if it had been _her fault_ that she had gotten picked to go down or had gotten hurt or anything else, and when she finally asked him what his problem was, he told her that he was worried. 

When Evin got worried, he pulled her out of public eye and spoke to her quietly. When she worried, she waited until they were off duty before losing her shit. What Aiden was doing was unprofessional, and their commanding officers were watching them with frowns. 

She ended it, then and there, and when Aiden asked _why_ , she told him that he was being an idiot and unprofessional and she wouldn't deal with that. It was, apparently, the wrong thing to say. He had let her go and turned around, walking away. 

The next day, she was told he had asked for a new assignment, and she thought it was probably because of her. And then she thought that Evin had probably been right all along; fraternizing was a dumbass thing to do. 

So she stopped. 

~+~

"When in the hell did you decide that fraternization was totally a thing to do?" 

Holly stared at Evin, flabbergasted, as he sat across from her and pulled on a shirt. She had walked into his barracks on the station they happened to both live on while waiting for new postings, wanting to regale him with a story about one of the fights she'd had in the training room. People kept on thinking she wasn't as tough as her reputation made her seem; she kept on having to beat them into the ground. But she had heard that Evin had just gotten back, so she wanted to go see him; he was probably killing time reading or whatever.

What she had walked in on was not her brother reading on his bed, however. There was no book in sight and a half naked body involved and she was probably scarred for life, honestly. 

Evin raised a brow at her, and she waved her hands at him as if to say 'the fuck'. He seemed to understand; he shrugged and leaned back on his bed. For someone who just got effectively 'cockblocked', he was pretty relaxed about it. Holly wondered at his constant relaxed state. If it was drugs, she wanted to know what he was taking, just to experience what 'calm' actually felt like. 

"Holly--" 

"You were _always_ the one going on and on about how fraternization was a bad idea, don't do it, Holly, just don't! And now? Now I see you half naked? With a guy I just got off posting with? Like - when did you even have time to talk to him, did you guys just go 'let's have sex' and start taking off clothes?" 

"Holly--" 

"And it's just-- the fuck, Evin? The fuck. You were the responsible one. I'm the idiot that sleeps with crewmates. And gets burned. Badly. 'Cause I can't talk to people like a functioning human being, I can only hurl words at them and hope they don't get too offended." 

" _Holly_." 

She shut her mouth, teeth clicking together, and stared at him. After a moment he rubbed the back of his neck and stared at her. 

"I never said I was against it - just that we _shouldn't_ fraternize. And we shouldn't, you're right. I'm right, I guess. But once in a while, it's nice to not care about that." 

"Wait, have you been sleeping with random crewmates for a while?" 

"Just that one, mostly. We haven't been public or anything. It's just that we meet up after postings and spend some off time together, that's all. I wouldn't call it a relationship so much as a hook up?" 

"My responsible, no-nonsense, goody-goody brother, hooking up with a guy and doing the dirty." 

" _Holly_ , stop." 

Holly shook her head, rubbing her cheeks. Her hair was getting a bit long, resting against her cheeks in a short bob. She wondered if she should chop it off; she tugged if she didn't. Brown hands took hold of hers, then, and Evin folded her hands in between his, watching her with pale blue-violet eyes. 

"Do you want me to stop?"

"What?" Holly blinked, shaking her head. "Jeez, no, Evin - you do what you want, I'm just. I'm confused, is all." And a bit hurt, she wouldn't deny it. Usually they met up if they were off at the same time. It hurt to know he went to someone else before her. Which was ridiculous. She was his sister; that random guy was probably his boyfriend or whatever. 

Still kinda stung, though, to know she wasn't as important to him as he was to her. 

Evin seemed to read something off her face, though, because he squeezed her hands and stood up. 

"Evin?" 

"S'all good, Holly - we'll go to lunch in a minute. I just have to deal with something." 

"Evin--" 

"Holly." Evin turned to her, smiling a little, and it was the Holly Smile, the nice one that he gave only to her because it was real and genuine and made him look much nicer than he usually did, "it's fine. I promise. I'll be right back." 

He left, then, leaving her to sit on the chair by his bed and hoping she hadn't just ruined something nice for Evin. 

Evin deserved nice, good things. If nobody else, Evin definitely did. 

~+~

"Okay, Evin, I'm gonna just go ahead and give you permission to date my shuttle pilot." 

Evin blinked, staring at Holly and raising his brows at her. She grinned back at him, settling back in the chair she sat on during the talks with the Primarch and Sparatus. They were heated, stressful conversations, and Evin found that Holly really enjoyed them. She did well with stressful conversations. Probably because she had _always been under stress_. 

He hoped she had less stress these days; Garrus would probably be ensuring that she did. 

"Excuse me?" 

"Steve's basically been making cow eyes at you, and you have subtly been making them back. You give him the _nice smile_ , Evin - the one you give me, the one no one else gets because you like to make everyone else scared shitless of you. I don't know why, fear does not make you popular." 

"Holly." 

"Anyway, so just. I'unno. _Ask him out_? He likes you. I know he does. He's told me. Like outright told me, we spoke in the armory and he was like 'oh yeah by the way Holly I really like your brother, is he single?' and I think it's about time you stopped not dating people on account of me." 

"Holly, I don't know what you're talking about." 

"Evin, I'm not an idiot, don't treat me like I am." She leaned forward, giving him her most serious look, and he watched her warily; knowing she wasn't kidding around, now. "I know you stopped dating because I did. I _know_ you did. You can tell whatever you want to anyone else, but be real with me. You stopped because I stopped and you try so fucking hard to be my big brother. You don't want me to feel alone." 

He stayed silent, and she leaned back again, looking away from him. 

"And I'm not alone - not anymore. I have you, but I also have Joker and EDI and Tali, James and Steve and Kaidan and the crew from the suicide mission. I have Garrus, and I love him and I'm _keeping_ this one, so. Just, I'unno. For once in your fucking life - for _once_ , Evin - do something for you. Ask the guy out and have your happily ever after. If nothing else, do it for me." 

Evin watched her for a long moment, truly looking at her. She was worn down and scarred in different ways than she used to be, with bags under her eyes and lines around her mouth and calluses that formed from a long, harsh career in the military. She had new nightmares in place of the old ones, and wasn't the carefree girl he met on the streets half-starved. 

But she was still his, and his sister, and the most important person he would ever have in his life, and she was _happy_. 

"...Okay, Holly." 

" _Thank you_."


	50. Chapter 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan wasn't as oblivious as he sometimes made himself out to be.

Kaidan Alenko had always known there were two Shepards in the Alliance military. 

He had joined up a year after Holly Shepard had, the same year as Evin Shepard, and he had trained with him for a short time. He doubted Evin remembered him much; Evin had gone for infiltrator while he had veered towards sentinel. Their schedules only overlapped for the morning and the evening runs and lunch. 

But he knew about them. Holly Shepard was a star in her sentinel courses. The instructors spoke about her often, bringing up examples and even using her in demonstrations when teaching the recruits a year younger than her. 

Younger in terms of recruiting; Kaidan was three years older than Holly and four years older than Evin. 

He admired Holly, and found her distractingly attractive, but she rarely paid attention to the recruits not in her year. He admired Evin, too - thought he was unnerving, certainly, but admired him. Anyone who was that steady a shot at eighteen years old was to be respected. And possibly be made wary of, to be quite honest. 

When the Shepards started going through the ranks at a, frankly, breakneck speed, Kaidan was content to fall back behind them and learn about them through the grapevine. It was quite unlikely that he would ever be posted with them - not with Holly, because too many sentinels on a ship caused imbalances in ground teams and not with Evin, because infiltrators more often than not worked alone or with black ops units. 

He climbed the ranks slowly and steadily, working at the rate he knew he was good at, and for a time, he even forgot about Holly and Evin Shepard. 

And then he was assigned onto the crew of the _SSV Normandy SR-1_ and his world flipped upside down. 

~+~

"You know, LT, if you keep staring at her she _might_ realize you're pathetically mooning over her. Maybe. You might need to up the tragic 'in love with your commander' expression." 

Kaidan looked away from the Commander, glaring at the Gunnery Chief who sat across from him in the mess hall, grinning like the Cheshire cat. Ashley Williams' hair was down from the vicious bun she usually kept it in for once, her casual uniform mussed and suggesting she slept in it as she cradled a cup of coffee. She still had sleep creases against her left cheek, but Kaidan decided against telling her. 

Let her figure it out. 

"Thank you, Williams, for your extremely necessary and warranted commentary," he said dryly, holding back a sigh as her grin widened into a smirk. He decided then and there that Williams was insufferable at breakfast. "I thought you weren't a morning person, how are you this cheerfully conniving?" 

"A crappy cup of Joe and the unbearable urge to make a comment when I see the LT staring wistfully after our _disgustingly cheerful morning-person_ commander. C'mon, Alenko, at least talk to me about it. I promise not to laugh too much." 

"How thoughtful." 

"Hey, it's just kinda obvious, okay? Like, I think the animals have even taken notice, and they don't even understand human expression." 

" _Williams_." 

"Sorry," Ashley lifted her hands, rolling her eyes, "the _aliens_. My mistake." She took a long drink from her coffee, then, making a face at the weird aftertaste that always happened when Pressly made the coffee. Pressly didn't seem to understand that they didn't need to use the Ye Olde Filters anymore unless under dire circumstances. Or that the tap had a filter for the water so it didn't taste like week-old metal. "So?" 

"So, what? Do you really expect me to bare my soul to you?" 

"Sure, we're friends. We've shot geth and talking plants and thought-to-be-extinct aliens together. That's what I call bonding." Kaidan gave her a look, and she leaned back and raised her brows. " _What_? It's true." 

"I'm not going to talk about my unrequited crush on our Commander, especially considering she already turned me down flat the other day."

"Wait, what?" 

"Yeah," Kaidan nodded, shoving his food around and scowling down at it. "I thought I'd talk to her about it, because I was under the impression she was interested in me, too, y'know? And it would be best to talk about it _now_ , while we have a moment of calm. And she told me that she doesn't fraternize with her crew." 

Ashley stayed quiet for long enough that Kaidan thought she maybe actually _didn't_ want to talk about it, and had only been pulling his leg. But then her foot kicked his, and he looked up at her to see her looking at him with an expression somewhat kinder than before. 

"...Sorry it didn't work out for you, LT." 

Kaidan breathed in deeply, before sagging against the table and rubbing his forehead, nodding. 

"Me, too, Ash." 

~+~

"You know, Major Alenko, I recognized you the moment I saw you." 

Kaidan turned to see Evin standing next to him in the observation deck, looking out at the stars. Evin and Steve had returned to the Normandy after a few days on Palaven; Steve because he wanted to get back to his duties and Evin because he knew he could trust Garrus and his family to keep Holly as safe as he could. It was a little gratifying to see that Evin Shepard did trust Holly's crew to look out for her.

"Is that so, Lieutenant Commander?"

"You were in my recruitment year, of course I recognized you," Evin turned to him, then, pale blue-violet eyes sharp against brown skin and dark brows. Kaidan noted that both Shepards had distinctive noses, then, and a way of looking at you that made you feel like you were the only person who existed in the goddamn galaxy. 

At one time, Kaidan thought he wanted to have that look directed at him always. These days, though? It was too much, too intense, and he was honestly glad Holly had refused him three years ago. 

"You never indicated you did." 

"What was I going to say? 'Ah, right, Alenko - you joined the same year as me, one of the older recruits. You stood behind me when Anderson came out and talked to us about classifications'. That's not at all out of place." Kaidan snorted, but nodded, and Evin smiled thinly. The Major noticed that Evin Shepard never smiled all that nicely. His expression was pleasant, but it wasn't warm; wasn't gentle. It was like he was smiling because people expected him to. Nothing at all like Holly - when she smiled, she _smiled_ , and it lit up the whole room. 

"Okay, you have me there. Is there anything you wanted to say to me in particular, though?" 

"I just wanted to thank you for not making Holly's life a misery after she told you no," Evin said, looking at him for a long moment. Kaidan shifted, feeling a little bit dissected, and Evin's smile grew a bit. "Had you, we'd be having a different conversation." 

"...Holly's a big girl, Shepard. Able to defend herself and tell me off in her own, very blunt and efficient way." 

"I'm not telling you off, Kaidan," Evin said, looking away from him again. "I'm informing. Holly is perfectly capable to taking care of herself and bulldozing through her blunders with the gusto she does with anything. I think it's one of the many reasons why I respect her so much. And I know the two of you are friends - she told me as much, when you two 'patched things up' between you and you came back aboard the Normandy. It's just that I wanted you to know. It's only fair, after all." 

Kaidan frowned, turning to Evin and opening his mouth to ask him a question when the intercom crackled to life and EDI's voice sounded over the entirety of the ship. 

"The officers' barracks of Cipritine are under attack. Some remaining Reaper forces that weren't eradicated yet have come across the city." 

"Sitrep, EDI!" Evin shouted, voice changing completely as he turned towards the door and started barreling through it; Kaidan at his heels. 

"Turian forces are holding their own, but some more straggler Reaper forces are on their way. I would suggest alerting Garrus Vakarian and Councillor Shepard." 

"Do so." Evin turned to Kaidan then, narrowing his eyes at him before shaking his head. "I'll take care of this." 

"I'm coming, too, Evin," Kaidan said, moving towards the elevator. Evin grabbed his arm and shook his head, pushing him back. "I _outrank_ you." 

"No, you really don't," Evin said softly. Kaidan froze, staring at him a little more uncertainly. "You're in charge of the Normandy while Holly's ashore. _Stay here_." 

He then turned and entered the elevator, closing the doors before Kaidan could make a move; leaving him staring at his dulled reflection in the metal.


	51. Chapter 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because the galaxy is saved, doesn't mean it's safe.

"Y'wanna know what I hate?" 

Garrus glanced over Holly's head to Tali, catching her eye through her mask as they settled against factory equipment and waited for the gurgling moans of husks to get closer. Tali shrugged, peeked over her console-turned-cover, and sent out Chatika to go bonk against the zombie-like creatures' heads and take a few down. 

"What's that, Shepard?" 

"Marauders. I really, really hate marauders." She stood up, detonating an overload and catching the three marauders just casually loitering around together. She and Garrus both threw grenades, then - hers a warp grenade, his a proximity mine, and the three of them watched them go up and screech out their death cries with a kind of morbid fascination. Chatika continued to bonk against husks' heads, distracting them and creating a pile-up at the side of the room. 

"I thought you hated husks." 

"No, I just get annoyed with husks. They just shamble up to you and remind me of old Earth video games where you shot zombies with shotguns kept together by duct tape and game physics alone." She glanced at the husks still trying to claw at Chatika, tilted her head, and then threw another warp grenade. They went up and cried out hoarsely for a few minutes before hanging loosely in the air, dead corpses in zero-gravity. _Sick_. 

"What about cannibals?" 

"They're just _gross_." 

"Harvesters?" 

"Gigantic motherfucking troop ships, I don't even want to know where they keep the husks and stuff." 

"Banshees?" 

"Okay, I'll give you that, I really hate banshees. Only because I have nightmares about their screams. Shitty-ass nightmare fuel." 

They walked towards the console that would turn the reactor back on, Holly sending Tali to go with the other team to keep them alive. Garrus kept watch beside her as she punched in buttons and did her job. They both froze when they heard very familiar roars. 

"...Brutes?" 

" _Brutes are the worst_." 

~+~

"So let me get this straight, General," Holly said, leaning forward against the table and staring at the turian general across the way from her. He was handsome, with colony markings she had never seen before in a subtle yellow, his plates a soft brown colour. It was shocking to know how much she really appreciated the aesthetic of turians. She thought it was just a Garrus thing. "There are still pockets of Reaper forces scattered across Palaven?" 

"Yes," the general said, crossing his arms over his chest; subharmonics sounding frustrated. "They're in out-of-the-way places, mostly. Woods and the plains and some mountains. A few towns we haven't gotten to yet. Palaven is huge, Councillor - I'm sure you can appreciate that we can't clear it up within a year or even two years." 

"How are they surviving?" 

"The cannibals are eating their comrades as they die out. Marauders can eat turian food. And we don't think brutes _eat_ anything, except possibly the shit-yourself terror they produce when they come at you from your blind spot." 

"Any banshees?" 

"Those mostly went to Thessia, and they're taking care of them. We think they feed off of eezo." He shifted, glancing at Victus and Sparatus before looking back at Holly. "They haven't come near any of the larger cities. They probably know they have no back-up coming." 

"Or they're gathering together for one last push. Reaper forces only know to attack organics. Why didn't the Reaper forces go down when I activated the Crucible?" She looked around, eyebrows raised. "Like, how did it miss them?" 

"Possibly because they're more organic than synthetic, and they weren't directly under the blast like the Reaper forces on Earth," Garrus pointed out, leaning against her chair behind her. She leaned back against him, head tilted against his hip; his hand in her hair, dragging down her neck lightly. She didn't care how unprofessional it was, it was _nice_. 

"The Reapers were partially organic." 

"Mostly synthetic, though," Garrus said, looking down at her. "They just had an organic origin before going synthetic. We don't fully understand how the Reapers were built, Councillor." 

"Please tell me we've got scientists working on the giant husks we left strewn across planets and outside of Earth's atmosphere?" The turians around her nodded and she sighed, closing her eyes. "Good. Right, then. Good talk, I'm exhausted, I'm sure you all are, as well, shall we call it a day and talk about whatever else tomorrow?" 

"Valern wants to get on vid with us tomorrow afternoon, Holly," Sparatus said as the others started to leave the room, Garrus holding Holly's wheelchair still as she dragged herself into it. "We need to discuss the asari councillor." 

"I have ideas about that, actually," Holly said happily. Sparatus nodded and gave the two of them a smile, leaving them as well. Once Holly was in her chair, she leaned her head back and accepted a kiss from Garrus. "Take me home, Garrus." 

"The Normandy's _so_ far away." 

"Shut up, you know what I'm talking about." Garrus chuckled as he followed after her. Holly liked to wheel herself around if she could; preferred it, really. She only let people push her when she didn't know where she was going. 

They were halfway down the street when a familiar groaning cry reached their ears, and Holly froze. 

"...You have got to be _shitting me_." 

Garrus took over her chair, then, running them through the streets and up to Socratus' home where they met up with Socratus and Solana. 

Solana handed Garrus his sniper rifle as soon as he let go of Holly's chair. Socratus then handed Holly a pistol and her shotgun. 

"Hello, Betty Lu," Holly crooned, patting its side, before turning to Garrus. "You're about to ask me to stay here, aren't you." 

"I'd really rather it," Garrus said, looking at her pleadingly. "I'd really rather stay with you - whenever we get separated, shit happens and you always almost die." 

"Or actually die." 

"Not helping, Holly." Holly shrugged, and Garrus shook his head, leaning down and pressing his forehead to hers. His father and sister looked away, and he rumbled out in that way Holly really appreciated. She reached up and traced the side of his neck, pressing the tip of her nose to his, and he pulled away. "I'll be right back." 

"Of course." 

She watched him run back down the street before turning to Socratus and tilting her chin up at him. 

"This is gonna be a larger group than you all are probably thinking, so get me to the most defensible part of this house outside and grab your favoured firearm, Socratus - it's gonna be a bumpy ride." 

"My son always did say living with you was an experience," Socratus said, taking her chair and leading her into the house with sure movements. "By the way, when are you two going to properly become bonded? The two of you are very inappropriate and it's a bit awkward." 

"Now is not the time to discuss these things, Socratus, ask me when we aren't about to be attacked by Reaper forces two years after they were supposed to be dead." 

"Of course."


	52. Chapter 52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When it came to a fight, Holly was the type to go with the flow.

"Anyone want to talk about what they were doing before shit hit the fan?" 

Silence met her question, and Holly sighed as she leaned back against a quickly erected barricade, peeking around the corner to see that all was quiet for the time being. She could hear the distant sounds of gunfire and shouting with the occasional scream. It was, in all honesty, pretty standard for her life. 

Just usually not her _shore leave_. 

"No? Well, I'll tell you what _I_ was doing. I was reading a book I just bought and drinking a can of beer. The good stuff, not that salarian crap they're trying to call 'innovative' and 'surprisingly tasty'. It tastes like a science experiment gone wrong. Or flies." 

A few people snickered, and she smiled a little. Adjusting her grip on her pistol (named 'Margret' because she liked to name her things and it annoyed Evin to no end), she shifted on the balls of her feet, rocking back onto her heels for a moment before leaning forward again. 

"I was making dinner," a woman to her right said after a few minutes of quiet. Holly turned to her, nodding for her to continue, and the woman smiled a little shakily. "My son - he's in the Alliance, too, and he's on shore leave, as well. I was making his favourite." 

"Would your son happen to be Gunnery Chief Eldric Fitzsimmons? Because he said he was getting mac'n'cheese with bacon tonight, and I made him promise to bring me some because I have never had mac'n'cheese with _bacon_ before." 

The woman, probably in fact Mrs Fitzsimmons, turned to Holly to reply when a loud noise filled the air and the ground shook. One of the off-duty soldiers in her happy little unit of civilians and soldiers was on watch, and he cried out that a large group of space pirates and slavers were heading their way, and that they had broken through one of their lines of defense. 

Holly sighed as if she was just denied a candy bar, cracking her neck and standing up slowly. 

"Okay, we'll continue this conversation in a minute. We gotta teach some fuckin' assholes _manners_." 

~+~

"So, Socratus." 

Socratus grunted as he fired a shot at a distant husk, wondering just where the hell all these buggers came from and how Holly Shepard knew that they were going to come in waves. From his left and slightly forward, he heard the woman in question discharge her weapon and smack in a new thermal clip, shortly followed by a quiet string of swearwords and the strange twist of air and sound that followed a biotic warp. 

For someone who couldn't stand or walk, she was pretty decent at dragging herself around cover. 

"Since we have a moment," and here Socratus snorted, because Garrus had told him that his commander was a bit strange, but he never expected her to be _this_ strange, "why don't you tell me about Garrus as a kid?" 

"Is now really a good time, Holly?" 

"Oh, sure," Holly drawled, and she was dragging herself up and twisting herself around to take aim and fire a few shots with her pistol. She called it Margaret the Third, and Socratus didn't even want to know. "Trust me, we're probably getting the remainder of the Reaper forces this side of Palaven. Really, as soon as your generals said that they were keeping away from the larger cities, I knew something was up. Didn't make sense for them to stay away from the cities, right? That's where they tended to _go_ during the war. More people to harvest and slaughter and what-have-you. Bit weird that they suddenly stopped doing that." 

"True." 

"So I thought, 'well, their commanding officers are turian-based - they're _probably_ creating a strategy. The strategy probably involves as surprise attack and gathering as many forces as they can'. Any of your other larger, intact cities are probably getting slammed right about now, too." 

Socratus paused, looking away from the scope of his assault rifle, and turned to see Holly looking at him from where he had set her up about two hours ago. She was breathing a little heavily - probably from having to drag her body weight around quickly in and out of cover - and she somehow got dirt smudged on her faceplate, but overall she looked pretty relaxed. A bit hard to tell behind the helmet, but - well. He knew how to read people. 

"The fact that you can so clearly understand how a marauder thinks is a little bit worrisome." 

"Eh - the amount of people who thought I was indoctrinated at the end are numerous and I like to ignore them." She shrugged, closing her eyes and pressing her head back against the upturned patio table. "Anyway, I'm basically saying we're gonna be here for a while, and husks are fast but only when they see you're a thing to exist, so it's gonna be a long night. So. Garrus as a kid - was he as gun-ho as he is now, or was he a little calmer?" 

Socratus blinked, taking in the Saviour of the Galaxy and Citadel, first human Spectre, and all-around anomaly of the Milky Way solar system, before smiling a little and turning back to his scope, taking in the clear field below them. 

"He was much, _much_ worse." 

"Oh dear God tell me more." 

~+~

Panting, Holly punched a human pirate in the face hard enough to toss him back before looking around her. It was clear for the moment, but she could hear others coming towards her, and she was really starting to flag in terms of energy. 

A hand touched her arm, then, and she turned to see Mrs Fitzsimmons standing there, a shotgun in hand and a determined look on her face. Holly grinned, clapping her on the shoulder. 

"Come to help me out, have you?" 

"Well, you have to make it through the end of this, dear," the woman said simply, turning towards the gap in their defenses. Holly threw out a warp just as Mrs Fitzsimmons shot a batarian in the chest, and Holly nodded in approval - always best for the inexperienced (and even the experienced, who was she kidding) to go for the wider target.

"Well, I mean, yes, I would very much like to - but why's that, ma'am?" 

Mrs Fitzsimmons fired another shot, and Holly pushed her towards cover before detonating an overload and watching a few of their opponents' tech armor fry and fizzle and explode to kill them and their buddies. Haha - _suckers_. The woman then looked up at Holly, smiling at her in a grim way, and Holly smiled widely and tiredly back down at her. 

"You must try my mac'n'cheese with bacon, of course. Eldric would be quite upset if you couldn't make it." 

"Well!" Holly laughed, shaking her head and hunching down next to the woman with her pistol, looking up at the sky to see more Alliance than pirate vessels in the sky, "that is a _very_ good point, ma'am." 

~+~

As the sun started to rise over the horizon, Holly pressed the heels of her palms to her eyes, barely even flinching when she felt a three-fingered hand press against her shoulder. She looked up, then, just to make sure it wasn't actually a marauder and she was going to die, smiling when she saw Solana standing there with a drink and a grin. 

"I'm gonna have to go inside to drink that, y'know. Radiation. Might kill me." 

"'Course, Holly." 

"How'd you make out?" 

"Oh, I took down at least twenty husks and a cannibal on the roof. Garrus can say it all he wants, but really _I_ am the best sharpshooter in the galaxy." 

Holly laughed, accepting help from the girl as Socratus came over with her chair. She was dropped into it, then, and pushed back inside the house; the backyard a graveyard of husk and cannibal corpses with the occasional marauder thrown in. Garrus' family lived on the edges of the city, with a nice view of the mountains behind them. They and their neighbours had taken care of approaching Reaper forces with an ease and familiarity that saddened Holly, but also made her admire the turian people. 

She wondered, then, how Garrus fared at the headquarters. They had probably gotten hit the hardest - go after the leaders and all of that. 

As if reading her mind, the moment she removed her face plate and took a sip of her drink, Garrus walked into the house with Evin, Tali, and Steve behind him. She blinked at them mildly, lifting her hand in a wave at Evin, and he nodded back before going out the back door to check the damage. 

"The primarch, generals, and councillor all want to talk to you as soon as you're able, Holly," Garrus said, walking over to her and pressing his forehead to hers. She hummed, taking another slow sip of her drink, and Garrus pulled back and looked down at her. "What?" 

"I'm just imaging you jumping into the lake two blocks down." 

Garrus blinked, mandibles twitching first in confusion, and then in realization, his eyes widening as much as a turian's eyes could. Holly grinned up at him. 

" _Naked_." 

" _Dad!_ "


	53. Chapter 53

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly knew that, even if he couldn't always be there, Evin would always show up.

When Holly turned away from the Admirals and faced the audience watching her receive her Star of Terra, she did a double-take when she saw Evin standing in the very back, more towards the shadows. 

It was the first time the adopted siblings had seen each other since Evin was assigned to a new vessel and Holly's posting was ordered on shore leave so that their ship could go through the yearly maintenance. They emailed and vid called, of course - but it was never the same as actually standing next to each other, talking in quiet voices and knowing each other as much as they did. 

Holly had to look away from him, though, smiling and saluting the crowd to their cheers, before she marched off the stage with her commanding officers and made her way through the aisle to the back doors. There would be a dinner after this, and mingling or whatever. Holly hated mingling - it made her think of the parties Evin's foster parents would throw, inviting all their colleagues so that they could gather around and talk about _politics_ and _the colonies_ and blah-blah-blah. 

She had snuck into Evin's house one night during such a party. It was one of the few times she ever bothered going to his house, seeing as it was too high-class and fancy for her to even step near without getting arrested for vagrancy. Life was funny that way, really. Hilarious. 

They stayed in his room the entire time, reading through datapads and paper books and listening to the music Evin had on his player, each of them sharing an ear bud. She had stolen another one of his sweaters, a large fleecy one that he told her he never wore (but he was lying, the cotton was well-worn and she knew a favourite when she saw it). He kept sneaking downstairs to grab food, having to bring up only a little at a time so that the Slaters never knew he wasn't alone. 

She kept eating what he got as he brought it up, feeling bad whenever he only got a few bites. But he just rolled his eyes and told her it was _his_ fridge - he could get food whenever. And then he pushed the rest of the snacks at her, and she felt a little better. 

It was a good memory, even if it made her uncomfortable to be in such a richly dressed house, hearing the people downstairs talking as if they were so much better than the people less fortunate than them. She thought she had heard about those 'poor, wretched urchins on the street' and had wanted to _gag_. 

She had never asked Evin what he thought of his foster parents. The fact that people were congratulating them on taking in the poor orphaned colonist was enough to tell her exactly what he thought of them. 

But now she was invited to those high-brow events, asked to talk with dignitaries and important officers and politicians, and she really, really hated it. 

Tugging on the hem of her uniform jacket, she grabbed the first flute of champagne she could reach, downing half of it and feeling her head swim a little with the fizz. She then turned and blinked when she saw Admiral Steven Hackett standing in front of her, looking at her with a small smile but serious eyes. 

She lowered her glass, shifting it to her left hand and saluting him quickly. "Sir!" 

"At ease, Lieutenant Commander," Hackett said, holding his hand up, "I just wanted to talk to you before everyone else swarmed you." 

"I just imagined ants covering a dead moth, honestly, Admiral." 

"...An apt analogy." Holly grimaced a smile, and Hackett seemed to hold back a laugh. "Have you ever heard of the villa?" 

"...The training school ICT recruits go to start N training? Sir?" 

"Yes, that would be the one." Holly nodded a little dumbly, and Hackett continued. "Your name was just put forward on the recruiting list. Should you wish to join." 

"Wha-- _me_? Sir? Are you-- are you entirely certain? Ah, sir." 

"Commander, please," Hackett reached out and grasped her shoulder, giving her a steadying squeeze. She stared up at him, mouth slightly gaping and champagne glass threatening to fall to the floor. "You're one of the top officers in the Alliance right now. The best example of humanity we could hope for. Everyone involved has agreed that you're a perfect candidate for the program. Now I just need a formal answer." 

Holly stared up at him for a long time, her mind going a mile a minute. Evin always said she looked a little bit like stone whenever she was thinking quickly; like she turned off all other bodily functions so her brain could work at full capacity. 

The N Program was one of the top programs in the Alliance - the _top_ program, if she was going to be honest with herself. Only the best and the brightest were invited into it. They had to pick their candidates really carefully; the training was harsh, gruesome, even. It would probably mentally and physically wear her down to nothing, and then ask more from her. 

Anderson was an N7 - the top rank of the division. He also told her, constantly, that she was one of the best soldiers the Alliance had coughed out in recent years. 

Well - it'd give her something new to talk about with Evin. 

Grinning, Holly stuck out her hand, and Admiral Hackett smiled at her and took it, shaking her hand firmly. 

"I gladly accept, sir." 

"Glad to hear it, Commander. Now, I think I see Staff Lieutenant Shepard coming over - I'll leave you to it, shall I?" He nodded when she saluted again, walking away; Holly turned to Evin, grabbed him in a hug, and squealed. 

"Holly? What's up?"

"Little brother, you're looking at the newest N-Program recruit!" 

Evin made a little noise, before lifting her up and hugging him properly. Holly laughed, her glass falling to the floor with a shatter, and she didn't even care. 

She was going to be an N7. 

She'd work her _ass_ off if she had to.

~+~

"You know, Evin, you always appear when I kinda least expect you to." 

Evin turned from where he was surveying the damage down by the Vakarian household and Holly, watching as Holly wheeled out to join him on the back deck. She had replaced her face plate, which was a little bit smudged, and she sounded tired. 

But she looked alright. That was all that mattered. 

He turned back away from her, leaning against the railing, and Holly stopped beside him, shifting in her seat and leaning against one arm heavily. 

"I'm always close, Holly." 

"Y'know, you always say that - but I mean, that's not true, is it?" 

Evin pursed his lips behind his helmet, before shaking his head. It wasn't true, not really. But only because of one thing. 

The Skyllian Blitz. Evin had been on active duty on his new posting with Captain Heard and her unit when that had happened. He had watched, mutely, as the pirates and slavers attacked Elysium, and he had watched as his sister was jostled around and congratulated afterwards; called a hero and a credit to the human race and everything else. When Heard had said that there was going to be a ceremony to give her the Star of Terra, Evin had asked to go. 

He had to be there for her for _that_ , at least. To make up for not being there for her when it counted. 

And then she had gone to the villa, and he had kept as close an eye out on her as he could - before a year later Akuze happened, and _she_ had to go to _him_. 

So two instances he wasn't close. Three, if you counted the destruction of the Normandy. 

Evin didn't like to think about that. 

"Why'd you come down? I'm pretty sure the turians can handle surprise attacks. They're turians. I don't think they get surprised." 

"I'm pretty sure you manage to surprise them, Hols." 

"I'm delightful." 

"You're a menace." 

Holly shoved his arm, and he smiled, turning to her once more. Her suit was a bit scuffed and she still had her pistol holstered at her hip, and if it wasn't for the fact that she was in a wheelchair, Evin could almost pretend they were on a posting together and everything was fine. 

But things hadn't been 'fine' since Holly had saved Elysium and he had survived Akuze. Not by a long shot. 

"Didn't want to leave you to have all the fun without me." 

"At least I didn't have to face a brute. Thank fuck." 

"No, no - that was me. I didn't think Garrus knew that many ways to curse in English." 

Holly snorted, but nodding; she probably knew exactly what he was talking about. Garrus had a lot of colourful things to say when they saw, probably, the only brute left on Palaven trundling towards the officer's barracks with a roar. Evin had honestly been impressed. 

"I think he gets that from his dad." 

"Oh?" 

"The words out of that turian's mouth when we saw not one, but _two_ marauders rolling their way towards us. It was amazing. I recorded it for posterity." 

"Send me the audio file and I'll send you Garrus'." 

"Deal." 

They fell silent again, looking out at the mountains, before Holly reached out and grabbed his hand, giving his fingers a squeeze. 

"Thanks for always coming for me, Evin." 

"...Any time, Holly."


	54. Chapter 54

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus always tries his best to make the right decision.

It was decided that a tour of Palaven would be a good idea. 

Garrus brought it up in one of the many meetings after the Reaper force ambush, explaining its strategic value. On one hand, it would allow the leaders of the planet to properly help the people, seeing where needed aid and what they needed. It also helped in having a larger group of people look for straggling enemies, as they would be bringing troops for aid. 

On the other hand, it allowed Holly and her little posse to properly appreciate Palaven and not just Cipritine. Cipritine was lovely, of course - but Holly had seen _mountains_ from Menae, she told him, and she wanted to take a proper look at them. Not just from Socratus Vakarian's backyard. 

"Oh, dad, can't we go, too?" 

Socratus sighed, looking at his son with a long-suffering gaze. It was not the first time Solana had asked. It probably wouldn't be the last time until they were actually gone. Garrus hid a smile, nodding to show his father he understood this particular annoyance. 

"No, Solana," the older turian said, stepping aside as Evin Shepard walked by him with one of Holly's bags. A minute later, Holly wheeled out with her duffel on her lap, chatting happily with Steve Cortez carrying one of Garrus' bags. Cortez, who thankfully seemed to be one of the few members of the Normandy crew with his head on his shoulders. Garrus was glad he had stayed planetside this time; it gave Socratus a better first impression of Holly's and his crewmates. 

Garrus was _pretty_ sure his dad was beginning to wonder if Holly's entire crew was made up of oddballs and nutjobs. 

Better never tell him about Jack.

"But _dad_ \--" 

"Solana, _your_ work is needed _here_. You're a doctor, and you're able to walk unassisted. The hospital could use your help." 

Solana huffed, but stayed quiet; he had a point. She _was_ a doctor, first and foremost. Even if she did want to spend more time getting to know Holly and her brother and the crewmates who had come down to Palaven. Garrus knew Sol just wanted to know the people he had constantly surrounded himself with; had constantly put his life on the line for. 

He had made Holly promise not to tell her about the Omega 4 Relay and the Suicide Mission, and Holly hadn't - but she'd said everything else, and he was pretty sure his sister had caught on anyway. 

Holly wheeled back in, then, stopping beside Garrus. He reached down and squeezed her shoulder; she leaned her helmeted head against his hip with a little hum. Socratus glanced at them, mandibles twitching a little at the overly open display of affection, but he didn't make a comment. Honestly, Garrus was impressed with the restraint; Holly had told him about the ten minute conversation she and his father had had after the attack, Socratus asking her why they weren't married yet. 

_'It was fuckin' awkward, Garrus, appreciate my suffering for you'_ were her exact words, he was pretty sure. 

"We all ready to go?" Holly asked then, and Garrus nodded. Solana grumbled to herself as Socratus took Holly's hand when she held it out, squeezing it firmly; Holly grinned from behind her mask, face plate already up and ready for Palaven's radiation. 

"It was a pleasure to meet you and fight by your side, Socratus." 

"I get the feeling you say that a lot, Holly." 

" _So much_ , sir." Socrauts cracked a grin, then, turning to Garrus. Father and son clasped forearms, leaning forward and bumping heads together; Solana had gone to Holly, bending down to hug her around the head and threaten to call her multiple times a day during important meetings if she didn't email. 

"Stop by here before you leave Palaven, son," Socratus said, looking at him seriously. "Sol will be in a terrible mood if you don't." 

Garrus smiled, but nodded. 

"'Course, dad. Wouldn't want _that_." 

"Hey! No hug for you, then, Gar!" 

~+~

"You _left_ C-SEC?" 

Garrus shifted a little uncomfortably, looking around the cramped crew quarters before looking back at his father's face on the vid call. He could hear Galatea behind Socratus in the kitchen, muttering to herself and rifling through drawers as she probably went about making a meal. Spirits, what _time_ was it over there? 

"Dad--" 

"You left! For what? _Adventure_? I thought I raised you better than that, Garrus." 

" _Dad_ ," Garrus scoffed, annoyance colouring his subharmonics. Socratus narrowed his eyes and Garrus stared, bullheaded, back at him. "I'm going after Saren. He's a disgrace to our people!" 

"Why bother, Garrus? The Council sent that human Spectre Shepard to hunt the bastard down--" 

"Because a turian should help take him down! What does it say if we stay completely out of this mess, dad? Huh? What does it say?" 

Socratus said nothing, and Garrus stared at the screen for a long moment before he heard movement outside of the quarters. His head jerked over, before he looked down at his dad again. 

"Look, I gotta go - I'll call you when I can. Tell mom I love her." Socratus nodded, still looking cross, and Garrus sighed. "I'm doing the right thing, dad. I think so, anyway. ...Talk to you later." 

Cutting off the call, he shut down his omnitool just as Kaidan Alenko and Joker came in, talking to each other. They fell quiet when they saw the turian sitting there, before Kaidan smiled a little and held up a stack of what looked like cards. 

"Joker and I were gonna play a couple games of poker before sleeping. Care to join?" 

"...What's poker?" 

"Oh, Garrus, my turian friend," Joker said in what Garrus thought was a dramatic manner. It was hard to tell with how flat human voices were, "you have not _lived_ until you've had your ass handed to you by 1st Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. Pull up a chair, buddy, we'll teach you the basics and then wing it." 

Feeling a little confused and still a bit upset about his conversation with his father, Garrus nodded and ambled over to the table the two were setting up. He sat down in the free seat, then, leaning forward and listening intently as Kaidan explained the rules and Joker tried to confuse him. 

~+~

"Knock, knock, anybody home?" 

Garrus blinked as Holly knocked her knuckles on his forehead, grinning up at him. They were in a shuttle, Holly leaning heavily against his side; Evin and Cortez talking to each other on the other side. Their knees kept brushing together and they sat really close, and Tali kept giggling to herself whenever she glanced over at them. 

He turned back to Holly instead of watching her brother and her shuttle pilot make googly eyes at each other. It was awkward. 

He then looked down at Holly, who was without her helmet because the shuttles had an atmosphere that alien races could survive in. Her hair was out and in her eyes and a tangled mess, her body a solid weight against him, and though she was smiling, she was tracing the length of her nose with a finger; waiting for him to reply. 

"What's up, Vakarian?" 

He leaned in and nuzzled against her neck and breathed in, taking in the smell of biotic residue and gunpowder and that lotion she used on her face because 'her skin cracked in dry places'. Dark brown curls brushed and caught in his face plates, and he carefully pulled them free before leaning back, brushing his cheek to hers and pressing his mouth plates against her skin. 

"Hey, Holly?" 

"Yeah?" 

"After this whole victory tour thing - not just on Palaven, but in the galaxy--" 

"Yeeeeah?" 

"Marry me?" 

Holly froze, and everyone else in the shuttle seemed to stop moving as well. Garrus knew that Tali and Cortez and Evin were all watching them, but found he really didn't care as he looked down at Holly; her eyes widened to their max and her mouth hanging open. After a minute, she finally shut her mouth and blinked. 

"Well, shit - okay."


	55. Chapter 55

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They fumbled in the dark, but she told him that was part of the fun.

"Hey, Garrus." 

The turian sharpshooter looked up from his holoscreen, turning around as Holly stepped into the Main Battery. She was hugging her arms and her shoulders were a little hunched over, and her eyes were red-rimmed and irritated-looking. She looked like she had slept in her clothes from the day before. 

Yesterday had been a bad day. Holly had fled from Life Support as if Collectors had popped out of the shadows. Garrus had been grabbing something to eat when she had, and he'd turned to see Thane watching her; mouth a thin line, face passive, but eyes a mixture of understanding and hurt. It wasn't hard to guess what had happened. So he finished making his sandwich, turned on the pot for levo-amino hot chocolate, and returned to the Battery to call up Kelly and ask her to leave Shepard alone for the day. 

Kelly didn't ask questions; not a lot was kept secret when an AI listened in on everything and reported disturbances to the proper people. 

He'd then went back out to the kitchen, made the hot chocolate, and went over to Life Support to give it to Thane. Thane didn't say anything; barely even acknowledged him; just nodded his thanks, took the cup, and turned away. Probably to meditate; hopefully not to replay whatever scene had happened over and over in his head, falling into solipsism and becoming lost to the rest of the Normandy. 

They couldn't afford it, and Garrus honestly didn't want it to happen. He _liked_ Thane. For a dying guy, he had his head on his shoulders and he knew his priorities. 

And now Holly was in front of him, looking like she had been crying and hadn't slept well, and instead of asking 'are you okay' or 'do you want to talk about it', he pointed a thumb at his console and gave a little smile. 

"Want to help me calibrate this gun?" 

Holly blinked, staring at him for a moment, before she smiled weakly and walked over to stand beside him. He turned back to the holoscreen, swaying a little so he could lightly bump Holly's arm; she leaned against him for a moment and he hummed out what he thought was something soothing. 

"Y'know how to calibrate a gun like this?" 

"No shittin' clue - walk me through it?" 

"'Course." 

~+~

She came by the next day, and the day after that, sitting down on the bench in the Main Battery and watching him work; talking to him about anything and nothing in particular; sometimes just standing beside him and watching the numbers as they flew by and he calculated power and speed and direction in a way only he could understand. 

It was about a week after the scene at Life Support that she came in, rubbing at her red-rimmed eyes but looking like she _actually_ got some sleep. She sat down on the bench, rolled her shoulders with the familiar _crack_ of her back, and turned to him with a little smile. 

"Shepard. Need me for something?" 

"You got a minute, Garrus?" 

"Sure - just killing time, anyway." She nodded, resting her chin on her hand, and he leaned back against his console and cross his arms over his chest. It was nice to feel like this was a normal conversation; nice not to feel like he had to walk on eggshells, as she had once said to him. He thought he finally understood the saying. 

"I wanted to thank you again," he said after a moment of quiet. She lifted a brow, and he shrugged and looked away. "For your help with Sidonis. I'm... glad I didn't take the shot." He laughed, then, a little flangy and a little tired, and she continued to watch him quietly. "I don't think I'd be the same turian if I had." 

"I didn't think so, either." 

Garrus nodded, scratching the back of his neck, before turning to her again. She still looked tired, and sad, and he could see lingering hurt and regret in her eyes, but she looked better. 

"Y'know, whatever happens with the Collectors, or the Reapers, or _whoever else_ comes after us," Holly grinned, and Garrus shook his head, "I know you'll get the job done. You're too stubborn to fail." 

"Thanks?" Garrus grinned at her, mandibles stretched out wide, and she smiled back at him. "I couldn't do this without you, Garrus." 

"Ah, sure you could," Garrus waved her off, still smiling. "Not as _stylishly_ , of course." 

Holly snorted. "Of course." 

She shifted, leaning back on her seat, and he shifted with her, moving a little bit closer. It was something he noticed he did; he followed her, keeping her in his line of sight at all times. Like if she disappeared, something would happen, and he could have prevented it if he had only kept a better eye on her. It probably had to do with the fact that he was a bit in love with her. 

"It's strange," he started, and she made a curious sound, "going on a suicide mission on a human ship, I mean. Your people don't prepare for high-risk missions like turians do." 

"How do turian crews get ready for high-risk missions?" 

"...Violently," Garrus said, and Holly blinked, staring at him. He folded his arms behind his back. "Don't look at me like that. Turians have more operational discipline than humans do, but fewer personal ones. Oftentimes, crew members will exercise, or go through a fight simulator, or fight each other, working off some stress. It's relaxing beating up someone who's been getting mouthy from tension." 

"...That is such a dumbass idea, though. Your commanding officers allow you to _risk injury_ before a mission? Where's the logic in that?" 

"It's supervised - they're _not_ going to risk an injury that will interfere with the mission. If the fighting gets too rough or intense, it's called off, and the fighters are made to go cool down. Judgement, Shepard - not appreciated." Holly snorted. "It's a good way to settle grudges amicably, is all." 

"Sure. So's poker." 

"Not quite." Holly wrinkled her beak of a nose, and he turned away from her. "I remember... right before this one mission. We were going after a band of batarian pirates." 

"Risky." 

" _Very_. There had been this recon scout - we'd been at each other's throats for days. Nerves, mostly. She suggested we settle it in the ring." 

"How'd that go? Did you take her down gently? Tell me you're a gentleman, Garrus." 

" _Actually_ ," Garrus said, feeling a flush crawl on the back of his neck, "she and I were both the top ranked hand-to-hand specialists on the ship. I had reach, but she had flexibility." Holly's face took on an expression he had never seen before, as if she were holding back a smile; he decided to ignore it. "It was _brutal_. After nine rounds of fighting, the judge called it a draw." 

"Anyone betting on a winner?"

"Oh yes - a lot of unhappy betters in the training room that day. We, uh. Ended up holding a tie breaker in her room. I had reach, but... she had flexibility. ...Guess there's more than one way of relieving stress." He coughed, turning to Holly again and tilting his head at her. She was full-blown smiling now. It wasn't as strong as it had been, before, but he was happy to see it anyway. Hey, if she was amused by his slightly uncomfortable retelling of his own sexual exploits, then he would tell as many as he had to. 

Even if he did turn blue in the process. 

"Well, Garrus," she said after a moment, standing up and stepping towards him, "it sounds to me that you are carrying some tension. Maybe... I could help you get rid of it?" She looked up at him, stepping a little closer, and Garrus felt that flush from before crawling higher up his neck and towards his fringe. 

"I, uh. Didn't think you'd feel like sparring, Commander." 

"You're playing dumb, Garrus," Holly accused. She was smiling, but it was wobbling, and from this close he could see that she had cried again that day. Probably just the once; her pale face got splotchy when she cried, and her freckles got obscured by a really rather unflattering red colour that she managed to turn when it was a heavy cry. "I'm sayin' - let's skip right to the tie-breaker. ...We could test your reach, and... and my flexibility." 

Garrus stayed quiet, staring down at his commander and his friend and the woman he was pretty sure he was half in love with. He had never thought, ever, that she would ask him something like that; never thought she would proposition him. Not Holly Shepard. She was too professional; they were too close of friends. He was probably like a brother to her. 

At least, so he'd thought. But apparently not. 

"... _Oh_ , I, uh. I didn't--" he cut off as her expression shuttered, and he quickly pushed forward. "--didn't know you had a weakness for men with scars." 

Smiling at her a little unsurely, Garrus stepped towards Holly and looked down at her. Spirits, but it was easy to forget she was actually super short compared to him.

"...Why the hell not? There's nobody in this galaxy that I respect more than you." Her smile grew a little, and he lifted a hand and touched her cheek along one of the still-faintly glowing scars there. "And if we can figure out a way to make it work? Then... yeah. Definitely." 

She reached up and wrapped her fingers around his, squeezing slightly. And it was awkward, and probably the weakest innuendo he had ever heard, and she had just broken her own heart, but. 

But. 

"I'll come back later, then," she said, and it was a promise and he could tell she meant it. This wasn't some way to fix herself, and this wasn't her running from her own problems. He'd seen that, before; had experienced that before. There was a different feel to that kind of thing. This had been thought about. 

Holly let go of his hand and left, the Main Battery door closing behind her. 

~+~

"Garrus, if you're uncomfortable - if I've made you uncomfortable--" 

"Holly," Garrus interrupted, stepping forward and pressing his hands to her shoulders. She was looking down, avoiding his eyes, and he cursed himself for voicing so many doubts every time she walked into his Main Battery. It probably wasn't helping her; it was probably making her doubt herself. Probably making her think she was pushing herself, because while she wasn't Alliance anymore she _was_ and they had _rules_ about this sort of thing. She was his commanding officer and she was in charge and he probably made her think she was taking advantage. 

He was an _idiot_. 

"Holly, no, I want this. I do." For so long, and it had hurt to push her to Thane but his face had also hurt and his confidence was always pretty low for a guy who bragged so much. He'd wanted her happy, and he didn't think he was the man for the job, and Thane seemed willing to try. " _I want this_. I just... I want to make sure it works." 

"Mordin's threatened me with video files and information on erogenous zones for humans and turians. I swear this whole ship spies on us." 

"It does, her name's EDI." Holly snorted, but she still wasn't looking at him, and she still had her arms wrapped around herself. "Holly, I'm freaking out 'cause this is important to me and I don't want to fuck up." 

"I don't want to, either, but I'm really fuckin' good at it." He squeezed her shoulders a little tighter, just a bit, not enough to hurt, and she looked up at him. "You must've heard--" 

"Yeah, I heard, and I want to make sure that doesn't happen with us." He hesitated for a moment before leaning down and pressing his forehead to hers, and she blinked up at him, looking up; nose touching his as she stared at him incomprehensively. "I'll try to relax a little. I'm a perfectionist." 

"... Gotta wait for the right time to pop the heat sink." 

"I'm never going to live that down." 

~+~

She turned off the music and pressed a hand to his mouth plates and told him to _relax_ , and he dropped his shoulders and forced himself to. He wasn't sure what made him so twitchy; he'd known Holly for years. Had worked with her for years; had killed rachni and a talking plant and Reapers and Collectors with her. Yet here he was, stumbling like he was starting basic training and had just seen a pretty girl with nice fringe for the first time. 

_Spirits_ he was an embarrassment. 

Maybe it was the fact he was out of armor and in something casual; nothing to protect him physically or otherwise. He felt smaller outside of the armor, like half his bulk was missing, and suddenly Holly was much bigger and more threatening than she had ever been. 

She took the bottle of wine from him, setting it down on the table near her bed, and dragged him over to her. Wrapped his arms around her waist (and it seriously was a nice waist, he had not been lying) before wrapping her arms around his neck; fingers reaching up to touch that sensitive bit of skin just under his fringe. He rumbled, then flushed because he hadn't meant to, and she smiled and pulled his head down and pressed their foreheads together in a turian kiss before giving him a human one; her lips warm and a little chapped, and it was weird to feel but he found that he kinda liked it. 

"Half the fun, Garrus," she whispered, then, and he pulled her in a little closer so her chest was pressed against his sternum, and he liked their fit despite them being two completely different species, "is to fumble around and figure it out." 

He swallowed, and stared down at her, and she looked up at him and gave him a smile that was soft and Holly and he fell a little more in love with her but kept it to himself. 

"...Then let's figure it out."


	56. Chapter 56

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly and Evin talk birthdays.

"Evin!" 

"Holly?" 

Holly Shepard wheeled herself neatly into the space Evin had claimed as his own on the Normandy, stopping in front of him and staring at him expectantly. Evin Shepard stared back at her, still unconsciously mucking about with his omnitool to see if he could get the blade to finally work properly. It was _working_ , it just didn't stay active for long enough, and it bothered him. Especially considering it powered down when he was face-to-face with a brute back on Palaven. 

Garrus had been impressed by his string of curses, then. 

"I have realized something both remarkable and upsetting." 

"The Council, sans you, is somehow going to find a way to dismiss the fact that Reapers nearly obliterated the galaxy as we know it?" 

Holly paused, scrunching up her face in a grimace, and Evin grinned and flicked her nose lightly. She scowled at him. 

"Don't even joke, I am waiting for Valern's call half the time 'so how can we _prove_ these were Reapers and not just really, _really_ advanced geth creations?' and the thought gives me stomach cramps. _Stomach cramps_ , Evin. Like. Borderline menstruation pain." 

"I really don't need to know about that." 

"Suffer." 

"What did you realize, Holly?" 

Blinking out of her new train of thought, Holly shook her head and scowled at Evin. "I've missed your birthday! Like - three times in a row, now! I am a _shit_ sister!" 

Evin raised an eyebrow, putting aside his 'tool finally and leaning forward to hold onto Holly's arms. 

"You're not a shit sister." 

"I've never missed your birthday! I've always done something!" 

"Well, Holly, one year we were fighting a war, and then the next year you were confined to your bed, and the last one passed literally not too long ago and I am not going to cry about it." 

"SHIT SISTER!" 

Evin sighed heavily. "If you're a shit sister, I'm a shit brother. We share a birthday, remember." 

"Only unofficially." 

"Our entire existence is unofficial at this point, Holly." 

"...Point." 

Evin watched as Holly pouted for a moment, before she suddenly manoeuvred her chair around so that she was beside Evin instead of in front of him, and then hoisted herself out of her chair and onto the couch without further ado. 

"Did you want to do something? Like you said, we only just missed it." 

"It's really not important." 

"Oh, come on. You're thirty-four. Isn't that exciting?" 

"You're thirty-five - is that?" Holly grinned, bumping his shoulder before resting against his side, head nestled on his shoulder comfortably. "Did you want to do something?" 

"...A little bit?" Holly said, voice soft and whisper-like. Evin shifted; wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. She closed her eyes and sighed. "It's just - I've been talking reconstruction and rebuilding efforts and looking at continually growing death-tolls and survivor counts. Valern and Socratus and I have been arguing about what to do with the Citadel and who should be the asari councillor and I brought up the idea of bringing in another species into the Council and they were surprisingly not okay with it." 

"Too much change at a difficult time." 

"I still think it's necessary. And now we're on our way to Thessia and I have really bad memories of Thessia and it's been giving me nightmares. Ask Garrus. He's getting worried." 

Evin didn't have to ask Garrus; EDI had contacted him after the second night, and it was only because Steve had told him to let Holly handle it how she knew how to handle it that he hadn't come see her beforehand. EDI kept him updated and Steve kept him grounded and he was kinda really glad Holly had shoved him none-too-gently towards Steve in the first place. 

"Maybe we should delay arriving at Thessia." 

"Liara's already gone ahead to see her dad and talk to the Matriarchs, it would just be rude to delay it now." Holly sighed, reaching up to rub the bridge of her nose. "But I think even a small party would be nice. Don't you think?" 

"...Sure," Evin sighed, smiling a little. "No strawberries, though. We're allergic." 

"I still think that's the best coincidence in the world." 

Evin snorted. 

~+~

"When's your birthday, Evin?" 

Evin looked over to Holly sitting next to him on the park bench, rubbing at her nose. There was a scratch along the bridge, and her left eye looked bruised, and her bottom lip was bleeding - but he knew better than to ask about it. It was something to do with the Reds and Holly's spending time with him and he didn't want to feel even more guilty than he already did. 

"Why?" 

"'Cause I wanna know?" 

Evin stared at her, before shrugging and looking back to his datapad, flicking to the next page of his book. "April 11th - just missed it." He heard a startled noise, then, and looked over at her glaring at him. "What? It's really not important." 

"Like fuck it isn't - it's your birthday! You came screeching out of your mom and basically said 'fuck you' to the cold, cruel world! How is that not important?" 

"It just isn't," Evin shook his head, putting aside his book. "Why? When's yours?" 

"I actually have no shittin' clue." 

"You were seven when you were orphaned, you should remember your birthday." 

Holly scowled, but didn't argue his point. She stared down at her hands, then, rubbing at her nose again, and Evin waited her out. 

"...It's November the 20th. The Reds don't celebrate it, though. I don't even like it anymore." 

"Why?" 

"'Cause I remember parties my parents threw and then I remember that I spent my first birthday without them rifling through a dumpster looking for scraps." 

Evin frowned, turning towards her. She shifted so she faced him, as well; she trusted him, but not so much as to trust him to face her when she wasn't facing him. She never revealed anything but her front to him. It made him sad, but it was also smart. 

He just wished she would trust him more. 

"...Okay, then. How about this," Evin said after a moment, waiting for her to look at him again. "We'll share a birthday. Sound good?" 

"...Why?" 

"'Cause I have memories of my parents and my siblings and they're all dead and gone, now, but I've got you and I think it'd be nice to share a birthday. Plus November's really far off and I'm kinda used to being fifteen, now. I don't want to go back to being fourteen until the 20th of November." 

Holly raised her brows and snorted, but she was smiling, and Evin smiled back as slowly, she nodded. 

"Well, when you put it like that." 

~+~

"You and Evin share a birthday? But according to your records--" 

"I don't go by that birthday. I'd legally change my date of birth, but I hear that's slightly impossible." Holly watched as Karen snorted, tapping the arm of her chair thoughtfully while she waited for the doctor to say something. Finally, Karen nodded, standing up and moving around Holly on her way to her comm. 

"I'll contact a few of the others. We'll set something up. Anything I should know?" 

"We're both super allergic to strawberries and Evin really hates white chocolate." 

Karen smiled, and Holly grinned back at her; pleased that something _nice_ was finally going to happen. 

It made her not regret waking up so much.


	57. Chapter 57

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly remembers different birthdays - the good, the bad, and the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mild sexual content and mild semi-public sex.

When she was five years old, Holly Huberts learned she was allergic to strawberries when she got a vanilla-strawberry birthday cake. 

Her mother, who was only vague shapes of brown hair and dark eyes and freckles, panicked; her father, who was tall and had her nose and blue eyes, took her to the hospital. She was fine, and her mother bought her about three extra presents and a huge chocolate cupcake to apologize, and Holly remembered the sugar high and her mother's trembling smile and her father's arms. 

When she was eight years old, she remembered climbing into a dumpster behind a restaurant looking for scraps. She only realized it was her birthday when she found a newspaper next to a box of perfectly good noodles, and she cried in the dumpster because there was no chocolate cupcake and no mother's smile and no father's arms. 

When she was thirteen, she woke up with her tubes tied and a scar on her belly and Finch sitting beside her carving an apple to pieces with a Swiss army knife, grinning at her and assuring her that babies would never be a problem again. She got to her feet and punched him straight in the mouth, knocking out a tooth and chipping another one, and he slammed her to the wall and kissed her with his bloody mouth and took her on the dirty floor. 

It was the first time she had ever had sex, and it hurt, and some part of her said this was wrong, but she didn't stop him so it _probably_ wasn't. He was four years older than her and bigger and didn't call her a whore. 

When she was sixteen, she got a new birthday and a boy she thought of as 'brother' and thought that maybe she could actually do more with her life. 

~+~

"You know, I have just realized you never told me when your birthday is." 

Holly looked over as Garrus sat next to her, handing her a beer. She twisted it open and leaned against him, taking a long drink from the can, and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. It was always nice when Garrus was out of his armor. She could snuggle into his side and her head found the perfect spot on his shoulder, next to his cowl. And he always rumbled, and it vibrated against her cheek. 

"Well officially it's November 20th but I don't celebrate that day." 

"You celebrate April 11th." 

"Yessir," she grinned, looking up at him. "When's your birthday, Mister Archangel?" 

"February 3rd. According to the Earth calendar, anyway. I thought I'd check when Chakwas told me we were doing something for your and Evin's birthday. Is the 11th Evin's real birthday?" 

"Yep," Holly nodded, taking another long sip of her beer. "He let me borrow it. Evin's good people like that." 

"I get the feeling I don't want to know why." 

"It's all very tragic and sad and involves a lot of sob story, so nah. No need to bore you with it." Garrus squeezed her shoulders a little, and her smile softened. "So - what'cha gonna get me?" 

"Can I just put a bow on my head?" 

Holly snorted and pulled away a little to look at him, wrinkling her nose and shaking her head. 

"You _could_ \- I might just die laughing, though." 

"...Worth it." 

"Actually get me something, Garrus," she pushed his shoulder, and he laughed, mandibles twitching as he held back a smile. "Ohh - you already _have_. What'cha get me?" 

"You'll just have to wait and see." 

"Tease!" 

"You know me, Holly - I like to give you a few surprises in your life." 

"I know. It's _terrible_." 

~+~

"Finch, seriously, fuck off." 

"Oh, come on, Holly - it's been ages." 

"It's been a day. _Fuck off_." 

Finch smiled at her in that way that showed his chipped tooth, and Holly glared at him. She huddled further in the sweater she had accidentally stolen from Evin a few weeks ago. Wasn't her fault - he never asked for it back, and it was _comfortable_ , dammit. She kicked out a foot when Finch reached down to grab her ankle, getting him on the wrist. She smiled viciously when he cursed. 

"Huberts, stop being a frigid bitch." 

"I am not in the _mood_." 

"But it's your _birthday_." 

"Oh, so your present to me is to fuck me and get off and leave me high and dry?" 

"You're never high." 

"You know what I mean, _dumbass_." 

Finch rolled his eyes and flopped down on the couch Holly had claimed as her own. After a moment, she laid her legs out on his, and he immediately started to massage her calves. His skin was rough on her bare skin, and she wondered if she should have put on some pants. Any kind of pants. 

"I don't leave you unsatisfied." 

"Did I insult your pride?" 

"Yeah," he looked over at her, frowning. "What is _wrong_ with you? Usually I just have to nod at the room and you're all down to go down. You've been weird recently, Huberts." 

"Maybe I've realized your dick is not all that amazing?" 

"What, your boyfriend show you a better time?" 

"Oh, Jesus, that's _disgusting_ \- he's not my boyfriend!" Finch shrugged and she rolled her eyes. "God, will you drop it if I agreed?" 

"Possibly." 

"Then unzip, asshole, I'm not bothering with anything fancy." 

The zipper was loud in the quiet of the common room, and once he jiggled her ankle, she sat up, hiked up the sweater so it wouldn't actually touch him, and sank down onto his lap. It burned a little, and he squeezed too tightly on her hips, but overall it was okay; she started to rock once he pressed his forehead to her collarbone and moaned. 

"What is with that rich kid that's got you so hung up, anyway?" 

"Really? We're gonna talk about this with your cock inside me?" 

"You can't exactly leave the conversation, so, yeah." 

"You're a dick." 

"One you love riding." Holly whacked his shoulder, and he grinned, pushing up and making her breath hitch a little. "So? C'mon, Huberts, if he was just some guy you were gonna fuck and rob, you would've done it by now. But it's been a year. What's up with him?" 

"Firstly, stop insinuating I'm gonna sleep with him. It makes me want to vomit. Secondly, the guy's just _nice_ , okay. He just. Talks to me. And actually listens to me. And hasn't tried to call the cops on me. Also if you don't go harder I am going to bite you." 

"I'd be okay with that." Holly rolled her eyes, tugging at his hair, and he grinned. "No, really, go for it. I like it when you're rough." 

"I'm always rough. I'm fucking sandpaper." 

"I'unno, you feel pretty velvety." 

"You're so fucking _crude_." He twisted them, pressed Holly along the length of the couch, and hiked one of her legs up so he could go in harder and deeper, and she pressed her head back against the cushions and sighed. Robbie came into the room, looked over at them, and sat down to watch. "Pervert." 

"Public area." 

" _Pervert_." 

"So you like him 'cause he's nice." 

Holly looked away from Robbie and stared at Finch with thinned lips. He reached a hand between them and she arched her back with a gasp before glaring at him. 

"Cheat." 

"Answer and I'll cheat again." 

" _Yes_ , okay, I like him 'cause he's nice. Now give me my lousy-ass birthday present." 

"Can I have a go next?" 

"You try it, Rob, and I'll cut your dick _off_ ," Finch growled, tugging Holly closer. "She's not for you." 

"Or anyone, apparently. Fucking claimed her soon as you could." 

"Talk about me like I'm property anymore and I'm cutting off _both_ your dicks." 

Finch then pressed his thumb _just right_ and pushed in _just right_ and she cried out and arched up off the couch. He followed shortly afterward and when he pulled away she felt a little slick and a little sore but overall less pissed off than beforehand. He tugged her up, settling her on his lap, and she allowed it because she was lazy and boneless and his hand had settled between her legs comfortably. 

"I don't like you spending so much time with him," Finch finally muttered into her neck while Robbie beat off out of the corner of their eye. Holly shrugged and leaned her head back against his shoulder, twitching under his fingers and squeezing her thighs together to keep him there. "Makes me wonder if he's tryin' to steal you away." 

"Finch, I'm pretty sure I'm stuck with you lot, so calm down. And tell Robbie to fuck off already, I fucking hate when he watches." 

"You heard Huberts, Rob - fuck off." 

"But I'm _horny_."

"Then get one of Jacques' girls, Jesus Christ." 

Robbie groaned but stood up and left, hand still fisted over himself, and Holly wondered where her life had gone so wrong where people just had sex wherever and nobody gave a shit. Finch slid a finger in her, then, and her hips twisted as she pushed down against him. 

"Promise you won't leave me?" 

"...Sure, Finch," Holly muttered, and Finch nipped her shoulder and tugged her sweater off. The room was cold against her skin and Finch cupped one of her breasts, and she sighed and pressed back into him again. 

"I'm not goin' anywhere." 

~+~

"Happy birthday!" 

Holly grinned, looking over at Evin who smiled down at her and pushed her fully into the lounge. They settled into seats around the room, and James brought over a couple of drinks, handing them over without further ado. 

It was pleasant, even if Liara wasn't there, but they called her up on vidcall and she brought Aethyta along with her so that everyone could see the Matriarch was whole and hale. There was cake and snacks and Tali managed to scrounge up dextro food for her and Garrus. 

She was talking to Kolyat, admiring the bracelet he had gotten for her and asking him where he had gotten it, when Garrus came up to her and handed her a small box. 

"Happy birthday, Holly." 

"Thanks, Garrus," Holly smiled, putting aside a glass of wine. She pulled the ribbon off the box, looking up briefly to see Steve had stolen Evin to a corner of the room to dance. Grinning, she looked back down at her present, lifted the lid, and paused. 

"...This is a ring." 

"I've heard that it's human custom to have an engagement ring...?" Holly nodded, and Garrus' mandibles twitched uncertainly. She pulled the ring out, then, sliding it carefully onto her finger, and grinned shakily to see that it fit. 

"...I'm never taking this off, I hope you know that." 

Garrus laughed, sounding relieved, and he pressed his forehead to her temple as she grinned up at him. 

"Good to hear."


	58. Chapter 58

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly has strong opinions. Sometimes people don't exactly agree.

"You know, I think I know why the Protheans were completely slaughtered during your Reaper invasion." 

Holly leaned against the wall, looking across the smoky atmosphere to the Protehan ass washing his hands on the other side. His shoulders were curved inwards, his head bowed down, and if the Saviour of the Citadel could guess one thing, it was that Javik was _not_ sleeping well. 

"The systematic genocide by a superior synthetic race who do not need food, water, rest, or shelter for basic survival?" His voice was thick with sarcasm: cynical and sardonic, a mixture of hate and bemusement. Holly admired it a little; she could never get that particular cocktail mix right, and she _had_ been practicing. Mostly on Garrus. 

He was a good sport about it.

"Sure, of course, obviously," Holly shrugged, smiling when Javik finally turned to look at her. All four yellow eyes were narrowed at her, waiting for the other shoe to drop. She wasn't sure if this said he was starting to understand her, or she was just damn predictable. "But, y'know - it could also partially be from the fact that you _threaten to toss every potential ally out the airlock_." 

"The synthetic--" 

"His name was _Legion_." 

"-- _the synthetic_ was a danger to the crew." 

"How so? All he did was help us, and destroy Kaidan's record on Noverrian Solitaire. Which Kaidan is still trying to get back, now that I think about it. I think it's a lost cause - Legion had like, an entire consensus to help him get that high score." 

"It was a _machine_. We are fighting the Reapers - they, too, are machines. The synthetic you call _Legion_ would have eventually joined sides with them, because synthetics have no _need_ for organics." 

Holly frowned, pushing away from the wall and walking over to Javik slowly. She stopped as soon as they were face-to-face - Javik taller than her, everyone was goddamn taller than her - but she glared into his eyes all the same. She also reached up and poked his chest, baring her teeth in a snarling grin when he made a face at the invasion. 

"Legion was my _friend_. One of my best. And he sacrificed himself for synthetics _and_ organics, so you can just shut your racist Prothean pie-hole, _got it_?" 

Javik sneered at her, stepping back and smoothing a hand down the front of his armor, as if wiping away her residue. He then turned and went back to washing his hands. Holly stood there for a moment before scoffing and leaving. 

Friggin' _ass_. 

~+~

"Y'know I think this trip to Thessia is already ten million times better than the last one," Holly said lightly as she was pushed down the ramp of the shuttle, Evin behind her and Kaidan looking around with open interest. The last time she had been here, she had dragged a Prothean with her and he had made disparaging and downright insulting comments about asari and their history. Probably _true_ comments, but insulting and disparaging all the same. 

"There are significantly less things on fire, yes," Evin said, smiling a little. "Though I see they haven't gotten around to removing the Reaper corpses yet." 

"They're big. Give 'em time." 

"Holly!" 

The trio turned to see Liara running towards them, grinning and waving like a loon. Holly grinned and waved back, pushing herself up on her chair as if hoping to be seen easier. She heard Evin sigh fondly behind her; heard Kaidan say something to Steve as he finally left the shuttle and joined them. 

"Liara! It's good to see you!" 

"It's good to see you, too," Liara said, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the Spectre's cheek. She smiled as Holly pretended to swoon, shaking her head. "I'm sorry I missed your birthday party. I did want to be there!" 

"It's all good, it was kinda last minute," Holly said, shrugging. She then looked behind Liara, seeing a group of asari coming up behind her. "Whole welcoming committee? For little old me who failed to get important info out of the super-secret asari Prothean beacon?" 

"Oh, hush," Liara rolled her eyes, turning to watch the newcomers. "My father, Aethyta, wanted to come say hello--" 

"I have to talk to her, actually, need to make her an offer she shouldn't want to refuse." 

"-- _and_ the Matriarchs wanted to come see you, themselves. Don't mind them if they act high and mighty. One of the younger ones really wants to ask for an autograph. I'm sure at least three want to bond with you and have your babies, despite being much too old for that now." 

Holly snorted, shaking her head and grinning a little. "I'm _so_ not ready to be a father, Liara." Liara smiled, squeezing her shoulder and standing on tiptoe, before her smile widened a little. 

"There's also one other person who wants to see you-- over here!" She waved a hand, and Holly looked away from the incoming asari to see someone she had been really certain had killed himself.

" _Javik_?" 

"Commander," the Prothean greeted as he walked over to them, hands folding behind his back. He looked down at her, frowning at the sight of her wheelchair. "Do your people not have the technology to repair spinal damage?" 

"Miranda Lawson's working on it," Holly said, shrugging. She thought she heard a mutter of 'primitives', but kept her own comments to herself. "I got some major nerve repair so I know when I'm hurt, though. It's a bonus. I thought you were _dead_." 

"So did I," Javik said, looking back down at her properly and tilting his head. "The Reapers were dead, synthetics and technology all down. As soon as a ship was made available, I set out on it to make my way back to the graves of my men. I thought I would die adrift in space." He paused, grimacing a little before sighing. "Instead, I was found by a drifting asari frigate. They took me aboard, gave me food, and we stayed in one of the fringe camps in the Sol system for a time. Enough time to get food and supplies, and drift back towards asari space." 

"They only just came to Thessia a little while ago, after some more of the Relays were repaired. Javik's apparently been here for _months_ , helping with the rebuilding efforts and finding people. His ability to sense another's emotions helps with that - he can sense fresh fear, meaning someone is alive." Liara smiled a little, looking over to Javik fondly. Holly had to take a moment to really grasp that for a second. 

"We will speak more on this another time, Commander," Javik said, turning to see Aethyta and the Matriarchs coming closer. "Your... hosts await." 

"Wait-- Javik! Don't leave me to their tender mercies!" Javik turned and marched away as quickly as he came, and Holly rolled her eyes. " _Ass_."

~+~

"Javik just came through the mess, fuming with what I can only assume is a fifty-thousand year old case of thin patience." 

"We were bonding." 

Garrus sighed, subharmonics humming in exasperation, and Holly grinned at him and reached around him to grab an apple. Levo, of course. She liked to sleep with dextro-amino people, not eat their food and _die_. 

"Are you trying to get on his last nerve?" 

" _Bonding_ , Garrus. It's a long and painful process, and I will make that ass accept he is wrong or so help me God--" 

"--you will continue to harass and bother him until he throws you out the airlock?" 

"He won't throw me out the airlock. That would involve dragging me through the entire ship, all the way up to the Command Deck, and right to EDI and Joker's door - and Javik hates going near the cockpit because he thinks EDI is some sort of synthetic version of herpes." 

" _Holly_." 

" _What_?" Holly tossed her hands up, scowling. "AI are sentient creatures! They have thoughts and hopes and dreams and fears, and maybe they're machines but they're _people_ and we treat them like second-class citizens. Third class, really. Rebelling slaves or whatever. Like, I love Tali, and I like Kal, and even Zaal'Koris has grown on me. But the quarians were _wrong_ to try and force-shut down the geth. And I don't blame the geth for rebelling." 

"You say this because you joined the consensus." 

"So? It was informative. I'm pretty sure Legion was a simple farming unit who protected his creators or whatever when they tried to protect him from the forced shut-down. I watched their memories. _I cried_." 

Garrus frowned, reaching forward to take her elbow, and she leaned against him and angrily ate her apple. 

"And everyone was giving EDI the side-eye when she first got her new super-sexualized body-- like, seriously, Mister Illusive, that's creepy and I hope he knows it's creepy because he's a creepy old man. But they were wary of EDI and they were wary of Legion, even though I told them again and _again_ they were allies and friends. And Javik just - he keeps threatening to toss people out of airlocks. He's an ass." 

"He has his reasons. During his cycle--" 

"That's his cycle's sins. I'm _kinda_ hoping we can try not to repeat history so completely that we continue to hold a prejudice against synthetics while everything's being systematically obliterated. Like, c'mon people. They're offering sincere help. I say we take it instead of snubbing our noses at them." 

Garrus hummed, and Holly tossed her apple core down the sink disposal, before turning to bury her face into his chest. He wrapped both arms around her, and she slumped against him. 

"...so your solution is to annoy the shit out of him until he agrees with you." 

"It's worked on everyone else. Plus he's an ass." 

"Gotcha."


	59. Chapter 59

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly finds a Prothean.

"Hey, Evin, still following us like a glorified nanny-stalker?" 

Evin snorted, the film quality a little bit grainy, and Holly grinned. She crossed her legs more comfortably, omnitool pulled up and bouncing a bit on her bed. Above her, stars shone through the ship's shielding, and she wondered again why Cerberus thought it was a good idea to have a clear roof above the bed of a person who had been _spaced_. 

Dumbasses. 

"I'm actually not, right now," Evin said, scratching at the scar under his eye. Holly frowned, and he smiled at her softly. "I'm checking up on the Crucible Project. They've just gotten started, and it's already huge. Hackett knows how to pull resources out of his ass quickly." 

"Does this mean Admiral Hackett's ass is just full of resources, and I don't have to go hunting around planets on fire?" Evin shook his head and Holly sighed dramatically. "Shame. Anyway, so not why I called." 

"Why did you call?" 

"I've decided that the Normandy is no longer an Alliance frigate." 

Evin blinked, eyebrows raised. "Oh?" 

Holly nodded, pushing back her hair. She'd decided to grow out her bangs, which had been annoying but she'd had nothing else to do during her six months of glorified house arrest. It looked nice on her, anyway. Garrus seemed to approve, if the way he kept touching her hair meant anything. 

"Mmmhm," she hummed, smiling a little. "It's, in fact, a friggin' menagerie." 

Evin laughed, settling back in his seat. She wondered where he was; it was dark with no distinct features, and he kept his 'tool focused solely on him. She missed the days when they didn't keep so much from each other. Back when instructors looked at the two of them with wary eyes and told people to 'keep an eye on the Shepards, they're trouble when together'. 

Sometimes she felt like she barely knew her brother, now. 

"Why's it a menagerie?" 

"I am _so_ glad you asked," Holly said, smile widening. "Hackett actually sent me on a little mission. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, I saw you on rooftops." 

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean." 

"Of course not," Holly rolled her eyes. "Anyway, we were sent back to Eden Prime - boy, that was a trip. Way less red and end of the world this time, but, y'know - no husks to shoot. Just didn't feel like old times." 

"Holly..." 

"Yeah, yeah, anyway. You know we were sent to track down some find of Cerberus'. Had a nice bit of a shoot-out with them, took down an Atlas, and then you left before the good part even happened. I know you did, I saw you. Stop trying to deny it, I _know_ when you're watching my back, nobody I know could make the shots you did." 

"Fine, I was on Eden Prime. Thought I'd check out our garden world. So what did Cerberus find?" 

"A Prothean." 

"....Like, a beacon?" 

Holly grinned, shaking her head. "No, an actual Prothean. His name is Javik, he has strong opinions about everyone, he's a bitter old man, and dude's got four eyes." Evin blinked, eyebrows rising up on his forehead. "Apparently it makes hunting and stuff easier, who knows. We found him in cryo. It was a somewhat damaged pod that Cerberus dug up. The guy knows the history of everything by touching something, it is super weird." 

"...Holly?" 

"Yes Evin?" 

"At this point, your life is a punch line." 

" _I know_." 

~+~

"You know, this place is super swanky considering everything was a crumbling, burning ruin like two years ago." 

"Biotics - the best construction team known to the galaxy," Liara said flatly, and Holly laughed, turning to look over her shoulder at the asari. Liara was sitting on a comfortable-looking chair, a datapad full of information being ignored in her hand as she watched her friend. "Is it alright, though? I made sure you got a room big enough to maneuver your chair. I also got a bed comfortable enough for a turian, but I see Garrus didn't come down this time?" 

"He was about to when he got a call from Victus back in Palaven. I abandoned him to come see you. Obviously I love you more." 

"Obviously." 

"But to answer your question, yes, the room's great. I got shatter-proof windows, I got a view of what I'm thinking is a capital building, I got a bathtub I could probably swim in, _and_ a seat in the shower. I'm in heaven, honestly. I might retire here." 

"I think I could arrange that." 

Holly grinned, turning her chair and wheeling over to Liara. She stopped just in front of her, looking at her friend closely, before leaning in. "So what's up with you and Javik?" 

"W-what?" 

Liara blinked, eyes widening as she stared down at Holly, and the Saviour of the Galaxy grinned, shark-sharp and victorious. "Knew it, there totally _is_ something with you and Javik. When did that even have time to happen? He hated everyone on the Normandy except for like, Garrus sometimes? But you and him especially bashed heads. Just after he and I bashed heads. We should've tag-teamed him, we would've won." 

" _Holly_ , I-- there is nothing going on-- I mean, really, I've only been back for a couple of weeks...!" 

"Liara, c'mon, tell me!" 

There was a knock on the door, then, and Liara jumped to her feet, sighing in relief as she walked over to it. Holly watched her, still smiling. 

"I'll get it out of you, yet." 

"Oh, hush." She turned, expression brightening as she opened the door. "Javik! Hello, I didn't think you'd come visit Holly until tomorrow." 

"I changed my mind, Liara T'Soni. May I come in?" 

Liara stepped back, turning a shade of darker blue when she caught Holly's knowing grin, and then Javik was inside the room: looking around it with mild curiousity, his mouth pulled down in its customary frown. 

"Luxurious living quarters." 

"Eh, territory with suddenly becoming a politician, you get all the fancy furniture. Room service, too, but I get the feeling that's just because elevators are still being fixed and wheelchairs don't have a good relationship with stairs." Javik made a noncommittal noise, and Holly rolled her eyes. Glad to see he wasn't completely changed. "So, anyway, how've you been?" 

"Fine," Javik said, turning away from looking at a painting on the wall to look at Holly. "I have met the one who calls himself Evin Shepard. You and he do not look alike." 

"We adopted each other, it's complicated and not at all official." Javik narrowed his eyes, and Holly shrugged. "Look, family comes in all shapes and sizes and species, and he's known me forever. You got a problem with him or something?" 

"He seems capable. Secretive, however." 

"Comes with the territory, he and red tape don't have a relationship." She wheeled back from Liara's previous seat, pointing at it to invite Javik to sit down. He sat down gingerly on the arm of the chair, Liara sitting back down on the main seat after he glanced at her and raised his brow ridges. Holly noted that she sat a little turned towards the Prothean, and added that onto her list of reasons why Liara had a giant actual-crush on the asshole. "You didn't just come here to talk about my apparently sketchy little brother though, so what's up?" 

"I was a part of your crew, you my commanding officer," Javik said after a moment, rubbing his hands together. She thought about giving him a bunch of wet wipes one day, like a peace offering. He'd probably appreciate them. "I did not ask permission to leave after the battle was won." 

"You didn't need to. I was presumed dead, I'm pretty sure that releases you of any obligations." Javik nodded, as if acquiescing the point to her. "Still not seeing what you want here, Javik." 

"You've been proven alive. I'd like to... hm." 

"Hm?" 

"...I told you my previous plans, how I wished to go to the graves of my men. To join them." Liara's hands twitched, but Holly nodded, leaning back in her chair. "I have... my plans have changed, since then." 

"Found yourself a bit of a heart on Thessia, Javik?" 

"Shepard!" 

Javik held his hand up to quiet Liara, who frowned at the two of them and settled back again. Holly flashed her a quick smile; this was just how Javik and she spoke to each other. There was respect with borderline hostility. It worked. 

"I will stay here. Help the asari rebuild, and grow into their full potential. They have already said that they would welcome my presence here." 

"Don't want back on the Normandy?" 

"It is as you have said - things change when you are a politician. I am not a politician. I am a soldier. I would be useless on your vessel." He rubbed one of his wrists slowly, all four eyes lowered in thought. "Do you not approve of this plan?" 

"What?" Holly blinked, sitting up straighter. "Do I-- whoa, Javik, hey. You don't need my permission to do shit all. War's done, Reapers are extinct. Your vengeance has been wrought, and you are free to be whatever you want to embody now. If that's helping out the asari, then you help out the asari. I mean, you're always welcome on the Normandy - there's no one who will quite fit the role of 'racist asshole with killer aim' like you will - but you do you. If you really need to hear it, permission granted or whatever." She waved her hand, smiling a little. "One request, though." 

"Commander?" 

"...Two requests. First, always call me that, no matter what anyone tells you. _No matter what_. Second request - just, try and keep in touch. Vidcall every once in a while. Tell us how Thessia's doing. Oh, wait, _three_ requests, I'm sorry, I just had, like, the best idea." 

"Holly, what are you thinking?" 

"Javik, I want you to protect the new asari Councillor after she agrees to accept the position," Holly said, completely ignoring Liara for the moment. "She won't be able to leave Thessia right now, anyway, she's too involved in the rebuilding, and all the councillors outside of like, me, are staying on their home planets. So just. Watch her back, okay?" 

"Of course, Commander," Javik said after a moment, frown lessening somewhat. "It is a reasonable request." 

"Plus it'll give you something to do that makes you feel useful. I know how your brain works, mine works really similarly." Javik snorted, and Holly grinned. Liara leaned forward and waved her hand in front of Holly's face. 

"Holly, who are you asking to be the new councillor?" 

"You're a shit Shadow Broker," Holly said, grinning. "Obviously I'm asking your dad." 

"... _Goddess_."


	60. Chapter 60

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The asari get a councillor.

"And why the hell should I accept this position?" 

Holly grinned, relaxing in her chair and resting her cheek on her fist, her other hand hanging over the side of her chair lazily. Aethyta sat on the meeting table in front of her, the room around them empty save for the two of them. Not even fifteen minutes earlier, the various Matriarchs still around had gathered together to share rebuilding progress, their incomplete lists of the living and the dead so far found, and made the promise to share the information from their Prothean beacon once the galaxy was a bit more stable and they could actually benefit from the information. 

When the meeting had adjourned, Holly had flagged down Aethyta, to Liara's grimacing and Aethyta's curiousity. Evin didn't even look over from his post by one of the wide, bullet-proof windows; he just looked forward and pretended to be a part of the wall. Evin-on-duty did not mess around. 

"Well, partially because you've always bitched about the fact that the other Matriarchs never listened to you. 'Laughed the blue off of your ass' were your words, right?" Aethyta snorted, and Holly grinned. "Also, partially because I know you. I know how you think, how you operate, and I get the general idea of what way you're going to lean politically. Valern and Sparatus are the oldies - they're gonna be the same shade of difficult they've ever been. They're going to lighten up a bit, obviously - nothing says 'I told you so' like near galactic extinction. But they're gonna be skeptical about things. About changes - big changes. I need someone on _my_ side, Aethyta." 

"And how do you know I'll be on _your_ side?" 

"Because you and I are basically krogan without the humps and plates, Aethyta. We're rather brash. We're going to headbutt our way into the future." 

Aethyta snorted again, grinning at Holly, and Holly was struck by how much Liara really did resemble her father. They had the same smile, the same shade of blue to their skin. Benezia had been paler, with a more drawn face. She'd looked tired and worn and weary, even when she was indoctrinated and trying to kill her in Noveria. Liara had her mother's eyes, though. And her temperament, from what she could tell. 

Best of both worlds, maybe? 

"Alright, Shepard," Aethyta broke into her thoughts, slapping her hands on the table and pushing herself off of it, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "I'll be the new asari councillor. Valern and Sparatus good with this?" 

"I talked with them while I was in Palaven, right after the Reaper forces attacked and we kicked their collective asses all over again. May it never be said that disabled veterans can't be goddamn badass." Holly adjusted herself, moving her chair back and following Aethyta out of the room; Evin at a respectful distance behind them. She'd tease him about that later. "Valern kinda made this face, and Sparatus just started laughing. Scared like, ten years off of my _life_. But overall they thought it was a good idea. Less 'total politician yes-woman' that Tevos was - goddess rest her soul - more 'listen to me you son of a bitch your way is bad and here's why'. Ya feel me?" 

"Sure," Aethyta shrugged, crossing her arms under her chest. "I'm guessing I'll need a detail? Which is such crap, but I'll take it." 

"Got you covered. Meet Javik," Holly waved over to the Prothean waiting in the hallway, speaking quietly with Liara as they waited for Holly and the Matriarch. "You may know him as 'the last of the Protheans' or 'the embodiment of vengeance' or even as 'that guy who calls everyone a primitive'." 

"We've met," Aethyta blinked, staring at Javik. He stared back at her, all four eyes not blinking, and Aethyta grinned. "Now I'll get to ask his intentions towards my daughter and he won't be able to run away." 

"Tell me what he says, I desperately need to know. For, like. Science." 

~+~

"So how did getting to know your father go?" 

"You could have told me she had such a crass sense of humour," Liara said primly, ankles crossed under her seat as she scanned through the new data she had received while they'd been on the Citadel. She had one screen opened up onto information her agents had sent her, and one screen popped up onto the war assets file; Holly peeked over her shoulder, noting that she seemed to be adding asari commandos onto the list under 'Asari'. _Bitchin'_. 

"I think she's fun," Holly said with a smile, laying her hand on the back of Liara's chair and leaning over her shoulder, now skimming the reports. Liara leaned back, letting her; her expression woebegone but soft as well. Holly only wished her expressions could multitask like that. "She's very open. Very honest. It's nice to hear coming from an asari Matriarch. I thought your people's Matriarchs were all basically politicians with lovely smiling faces and infinite patience." 

"They certainly try their best to appear that way," Liara said, glancing at Holly from the corner of her eye. "Aethyta... doesn't seem to much care about appearances, though. She'd rather just say her opinions, no matter what anyone else thought." The Shadow Broker paused, smiling a little. "Reminds me of a certain someone." 

"Is it Joker? 'Cause that man sure shoves his foot in his mouth for a guy with brittle-bone disease." 

" _Holly_." 

"What? It's true." Liara rolled her eyes and Holly grinned. "Alright, well, I'm gonna let you go about your business and whatever else. I'll be in my cabin if you need me." 

"Going to message that channel I can't seem to decrypt?" 

Holly grinned, kissing Liara's cheek and pushing away from her, heading back to the door; patting Glyph on the head on her way out. 

"You might as well stop trying, Liara - the person who made it really knows what they're doing." 

"Oh, now that's just a _challenge_." 

~+~

"Okay, gentlemen - first order of business, meet our new asari councillor." 

Holly motioned over to Aethyta, the two looking at the vidscreen in her rooms. It was currently split down the middle, with one side showing Valern's face and the other showing Sparatus. Both looked tired, but better than they had been, and Holly grinned at them. Valern made a face that seemed to say 'oh god'. 

"Matriarch Aethyta has _graciously_ agreed to be our newest councillor. So now we have a full compliment and can start talking about things that we've been putting off to the side." 

"I have a bad feeling about this, Sparatus," Valern said, and Sparatus laughed, shocking another few years off of Holly's life, _honestly_. 

"You're the one who suggested Holly Shepard for the human councillor. This is all _your_ fault." 

" _You_ convinced her!" 

"Oh, so this is _my_ fault?" 

Holly looked away from the two men, grinning at Aethyta a sharp, promising smile. Aethyta answered her with an identical smile.

"I think this whole 'serving the Council' schtick just got _so much better_."


	61. Chapter 61

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A comprehensive timeline.

2155 – Holly Huberts is born on Nov. 20th

2156 – Evin Shepard is born on April 11th 

2162 – Holly’s parents die in a skycar accident; Holly is put into the foster system. Later, she escapes and lives on the streets.

2164 – Evin and his family move to the colony on Mindoir. 

2167 – Holly’s recruited into the Tenth Street Reds.

2169 – The Tenth Street Reds knock out and force Holly to undergo surgery to tie her tubes.

2170 – Mindoir is attacked; Evin’s parents and sister are killed and his brother is taken as a slave. Alliance relief comes too late and Evin is put in the foster system. A few months later, Evin meets Holly. 

2171 – Holly is officially recognized as a biotic after Evin convinces her to report it.

2172 – Holly receives her GED and starts thinking about leaving the Reds; meets David Anderson at an Alliance recruiting centre.

2173 – Holly joins the Alliance Military. 

2174 – Holly legally changes her name from Huberts to Shepard; Evin joins the Alliance Military. 

2175 – Holly and Evin jump through the ranks, proving them highly capable and skilled soldiers. 

2176 – During her shore leave on Elysium, Shepard leads the defence against the Skyllian Blitz with a team comprised of off-duty soldiers and civilians. She is later rewarded with the Star of Terra and promoted. Admiral Hackett invites her to the ICT Program and the Villa for training; Holly accepts.

2177 – Evin and his squad are sent to Akuze to check on the developing colony and scientists stationed there; the entire squadron sans Evin and Henric Toombs is KIA. Evin escapes by himself, unaware of Toombs’ survival. Admiral Hackett asks him to join a new black ops program; Evin accepts.

2183 – Holly is requested to join the Normandy crew captained by Captain David Anderson. Evin is sent to Tuchunka to deal with a defunct Alliance bomb from the First Contact War that went completely off track. On Eden Prime, a Prothean beacon is discovered; the Normandy is sent to retrieve it; Spectre Nihlus Kyrik is sent with them to overwatch Holly after putting her forward to Spectre candidacy . Saren Arterius and his geth attack Eden Prime. Nihlus is KIA; Holly touches the beacon and sees visions of an invasion by the Reapers. Holly becomes a Spectre and chases down Saren; sacrifices her crewmate Ashley Williams on Virmire. Pursues Saren through the Conduit on Ilos, attempts to redeem Saren yet ultimately fails, saves the Council, and suggests Anderson for the position of Human Councillor. A month later, Holly Shepard is KIA in Terminus space by Collectors. The Normandy crew survivors are disbanded. 

2184 - 2185 – Evin goes into deep undercover to try and learn more about the ship that attacked the Normandy under Admiral Hackett’s orders. 

2185 – Holly Shepard is revived by Cerberus; works with them to take down the Collectors. Evin Shepard is assigned to tail Holly’s ship and keep an eye on their activities; re-establishes contact with Holly. Holly starts and ends a relationship with the assassin, Thane Krios; starts and establishes a relationship with the vigilante Garrus Vakarian. Destroys the Collector base, helps Liara T’Soni to take down the Shadow Broker and establish the asari as the new Broker; flies an asteroid into the Alpha Relay to delay the arrival of the Reapers, therefore annihilating hundreds of thousands of batarian lives with very little regret. Leaves Cerberus and willingly enters into an Alliance trial and is incarcerated; put under house arrest and made to help the Alliance prepare for the approaching Reapers. Evin is assigned to smaller wetwork, information gathering, and covert assignments.

2186 – After six months of incarceration on Earth, Holly is present to witness the Reapers’ invasion of Earth; escapes the planet on the Normandy to retrieve aid from the Council races in the war with the Reapers. Evin, who had been returning to Earth in time to see the Reapers invade, is ordered by Admiral Hackett to tail after Holly: both to keep an eye on her and to watch her dealings with the terrorist organization Cerberus and her former alliance with them. The Reaper War commences; Holly cures the genophage, brings about peace between the geth and the quarians, and uses the Crucible to destroy the Reapers for good. Admiral David Anderson is KIA; Thane Krios is KIA; the geth, Legion, is KIA; the salarian scientist Mordin Solus is KIA. All geth and the Normandy AI, EDI, are shut down as a result of the Holly’s choice. The asari councillor is KIA.

Holly is found alive a week later in the rubble of the Citadel. Evin is given leave from active duty to watch over her; weeks later, the crew of the Normandy return to Earth to learn of Holly’s survival and meet Evin. Months later, Holly wakes up from a medically induced coma: deaf in one ear, paralyzed from the waist down, and strongly affected by both survivor’s guilt and PTSD. Evin meets Steve Cortez. The quarians and other scientists begin ‘reviving’ the geth to find they were still upgraded and friendly.

2187 – Six months after the end of the War, Holly is invited by the surviving turian councillor to join the Council; Holly accepts. Evin is assigned as her bodyguard, cycling him out of the black ops program for a time while Holly accepts the decision to go on a tour of all Council and Non-Council race systems. Holly is promoted to Captain; EDI is rebooted with the help of Tali and the crew of the Normandy and Evin.

2188 – The Victory Tour begins in the Sol system, travelling first to the Annos Basin. Holly meets up with Kolyat Krios and Eshem Solus; accepts Kolyat aboard the Normandy. After a few months in the system, travels to the Krogan DMZ; meets up with Urdnot Wrex and Urdnot Bakara and their brood. Travels then to the Aprien Cret and Palaven, to meet Garrus’ father and sister; an attack on Palaven’s capital cities occurs while present. Garrus Vakarian proposes to Holly Shepard; Holly accepts.

2189 – The Normandy sets course for the Athena Nebula and Thessia; meets up with thought-lost crewmember and Prothean Javik; asks Liara T’Soni’s father, Matriarch Aethyta, to become the new asari councillor. Aethyta agrees; Javik is assigned her guard detail. 

2189 – Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many of the details from previous chapters may not make sense with this timeline. Namely, Evin and Holly's ranks during different parts of their career. Holly was a Private Second Class five years after joining the Alliance (during her first relationship with a crew member, which coloured her opinion on dating crewmates afterwards) - yet the timeline suggests this happens not too long from the time she makes Lieutenant Commander and is requested on board the Normandy by Anderson.
> 
> We're going to go with 'Holly and Evin literally flew at the speed of sound through the ranks' or else I'll have to go through previous chapters and mess with everything. And it was horrible enough getting the timeline right with Holly and Evin's ages. I'll do it if I have to, though. 
> 
> Also sorry for the silence! We'll be getting back into chapters soon enough, I'm getting ideas again.


	62. Chapter 62

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liara has studied the Protheans all of her life - how could she have been so wrong?

Liara should have known that everything she had ever assumed about the protheans would one day be debunked. 

It was a hazard of the profession – there were always other scholars, older and wiser and more studied, who would point out a flaw in her logic. They would find the one chink in the armor, and tear it apart bit by bit. It had happened during her PhD, it had happened during her first dig – it was going to happen, again and again, whether she liked it or not. 

She was just not used to being debunked by an actual prothean. 

Javik was callous, cold, and calculating – a soldier who had seen too much, experienced too much, and knew too much about war and death and dying. Javik’s blunt statements about his people shattered every perception Liara T’Soni had ever had in her short life; yet instead of accepting that they had all been wrong, she became angry, instead. 

How were they to _know_ anything about the protheans when the Reapers destroyed nearly every shred of evidence to their existence? 

How were they to _understand_ the technology left behind, when the Empire forced all subservient races to learn the tongue of Prothean and call themselves prothean, muddying any and all historic, scientific, or academic study of their people? 

How were they to _realize_ what the beacons were for, when they had not developed in the same way? 

In her heart, Liara knew that it was not really Javik’s fault that they were as ill-prepared as they were for the invasion. It was their own people’s faults for not listening to the warnings when they were brought to the table. 

But watching her world burn, hearing the callous history lessons of a war-ravaged survivor of a dead race, made it so much easier to blame him, instead. 

~+~

“Dr. T’Soni!” 

Liara looked over from the shuttle ramp, a bag over her shoulder and her omnitool chiming every other second as reports from her agents across the galaxy came through. A harried-looking maiden came rushing over to her, dressed in commando leathers and looking somewhat flushed. 

“Yes? What is it?” 

“The Matriarchs wish to speak with you. They want to better coordinate the reconstruction efforts and the search-and-rescue efforts.” 

Liara wondered how many there were to actually rescue, and how many they were to identify instead, but she kept that to herself. She only nodded, following after the commando with a brisk walk. 

All around her, Thessia was in ruins. In the early morning light, buildings that she recalled from her younger days were collapsed piles of debris, and not too far from her landing zone, the Temple of Athame stood, shot down and a bad memory: the prothean beacon glittering in the morning light. 

She was led into a building with the walls still mostly standing, and a gathering of Matriarchs stood along a round table, all talking over each other, bringing up omnitools to show statistics and numbers while trying to sound calm and regal. As the commando and Liara approached the table, one voice stood out above the others, silencing them. 

“I don’t give a pyjak’s ass if certain states have more fallen buildings than others – our focus is our _people_ right now, don’t you think?” 

“Aethyta?” 

Liara blinked at the sight of her father in the middle of the Matriarchal mess, eyes wide and a little confused. Aethyta looked up at her, and something strained seemed to relax at the sight of the younger asari. 

“Liara,” she breathed, pushing away from the table. The other Matriarchs watched Liara with a wary respect, and Liara remembered quite suddenly that everyone at this table knew she was the Shadow Broker. She held her head up higher, moving to meet her father. 

They embraced, briefly, before Aethyta pulled back and took in her face. 

“Your commander’s comin’ soon, isn’t she?” 

“We have a little while, yet – a few weeks. We should begin preparations, though. She’ll want to know everything that’s been going on here, see what needs to be fixed immediately.” 

“She’s got a fixin’ problem, little wing.” 

“...Holly has many problems, but I think this is the least of them.” 

Aethyta snorted, but it wasn’t an amused sound. She looked over Liara’s shoulder, then, eyes narrowed, before she nodded and turned back to her daughter. 

“We’re just arguin’ right now. You’ll want to get into the thick of things – from what I understand, you’ve always been like that.” Liara smiled a bit weakly, and Aethyta made an attempt to return the expression. “You’ll go with this one – they’ll know where you’ll want to go.” 

Liara turned around, mouth falling open at the sight of Javik standing before her. 

“Liara T’Soni,” Javik said, deep voice round and slow and softer than she had ever heard it. “You are alive.” 

“...I’m glad to see you, too, Javik.” 

~+~

Liara watched Holly Shepard and her brother leave the hallways, Aethyta walking along beside them, before she turned to see Javik still standing beside her. She shifted, crossing her arms over her stomach, and waited to see what he wanted to say. 

Over the last few weeks, she had learned more about Javik than she had ever gotten the chance to do before. When he wasn’t fighting a hated enemy, holding in the anger of a dead people, Javik was... different. 

Not wholly – he was still blunt, callous and cold. There was still a harshness to him that would never go away. He still looked down on the other races as primitive, and scoffed at their breakthroughs. 

But he also comforted the grieving, and held the traumatized after finding them, and gave people the feeling of purpose when all they felt was lost. In many ways, he almost reminded her of Holly. 

“Will you be leaving with the Commander, after she is done in this system, Liara T’Soni?” 

“Yes,” Liara said, looking at him a little warily, “I can help more from the Normandy than I can right here. I have more resources on the ship than on Thessia.”   
Javik nodded again, his yellow eyes narrowing, before he looked to her again. 

“I wish you luck in your endeavours.” 

Liara looked at him for a long moment, before she smiled. She reached out, touching his hand; after a moment, Javik curled his fingers around her, and something warm settled beneath her ribs. 

“I’ll miss you, too, Javik.”


End file.
